


Without Fear

by Sydney563



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), supercorp - Fandom
Genre: But they come back, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Kara Danvers Loves Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Midvale (Supergirl TV 2015), National City (DCU), Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Someone dies, SuperCorp, SuperCorp Sunday, alex wants to punch lena, kara deals with feelings by fighting and sacrificing herself, lena is running from her feelings, lena moves to gotham
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:13:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 116,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22327645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sydney563/pseuds/Sydney563
Summary: Lena lives for 353 days without Kara after their fallout. She packs up and moves to Gotham city where Supergirl is a distant memory. Then on day 365, Lena watches the news with a hangover and watches the love of her life die in front of her. It's Lena's path back to redemption and hopefully her path back to love.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 294
Kudos: 1376





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Supercorp is endgame, so stick with me. I also should be editing my book, but i had a weird dream the other night and couldn't shake this until i wrote it. I'm not sure how many chapters it will be, but i'm going on vacation in a week with plenty of time to write!! The second chapter will be up this week, its half written. I just ran out of steam before bedtime.

It took almost a year for the pain to numb and scab over. Fighting with Kara hurt. Being betrayed and lied to hurt, and all of that hurt compounded into something I couldn’t manage. So I did the one thing I knew how to, I cut her off. I cut the world off and retreated into the hardened cold armor of a Luthor. 

Lilian had been right all those years. Having a heart and trying to be good would get me nowhere but pain. I hated admitting she was right, but it was hard to avoid. The day word got out I was no longer working for the DEO or helping Supergirl, Lillian sent a message from prison. Congratulating me on finally accepting my lineage.

But under the cold armor and the proficient way I did business without feeling, I was still in incredible pain. When I cut Kara off, I also cut my heart off from the one source of love I cherished. I loved Kara. I was in love with Kara and right as I was building the courage to tell her, she revealed her secret and it shattered me. And for a year I struggled with that pain, covering it with scotch, work, and hiding in my cold apartment, crying over a full glass of scotch.

For the first few months after our falling out, I heard her fly outside my office window or my apartment balcony. I knew she was waiting for me to scream at her, fight with her, or push her away. It was the way of Kara, she’d be anyone’s punching bag to take on their pain and tack it onto her shoulders. Be the hero to those she loved. She’d done it a million times for me, and I knew it was her way of edging under the armor. It was her tell, so I shut her out. Whenever I heard her, or felt her, I clicked a button and the windows clouded over. Shutting off her view inside. It was petty, but it was the only way I knew how to push her away. I also slowly removed myself from the circle of friends. I now kept polite distance from Kelly, James, Winn, Brainy, and Alex. They all had a bad taste in their mouth, the taste of a Luthor showing her true colors as the cracks between Kara and I grew to the size of the Grand Canyon.

I hated Kara right now, more than I loved her and that hate built more and more as I thought about all the times I was a fool and didn’t see the truth hiding being a pair of simple black framed glasses. I’d been blinded by love and the hope oozing from my former best friend.

I hated Kara Danvers.

“Ms. Luthor? I’ve pushed your afternoon meeting to next week. I’ve also cleared your schedule for the rest of the day. I know you’re still in the process of moving into your new apartment.” Jess entered my office tapping on a tablet. “Your car is here, ready to take you to Gotham. I’ll be at the new office in the morning to prep you on the Wayne Industries conference call you have tomorrow. Mr. Wayne is still pushing for you to come inspect his labs.”

I rolled my eyes, collected a few files. “He’s still upset I turned down his job offer when I was nineteen and a brand new MIT graduate.” I smirked, shoving the files into my briefcase. “Can you please lock up and then have security sever all connections in this office? I’d like to leave a clean office before the renovations begin.”

“Of course, Ms. Luthor. I’m sure the R&D team will appreciate the new conference room. I’ve also finalized the details of your basement lab room for when, if, you decide to return to National City.” Jess gave me a cautious look.

“There are no future plans at this time to return to National City. The L-Corp branch operates smoothly with the team I placed here three months ago. It will benefit the city to keep the branch open and allow the teams here to continue their work. I don’t have the heart to close up shop and eliminate over four thousand jobs. No matter my personal feelings about the city. I still have a heart, and will protect people. They don’t deserve a fallout of a personal lie. I am not my brother.” I frowned, pulling open a drawer to collect a few random items I left there. A drawing from Ruby, a picture of Sam and the watch Supergirl gave me. I picked it up, clenching my jaw. “Jess, can you please have this destroyed in the incinerator downstairs? I don’t need it anymore.”

She hesitated before gently taking it from my hand. “Are you sure, Ms. Luthor? I know…she gave it to you.” She looked at me with a soft stare. “It’s almost been a year.”

“Time is irrelevant.” I tipped my head down, slamming the desk drawer closed. “Betrayal isn’t.”

“She didn’t do it to hurt you.” Jess huffed. “I see her at least once a week at Noonan’s. She’s changed over the last year. She’s still smiley and happy, but it’s like the sun has set in her eyes. She’s lost weight, which I never though possible for a super, especially her. I once watched her eat six whole pizzas and go for ice cream.” Jess paused, hoping I’d look up. “She asks about you.”

My head snapped up. “I don’t care. I understand you and her have a friendship and I won’t ask you to chose sides. But please, don’t ever tell her a thing about me. She lost that chance to be a part of my life, in any manner, when she broke my he…betrayed me.”

Jess cocked an eyebrow. “I’d never. Aside from the textbook sized NDA’s I’ve signed, I wouldn’t say a thing you didn't want me to.” She stepped closer to my desk. “But between you and I. She loves you, Lena. And when you shut her out, you took a part of her heart with you. And left a huge piece of yours on that floor at her feet.”

I looked at my assistant, my heart squeezing in pain at her words. “Love cannot supersede betrayal. My family is a shining example of that.” I grabbed my briefcase. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

I walked out before Jess could utter another word, walking to my private elevator and riding it down to my car. In a matter of minutes, I’d be on my private jet, flying across the country.

I gave off the impression I was cold, uncaring and professional. But in the dark cabin, sitting in the cold leather seat, I politely told the flight attendant to leave me alone, and fell apart. Crying for the last time over Supergirl, Kara, as I lifted out of National City. What I stumbled over to my assistant was that Kara broke my heart. The betrayal bit so deep because I realized I was in love with her. I was in love with her for ages and it never revealed itself until the cut of her betrayal, cut deeper than ever. I’d been betrayed, lied to, ignored by my entire family all my life, and it never bothered me. Living that way was normal for me. I’d suffered more in my time as CEO, and it never stung.

But as my best friend stood in front of me, pouring her heart out, it burned. It burned my soul and in that moment as she poured her heart out and I spat venom back, I knew the burns where born out of love. It burned because the one woman I loved more than anything else, the one person who was the sunshine in a dark shadow, came too close and I became Icarus. Tumbling down to the hard reality of the world, shattered by a false hope.

Hope.

I sniffled, wiping away the stray tears. Hope. Kara was the epitome of hope, not only the world’s hope, but my hope.

And I believed, and I hoped Kara was the one who could save my soul. I loved Kara, I only ever loved her. I was certain I’d never find another like her, another love like her.

That was all gone now as National City became nothing but dotted spots of light as I once more embraced the darkness. I’d quietly began to shut my heart down to the idea of love, only accepting the bare needs of being a human. Food, water, physical touch without attachment when it became necessary.

Three hundred and fifty three days I lived without Kara. In another three hundred and fifty three, her memory would be nothing more than a blip in my life. Nothing more.

I took a steadying breath, slipped on the cold Luthor mask and closed my eyes. Listening to the soft hum of the plane's engine. Tomorrow I’d be in Gotham. A city free of supers, and a chance to start over where my name was the least offensive word to be spoken in a city.

Walking into my new apartment, I sighed, setting my bags down. This one was larger than the one in National City. More industrial with a large office I had renovated into a home lab. I glanced out the large windows, taking in the dark city. Gotham wasn't bright and warm like National City. It was dark, dirty and cold. A perfect representation of my current mood.

I sighed once more and set about unpacking my things. 

* * *

**Day 365**

“I understand, Mr. Wayne. I’ll send the new plans over to your team in the morning. The additions I made to the light rail engine should remedy the drag issue your engineers are struggling with.” I smiled, staring out the windows as the sun began to set on Gotham. “I appreciate the offer, Bruce. But I’m very busy. Perhaps another time.” I turned to spot Jess waving at me from the doorway. “Call me tomorrow when your team has the plans.” I hung up, sliding my phone across the desk, rubbing my temples.

“Mr. Wayne asked you to dinner again? That’s what now? Twenty five times?” Jess smirked, walking over to collect the stack of files I signed off on.

“Twenty eight. He’s persistent.” I happily took the offered glass of scotch from Jess. “I’m not sure how many more times I can be polite. I’m not here to date.”

“You’re here to escape your past and work yourself to death, repenting the sins of your adopted family.” Jess tossed me a hard look.

I frowned, taking a large drink, letting the scotch burn my throat. “Jess.” I huffed her name out. I couldn’t get angry at her. The poor girl had picked up and flown across the country with me, and she was right. I’d never tell her she was right, but she was. Over the last twelve days in Gotham, my true reasons for leaving resonated. I was alone. Very alone and Jess was my only friend. Gotham didn’t blink when a Luthor arrived. I made the society page, but was quickly shuffled to the back pages. Gotham had bigger maniacs, bigger billionaires, and its own staggering crime rate with its own caped crusader, my opening a L-Corp branch was no bigger than a Starbucks opening two doors down. I had faded into the background exactly like I wished.

“You don’t pay me to blow smoke up your ass, Lena.” Jess tucked the files under her arm. “You should go home early. You have nothing else scheduled and the labs are all caught up until Wayne Industries look over the plans.” She looked me over. “Go get piles of take out, grab a pair of sweat pants and binge watch something. I didn’t spend hours on the phone with your tech team to set up the streaming service for it to collect dust.” She set down a small package. “This came for you. Security scanned it. No bombs.”

I glanced at the simple brown paper package, sipping the rest of my scotch. “It can wait. I’m officially off the clock.” I handed Jess the empty glass. “Can you order me some of the best Chinese food in the city? Have it delivered to my apartment and add on whatever you’d like. Dinner is on me tonight.” I grabbed my briefcase and coat. “Lock up the files and go home, Jess. We’ll start fresh in the morning.”

Jess grinned, saluting me. “Yes, Mrs. Luthor.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Good night, Jess.”

* * *

I met the delivery guy at my front door. The delicious smells of the food brought a smile to my face. I thanked him and gave him a hefty tip and walked into my dark apartment. For a split second, I felt the dull ache of being alone and rushed around the rooms, flipping every light on to chase out the darkness. I quickly changed into an old pair of sweat pants and an old NCU shirt and sat down on the couch. I ate out of greasy boxes, fixated on a silly show Jess had loaded in my queue. I was slowly decompressing and relaxing from the last few days. I’d kept up a hectic pace and it was catching up to me. It also didn’t help it always felt dark in this city. Dark and rainy.

I dropped the last half eaten egg roll back into the box and reached for the remote, switching on an old movie as I moved to open a bottle of wine. Three glasses in and I’d have a dreamless sleep. It might have been my own remedy for the last few nights after I had a very vivid dream about Kara. She and I were standing on the edge of a cliff, staring out onto the vast ocean ahead of us.

_“Lena.” Her voice was so soft, I couldn’t help but look at her. Her eyes as blue as the water. She smiled, grabbing my hand. Her hand was so warm, so strong and sent shockwaves through my skin. She was beautiful, a picture of a true goddess._

_I closed my eyes as the smell of her mixed with the ocean, creating an intoxicating scent that had me addicted. “Kara. I can’t.”_

_Kara grinned, turning to face me. She wore a flowing white robe with the house of El crest on her upper chest. “You can. My heart has always been yours. I love you and let my fear guide my way.” She reached up, touching my face. I closed my eyes, sighing into her touch. “I’m too late.” She stepped away, her fingers falling from my cheek. “I’m sorry I never told you the whole truth.” She stepped off the cliff, floating over the water. “I love you.” She then tipped back and fell the endless feet to her death. I scrambled to the edge, falling to my knees, screaming as I reached for her._

I woke up that night, covered in sweat, clutching my heart as tears streamed down my face. My heart ached as if she died and took my heart with her. The empty feeling was harrowing, and I could barely focus that day. My mind constantly drifting to her. I even found myself opening the bottom drawer of my desk, pulling out the picture of us I’d hidden in the back of my vintage Gray’s Anatomy. It was the first time I’d willingly looked at Kara in over a year, and the emptiness in my heart grew. My heart skipped a beat and begged me to call Kara, bring Kara back to it. I angrily shoved the picture away, took a few deep breaths and thanked the heavens I was far enough away, she couldn’t hear my traitorous heart.

I leaned against the counter, staring at the overfilled glass of wine. The betrayal. That’s what I repeated over and over in my head. She betrayed me. She broke my heart. It steeled my resolve as I took a healthy sip of wine. Things would pass and disappear. It was the second mantra I lived by in life. This would pass, and the pain would disappear.

Taking another sip of wine, I grabbed the bottle and returned to the couch. Losing myself in a very rich Merlot and Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I passed out right as Holly Go-lightly was committing the petty crime of shoplifting.

“Mrs. Luthor! Wake up!” Jess’s voice shook me from the hazy sleep, along with her literally shoving me off the edge of the couch.

“Jesus, Jess. I did not give you a key to harass me in the morning. I believe I sent an email last night that I would be working from home.” I swallowed thickly, the cotton mouth was bad. I stood up on wobbly legs, running my hands through tangled hair as I walked to the kitchen. “Why are you here? Everything is set for the Wayne review.” I looked at the small mess on the counters. Empty greasy boxes were haphazardly tossed into the sink, along with one and a half empty wine bottles. Ah, that’s why I felt like a wet dog was living in my mouth.

“I called fourteen times, text forty.” Jess grabbed my remote, fumbling with buttons to change the TV. “Have you seen the news?” Her voice trembled as she spoke.

“No. You know I turned off all alerts. Gotham’s crime rate is alarming and my phone was overheating from the constant updates.” I pulled the fridge open, grabbing a large bottle of water. As I was unscrewing the top, the news anchors voice hit my back.

_We’re live in National City, where we’re still getting updates as we move. But as you can see over my shoulder, Supergirl is still battling the alien monster that began wreaking havoc on the city early last night. Steve, can you point the camera over there? You can see Supergirl is battered, bloodied, but still fighting. The last news reports have the military backing her up, but nothing seems to be taking this monster down._

I closed my eyes. “Jess, please turn that off.”

“Lena, this is an earlier recording.” Jess turned to look at me, her eyes red and teary. She pointed at the television as the on scene anchor shifted to somber in-studio anchors. “This… oh god, this.”

“The next video may be difficult to watch, but as news outlet, we have a duty to show the truth.” The anchor paused, his eyes welling up. “To honor Supergirl and the sacrifice she made.”

The camera zoomed in on Kara fighting the troll like alien. She was bloodied, battered as she punched the alien with little effect. The camera zoomed in closer and I could see the pain in Kara’s eyes, and how weak she looked. Jess had been right when she said Kara had lost weight. The supergirl before me wasn’t the strong, fierce woman, she was a shell of her former self, fighting with everything she had.

As I stepped to grab the remote and turn the TV off, the alien swung hard, catching Kara and hurtling her into the ground with the force of an asteroid. The screen shook with the impact. The alien took one step before a blue and red blur shot up from the crater and blew through the chest of the alien, splintering it into two. The alien screamed and collapsed to the ground. The camera zoomed in as there were cheers from the crowds.

“Wait! Steve over there!” The camera swung, focusing on a limp body falling from the sky like a wet rag. Kara. She hit the ground on a pile of rubble, the sound of bones cracking sent shivers of pure fear into my gut. “Oh god, Supergirl!” The camera and reporter started running towards where Kara landed. After climbing up a pile of rubble, the camera panned to the sight of Kara bent at an odd angle, her bones clearly broken, blood pouring out of her nose and mouth. Another large pool of blood was forming under her head. “Someone! Help! We need help!” The camera was thrown to the ground as the cameraman ran to Kara, checked for a pulse and started CPR. The way Kara’s chest bent under the human’s hands told me she had lost her powers.

I covered my mouth with a hand. “Oh god.”

The video cut back to the studio. The anchor wiping away tears as he spoke. “As of six a.m. this morning, Supergirl was pronounced….” He swallowed. “Dead at Luthor Hospital. Sources from the government have yet to issue a full statement on the cause and nature of her death. Only stating the alien was from a moon of Krypton and the three day battle had exhausted Supergirl’s powers. Deputy Director of the FBI, Alex Danvers released the death notice and has asked for National City to remain calm until more information is gathered.” The anchor sucked in a large breath. “Supergirl is dead. She saved National City and the world, and sacrificed herself. Today is a day we will never forget.” 

I turned to Jess, tears running down my cheeks. “Please. This can’t be real.”

Jess wiped at her cheeks. “It is. Winn sent me a message this morning.” She sniffled. “We’ve kept in contact. They were my friends too, Lena and I hoped one day.” She looked back at the TV. The red and blue S filled the screen with images of crying citizens. “You’d forgive her.”

I shook my head. “No. No, this can’t be.” I stumbled towards the TV, Kara’s face filling the screen. My heart was in my stomach as I pressed my palm against her. “Kara.” My heart shattered into a million pieces as footage of Alex walking into the basement garage of Luthor Hospital, her jaw clenched, eyes hidden behind sunglasses as she gripped onto J’onn’s arm. She stumbled, doing her best to hide the truth. She was an FBI agent investigating the death of a super, not a sister going to identify the body of her own beloved adopted sister.

I grabbed my phone, fingers shaking as I swiped up and found Kelly’s contact. I pressed my forehead against the TV, swallowing sobs as the phone rang. Kelly answered in two rings. “Lena.” Her voice shook with tears.

“It’s not real.” I rasped the words out, tilting my head up to lock on blue eyes.

“It is. Kara’s.” Kelly paused, sniffling. “She died protecting us, Lena.”

I covered my mouth as another sob broke free. “Alex?”

“Is devastated. She hasn’t left Kara since we moved her to the DEO.” Kelly took a slow breath in.

“I’ll be there in three hours.” I waved at Jess to call for the jet.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Lena.”

“I have to see with my own eyes. I have to.” My voice cracked. “I don’t care if Alex gives me a black eye, or if J’onn tosses me into the moon. I have to.” I sucked in a breath as I fought to maintain my cool. I had a sliver of hope. Kara was fine. She solar flared out and Alex was telling the world she died so she had time to heal in private. Kara was in a basement lab, sun lamps hovering around her. “Please. I know I’m the last person who deserves anything. But.. Kara… Kara is… everything.” I broke around the words as I spoke them, more tears streaming down my face as a long unspoken truth fought its way out. Kara was my everything and I didn’t realize it until now.

“I’ll let Alex know.” Kelly hung up, the sound of Alex crying in the background sending knives into my heart.

* * *

I walked into the DEO still in sweatpants, hungover and shaking. I was escorted to the basement by an armed guard. I didn’t recognize a face and when I asked where everyone is, no one would answer me. They just politely took me to the far storage rooms the DEO used to store defunct spaceships. We stopped at a heavy steel door, the guard turned to face me. “Please wait here. Director Danvers will meet you in a moment.”

I nodded and began chewing on my thumbnail. It felt like a lifetime for the steel door to start opening. I spun around to face a haggard Alex Danvers shuffling towards me. Her eyes were puffy, red from crying. She stopped a foot away from me. “You have five minutes, then I want you to get on your jet and fly the fuck away from here.”

Her words dug deep into my heart. Knives spiked with pain. “Alex, this isn’t real, right? Kara’s fine? She’s in the yellow sun hyperbaric chamber I made her? Right?”

Alex glared at me, turned and walked past the steel door. “Five minutes.”

I had to jog after her. “Alex, please, tell me what happened.”

Alex stopped and spun on me, charging at me. “My sister is dead! That’s what happened!” She pointed behind her where a pedestal that looked like the ship Kara landed on earth in. “You broke her heart and she stopped caring. She fell into superhero mode and didn’t take care of herself. She pushed, and pushed to forget the pain you left her with. I told her not to go into this last fight until she fully healed, but she didn’t listen. She wouldn’t listen when Brainy came back with reports this alien was created by the Anti Monitor to kill her. He created an alien she couldn’t defeat, knowing she’d kill herself trying to defeat him. She told me last night, before she flew off, she had found her peace and would accept what came next.” Alex stood inches away from me, her eyes boring in mine. “She’s dead, Lena. She died with a broken heart protecting the last few people who actually fucking loved her.” Alex stepped back, shaking her head. “I’m only letting you in because she’d want me to. Not because you deserve it. You deserve all the pain in the world for this.” Alex clenched her jaw as more tears fell. “Five minutes, Luthor.”

I blinked away the tears and walked towards Kara. When I was close enough to see her face, I felt to the edge of the pedestal, sobs wracking my body. Kara looked as if she was asleep, her face covered in cuts and bruises, a serene look on her face. I reached out with a shaky hand, laying it on her cheek and gasping at how cold her skin was to touch. “Kara, my sweet Kara.” My tears fell on the white robe covering her body. The same robe from my dream. I closed my eyes, pressing my forehead against hers. “I love you. I loved you so much, it scared me. Oh god, I love you. I’ve only ever loved you. I’m so sorry.” The words sputtered out among the sobs. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I was stupid and hurt you.” I kissed her forehead, wincing at the cold skin. “Please. Please come back. Wake up and tell me it was a bad dream.” I knew I was rambling, but I was overwhelmed, slipping into a weird shock.

A warm hand fell to my shoulder. “Five minutes is up.” Alex’s voice was harsh, raspy from crying.

I kissed Kara once more before standing up. “I was in love with her.”

“Yeah, I know. She was in love with you. But both of you were too fucking stupid to own up to it.” Alex glared at me with broken eyes. “You live with this, Lena. You carry this pain every god damn day of your life and remember. I blame you for this.” She pointed at the door. “Please leave before I break a promise and punch you in the face.”

I nodded, looking once more at Kara before I walked out of the cold room.

I left the DEO having lived 365 days without Kara. Now I was facing a lifetime without her.


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff. Stuff happens here and i'm halfway through chapter 3 and thought it was best to end this chapter where it does.

I didn’t go back to Gotham right away. I stayed in National City, helping to rebuild the city Kara loved. In truth, the reason why I couldn’t leave the city was because I couldn’t leave Kara. She was still in the DEO as her family worked out where she was going to be buried. Clark wanted to take her home to Argo, Alex and Eliza wanted to bury her in Midvale, and the world wanted to enshrine her in the center of the city.

I sat on the balcony of my old apartment, clutching a glass of scotch. There was a box of memories strewn across the couch behind me. A box of Kara as I called it. A few of her books she gave me to read, a blanket she’d forgotten and an old NCU sweatshirt I was now wearing. There were pictures of us over the years. Smiling, hugging, laughing and now with a clear mind, I could see the love in her eyes. The love in my eyes. I was so ignorant to my feelings, and hers.

I swallowed hard as another wave of tears washed over me. I hadn’t stopped crying since I walked away from Kara. I wiped my eyes, downing the rest of my scotch. I was going to meet with Kelly later to set up funding for a new mental health wing at Luthor Hospital, then move onto Catco. Last night I purchased the controlling stock in the company. I wanted to set up a scholarship in Kara’s name to carry on the legacy of her honest journalistic style, and that couldn’t be done under Andrea Rojas. I tipped my head down as I glanced at this morning’s headline.

**Beloved reporter Kara Danvers missing in the rubble of National City. Presumed dead as the search for survivors thins out.**

Kara’s beaming face from the night she won her Pulitzer prize stared back up me. The memory of her coming out to me and the words she spoke. I was too angry to recognize that night she was in love with me and all I had to do was wrap her in my arms and tell her I loved her no matter what. I traced a finger along her face. “I miss you, Kara. How am I going to do this without you?”

“You did it without her for a year, I think you can manage.” Alex’s raspy voice startled me. I turned to see her in the middle of my empty living room, staring at the items strewn everywhere. “That’s her favorite blanket. She went crazy trying to find it last month.” Alex looked at me. “Your door was unlocked, and I saw the empty bottle of scotch. Thought maybe you decided to do something real stupid.” She held up an envelope. “Cleaning out Kara’s apartment, I found this in her nightstand. One envelope for all of us.” She tossed the envelope on the coffee table. My name written in Kara’s distinctive handwriting. “The family funeral will be in Midvale this weekend. After, Clark is taking her to Argo.” She bit her bottom lip, fighting tears. “Kara left me a letter directing me to make sure you were there. For whatever reason, she still had hope.” Alex looked past me, squinting in the sunlight, holding up a small card. “The details.” She threw it on the table. “Try not to kill yourself until after we bury her.”

Alex turned to walk away when I found my voice. “I’m sorry, Alex.”

Alex laughed, shaking her head. “Apologies are like assholes right now, Lena. I don’t need another one, and you’re the biggest asshole I know. I wasn’t a huge fan of yours, but I put up with you because of my sister. I should’ve listened to my gut and kept you away from her.” She looked at me with pain ridden eyes. “Come or don’t come. I don’t give a shit. I watched my sister whittle away over the last year, eaten up by a broken heart, not understanding what she did to you. She only loved you, with her whole being and you shit all over it. You trampled over her heart like a petulant child.” She let out a shaky breath. “Cut the pity party, Lena. Kara did nothing but love you, remember that every time you think of her.” She cleared her throat and walked out of my apartment.

I gasped, finally taking a breath. I’d held my breath the entire time Alex spoke to me for fear I’d fall into sobs in front of her. I stared at the envelope, petrified what was inside. After a moment, I collected my thoughts, grabbed the envelope and tucked it in an old, worn copy of Atlas Shrugged. Kara had found a first edition and gave it to me for my last birthday. Although she didn't agree with the politics, she enjoyed the story and felt the anonymity of John Gault as a great savior reflected her, and the hard charging lead character Dagny, represented me and my constant drive to change the world for the better. 

It was one of my most cherished possessions.

I blinked back tears as I tucked the envelope in the same place Kara had earmarked her favorite part of the book. Clutching the book to my chest, I bit my bottom lip as the tears slipped free. She was gone. Really gone this time and Alex was right, I’d swam in my own sea of pity and refused to acknowledge how precious time was. And how much of it I wasted.

Grabbing my phone, I dialed Jess.

“Lena, I didn’t expect to hear from you today.” She paused. “How are you?”

I shrugged to an empty apartment. “She’s gone, Jess.” I coughed, trying to cover up the fact I was crying. “Please ensure what ever Kara’s family needs for her… arrangements, it’ll be taken care of. Contact every vendor in Midvale and provided them my credit card number.” I sat down on the couch, gripping the edges of Kara’s book until my knuckles turned white.

“Of course. I’ve received a memo from the DEO in regards to the public service for Supergirl. Many news outlets have inquired if you’ll be there.”

“No. I’ll be in Midvale. It’s where Kara will be.” I clenched my jaw. “Please make sure there are flowers and whatever resources the city requires for public mourning. L-Corp will pay for it.”

Jess sighed. “Lena.”

I heard the tone and shook my head. “Don’t. I deserve to be alone. I pushed everyone away. I pushed those who loved me away. I pushed Kara so far away, I broke her heart when I was trying to save mine.” I frowned. “I did this.” I cleared my throat. “I’ll call you from Midvale.”

“When are you returning to Gotham? Not that it’s important, but I do need to tell something to Mr. Wayne. He’s been persistent about meeting with you over these last few days.”

“In time. Tell him that.” I rasped out a goodbye and hung up on Jess.

I sat for hours in the middle of my empty apartment, surrounded by everything Kara. I’d always been so afraid of being loved, and when I finally was, truly loved by another, I threw it into her face.

For a genius, I was a goddamned fool.

* * *

I stood in the far back corner of the Danvers backyard, desperately trying to hide under the massive oak tree. The sun was out, giving all of it’s might one more time for the walking sunshine that was Kara Danvers. Her family stood in a circle, mingled with her DEO family, all huddled together, supporting each other. I stood on the outside, not feeling like I belonged here. Clark stood next to Alex and Eliza, comforting them with his broad shoulders. His wife, Lois was there, smiling as she watched her husband fight his own tears as J’onn spoke in Kryptonian. Winn, James, Brainy, Kelly, and Nia all stood together, crying as they sat in front of the silver and blue pedestal Kara’s pod sat on. She was inside, laying there as if she’d just fallen asleep on a movie night, peaceful and radiating pure beauty.

I kept my head down, hiding behind obnoxiously large sunglasses to avoid catching anyone’s eyes. I’d slipped in unnoticed through the back right after the service started. Clark speaking for a moment about the cousin who was sent to protect him, but ended up protecting all of us. Alex looked up and caught me. Her teary glare burned through my sunglasses and I wanted to run. I nodded once and Alex turned back to her mother. I cried when J’onn finished, his voice cracking at the end. I didn’t move when the family and friends retreated into the house for a small luncheon. I stood rooted to my spot, staring at Kara, afraid to move.

I had to force my feet to obey and walk towards her, taking my sunglasses off. The sun was bright, shining high and filling the day with the same warmth Kara always exuded. I took slow steps towards her, laying a shaking hand on her forearm. “I don’t think I ever told you how beautiful you are, Kara. You took my breath away the first time you stood in my office, those big blue eyes melting my soul. I knew then I was in trouble.” I took a deep breath. “You were everything. You were the sun, the moon, the stars, the hope I searched my entire life for. And I didn’t realize it was standing in front of me this whole time.” I covered her cold hand with mine. “I’m so sorry I didn’t love you like you deserved. You scared me, Kara, and I let that fear destroy the best thing I’ll ever have in this world.” I swallowed hard as the tears fell, leaning forward to press one last kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Kara Zor-El. I hope the heavens welcome you with open arms. I’ll miss you until my last breath.” I stood back up, wiping my cheeks.

“You should join us inside, Lena.” Eliza’s voice startled me. I turned to see the gentle woman smiling at me. “There’s plenty of food.”

I smiled, shaking my head. “Thank you, but I should go.” I went to slip my sunglasses back on.

“Alex may wish for you to fade off into the sunset, but I know how much Kara adored you, Lena.” Eliza took a step closer. “I’m not exactly sure what happened between you, but all I know is when she spoke of you, it was the first time I ever truly saw her eyes light up. She was in love with you and you gave her that one piece of the puzzle she’d always been searching for since she landed on Earth.” She smiled with watery eyes. “My daughter had the purest heart in this universe, and she gave it to you.”

I winced as sob crawled up my throat. “I took her for granted.” I covered my mouth as another sob escaped. “I let her go even when she gave me the one piece I’d always been searching for.” I glanced at Kara. “I was scared and I can never tell her how much I loved her.”

Eliza’s hand fell to my shoulder. “Move past the fear and live a life without fear. It’s what Kara would want for you.” She smiled, reaching up to wipe away the tears. I closed my eyes, relishing the motherly action.

“Why don’t you hate me like Alex?” I rasped the words out. “Kara died because of me.”

“Kara died protecting those she loved, including you. It’s no one’s fault and I can’t hate the woman my daughter was in love with. You taught her how to love, fall in love, and that was the greatest gift you could ever give her.” Eliza pulled me into a warm embrace. “Live, Lena. Live, love and remember my daughter. That’s all you can do.” She pressed a kiss to my temple.

I completely fell apart, wrapping my arms around her, clutching to the fabric of her dress as the dams broke once more. I was given forgiveness by the one person I’d never expect it from. I sobbed into Eliza’s shoulder, finally collecting myself and stepping back. Eliza smiled, cupping my face. “If you ever need to talk, you know where I am.”

I nodded, unable to speak as Eliza kissed my cheek and stepped away. I watched her walk back into the house before I pulled the book out of my bag. I held it up, slipping the envelope out. “I promised I wouldn’t read this until I was standing in front of you.” I tore open the letter, my hands shaking as I opened the pages. Kara’s handwriting filled every inch.

_Lena,_

_I love you. That’s the first thing I need to say. I love you with my heart and soul, and it goes beyond just the love of a best friend. I’ve loved you for a very long time, and now as I write this, I know I don’t have much time left to tell you. This fight, I can feel it in my bones that I can’t take much more. But I have to. This monster is threatening my home, my family, and you. My heart. Don’t blame yourself or anyone else. I made a choice, I’m accepting the consequences of my sacrifice._

_It’s silly to be writing my goodbye when I could fly to Gotham and grab you, hold you and scream everything I need to say in your face. But I won’t. I understand why you have a thick wall around you. You’ve been through a lot, but I’m the one person who understands you. And maybe because of all the things I’ve lost, I grew overprotective of you. I could handle losing almost anything, except you._

_You. You showed me what it was like to fall in love. True love. You showed me what it felt like to have your heart actually skip with one look. You showed me what it was like to daydream about a future, the same type of future my cousin has now. A wife, a farm in a quiet town, love, and the image of waking up to your big green eyes every morning. You showed me why humans believe in the idea of true love, and Rao, did I want it with you._

_But I saw the pain I caused you and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t fix it with any of my stupid powers. I’m literally a god on this earth and I have no idea how to fix your broken heart. I’ve struggled for the last year trying to find a way to fix it._

_All I know is I love you more than anything in this universe and all the other universes out there. On every Earth I’ve been to, it’s always been you. I’d always come back to you._

_If you’re reading this letter and Alex delivered it, then I’ll know things didn’t go my way. Don’t hate Alex, she covers her pain with sass and threats of physical violence. Don’t walk away from my friends who also are your friends, they need you as much as you need them._

_Open the box probably still sitting on your desk. Open it and know I want you to have it forever._

_Live, Lena. Let go of your past and embrace the good you are. It’s one of the many things I loved about you. I love your eyes, your smile, the way you hugged me, the way you fell asleep curled up in my side, the way you look at me in the quiet moments and make my heart skip. I love you, Lena Luthor. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more and make you understand I never meant to hurt you._

_With all of my love and more,_

_Kara Zor-El_

I fell to my knees, tears blurring my visions as my body shook with sobs. I leaned forward pressing my head into the soft grass as I whimpered. “No. No. Kara.” The words were fractured as they fell out. I cried until I heard the back door slam, scaring me. I saw Alex standing at the backdoor, wiping her cheeks as she drank from a whiskey bottle. She turned my way, squinting as she tipped the bottle into her mouth.

I scrambled to my feet and ran out of the backyard, the last thing I needed was another confrontation with the angry woman. I didn’t look back until I passed the city limits of Midvale. Crying the entire way. I fucked up and finally knew it. My stupid pity party had cost me everything and I had to find my own way out of the mess I made. I’d live my life exactly as Kara wanted me to. I would leave the past behind and start over and hope when I saw Kara again, I’d earn her love.

* * *

**364 days later**

“Jess, the plans for the National City science guild have been signed off. I just need to call a meeting between the contractors, and our board of trustees. Did Brainy agree to being the chairman with Eliza?” I walked around my Gotham apartment, dressed in Kara’s over-sized sweatshirt.

“He has. He will be heading the technology side while Eliza is heading the science and medicine. The building is set to break ground next month. You should be there.” I could see the glare Jess was giving me over the phone. “Even Alex is excited about the guild. She’s been emailing over ideas and I think if you asked her, she’d join on as faculty.”

I sighed, standing in front of the window as the rain poured down. “The House of El Science Guild has nothing to do with me. I may fund it, but it doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to National City and Kara.” I huffed. “As for Alex, I’ll email her in the morning and offer her a spot in the biochemistry department, as long as she doesn’t punch me in the face.”

“But still. It’s a huge thing for the city! It’s a huge thing for you. It’s the first time your family has done anything that wasn’t trying to destroy the supers. I heard your mother is losing her mind in prison. Maybe you should let Alex punch you, it might make you both feel better.” Jess chuckled.

“I’m not my family.” I straightened up and walked to the kitchen, scooping up the glass of scotch as I went. I spotted the watch Kara had given me years ago, the same one I asked Jess to destroy. Luckily, she had more sense than I did and saved it. She’d returned it the day I came back to Gotham from Midvale. “L-Corp is just a brand name now. It has no direct correlation to who I am.” I set the scotch down, picking up the watch.

“Yes, Dr. Kiernan.”

“I can hear the smile in your voice, Jess.” I cocked an eyebrow at the way she said my name. In an attempt to honor Kara’s wishes, I dropped the Luthor and took on my middle name as my surname. “I will see you tomorrow at eight a.m.” I hung up, sliding my phone across the counter.

In the last year I put my pity party to bed and started the path of letting go. I continued my projects to better humanity, opened two more hospitals in Gotham and set up numerous scholarships in Kara Danvers name and Supergirl’s. The Science guild was the latest venture. My way of giving the youth of National City a chance to follow through on a dream Kara missed out on when she was sent on her mission to protect her cousin. I could almost see the grin on her face watching kids learn science and embrace the knowledge the world had to give them. The guild would be built on the same grounds as her monument.

I picked up the watch, running my fingers over the dial. I missed Kara every day. There wasn’t a minute that didn’t pass where I didn’t hear her voice in my head, guiding me. I ached for her to walk in through the door, smother me in one of her hugs and ask if I could go to lunch, and if we could get cheeseburgers.

The day after I left Midvale, Kara was returned to Argo. Returned to the remaining members of her Kryptonian family and given the peace she always deserved. Clark had emailed me three months after, offering to take me to Argo anytime I desired. He understood I was Kara’s Lois and my actions after her death in separating myself from my family, he extended his hand. Bringing me into the fold of family. I thanked him through tears but had yet to ever take him up on his offer. I hadn’t actually spoke to Clark in months, he’d returned to Argo with Lois and his newborn.

I absently flicked the face of the watch up, and pushed the button. Sending a signal that once brought Kara to my door in the blink of an eye. But now, it brought nothing but a small satisfying sadness. I’d been pushing it for the last few days as the anniversary of her death came closer and the ache of missing her grew stronger. 

I downed the last sip of scotch, and refilled it. I had no plans other than drinking myself into a warm buzz before ordering takeout and watching crappy television. I typed in an order on my app and went to find the remote, taking the watch with me to the couch as I sat and waited for my cheeseburger and double chili fries.

I sat back, cradling the watch in my palm, trying to chase away the building ache in my heart. I shook my head, pressing the button one more time before setting the watch on the table. “Give it a rest, Lena. She can’t hear it.”

The door bell rang the second I brought my glass to my lips. I took a large sip, wincing at the burn as I stood up. The doorbell rang once more as shuffled across the apartment with my wallet. “I’m coming, hold on.”

I swung the front door open with my head down. “You Gotham delivery people have no patience. Here, keep the change.” I held out a hundred dollar bill.

“I already paid the kid and tipped him when I met him on the elevator. Double cheese fries? When did you stop caring about your heart, Lena?”

All of the sound in the room was sucked out the moment I heard her voice. “No.” I rubbed my eyes, cursing myself for chugging hundred year old scotch like it was water.

“And Gotham? This place is so rainy. No wonder they have a bat superhero. The sun never shines.”

I closed my eyes as the familiar warmth permeated the sweatshirt and chased away the shivers. I refused to look up even as I heard the crinkle of a paper bag being set down on the floor. I kept my eyes shut as two warm hands fell to the sides of my face and lifted my chin up.

“Lena, open your eyes.”

I shook my head, tears slipping free. “No. You’re a ghost.” I clenched my jaw at the way her hands felt against me. Warm, strong, home.

I gasped out a sob when her lips pressed against my forehead, murmuring against the skin. “I was. But if you’ll open your eyes, you’ll see I’m real.”

I shook my head opening my eyes, coming to stare right at the MIT logo. I tilted my head up and came face to face with ocean blue eyes. I began crying as I looked at Kara, grinning down at me with wet hair. “You stole my sweatshirt.”

She nodded, pointing at the NCU hoodie of hers. “Looks like you stole mine.” My heart fell to the floor as I stared at the love of my life, alive and in my arms. Kara was alive.

She ran her thumb under my bottom lip. “Hi.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are explained here. Don't beat me up to bad, i took bits and pieces here and there and mashed them together to make a somewhat plausible explanation. Maybe in later chapter's i'll have Brainy nerd out and give a full explanation of how it all came to be. But enjoy this reunion and in the next chapter, they go home and see Alex....

I let out a shaky breath, shaking my head. “You’re alive?”

She shrugged, moving her hands to the side of my neck. I could feel her pulse in her thumbs, beating in sync with mine. “It’s a long story?”

I reached up, pressing my hand over her heart. Pressing hard, hoping my hand would pass through her and I could prove I was dreaming, she was a ghost, or I was completely intoxicated. I only found solid muscle, warmth and a racing heart. “You’re alive.” Tears ran down my face. “But you were.”

“Dead. I know, like I said, it’s a really long story.” She pushed my chin up with a finger. “I came here as soon as you called me. I didn’t have time to change.” She nodded at the sweatshirt and baggy jeans she wore. “Alex is going to be mad, I literally left her in the middle of her apartment.’ Kara stepped back, picking up the bag of food. “I mean I just landed three hours ago, scared the living crap out of Alex. Then she went into interrogation mode, asking me a trillion questions of how I’m alive, running tests on my blood and DNA, asking if I really am me. I had to pull out some of her most embarrassing secrets to prove it was me. She kept asking me how I was suddenly resurrected and not a zombie. Then she got mad I was eating her leftover pizza, and right when I was about to answer her questions, I heard the signal. I flew out her window and landed at the building next door, and when no one knew who Lena Luthor was, I got really scared and thought I was in the wrong Gotham. I walked over to this building and saw your name on his phone. I practically shoved him out of the elevator and prayed to Rao I could keep my cool if you answered the door. And then you did, and can I have some fries? I’m really hungry and haven’t had fries in a long time.”

I watched Kara ramble, my heart beating furiously as it recognized her long before my brain did. I swallowed hard and acted. I rushed her, sliding my hands across her face, catching her off guard as she dropped handful of fries and kissed her. Kara flinched and let out a small squeak, before realizing I was kissing her. She threw the food to the floor and wrapped her arms around my waist, kissing me back with fervor and lifting me off the floor.

I broke from the kiss, gasping from air. Kara was flushed face, blinking at me. I ran my thumb across her cheek. “This better not be a dream or one of Brainy’s stupid simulations. Because I love you, Kara. I love you, and you better be real or I’m checking myself into the mental hospital in the morning for kissing a ghost.” I stepped back, my skeptical side blazing to the forefront and taking over. Pushing my brain out of the cloudy haze of kissing her, and into reality. “No. You’re dead. There’s no fathomable way you could be alive. I saw you. I read the reports, the tests, everything. You died.” I glared at her, taking another step back. “Who are you? Red Daughter? Another clone of my brothers?” I began to panic. I couldn’t handle a fake Kara. I wouldn’t. “Tell me now before I call security.”

She sighed, nodding. “I thought about that. Considering our pasts, together and separately, I knew you’d have doubts.”

“How genial of you.” I crossed my arms across my chest. “I have a list of people who would attempt to manipulate me using an image of you.” I looked across the room at the hidden wall safe under my vintage map of Ireland. Three guns laid there. Each one loaded and ready with the proper ammunition for the proper moment. I started walking towards it. “I haven’t had a decent assassination attempt in a few months. I guess I’m due.”

“The weekend of your last birthday. I came to your apartment and surprised you with fresh baked scones from that bakery you love in Dingle, Ireland. I made you coffee and I dragged you to the fall fair. You resisted, grumbled until I took you on the bumper cars. Your eyes lit up like big emeralds and I don’t think I’d ever seen you smile that much.” Kara let out a slow breath as she looked at the floor. “I got you Belly Burger for dinner and we ate on the edge of the park, and I gave you a gift.” She paused. “I can see the safe behind the map. I’d really like it if you didn’t shoot me, I don’t exactly have all of my powers back. Especially in this rainy city.” She rolled her shoulders in the way she always did right before she snapped into action.

I shrugged, taking one step away from the wall, looking at the coat rack. I had taser in the front pocket of my rain coat. “Anyone could’ve seen us out that day. I do have a cult following of sorts.”

Kara walked through my living room, straight to the bookshelf. She removed the old book, flipping the pages as she continued. “True. And anyone would think this book was a college graduates battered copy. Underlined passages to be used in an essay or a final paper.” I watched her flip to the middle of the book, to a spot I knew very well. “No one’s happiness but my own is in my power to achieve or destroy.” Kara read the phrase, looking up at me. “I gave you this book, read you this line because I wanted you to know…”

“My life was my own. It’s not Lex’s, Lillian’s or the worlds to rule.” I stared at Kara, my eyes welling up.

Kara held the book up. “I took you home that night and you asked me to read from the book to you over a glass of wine. You fell asleep in my arms and right after telling me I was the only person in the world you truly knew your real birthday. October 24th. Your entire family was always three days late and you never bothered to correct them. You thought keeping that one part of yourself secret, kept you separate from them.” Kara sighed. “Is the wine stain still under the couch where I spilled my glass and tried to hide it by moving the rug to cover it?”

I smiled, pushing out a laugh as my heart filled. The small pieces missing when Kara died, slowly slid back into place. Only Kara knew my real birthday. She had found my very first driver’s license tucked in my bookshelf behind a picture of my mother. I panicked, begging her not to tell anyone, never telling her the reason until the wine had loosened my resolve, and she was so warm. I felt safe, safe enough to give her a piece of me no one else had. “I found it six months ago when I was changing the carpet.” I shook my head as more tears fell. “How? How are you alive?”

“Science, chemistry, and a little bit of magic.” Kara set the book down. “Do you believe it’s me, Lena? You have your skeptical look.” I nodded, shrugging. She dug into her pocket, removing a small drive. “Here’s the hard proof it’s me. Alex ran tests. Blood, DNA, heart monitor, urine. I’m DEO certified.”

I eyed the drive in her hands. “Kara.”

She palmed the drive and walked towards me. She stopped right in front of me, reaching for my hand. “May I? One last piece of proof I’m me, and I’m alive.”

I paused before letting her take my hand and pull it to her hip. She lifted her sweatshirt, placing my hand on the curve of her hip. The second I felt the ridge of a scar. I scrunched my face up, tears welling. “You tripped in your apartment during one of our movie nights, I went to catch you and you fell on that stupid ring I wore that night. The stupid ring Lex gave me.” I vividly remembered Kara freaking out as the small drops of blood stained her shirt. Back then, I thought I grazed her with the setting. Later on, I found out Lex had laced the stone with trace amounts of Kryptonite. Just enough to cut Kara and leave her with a scar. I offered to have it taken care of by a plastic surgeon. Kara just smiled, shrugged and said she kind of liked having a scar with my name on it. Said it gave her _street cred._ I gently squeezed her hip, soaking up her warmth. “You’re alive.”

Kara wrapped her arms around me, embracing me in one of her smothering hugs. “And I love you, Lena.” She sighed that one sigh that told me she had a single thought on her mind. “Thank you for not tasing me.” She mumbled against my ear. “Your eyes give you away.”

I leaned out of her arms, blushing. “Go. Eat before the chili gets too cold and disgusting.” I waved at the greasy bags of food sitting on the counter.

Kara grinned, kissing my cheek before skipping off to tear open the bag. I watched her shove a cheeseburger in her mouth like a competitive eater. I felt my smile frown as the weight of everything fell with the adrenaline dump. I sat down on the arm of my couch, closing my eyes. The last almost two years colliding at once. The way I treated Kara before she died, her death, the mourning, and her magical resurrection. I swallowed hard as a tear slid down my cheek. “Kara, I’m sorry… for what I…”

“Harun-El.” Kara cut me off, speaking around a mouthful of chili fries.

“What about it? I used what I had on James and the rest, Lex ran off with. God knows where he stashed it.” I wiped my cheeks with the edge of my sleeve. “Kara, I need to tell you so much.”

“Harun-El is what brought me back to life.” She set down the second cheeseburger. “You see, I don’t seem to have the best luck with pods and traveling through space in them unconscious. Clark had sent me to Argo in my funeral pod, doing his best to honor Kryptonian traditions. A lightning storm a thousand light years above Earth pushed me out of orbit, I was sucked into a wormhole left over from the collapse of Earth 43. I was pushed out into another electrical storm in an asteroid field full of Harun-El. A lingering effect of when my home planet blew up, the black kryptonite was scattered everywhere. A chunk of it slammed into my pod and cracked the glass just enough to let in particle rich air. And since I was outside of a yellow sun, my body absorbed it like breathing in allergens. I woke up. Clueless. I managed to plug the crack, take control of my pod and fly it back out of the wormhole.” She shrugged. “That’s the simple version. Brainy has the full science version back at the DEO.” Kara paused, curling her hands up in the long sleeves of my MIT sweatshirt. “It took awhile, but I made it back to Argo where I collapsed after landing and scared the crap out of my mom, and well, everyone else. What a surprise to find out I was dead! I kind of lost my memory for a little bit as I healed physically from being a little bit dead. And couldn’t travel until everyone was certain I was me and not an imposter.”

I stared at the blonde, fidgeting with the ragged edges of the sleeves. “Define awhile.”

She frowned. “You remember Mon-El? And how time moves differently outside of Earth’s gravitational pull?” She poked at the fries. “It took me a year to get back to Argo, another six months for me to gain my memory, and two months to get back home.” She looked up at me, her blue eyes watery. “The last time I saw you Lena was almost four years ago. I know you’re probably still very angry with me, hesitant and scared. I can see it in your eyes, your struggling with me being here. But the first thing I thought of when my memory returned was you. The second I landed on Earth and saw Alex and the email on her fridge from you, I had to find you.” She turned to look out the window. “I had to come here and tell you I love you. I love you and I know I screwed up, but I’ll happily obey your wishes and walk out that door. Leave you here in Gotham to the bat people who live here.” She smiled, moving to pull off the sweatshirt. “I should give this back to you.”

“Stop.” I stood up. “Just please, stop, Kara.” Kara’s eyes grew wide, the sweatshirt half on and half off. I swallowed hard at the sight of her tight grey tank top and bare arms. “You always put me first. You always worry what I think, what I will think about what you do.”

“Lena, I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes. “I’ll go.”

“No. You do what you want to do. For once in your life, Kara, I want you to take what you want. Do what you want. I held too much control over you without knowing it until I willingly used it to hurt you.” I moved to stand next to her. “The moment I lost you, watching you on the TV take your last breath, I screwed up. I’d thrown the best thing to ever happen to me on the ground and stomped on. I learned a hell of a lesson that day, and by some miracle, I’m being given a second chance and I’m not taking it for granted. I’m not taking you for granted.” I laid a hand on her forearm. “What do you want?”

Kara let out a heavy breath, closing her eyes as her shoulders relaxed. “I want potstickers from the place around the corner from my apartment and eat until I pass out. Food on Argo isn’t the same and since I’ve landed, I’m ravenous. I want to buy a new bed, an Alaskan King sized, which is the biggest bed they make. I don’t even care if it will take up a third of my apartment. I want to take a road trip across the country with my sister. I want to hug Eliza. I want a dog.” She stood up straighter, looking dead in my eyes. “And I want you. For the rest of my life. I want to be with you, Lena. I love you so much and I see everything I’ve ever dreamed of in your green eyes. I want to wake up next to you. I want you to yell at me for using all the hot water. I want to hold your hand as I take you for ice cream. I want to travel with you and see the world with you by my side. I want to kiss you whenever the idea strikes me.” She tipped her head down, looking at my hand on her arm. “I want you.” She grabbed my hand with hers, winding our fingers together. “Do you… “ She paused, staring down at our hands.

“I don’t know how to do this.” I squeezed her hand. Completely overwhelmed by the raw honesty of Kara’s words. She loved me. She truly loved me and it was a foreign feeling, and yet felt so perfect. “I’ve never been in love in the way I love you, Kara.”

She shrugged, smiling. “Neither have I. We’ll make mistakes, bicker, do silly things. But if our love can bring me back from death, we’ll be okay.” She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know. It was science, chemistry, and a bit of magic. I’d like to think it’s more romantic than that. I’d like to think the higher powers, Rao, and whoever, didn’t want our souls to part before we’d even get the chance to love.”

I bit my bottom lip, holding back a massive grin. “I never knew you to be such a cheesy romantic.”

“You should see my rom-com movie collection. Alex calls it a cry for help, I call it a collection of hope.” She pulled me closer. “Can I kiss you?”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Didn’t I say you could take what you wanted?” I barely had the last word out before Kara was kissing me with all of her might. I melted into the kiss, sighing when my hand fell to her waist and I felt the way her muscles flexed under my touch. I pushed harder against her mouth, desperate to distract the need to run my hands all over her body.

Kara broke away, licking her bottom lip, cheeks flushed. “Two more things?”

“Anything.” I wobbled in her arms, having been kissed senseless by this perfect woman.

“Can we get more food, sit and talk? I’ve really missed you and I know you have a million questions. I have a million questions. I just really miss sitting with you on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket as you mush into my side.” She smiled softly. 

I nodded, reluctantly stepping out of her arms to open the junk drawer filled with take out menus. “Gotham Burger Boys has a good pizza burger. There’s family owned Mexican restaurant I order a lot from, and I think there’s a sushi place that delivers.” I scooped up a handful of well used menus.

“Come home with me.” Kara’s voice was strong, but tentative. “Come home to Midvale with me, then to National City.” She heard my heart race. “I’ll talk to Alex. She’ll be okay if I explain things.” She let out a slow breath. “I never stopped fighting for you, and I’ll keep fighting for us. Don’t worry about anything, Lena.”

I paused, slowly setting the menus down as my heart skipped. I’d not been back to Midvale since her funeral, National City since a week after. I’d left in a tentative peace with her family and friends. I wasn’t on good ground with any of them. I was the person who shit all over Kara and kept distance when they tried to honor her wishes to keep me close. I indirectly shit over all of them. Especially Alex. Even though I’d extended an offer for her to join the science guild, we were far from friends. Alex hated me, probably hated me more for her sister jetting off to find me after being dead for a year. “Kara.” I looked up in her eyes, hating the way they melted even my steeliest will. I sighed, nodding as I slid a menu across to her. “Pick what toppings you want on your pizza. And yes. I’ll go home with you.”

Kara squeaked, huge grin on her face as she hugged me, lifting me off the floor with a sweatshirt half on and half off. I couldn’t help but smile as she rambled about all the things she wanted to show me in Midvale as she set me down. I smiled watching her circle ten different toppings she wanted on three different pizzas.

Going home was going to be difficult, hard, painful. I’d be confronting the past I left in pieces behind me, like walking on broken glass. But as Kara grabbed my hand to simply hold it, it would be worth it.

I had her back and I wouldn’t let this chance pass me by. I looked at her, still rambling about the bakery menu she found under the pizza menu. “I love you, Kara Zor-El. Too the moon and back.”

Kara’s rambling ceased immediately as she blushed and bit her bottom lip. “I love you too. Oh, they have ice cream cookies!”

I laughed, handing her my phone, telling her to go wild and get whatever she wanted.

And for the first time in 365 days, my heart didn’t weigh a thousand pounds, aimlessly beating in an empty body. It was home, walking in front of me ordering at least two hundred dollars’ worth of food.


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff and stuff and at the end...well you'll see

The rain finally stopped, leaving Gotham in a shiny darkness. It was late, well past midnight. I couldn’t sleep, sitting in my office staring out the window. Kara was passed out on the couch across from me, happily snoring, curled up in her favorite blanket. She’d hit a wall after consuming the mass quantities of food she ordered, and no matter how hard she tried to stay awake, she sunk into the soft cushions with heavy eyes. One breath later, she was out. I wrapped her in the blanket after pulling it from the edge of my bed. I hoped I’d never have to tell her I slept with it every night. The grey blue color with polar bears clashed with my dark minimalist style, but it was hers. It once smelled like her and reminded me of her warmth. I’d never admit how many nights I spent crying into the blanket, wishing and hoping.

I smiled when Kara huffed, burying her face deeper into the plush material. All of my wishing and hoping materialized.

She’d asked me a million questions in between bites. Asking what I was doing now. If I liked Gotham City, my thoughts on Batman. Her questions dissolved into excited ramblings. Kara went on about her time in Argo, the things she learned about Krypton and her family. I sat and listened, absorbing and digesting. It was still hard to believe she was back and alive. Not matter she’d already kissed me ten times and hugged me five. She was solid under my hands, heart beating rapidly. Alive.

I turned to the window, catching the bat signal in the far distance pushing into the night sky. I shook my head, reaching for the notebook perched on the edge of my desk, flipping it open to gloss over my notes for the nano technology armor Wayne Industries had contracted me to work on.

“You still don’t sleep?”

I smiled at Kara’s groggy voice. “Not much. I’ve found sleep leads to dreaming too much.” I tapped my pen on the edge of the desk. “You could use my bed. It’s still very late and that couch will destroy your back.”

“It smells like you.” Kara paused, scrunching her face up. “That sounds really gross.” She sat up, yawning, running her hands through her hair. “You should go to bed, Lena. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I let out a slow sigh. “I must admit, I keep thinking this is a dream and I’ll wake up.” I waved absently at the windows. “I’d dream of your death every night. Wake up sobbing in the middle of the night. Those dreams became nightmares of you showing up on my balcony. Alive as ever, grinning, hugging me.”

Kara frowned. “How is that a nightmare?” She stood up, shuffling over to the desk. “Those dreams sound better than the dying ones.”

I looked up, meeting her eyes. “Because they felt so real, I could feel you. Hear your heart, and smell your shampoo. My heart would relax and when I woke up, the world was still empty.” I shrugged, biting my bottom lip. “I avoid sleep at all costs now.”

A moment silence fell between us before I felt the blanket fall across my shoulders. “Well, I vaguely remember you having bad dreams when we were friends. Whether they were about work and you struggling to find the perfect equation, or your past with your family, you had a hard time with sleep.” I went to object, when Kara held up a finger. “But! You once admitted I was so warm, I was like a big cuddly furnace and you always passed out on my shoulder. So, using my scientific skills, I think I have a remedy for both of us. That couch is terrible, and you need sleep. I can see the circles under your eyes, and your eyes are my favorite thing.” Kara held out her hand, wiggling her fingers. “Knowing you, your bed is probably top of the line, filled with the breath of angels and bigger than my apartment.”

I cocked an eyebrow at the woman, shaking my head as I took her hand. “Are you suggesting…”

“We share a bed? Yes.” Kara yanked me to my feet, tugging the blanket closer around me. “A long time ago, we shared a bed once after a crazy game night. You remember? Alex had poured too many shots and the gang collapsed where the fell. You and I were the only ones left standing. Me completely sober and you with a little bit of a buzz. You couldn’t drive home and didn’t want to call a driver that late.”

I smiled at the memory, resting my hands on Kara’s chest. “We bickered over me sleeping on the floor, you sleeping on the floor, when you just picked me up and put me in the bed, tucking me in.” I stepped closer into Kara’s space.

“And you pulled me into the bed and I almost crushed you when I fell on top of you.” Kara sighed. “The look you gave me when you asked for me to stay, I would’ve smashed a planet for you right then and there.” She kissed my forehead. “I’ll still smash planets for you. Or small mountains, whatever you like.”

I laughed. “And I almost kissed you that night you tucked me in. But I didn’t because I was too scared you’d reject me. I’ve never been shy around someone I desired, but you intimidated me. Your big heart let me in, and I’ve never had that before.” I slipped my arms around her, laying my head on her chest. “It was the best night of sleep I ever had.”

“Me too.” Kara laid her chin on my head. “I almost kissed you that night, too. But I was also scared I’d break your nose or freak you out. It’s not every day your best friend kisses you.” Kara let out a soft huff. “I’m going to make up for not kissing you that night for the rest of my life. I’m going to love you like you’ve always deserved.” She stepped back, scooped me up in her arms. “Which way is your room?”

I blushed at the implication I was pulling out of the moment. This was innocent, this Kara simply asking where my room was so she could tuck me in. I swallowed hard, forcing my heart to settle down and pointed past the kitchen. “End of the hall, door on the right.”

Kara nodded and strode with purpose to my bedroom. She toed the door open and grinned at the sight of the bed. “Oh! I knew it.” She rushed over, gently laying me on the messy side. “A huge bed with cloud like pillows!” She picked one up, gently smushing it in her hands with a grin. “I’ve missed fancy soft pillows.”

I slipped under the covers, laying her blanket over the top of the duvet. I smiled at Kara picking up more fluffy pillows and squishing them while laughing. “In the closet, I have a drawer of old shirts, shorts, and leggings. If you’d like to change.” I removed the sweatshirt I wore, tossing it to the end of the bed, leaving the old Catco shirt I had underneath on.

Kara disappeared into the closet, coming out a second later with he clothes neatly in her hands. “Is this okay?” She motioned to the old running shorts and oversized Jameson t-shirt from my college days. “This was all I could find that fit right. You’re tiny.” She set her clothes on a chair next to the door and crawled under the covers. She let out a huge sigh before rolling over to face me. “Can I?”

I simply nodded and let her curl up into my side, throw an arm over my waist and lay her head on my shoulder. I shivered from the immense warmth she gave off, and sighed. “Kara?”

“I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise, I’m never leaving you again. Go to sleep.” She leaned over, kissing the side of my head. “We have the rest of our lives to talk, right now, let’s just cuddle and get the best sleep either of us has had in years.” She let out a breath, moving her hand to settle over my heart. “I love you, Lena. You’re safe. This is safe with me.” She pressed against my chest to emphasize her words. I rolled over and pushed my way into her arms, burying my face into her neck and letting her arms envelope me. I fell asleep in two breaths, smothered by the woman I loved.

* * *

The incessant buzzing of my phone drew me out of a lovely sleep. I cracked one eye open, fumbling with my hand to grab it. I squinted as the morning sun poured in, a rarity in Gotham, and read the few emails from Jess. I sighed, rolling over onto my back. Shivering at the feel of cold sheets, I frowned looking at empty side of bed.

It was a dream. A very real wine laden dream. I sighed, closing my eyes and cursing my subconscious. I threw the phone to the middle of the bed, curling back up onto my side. I had half the notion to cancel my day and stay in bed. I yanked the blanket over my head as a few tears slipped free.

I felt a small tug at the top of the blanket, I frowned, curling into a bigger ball. Another tug, and the blanket peeled off my head, tossing my hair around my face.

“Has Gotham turned you into a vampire? You’ve been hiding from the sun since it rose.”

My eyes shot open to land on Kara kneeling at the edge of the bed, huge grin on her face as she set a cup of coffee on the bedside table. “I made coffee. I wanted to make you breakfast, but all you have is wine, water and butter. The doorman was nice enough to point me in the direction of a bagel shoppe down the street. I got a bunch of different flavors and a few egg sandwiches with bacon.” She paused catching the look in my eyes. She shook her head, sliding her hand across my face. “You woke up in an empty bed and freaked out, didn’t you?”

I closed my eyes, leaning into her touch. “The sun hasn’t been out in weeks. It’s been nothing but rain and clouds.” I mumbled, trying to avoid the topic of my freak out.

Kara looked out the window, her smile returning. “I know! It woke me up the second it poked over the horizon. I reluctantly left you to sit o the balcony, absorbing the sunlight.” She turned back to me. “I got so excited from the energy boost, I didn’t think to wake you or leave a note.” She leaned forward, brushing her lips against mine. “Good morning.” She waited until the corners of my mouth lifted in a shy smile, before kissing me solidly.

I mumbled good morning out, blushing and hiding my face in my pillow. “I have to get ready for work. I have a meeting in three hours.” I glanced at the clock, happy I’d slept more than three hours for the first time in a very long time. But sad I had to get up and leave the apartment, leave Kara. I sat up, running hands through my hair.

“I happened to run into Jess at the bagel place. She freaked out and almost tackled me to the ground, thinking I was an evil clone. Then she freaked out again when she realized I was me.” Kara shrugged, picking up my hand. “She cleared your schedule for the next three weeks. She said something about the Wayne project all green lit and can be taken off your hands by L-Corp engineers.” Kara cocked an eyebrow. “Are you working for the bat?” I saw the soft blush on her neck, showing she was jealous. “He’s very forward.”

I sighed, picking up my phone to email Jess, smirking at the thought Kara would be jealous of Bruce Wayne, and that she knew he was in the evening hours. “He is. He asked me out thirty times before I threatened to buy his company and turn it into a social media app think tank. He backed off.” I smiled at the way Kara clenched her jaw. I reached up, running the back of my hand across her skin. “No need to be jealous. There’s been no one. There will be no one but you. I made a silent promise the day I left you in Midvale. I’d never betray my heart and fill it with a false love.” I leaned over to kiss Kara on the cheek as I turned back to emailing Jess a thank you and a list of things to keep me updated on. I tossed the phone to the middle of the bed. “Well, appears I’m on vacation for the next three weeks. What shall we do?”

Kara grinned, standing up from the bed, her hand wrapped in mine as she pulled me up. “Breakfast first. Then I need some more clothes, and then can we plan out the trip home to National City?” Kara bit her bottom lip as we walked into the kitchen. “I don’t exactly have all of my powers back. Just the bare minimum of strength, hearing and heat vision. No super speed or flying.” She dropped my hand to unpack the bagels she bought.

I nodded. “I can charter a flight for this evening. We can be back in National City by midnight, if you’d like. I know Alex will be chomping at the bit to get you back.”

“She’ll be fine. I talked to her when I was out. I borrowed your phone.” Kara winced. “She’s still angry at you, answered the phone with a few unique word. I never knew Alex had such a colorful language.” She set a bagel in front of me.

“I can fly you home in an hour.” I reached for my tablet, tapping to call up my pilot. “I don’t want to keep you from your family.”

“You are my family, Lena.” Kara laid a hand over mine. “You’re my future family and I’m not going anywhere without you.” She sighed, taking a huge bite of her bagel. “But I can see the worry lines in your forehead.” She mumbled around a mouthful. “We can leave after breakfast, we can go shopping in National City.” She shook her head. “I have no idea why my sister is so scary, she slept with a teddy bear until she was twenty four.”

I chuckled, sipping my coffee as I made arrangements. Then it hit me. “Fuck.” I looked up at Kara.

Kara raised her eyebrows, double fisting egg bagel sandwiches. “What?”

“Kara Danvers is dead in National City. How the hell do we explain you coming back to life?”

“Oh fuck is right.” Kara’s face went blank as she took another huge bite of her food, stress eating like a champ.

I couldn’t rightfully land in National City and take my love shopping without someone noticing the woman I was with looked an awful like Kara Danvers. The beloved reporter who had died the same day as Supergirl. “Fuck.” I tapped open my video chat and hit Alex’s contact.

Alex’s angry face appeared. “Luthor. I owe you a punch in the face, at least two.” She huffed, rubbing her temples. “Kara is standing right next to you, isn’t she? I can see the hearts in your eyes.”

I cleared my throat as Kara winked, reaching for my uneaten bagel. “She is. We will be back in National City by lunch. But there’s a problem.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “How can there be a problem? My sister just exploded out of the heavens less than forty eight hours ago, landing like an angel and proving to all of us she’s somehow defied death.” She gave me an angry look. “Please don’t tell me you broke her heart again.”

I shook my head. “No, never again. Supergirl did fall out of the heavens, but Kara Danvers didn’t.” I paused as the realization sunk in and Alex sat up straighter.

“Fuck.”

How the hell were we going to explain Kara Danvers sudden resurrection without outing her as Supergirl?


	5. chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen. Next Chapter there will be a showdown between Alex and Lena, then they'll figure out how to deal with the major issue of bringing Supergirl back to life. (This is all fluff)

Kara sat across from me, curled up in the leather seat of my private jet. She yawned a few times, tugging on her polar bear blanket. She’d been extremely tired after breakfast and it had me concerned. The sun had boosted her energy, but it didn’t seem to be enough. She was sluggish the moment we left my apartment and headed towards the airport.

“You can take a nap, Kara. I’ll wake you when we land outside Midvale.” I set down the book I was reading. One about astrophysics and the idea of multiple universes outside of ours. It was written by Kara’s aunt, and I’d managed to secure it years ago out of curiosity. Now, I was using it as a resource to figure out how Kara was brought back to life. Her aunt had collected incredible amounts of research on the various gemstones Krypton had. Gemstones that became Kryptonite.

Kara shrugged, curling deeper into the seat. “I don’t know why I’m so tired. Maybe it’s all the carbs I ate.” She smiled softly at me.

“You did eat nine bagels.” I moved to sit next to her, pulling the blanket further up her shoulders. “Are you worried about going home?”

Kara’s hand slipped out from under the blanket and grabbed mine. “Yes and no. I think it’s just settling in. I was dead and left so many alone. I spent four years trying to get back here, so focused on fighting my way home. I just never thought past that.” She looked at me, smiling. “I don’t know what to say to Eliza, Alex. My family. I know how hard it was for me with my family when I found Argo. You spend time grieving and closing that chapter in your life, how do you reopen it?”

I tugged her hand, opening my arms for her to lay against me. Kara shifted, burrowing into my body, laying her head on my lap. “But you’re back. You’re alive and I think that’s enough. I know your family never forgot you. They grieved for you, but they never forgot you. They never forgot the incredible Kara. Living sunshine in all of our lives. If anything, they’ll be so happy to have the light back.” I ran my hand over her arm, turning to look out the window. I knew there was more to Kara’s worry, I saw it in the way she scrunched her brow. But I wasn’t going to push. I wasn’t in a place to push for her to open up to me. I still had a lot to repent for. I glanced down to find Kara asleep in my lap, her hand clutching to my leg like a safety blanket. I smiled, looking out the window as Midvale came closer and closer. I let out a slow sigh. In a handful of minutes, I’d be facing another aspect of my life I’d been avoiding for over a year.

Kara's loving, devoted, and frightening older sister.

* * *

Kara bounced down the jet stairs, grinning with her blanket wrapped around her shoulders. I laughed at the sight, made even greater by the fact she was wearing my old jeans and they barely covered her calves, and the MIT sweatshirt that practically swallowed her whole. She was a bouncy goddess in ill fitting clothes.

“Lena! Can you smell that?” She glanced at me over her shoulder, grin firmly affixed.

I squinted at her through the bright sun. “The ocean?” I pushed my sunglasses further up, adjusting to the overwhelming sun Midvale pushed on us. Living in Gotham had turned me into a literal vampire, cringing at the sun and uncomfortable in the midday heat. I carried our bags to the car I ordered midair.

“The trees, the flowers, the ocean! I can even smell the bakery in the middle of town.” Kara let out a happy sigh, moving towards me. She shivered slightly, giving me pause. Kara was never cold unless she flared out her powers. Which would make sense coming back from death, but she soaked up the yellow sun like a sponge. I made a mental note to keep an eye on her and have her out in the sun as much as possible. “I’ve missed chocolate chip cookies.”

“I’ll stop on the way.” Closing the trunk, I leaned on the car. “Eliza will be home in an hour and Alex is flying in from National City. Eliza should meet us at the door, I’ll drop you off. If you need me or anything, I’m renting the house on the edge of town.” I pulled out a box with a brand new cell phone in it. “Here. I’ve programmed everyone’s number and encrypted it so you won’t be traced and can go on the internet. I’ve also brought you a new laptop and left you my credit card. Feel free to use it as you need until I’m able to revive your bank accounts.”

“Drop me off?” Kara stepped closer. “What do you mean?”

I ran my thumb along the edge of the box, evading her blue eyes. “You need time with your family. It’s not my place to intrude and I feel as if I’ve already taken time from them.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “I have work to do. Getting your assets back, researching how the hell I’m going to bring you back to the world, and finishing up a few other projects.” I glanced at Kara, staring at me like a sad puppy. “I’m just down the street. I’m not leaving Midvale and will travel to National City. But.”

“Alex.” Kara covered my hand with hers. “You’re afraid of Alex.”

I shook my head, forcing a smile. “It’s nothing.” I sucked a deep breath in. “We should go. I don’t want to keep your family waiting.” I pushed the box into her hands, turning to walk to the drivers seat.

“Lena.”

“Please, Kara. Later. We’ll talk about it later. I don’t want to take any more time away from your family. They deserve every minute with you.” I threw her a soft smile and climbed into the car. Kara hesitated, flipping the box in her hand until she took a breath and followed me into the car.

I started the car in silence, my stomach twisting at the weight of it. I pulled out onto the highway, searching for something to break the tension when Kara spoke up.

“You’re my heart, Lena. You deserve every minute I have to give.” She closed her eyes, shivering as she reached over to turn up the heat.

I swallowed a lump, pushing my sunglasses up as I secretly wiped the escaping tears away. Within a few moments, Kara reached up, taking my hand and pulling it over to rest on her thigh. She just held it, looking out the window as I drove her home. I hated the silence between us, but missed it at the same time. Kara was the only person I could ever sit in perfect silence with and not feel obligated. Obligated to fill the air with whatever was required of me at the moment.

I squeezed her hand and caught a glimpse of the smile forming on her face.

* * *

Kara was out of the car before I even put it in park. She was running up to the front door to meet Eliza standing on the porch. Kara scooped her up, spinning her mother around, both of them laughing and crying. I watched from the car, feeling like a voyeur.

I slipped out of the car and grabbed the small bag of things I packed for Kara. Some new clothes Jess managed to get for us before we left. I also grabbed the polar bear blanket left on the passenger seat and waited. My eyes drifted to the massive tree in the backyard, my memory sliding back to that day a year a go where I stood. Staring at the love of my life lying in a state of rest. I clenched my jaw, focusing on how much the tree had grown over the last years. It was full of life, the branches growing to cover the roof of the house as if it was protecting it.

“It’s a Japanese maple. Jeremiah transplanted the day Kara came into our lives. He thought it was fitting.”

I smiled at Eliza, now standing next to me with Kara wrapped around her shoulder. “It’s beautiful and perfectly fitting.” I turned to Kara, nodding to the bag and blanket sitting on the hood of the car. “I think I’m going to drive one city over and get you some more clothes. I heard there’s a large mall with a department store. Is there anything in particular you’d like?”

“Lena, Kara tells me you’ve rented a house? You can stay here. We’ve plenty of room.” Eliza smiled my way. “And I’ve just started a pot roast for dinner. There will be plenty for one more.”

I sighed. “I don’t want to intrude.” I pushed my sunglasses up, looking right at Kara. “I also have a few work things to tie up. I have a call later and need to take before we head to National City in a few days.”

Kara huffed. “Lena, work can wait.” She glanced at Eliza. “Tell her, science and work will always be there.”

Eliza laughed. “It will always be there, this is true.” She laid a hand on my forearm. “If you’re worried about Alex, don’t be. She knows the rules of my home. No fighting, no yelling.”

I held my smile, hating that I couldn’t overcome the fear of confronting Alex. I’d taken down corporations, fought men in the boardroom and even helped save the planet once or twice. But Alex Danvers was a foe I didn’t dare tangle with. I knew she hated me for many reasons. Being a Luthor, breaking her sisters heart, putting her sister in danger, and ultimately being the reason why her sister died. “I’ll make a deal. I’ll come over for brunch tomorrow.” I cocked an eyebrow at Kara who was squinting at me in her adorable angry way.

Eliza patted my arm. “I’ll make sure to make extra French toast.” She paused before leaning forward and giving me the warmest hug I’d ever received outside of the woman standing next to her. “Thank you. For the science guild, loving my daughter like you do, and giving her back to me.” She whispered against my ear, even though I knew Kara could hear us.

“I didn’t… she fell from the heavens. I had nothing to do with that.”

Eliza leaned back, pressing a hand against my cheek. “You had everything to do with bringing her back. Your love for her, her love for you. It defies everything.” She stepped back. “I’ll see you at brunch, Lena.” She turned, patting Kara on the shoulder and walked back into the house.

“I need pajamas. Warm ones.” Kara huffed the words out.

I smiled. “Do you now?” I pushed off the car. “What else?”

She glanced down at the shoes on her feet. Old running ones with holes in the top. “New sneakers? These are Alex’s and they’re way too small. She’s going to be upset I busted them.” Kara looked up. “And maybe some hats? To hide my identity until we figure out… stuff.” She ran a hand through her hair. “Will you come back tonight? I don’t think I can sleep without you.”

“I can come and get you tonight.” I stepped closer to Kara, settling my hands on her hips, loving the way she felt under my hands. “I’m only walking distance away, we can take a moonlit walk.”

Kara’s hands slid around my waist. “I’ll talk to Alex tonight.”

I sighed, pressing my forehead against her chest. “Be kind. It’s been a difficult year for her.” I closed my eyes. Not wanting to bring up the past year and all of the fights I had with Alex before I left National City. The screaming matches, the unexpected visits at my office where she yelled at me, the awkward nights at the DEO when I turned over whatever research I had, ending all projects and ties. She blamed me for everything, and I knew she’d throw knives my way now. Kara fell out of the sky and didn’t waste a moment before jetting off to me. Kara was tired, worn out and Alex would use that as more ammo against me. I didn’t want to deal with it, I was still working through having Kara back and burying all of my guilt from my actions before she died. I knew I broke her heart, and even thought she was willing giving it back to me, I still had to fix what I’d broken.

“Be here at eight. That’s when the sun has just set and gives the best lighting for an evening walk.” Kara kissed the top of my head. “I love you, Lena. Don’t forget that. Please.” She stepped away, digging in her bag before pulling out a box wrapped in brown paper. She held it out. “Open this after you get my pajamas. Jess gave it to me when she dropped off my clothes.” Kara gave me a dirty look. “You never follow directions, do you? I asked you to open this when I wrote you that letter.”

I sighed, gently taking the box from her. “I’ve never followed a damn direction in my life, if I did, I’d be editing children’s books in Florida.” I caught the confused look on Kara’s face. “It’s a long story, maybe I’ll tell it to you our next movie night.” I leaned forward kissing her. “Go, hug Eliza, eat everything and I’ll meet you under the tree at eight pm sharp.” 

“I’m going to fix this. I hate being away from you.” She squeezed my fingers. “If I don’t, Alex is going to be really upset when she’s not invited to the wedding.” Kara dropped my hand, stepping back with a small smirk.

“What did you say?” My voice squeaked, her words sinking slowly into my genius level mind. She didn’t.

Kara winked, waving me off. “New sneakers, size eight. I like Nike, they make me feel like I’m floating.” She chuckled, staring at the shocked look on my face as she spun around and trotted back in the house.

“Shit.” I shook my head, clutching the box close to my chest and climbed into the car. A slow smile crept across my face as I hit the main road. Wedding. Marriage. Married to Kara. It was an idea that sent a thousand butterflies into my stomach.

* * *

Walking out of the bathroom, I looked around at the piles of shopping bags in my bedroom. I’d gone a little crazy, but it was rare when I could shop for Kara without inhibitions. I got her warm pajamas, three pairs of the best Nike had to offer, a few pairs of dress pants, jeans, and a handful of shirts that would highlight her toned arms. I also bought a few new things for myself. Mainly comfortable clothes, no high power suits, or conservative dresses. I decided that since I was embarking on a new life, starting in Midvale, I’d adopt a comfortable lifestyle. Navigating heavy feelings was much easier in comfy jeans and shoes. I sat on the edge of the bed, scooping my damp hair up into a loose ponytail. I still had a few hours before I met Kara. I walked over to my briefcase for my laptop, when I spotted the brown box sitting on the dresser. I grabbed it, sliding a finger under a corner and tore way the paper to reveal a blue metallic cube. Tossing the paper away, I held the cube. It was no bigger than the palm of my hand, and as light as a piece of paper. I turned it, spotting characters that looked a lot like the Kryptonian language. I remember seeing the same characters in the fortress of solitude. When I ran my thumb over a corner, the entire cube lit up and a thin stream of light poured out.

“Lena, I’m recording this message knowing what it could mean if you’re watching it.” Kara’s voice filled the room. I tilted the cube until the stream of light was parallel to the floor. A full holographic image of Kara appeared in front of me. She wore pale blue robes with her house sigil on the chest. “This is a memory projector. I made it when I was twelve. Call it my first real science project.” She grinned. “It came with me to earth and I tucked it away for years, never knowing what to do with it. Afraid the Kryptonian technology I used would be stolen and my innocent project would be lost.” Her grin faded as she looked down at her hands. “But then I wanted to give you something to always remember me by, and I know you’d protect it with everything you had, even if you were upset with me. You never betray me. Plus, I like the idea of giving the smartest science nerd I know something I made when I was a little science nerd.” She sighed. “I’ve uploaded some pictures I love, and recorded a few messages for you to listen to. I know if you have this, I’m… gone. But I have a lifetime of things to tell you and I want you to know I’ll always be here for you. This cube holds all of my memories and thoughts. And once you forgive me, just press the right corner under the S.” Kara shrugged. “If by some miracle I survive this fight, watch this then find me. You can give it back, or I can show you what happens when you press the left corner.” She then smiled tightly. “You are the most important person in my world. Never forget that, Lena. And never forget how good you are, and that you deserve everything you want.” The holograph flickered away.

I felt the tears running down my face as I looked down at the cube. Kara never ever shared anything of hers aside from the pod she landed in. Anything Krypotonian, she kept hidden in her fortress. She had always been wary of how the earth would use the advance technology. I sat down on the floor, cradling the cube in my hands. “I’m stupid. So stupid.” I sniffled at how absorbed I’d become in the sense of betrayal when Kara lied to me. I should’ve seen it, seen the unconditional trust she laid in me. The unconditional love she had for me for years. I closed my eyes as I pressed the cube closer to my heart. I had to stop doubting, questioning everything. Kara Danvers, Kara Zor-El, loved me. Loved me with everything she had, and I had to stop being fearful. I had to go into this new life with her without fear, and love her as much as she loved me.

I stood up, setting the cube into my briefcase and locking it before grabbing my car keys. Fuck it. I was going back to Eliza’s and face Alex. If she hated me, fine, I’d deal with it. I’d take her punishment for the rest of my life. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was Kara was alive, and she loved me. I grabbed my jacket and ran down the stairs, ripping the front door open to come face to face with a red face Kara, red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

“Kara?”

She shrugged, falling into my arms, burying her face into the side of my neck. “I love you. So much. Why can’t she understand that? She doesn’t know what it feels like to fall in love with you. The way it chased away the weight around my heart.” Kara pulled me closer, her hands twisting in the fabric of my shirt. “I can’t, Lena. I’m tired. I’m cold. I don’t want to fight anymore, about you, or anything else.”

I held her close, when all of a sudden she became very heavy. Kara stepped back, breathing heavy as she stumbled back and fell to the floor on her ass. “I’m tired.” She looked up at me, reaching for me. I grabbed her hand, moving to sit next to her as she laid on my lap, clutching my leg like she did on the plane. “I don’t feel good, Lena.”

I swallowed down the rising panic, and pressed my hand against her forehead. Kara was warm, clammy. “What doesn’t feel good, darling?”

“My throat is scratchy, my head hurts and my nose is stuffy. My body aches, and I’m hot cold.” She nuzzled deeper into my lap. “All I want is to lay next to you with my blanket.” She coughed a little, followed by a soft sniffle.

I ran my hand through her hair. “I think you have a cold and I think you’re fight with Alex took a lot out of you.” I patted her shoulder. “Let’s go upstairs. I’ll tuck you in and try to figure out what I can give you for your symptoms.”

Kara frowned, rolling out of my lap. I stood, tugging her to her feet. “I haven’t had a cold in years. I hate them.” She leaned against my side. “Will you lay with me?”

I smiled at the pout. “Of course. But hand me your phone. I’ll let Eliza know you’re with me, maybe she can tell me how to treat you.” I took Kara’s phone as she handed it to me mid-yawn. I gently pushed her towards the stairs. “There’s warm pajama’s in the bag by my desk. Your blanket is already on the bed. Get comfortable, we can watch a movie.”

Kara mumbled an okay and shuffled up the stairs. I chuckled at the sight. A super moping because she had a stuffy nose.

I swiped open her phone and pulled up the group messages between Eliza, Alex and Kara.

Sister: Kara. We need to talk. I can’t believe you stormed out of the house like that. We need to discuss how you came home, and what we’re going to do next.

_Mom of Midvale: Alex, leave her be._

_Sister: Mom, you know we have to talk. Before she runs back to the Luthor._

_Mom of Midvale: Lena. Her name is Lena and your sister loves her. Let that be. You’ve upset Kara enough for one day. Make a truce and make it last until brunch._

_Sister: I don’t care if Kara loves her. That Luthor hurt her. She’s the reason why she died, mom. It’s all bullshit we’re forgiving and playing happy happy._

I swallowed hard, typing out a message.

_KD: It’s Lena. Kara is with me and it appears she’s sick with a cold. Does this happen often and what can I give her to ease her symptoms?_

_Mom of Midvale: It happens when she’s solar flared out her powers. I have a concoction I made years ago when she had her first cold as a teenager. I’ll dig it up and drop it off at your front porch. In the meantime, keep her warm, get her to rest and drink plenty of fluids. You’re renting the house at the corner, right?”_

_KD: Yes. And thank you. I’ll keep an eye on her and let you know if anything changes. I was worried, she’s been cold all day._

_Sister: That’s a first. You caring about someone other than yourself._

_Mom of Midvale: Alexandra. Stop and meet me on the patio._

I clicked the message thread closed, headed to the kitchen to grab a few bottles of water and orange juice I’d bought after shopping. I had hopes of sipping on a some orange juice and vodka while waiting for Kara. I walked upstairs and set her phone on the dresser. Kara was curled up in the bed under the heavy covers, the top of her face peeking out. “Is that juice?”

I nodded, handing it over to her. I turned to see she had the TV on, a black and white movie playing in the background. I patted her leg. “I’m going to change.” I slipped into the bathroom, changing into a pair of sleep shorts and a baggy t-shirt. I yawned once as I walked back into the room, Kara was sitting up, her eyes drooping as she fought to stay awake. Pulling back the covers, I slid into the bed. Kara immediately curled up into my side, breathing heavily. “Alex is mad. Mad I blew out my powers flying to you. She’s probably real mad I stormed out of the house to come to you, and now I have a cold.” She huffed. “What am I supposed to do? She always told me to follow my heart.” Kara pressed her hand over my heart. “I did, and now she’s mad.”

I covered her hand with mine, kissing the top of her head. “Rest. Tomorrow is a new day and we can deal with everything then.”

Kara nodded, snuggling deeper into my side. “I just wished she knew what it felt like to fall in love with you. It’s better than flying.” She let out a slow breath. “I love you, Lena. If I have to fight Alex for you, I will.”

I looked down to say something, but found Kara completely knocked out. I smiled, pressing another kiss to the top of her head. “If she only knew what it felt like to fall in love with you, Kara. It’s what I imagine it feels like when atoms collide.”

I held Kara until I fell asleep, knowing in the morning I’d have to face one of my greatest fears. Proving to Alex Danvers I was worthy to be the keeper of her sisters heart.


	6. chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stuff and the alex confrontation.

I didn’t sleep. An overheated Kara kept me awake. She tossed and turned, holding onto me like a Koala bear. She was in the grips of a terrible cold. Shivering, achy and barely awake. I laid with her, always making sure I kept a hand on her at all times. Whenever I stopped touching Kara, she’d burrow into my side, sleepily searching my hand out until she found it and held it. I smiled, guiltily loving a clingy Kara. It felt amazing to be needed when I’d spent most of my life treated like a glass doll no one dare to touch.

Only Kara knew how truly fragile I was.

I slipped out of her death grip, tucking her back under the covers before heading downstairs to make her some tea. Eliza had mentioned she’d drop off the super cold medicine at dawn, that way I could give it to Kara the moment she woke up. I grabbed Kara’s sweatshirt, pulling it over before I stepped out onto the front step. I smiled at the way it smelled exactly like her and the sleeves were a inch or two too long, covering my hands.

Tip toeing to the front door, I yanked it open, squinting at the bright sun. I was still adjusting to how bright it was on this side of the country and looked down. There was a white bag under the mail slot, sitting on top of a pink bakery box. I bent down to pick them both up, spotting Eliza’s handwriting on the note stapled to the bag.

“Wow. The walk of shame. And out of your own house too. Way to keep it classy, Luthor.”

I cringed at the sound of Alex’s voice. I sighed, standing up. “It’s not what you think.” I squinted as Alex walked closer, casting an ominous shadow across the porch.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m getting real tired of hearing that phrase.” She eyed me up and down, cocking an eyebrow at the fact I wasn’t wearing pants, just the short shorts I wore to bed. “She’s in a weakened state, and yet you can resist fuc…”

“No. Stop. We did not. So stop before you dig a hole you cannot get out of.” I glared at the woman. “I don’t want to do this with you, Alex. Not while your sister is sick upstairs.”

“Yes, my sister.” Alex stepped closer, peering over my shoulder to look inside the house. “Where is she? I need to check on her.”

“She’s asleep. She needs to rest as much as possible.” I shifted the box in my hands. “I’ll let her know you stopped by, Alex.”

Alex blew out an irritated laugh. “Oh okay, thank you. That’s oh so very kind of you, Luthor.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why the fuck are you here? Shouldn’t you be hiding in a cave with some bats?”

I sighed, turning to set the box inside on the small table by the door. I then stepped out, closing the door behind me. “Alex, I understand why you’re angry with me.”

“Angry is one small word to describe my feelings towards you.” She glared down at me, the Danvers death stare as I once called it. “I don’t know what your game is here. But it stops now. I want you to pack your shit, get on your private jet and go back to Gotham or wherever, as long as it’s not here or near my sister.”

“Kara came to me. I didn’t chase her. She came to me.” I swallowed hard, finding my courage. “I flew her home the moment she told me she barely said hello to you. Look, we have to find a common ground. We have to work together on how to bring her back.” I was frustrated. When I last spoke to Alex, she seemed calm, almost okay with the fact her sister had come to me. But now, that was all lost. I had a furious Danvers on my hands.

“The DEO is already working on that. Brainy is analyzing data from her funeral…pod.” Alex paused, biting her bottom lip. “We can use the excuse of the phantom zone and wayward wormholes.”

“Okay.” I tugged at the sleeves of the sweatshirt. “But what about Kara?”

“What about Kara? When have you ever cared about her?” Alex pointed a hard finger at me. “I vaguely remember you running like your ass was on fire when you found out. Throwing her heart on the ground and lighting it on fire. You do know she reverted back to the old days? The days where she despised being Kara and only wanted to be Supergirl? Pushing herself, pushing the anger as far as it would take her?” Alex moved closer, jaw clenched tight as she continued. “She stopped eating. She stopped caring about her job. She took risks, big risks. She fought until she collapsed, then got back up and fought some more. She went like that until it killed her.” Alex hissed the words out. “And it’s your fucking fault, Lena.”

I bit the inside of my cheek holding back the tears. “Don’t you think I know that? That I realized all of my mistakes far too late? I was stupid, ignorant, and for the last year, I’ve done what I can to…”

“Repent for your sins? You think a science guild and handful of new hospitals is redemption?” Alex chuckled, shaking her head. “It’s bullshit. A big pile of bullshit. If you truly loved my sister.”

“I do love her!” I yelled startling us both, but I’d reach my tipping point. “I love her more than anything else. Kara Zor-El, Kara Danvers, Supergirl. I love her, I love every single side of her and have from the moment I met her. Awkwardly standing in my office and fidgeting with her glasses. I fell so far in love with her so fast, I couldn’t find my bearings. It felt like sliding down the side of mountain, hands grasping at the loose dirt, praying I’d find a way to stop. But I couldn’t, then I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to keep falling!” I pushed Alex by the shoulders, shoving her back as my eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t want to stop! Then my stupid fucking brother, and I got caught up in the manipulative madness he always dished out, and I became scared. It hurt when she lied to me, didn’t want to trust me. It broke my fucking heart into a million pieces because it was the _first time_ I’d ever let my guard down and willingly gave them all of me. All of my heart.”

I sniffled, eyes blurry from tears as I pushed Alex again. “I became a Luthor, it’s a stupid fucking security blanket I’ve always relied on. I never want to hurt her, kill her, I just wanted to push her so far away, so I could breathe. I just wanted to take one god damn breath on my own.” I threw my hands up. “Then I found I couldn’t breathe without her. I couldn’t live without her. My heart refused to beat as hard without her. I fucking ruined it, and I know it. Watching her die, knowing in some small part I was the reason, destroyed me.” I looked up at Alex. “I did almost kill myself that day you broke into my apartment. I almost drank that entire bottle of scotch and flung myself off the balcony. Then I didn’t. I didn’t deserve to die. I had to live out a life sentence of never having her, her unconditional love, seeing her smile and care for me like no other. My repentance was to live in the dark, doing good, but never living like I once did with her by my side. And then.” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “She falls out of the sky. Drenched from the rain, but warm as if the sun was standing in front of me. Grinning at me with those big blue eyes, and for a split fucking second, I thought I died. In reality, I’ve somehow been given a second chance I know I do not deserve. I’ve been given the chance to love her. Love her with everything I have, be the support I should’ve been and love her. I’ll fight you, Alex. I’ll let you punch my lights out, but I’ll fight you. I’ll fight for this love like I should’ve a long time ago.”

Alex sniffled, swiping away a few tears. “I didn’t break in, the door was open.” She let out a heavy sigh, looking up into the sky. “I came over her with the full intention of punching you, hard. I expected you to be the old Lena, making excuses or sidelining me with some fancy CEO talk, but I didn’t expect this.” She waved her hand over me. “The open, honest, _good,_ Lena Luthor my sister couldn’t stop talking about. She loves you so much, Lena. Thirty seconds after scaring the literal shit out of me, crashing through my door like the Kool-Aid man, and she hears your heartbeat.” Alex shook her head. “It’s going to take time, for me to fully forgive you. When you left National City for Gotham, you left more than just my sister behind. You left everyone who cared about you.” She shrugged, offering a weak smile.

I nodded, wiping my own tears away. “I know.” I held out my hand. “Truce? I promise you still have your position at the science guild and maybe I’ll meet you at the DEO in the training room. We can beat the shit out of each other and keep it between us.”

Alex took my hand, squeezing it before yanking me into an aggressive Danvers hug. “If you hurt her. I will make sure your parts are spread all over the universe and no one can ever salvage your DNA.” She stepped back, motioned to the bag and bakery box. “Kara won’t take moms weird cough syrup, you have to sneak into a doughnut. She’s a literal little kid with the strength of god.”

I chuckled. “I’ll do that. If she feels better, we’ll be over for brunch. If not, would you and Eliza like to come here for dinner?”

Alex nodded. “I think we can do that. We can order pizza from the place in town Kara loves.” She stepped back. “One more thing.”

“I won’t tell Kara anything. She’s knocked out, drooling on my pillow.”

“Ew. I don’t need to know what happens in your bedroom. She is my sister.” Alex gave me a small smile. “Don’t fuck this up, Lena.”

“If I do, I give you permission to spread my parts all across the universe.” I watched her walk away before walking back into the house. I closed the door and grabbed the box. At the top of the stairs, I heard Kara’s voice emanating from the projector. I toed the door open to find Kara sitting up in bed, my pillow pressed against her chest as she held the projector in one hand.

“I’m so glad you opened this, I have so much to show you. How it works and maybe we can add a few more memories to it.” Her face broke out in a sleepy smile. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I held up the box. “Eliza sent these over, said these were your favorite.” I sat on the edge of the bed, pressing the back of my hand to her forehead, checking for a fever.

Kara sighed, clicking the projector off. “It’s the only way I’ll take her weird medicine. It tastes like wet socks and parsley.” She yawned, reaching over to tug on the sweatshirt. “I woke up cold. Where were you?” She tugged harder until I was next to her, strong arms wrapped around my waist. “Ugh, I’m super clingy. I can’t help it.”

I laughed, smoothing out her bed head. “It’s fine. Your sick. You can pay me back the next time I have a cold and can’t keep my hands off of you.”

Kara’s eyes went wide as she smirked. “Too bad I can’t pass this virus onto you.” She pressed a soft kiss to the side of my neck, making me close my eyes. “I heard Alex. Was she mean to you?”

“She just came to check on you and give me the doughnut advice.” I shivered when I felt another kiss. “I invited her and Eliza over for dinner since you don’t feel very well.” I gasped at the feeling of Kara’s tongue against my skin. It was ever so slight, as if she was testing my will. “Kara.”

“Lena.”

I leaned back. “You need to take your medicine. Go take a shower and I’ll have a doughnut waiting for you.” I cupped her face, shaking my head at the smallest pout forming. “Then you can tell me about this little device you made as a tiny science nerd.”

“Can we have pizza tonight? And can we lay in bed together? I really really missed you. I missed the way you’re the perfect temperature when you sleep.” Kara scooted to the edge of the bed, tugging her shirt down, covering up her bare stomach. I had to take another breath, reign in my hormones. Now wasn’t the time. “I’m seriously the biggest baby when I have a cold, thank Rao, I only get them once every six years.”

“We can do whatever you like.” I gently pushed her out of the bed. “Shower, now. And take your time, I need to make a few work calls and then I’m all yours.”

Kara huffed, shuffling to the bathroom. “Will you tell me about your latest projects? Alex mentioned something about a grand opening in three weeks. Is it another hospital? Research lab?” She cocked an eyebrow as she hooked her thumbs in the waistband of her sleep pants, pulling them off as she yawned once more.

I swallowed a whimper down at the sight of her perfect legs, turning away to fiddle with the blankets. It’s like the gates of hormone city had opened up the second Kara became mine. Flooding my body with long ignored thoughts and feelings. “It’s a community center of sorts.” I wanted to tell her, but at the same time, I wanted to surprise her in person. “My first project for now is brining Kara Danvers back to the world.”

Kara’s shirt landed on the pillows. “I was thinking about that. We can just say I was sucked into an alternate earth when the alien’s collapse ruptured a portal near the rubble I was trapped under. Kara Danvers woke up and my friend Barry has been working to get me back. I can call him, he’ll do anything for me. We’re always trading life saving favors.”

I nodded, still fidgeting with the blankets, eyeing her shirt and knowing she was probably standing behind me, naked. “Let’s talk about it more after doughnuts.” I closed my eyes when I felt her right behind me, her unique warmth wrapping around me. Her hands fell to my biceps, squeezing gently.

“You can look, Lena. I’m yours, now and forever.” She whispered the words, sending another shiver up my body.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. “Not yet, Kara. I don’t want to rush this. As much as I want to, I want to do this the right way. Earn your love back, earn your trust to bare yourself to me completely.” I covered her hand with mine. “I love you, Kara. I love you.”

“I know.” Kara pressed a small kiss to my temple. “I’m sorry, when I’m sick and a little more human, I’m a bit more bold, knowing I don’t have to hold back my powers from hurting you.” She dropped her hand away, the warmth leaving with her as she walked into the bathroom. A few deep breaths later, I heard the shower turn on.

I fell to sit on the edge of the bed, pressing a hand over my racing heart, looking up at the ceiling. “Dear God, or whoever. Thank you. I promise I’ll make the most out of this second chance.”

After a few more breaths, I stood up, taking the doughnuts down to the kitchen to prepare them for Kara. I started the kettle to make tea for us, digging out the bottle of whiskey I’d bought with the vodka after clothes shopping. I took a heavy sip of the amber liquid, wincing at the burn. “Shit.” I smiled, chuckling at the morning I just had. “Holy. Shit.”

I broke down in laughter. Nervous laughter, the kind that just emptied your thoughts and gave you a fresh slate to start over. I pulled my phone out, tapping out a message to Jess.

_-Push the science guild opening back a week. Make up inspection issue that is delaying things. I want to make sure Kara can be there for the opening.-_

_-You haven’t told her?-_

_-No. I want to surprise her with something good for the first time in our friendship. I’ve never done that. Can you also send the Kryptonian books I found to my apartment in National City?-_

_-You mean relationship. Start using proper terms, Lena. I’d hate to go to the wedding and have you still call her your platonic best friend-_

I frowned. _-Jess.-_

_-Lena. Everything will be done as you asked. I’ll see you in a few days, you and your new girlfriend.-_

I sighed, rolling my eyes as I slid the phone across the counter. Then it hit me.

Was Kara my girlfriend?

Oh shit. How do we explain this one?


	7. chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get angsty...Lena has some thoughts

“I think it’ll be another week before I’m in National City. Gotham is on hold for the indefinite future.” I walked around the back yard of the rental house. I was exhausted having spent most of the morning on the phone, working. Kara had fallen asleep after I gave her the doughnut medicine. The cold had really taken her down and the more sleep she got, the better I felt. I was still worried about her illness and the fact she hadn’t gotten her full powers back yet. “Contact the Metropolis branch and ask Sam to oversee Gotham.” I waited until Jess confirmed my instructions before hanging up. I let out a slow breath, rubbing my temple. The problem of being a workaholic was cutting ties to the lifeblood I fed off of for a year. Endless amounts of work. I had my hands in everything and it would take a minute to push them off to my capable executive team across the world.

I tucked my phone in my back pocket and walked toward the large tree at the corner of the yard. I felt overwhelmed. My life had always been meticulously planned out, organized and it’s how I liked it. I woke up every morning without thought, knowing my hours were planned out to the second. It ramped up in the last year so I could avoid thinking too much. Thinking of the past, what I’d lost and the mistakes I made. I leaned against the tree, staring out into the rolling hills backing up against the rental property. It wasn’t like I’d never made mistakes, I’d made plenty over my short time on this planet. I was far from perfect, but most of my mistakes, missteps, were fixable. I’d scrap a lab project if it didn’t work. Rework broken budgets, and send my traitorous family to prison. I owned those mistakes.

I never owned my mistakes with Kara. I never owned my missteps with her. And now I held a box full of them, wondering how I would ever fix them. Yes, she was back and we professed our love for each other, but there were things packed away in all of my little boxes I need to pull out and file away for good. I’d hurt her. I hurt her friends, her family, and walked away without ever apologizing until it was far too late. I walked away from her, holding my Luthor head high in shame. Which doesn’t make sense, unless you were a Luthor and were raised to never tip your head down. It was a sign of weakness. Even Lillian kept her chin up as she was led away in handcuffs to the darkest cell the world had to hold her in.

I didn’t want to start a life with Kara like this. I knew she’d smile and forgive me in a heartbeat if I asked her of it, but that would be very selfish. I was still dealing with the huge hole in my soul of her dying and taking it with her. Against what all of those silly romance stories I read in secret as a teen told me, love couldn’t fix everything. I had to own up and fix some of the things I broke.

I felt a small tingle of anger creep at the bottom of my heart, anger at how I acted and allowing Lex to manipulate me. He preyed on my weakness, saw the love I carried for Kara long before I did and manipulated that. He exploited it, twisted it and when I faced it, and Kara in the fortress, I was acting on an emotion that was never truly mine. It was a mangled form of lies fed to me by others.

I huffed, curling my hand into a fist, pressing the knuckles into the sharp bark, feeling the skin pinch under the pressure. “I was such a fucking fool.” I pressed harder, the skin tearing as blood ran down my fingers. I glanced at my hand, marveling that I felt pain, that I could feel the blood. Warm, thick, as it dripped off my hand. I lifted my hand, staring at the cuts, turning my palm face up to allow the blood to stream into the middle and pool. I swallowed hard, biting my bottom lip as the cool air graced the edges of my torn skin. I could feel this. It was mine, and mine alone.

“Lena?” I dropped my hand, turning to Kara as she shuffled towards me, wrapped up in her Llama blanket. She yawned, tilting her head towards the sun. “I ate all of the doughnuts.” She smiled, tugging her blanket closer. “I saw you out here on your phone and didn’t want to bother you. I know I probably took you away from a bunch of work.”

I hid my hand behind my back. “It was just the normal bunch of work. I’m trying to shift out of the Gotham office, and one of my new building projects has been delayed.” I rolled my eyes, playfully, hoping to hell Kara wouldn’t see the emotions in them. The anger was still ebbing in my veins, threatening to spill out and push me to ramming both fists into that god damn tree until I broke every knuckle. “I’ll be in soon. I have a few more calls to make and I need to email Jess. Arrange your trip back to National City.” My smile tightened as my stomach dropped. National City held more pain, more memories of mistakes made and abandoned. I cleared my throat. “Did you need anything? Are you hungry?”

Kara shrugged with a smirk. “I’m always hungry, Lena. Eliza ordered lunch for us, it should be delivered in a few minutes, unless you’d like to go somewhere?”

“I’m fine eating here.” My fingers grew cold as the blood covered them, the pain starting to sting deeper. “Give me a half hour?”

Kara nodded. “Of course.” She paused, looking at me. I fought to keep my heartbeat even, I didn’t want her to hear the anger in every other beat, even though I was certain she could smell my blood in the air. “Hey, you’d tell me if something was wrong? I know I blew back into your life like a freight train. I know, things aren’t going to be perfect and we have a lot to work through. I’m not forgetting the stupid things I did, I’m only ignoring them for the moment.”

I smiled. “It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine. I wasn’t fine, but I wasn’t going to push the woman who, after everything I’d done, still wanted me. “Half hour, I promise.” I held up my phone.

“Half hour.” She smiled, turned and walked back into the house, looking over her shoulder with the dopiest love sick grin I’d ever seen on her face.

As soon as the back door closed, I turned and walked out of the backyard, down the small street that would take me into town. I walked quickly, squeezing my phone as I tried to funnel out the gut wrenching scream I wanted to release. Instead, I took it out on my poor phone, squeezing it until I heard the plastic crack. I kept my eyes forward, clueless as to where the hell I was going, I just had to move. I had half the mind to keep walking all the way back to Gotham, anything to burn off this strange rage. I turned a corner too quickly and tripped, falling to my knees, my hands stopping my fall by smashing into the concrete. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I hissed through clenched teeth, my wrists balking under the sudden impact. I fell back onto my knees, looking at my palms. One was red, dots of blood welling up from the scrape of concrete, the other a bloody mess. Drying blood and scraped skin. I sighed, letting my hands rest against the top of my thighs as I took a few calming breaths.

I tipped my head back, letting the sun grace my skin. I felt so alone, sitting on the side of a country road, bloodied, tears welling up. I knew I wasn’t alone, but it felt like I was living in a weird bubble in a dreamscape. Everyone was handing out forgiveness like Halloween candy to greedy children, ignoring all of the damage I left behind me when I walked away. I huffed, looking down at my hands. I deserved the pain they carried. I’d done nothing but destroy, break apart, push away. I stared at them, unable to think of a time when I did anything good with them, other than elegantly hold an overfilled glass of alcohol.

I reached in my back pocket, pulling my phone out. I already had forty emails sitting in my inbox, five texts from Jess and Sam. I swiped the phone open, googling where the closest drug store was, before messaging Jess to make travel arrangements for Kara to go home with Alex by her side in a few days, without me.

I shut off my phone right as her contact picture filled the screen, calling me. I stood up and walked the three blocks to the nearest drugstore.

Ten minutes later I walked out with a bag full of first aid supplies and my hands wrapped up. I looked left, then right down the two lane main street that was the heart of Midvale. A town trapped in the corners of time, where friendly smiles and waves outnumbered faces buried in cell phones. I didn’t belong here. I belonged in a city where I was just a number, a blank face in a sea of blank faces. I felt my phone vibrate, it was Kara.

_-It’s been forty minutes. I saved you a sandwich and a piece of cake. I hope you’re getting through the bunch of work okay. I’m going to run up to Eliza’s and grab some of my old stuff I want to take back to National City. I love you.-_

I blinked away the tears reading the last three words, barely thinking as I replied to her.

_-I love you, more than I could ever imagine. You can have my piece of cake.-_

I sucked in a shaky breath, opened my phone and clicked on the car app linked to the rental car. I’d hacked it out of boredom, and recoded the program so I could control the car from my phone. I turned to see the sleek black sedan roll up to the curb I stood on. With a deep breath, I climbed in and headed north.

In fifteen minutes, I was out of Midvale, driving towards wherever. I couldn’t think as my mind emptied and filled with more of the noise I’d suppressed for so long. Noise that kept repeating, leave, run, you don’t deserve this, you’ve failed, you’ve destroyed so much. My phone began ringing when I hit the highway, it was Kara calling. I simply reached over and shut it off. 

* * *

XXXX

Six hours later I sat in large library of one of my secret homes I kept. It was off the radar, hidden under a false name and paid for with cash. I’d only come here a handful of times over my life, usually when the world around me was crushing me slowly and I needed to escape. I stood in front of the fireplace, a fire raging and pouring heat into the chilled room. I stared at the flames, my mind tangled with thoughts. I’d drafted up a resignation letter, leaving LCorp as it’s CEO and handing all of it’s operations to Sam and the other junior members. I didn’t want to be a Luthor anymore, even as the world was starting to recognize me as Dr. Kiernan, philanthropic scientist doing her best to right many wrongs, I was still a Luthor.

Taking a sip of whiskey, I closed my eyes. My hands throbbed with pain, at least one knuckle needed stitches. But the pain was till mine, and mine alone. I sighed, turning to walk to the large desk covered in books I still had to organize into my collection, and turned on my phone. It blew up with texts and missed calls. Many from Kara, a few from Alex and many more from Kara.

_-Where are you? I’m worried._

_-Are you okay? I ate your cake, but I’ll get more._

_-Lena, I’m in town. Mrs. Carlson said you stopped at the drugstore, your hands looked like you punched a wall. Call me. Please_

_-Lena. You’re scaring me. I can’t hear your heartbeat. Alex has a team out looking for you._

_-I love you. I love you so much, I’m sorry if I did something to scare you. I love you and I’ll give you space, please tell me where you are._

I bit my bottom lip as I read a few more before setting the phone back down. I had no idea what I was doing, I just knew I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t sit and fake it when there was this burning anger rolling through my stomach. Threatening to overtake me and burn me to the ground. I loved Kara, god did I love her, but that love wasn’t enough as I slowly crumbled inside myself.

I drank the rest of the whiskey, throwing the glass into the fireplace. The glass shattering as the whiskey caught the fire, whooshing as the liquor was quickly devoured by the flames. I turned to walk out of the library and towards the master bedroom. It was late, I was exhausted and wanted nothing more to crawl into a ball and sleep. Sleep forever if I could arrange it.

Rubbing at my temples, I felt the beginning of a massive headache. Too much thinking, too much whiskey. I sucked in a slow breath, when I felt a cool breeze grace my bare feet. Frowning, I glanced down the hall to catch Kara stumbling, leaning against the wall as she gasped for breath, a silver doorknob in her hands. She swallowed hard, looking at me with teary blue eyes, holding up the doorknob up. “I may have broken the front door. I’ll get you a new one.” Her brow furrowed in confusion. “Why did you leave?” She took a step, stumbling and bracing a hand against the wall to steady herself. She was weak, tired and I knew by the way her hair looked, she’d flown here. “It took Alex forever to track your car. She had Brainy hack your hacking on the GPS system.” She tapped on the walls. “The lead lined roof is a nice touch, but not soundproof. Your heart.” She paused, looking down at the doorknob in her hands. “What did I do?”

I bit the inside of my cheek, digging my teeth in until I felt blood. “Kara.”

“No. I don’t need your sympathetic tone you use on me.” Her voice was harsh. “You left. Without a word. Disappeared and scared me senseless.” She looked up, her eyes a storm of emotions. “I flew here, freaking out something terrible had happened. Fearing the worst. I had no idea you had a secret house out here.”

“No one does.” I tucked my arms around my waist, hiding my bandaged hands, shivering as the air grew colder, heavier. “I can’t do this right now.” I forced the words out.

“Can’t do what?” Kara stepped closer, hand still against the wall as she moved. She was weak, the flying taking a toll on her already taxed system. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t expect you to.” I motioned towards the kitchen with my chin. “I’ll make some tea, then call Alex. She can come and get you in the morning.”

“Why are you doing this? I love you.” Kara’s tone was hard, but wavered. “You love me, right?”

I wouldn’t look at her, keeping my eyes on the floor as I took a step. How could I tell her I was having a breakdown and couldn’t bear anyone, including her, to witness it. I was mere moments away from shattering. I went to step around Kara, when her hand shot out, dropping the doorknob with a loud clank, and wrapped around my elbow. “Lena, don’t do this. Don’t go back there. Don’t go back to the past. I made a mistake lying to you for years, but we’ve come so far in a few days. I need yo…”

“Stop it! Stop! I can’t do this!” I yelled at her, yanking my arm free. “I can’t. You need to go, go home to your family who love you. People who can protect you, treat you like you deserve to be treated, care for you.”

Kara flinched, but stood straighter. “You are all of those people and so much more.” She took a slow breath in. “I’m sorry if I pushed too hard too fast. But I love you, and I’m never going to let that sit in the shadows anymore. I know who I am, I know who I want. You, Lena Luthor.”

“God dammit, Kara! Stop!” I screamed as I punched a framed picture hanging on the wall. The glass tore into the skin of my fingers. The pain fueling my anger. “You don’t understand! I don’t want to be a Luthor, I don’t want to be anyone. I forgot who I was a long time ago when I started slipping into who my family name was, not who I was. I don’t want to be me, anymore. I don’t deserve you, Kara. You deserve someone who treats your heart and the love you give like it’s the rarest element in this universe!” My hands shook as the emotion poured out. “I made massive mistakes, unforgivable mistakes. I’ve taken you away from your family, your friends, and no matter how hard we try, my past will always linger in the back. Haunting me like a ghost in the closet, waiting in vain to possess me.”

“Your past and the family you were adopted into never bothered me. The way you act now, is all I care about. The good you do, is all I care about. The way you love me, is all I care about. I want to give you my heart, my love, because I know you’ll give it back a thousand times over. And the love of Lena Kiernan, is what I’ve been searching for my entire life. Of all the earths, and alternate realities I’ve been too, I always found home in you.” Kara stepped closer, swallowing hard as tears ran down her cheeks.

I shook my head. “How can you love me? I almost killed you, and you died because of me.” I felt the hot tears rolling down my own cheeks. “Your sister, your family will forever hold me responsible for taking you from them.” I curled my hand into a fist, my fingers sticky from the blood. “I can’t do this.”

“Why did you punch the tree?” Kara’s voice was hoarse, shaky.

I looked up at her, frowning as I hid my hands.

She huffed. “I heard it. Then when Mrs. Carlson told me, I put two and two together.” She reached for my hand, holding it as gentle as she could. “You need stitches.” She glanced up into my eyes. “Please tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving you and I’ve spent the last few years in silence, I’m used to it. But I’m not leaving you, Lena. I’ll keep blowing out my powers to follow you.”

I closed my eyes. “I can control the pain. I can control the pain I inflict on myself. I’ve never ever had complete control in my life. I’ve always been under the thumb of Lex, Lillian, or someone who expects a Luthor. Someone has always told me how to act, how to speak, what I should do. When I hit the tree, the pain felt good. It felt like I had control for the first time in my life. The anger released and consumed me, swallowing me whole.” I shook my head. “My argument with Alex started it. It started the first cracks in the dam I’d built around my emotions.”

“Then let me fix them.” Kara whispered, holding my hand in hers.

I broke down, a heavy sob crawling up my throat before it fell out of my mouth. I went to fall to my knees, but was caught by Kara’s strong arms. Guiding me to the floor as I curled into her chest, twisting her shirt into my bloodied hands as I cried. Cried harder than I ever have in my life, including the day this woman with her arms wrapped around me, died. I let all of the dark thoughts crowding my mind, flood out with every chest rattling sob. Five simple words, spoke with pure love and honesty, broke down the dam, allowing to empty out the pain I’d been hiding since that day a year ago.

Kara held me close, kissing the top of my head and whispering how much she loved me as I soaked her shirt with tears and blood.

I woke up hours later, tucked into the soft blankets of the giant bed in the master. I squinted at the warm sunlight peeking its way into the room. Sitting up, I winced at the headache and went to rub my temple. My hands were perfectly bandaged and I could feel the delicate pull of stitches in a few places. Laying them on the pillowy comforter, I stared at them.

“Good morning.” Kara’s soft voice startled me. She sat in the chair across the bed, in front of the window. She’d pulled back the curtain just enough to cascade the sunlight over her. There was a book on her lap, a cup of coffee in her other hand. She was wearing a tight grey tank top and flannel plaid pants. The same pants I bought for her a few days ago. She looked incredible, beautiful. 

I blushed at her gaze, embarrassed beyond belief. “You keep saving me.” I whispered the words out. “And forgiving me.”

“And you saved me, Lena. I found Kara Zor-El once more with you. And I never could stay mad at you for long, I blame your smile. It always melted my will.” Kara smiled, setting her book down as she stood up. She handed me the cup of coffee, before leaning over and kissing me softly. I pressed into the kiss, sighing at the way it felt. Pure love. She licked her lips, moving to sit next to me, picking up my left hand. “I took one of Alex’s combat medicine classes at the DEO. They might not be the best stitches, but they’ll get the job done.” She gently ran her thumb over my knuckles. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Tired. Silly.” I stared at her hand, feeling like a fool, but empty. Empty in a good way. I’d cried my heart and soul out last night. I was empty and it felt freeing. “I’m sorry.” I felt like a stupid fool for my actions, and wanted to talk with Kara about it. But where would I start? Where would we finish? Two questions I wasn’t ready to ask just yet.

Kara shook her head. “You don’t need to apologize. I understand. I do, but in the future, just talk to me? I promise I’ll never ever leave you. You have me for the rest of your life, and word has it I’m a pretty great listener.”

I turned to look at her, she met my eyes and smiled. “I love you.” I smiled as I spoke the words, my heart skipping a beat or three. “I’m not perfect.”

“Neither am I.” Kara shrugged. “Alex once told me I had an anger management problem, still kind of do. So, I’m nowhere near perfect.”

“Says the super.” I chuckled, letting out a slow breath. “You should call Alex.”

“Done and done. She’s aware of where I am, but not exactly. It’s not my place to reveal where your secret lairs are.” She kissed the side of my head. “And before you say it, I had Brainy delete all GPS location history the second I found you. No one knows where you are. This place is still yours.”

I leaned into her side. “Thank you.” I took a sip of coffee, wincing at the sugary taste. “How much sugar is in this?”

Kara grabbed the cup, taking a large sip. “Just enough.” She grinned, laughing at the look on my face. “I’ll make a pure black one for you.” She crawled to the edge of the bed, looking over her shoulder as she stood up. “Breakfast in bed? I got doughnuts, but I can make you something. I need to take another does of Eliza’s cough syrup. Last night took a lot out of me.”

“Oh Kara, I’m sorry.” I went to pull the blankets back. “Rest. I’ll make breakfast.” I shuffled to the door when Kara caught my elbow, pulling me to face her.

“We’ll make it together.” She bent down kissing me harder than the first time, and as she parted, she whispered. “And you can tell me all about the House of El Science Guild.”

I gasped, leaning back. “How? It was going to be a surprise.”

“I do work for a news agency.” She cocked her head. “Used to? I might have to reapply for my job.” She scrunched her brow before looking back down at me. “I was drafting up my reappearance press release and when I scrolled through the email Barry sent about the specifics I could use, I spotted a headline in the corner of the web browser. Lena Luthor to appear at groundbreaking of House of El Science Guild. I couldn’t resist and clicked on the article.” She grinned, her eyes turning glassy. “How? Why?”

I shrugged. “Because I fell in love with a science nerd. It made sense to give National City a real piece of you to cherish.”

Kara’s grin grew brighter. “Can I come? To the ceremony?”

I nodded, standing on my tip toes to kiss her. “I’ll see what I can do.” I laughed as I walked away, winding my hand in hers. She sputtered as she followed me.

“Oh, and Lena? Tomorrow is the press conference at Catco. Kara Danvers is being resurrected.”

I turned to look over my shoulder at her. Pausing as the reality of life settled once more on my shoulders. “Okay.”

Kara stepped closer. “I want you to be there, by my side. Will you come?” She looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes.

I smiled. “I’ll see what I can do.” I smirked, tugging her to follow me. “But first, pancakes.”


	8. chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This starts with Kara's POV and the story may occasionally bounce to hers. In this chapter they work through a few more things, get cute and stuff.

**Kara**

Lena sat on the floor next to me, staring blankly into the fireplace. She’d fallen silent right after breakfast, drifting into her thoughts, idly checking her emails as the silence between us grew thicker. Breakfast had left us in a noticeable shift, Lena had begun overthinking halfway through her first small stack of pancakes, and slowly dissolved into her mind. Her brow furrowing every other second as she poked at blueberries.

I was taken aback by her outburst of emotions. Her words cut deep and cut me to my knees. I’d always known Lena had a cold childhood, no one to stand by her and prop her up, love her, support her. But I never knew to what lengths she’d had her soul muted by so many.

She was right, looking back on the handful of years I knew Lena, she never had control. She felt helpless. My reappearance from death had her spiraling out, desperate for control to stop the spin. She carried the pressure of her family name, add onto that the pressure of my family, my friends, the world, and I understood her fragility.

I stared at her, the light of the fire flickering across her cheeks, highlighting the dark circles under her eyes. She was tired, exhausted and I never stopped to think about her, even as all I thought of was her. I never once stopped to think as I rushed to her, that maybe, just maybe, Lena needed space. Space to heal, accept. Forgive herself. I saw the guilt in her eyes. Our past was never resolved. The things we said and did to each other, wasn’t resolved.

Lena yawned, pulling her knees up to her chest as she stared at the fire. Her hands still bandaged, dots of blood peeking through the gauze around her knuckles. “I can change the bandages for you.”

Lena closed her eyes, tilting her head towards me. “Maybe later?”

I nodded, suddenly afraid to say anything. I stood up, stretching out sore muscles. The flight over took a lot out of me. My regeneration had been very slow, slower than normal. I wasn’t sure if it was the sudden appearance back on this planet and my biology was scrambling to readjust itself, or if my death had altered more than Alex and I knew. I glanced at the large grandfather clock in the corner, it was mid-afternoon. I needed to go outside for some sun, and fresh air. “I’m going to go for a walk. I need a healthy dose of vitamin D.” I peeled off the thick sweatshirt, folding it before setting it on the couch. I almost asked Lena to join me, but at the last second, I decided against it. I needed to think.

Lena let out a slow sigh. “Okay.” She fiddled with her phone, setting it down on the floor, keeping her gaze on it.

I hesitated before walking out of the large living room, tucking my hands deep into the pockets of my sweatpants. I let out a slow breath, frowning as I walked down the long hallway and out the back door through the kitchen. The second the sun hit my skin, I felt the energy soaking into my cells and going to work, refilling them with strength. I tipped my head towards the sun, closing my eyes and counting to ten before opening them. The land Lena’s house on was massive and rolled on for miles. I could walk for days and never see the edge of her property line. Looking at the lush green hills, I understood why Lena choose this place to hide in. Ahead of me was a long tree lined path. I smiled at it and began to walk, letting the sun chase away the heaviness in my heart.

I loved Lena. I loved her with every fiber of my being and regretting not telling her sooner. I was a fool for not telling her sooner, swallowing down my feelings for years and playing the back and forth game. When I finally told her I was Supergirl, I choked back also confessing my feelings for her. My love for her. Then everything fell apart.

I chewed on my bottom lip, jamming my hands deeper into my pockets when my phone vibrated. I pulled it out, sighing at the sight of Alex’s name. “Hi, Alex.”

“Where are you? Winn said the GPS glitched out as soon as you were over the southwest corner of Montana.”

I stopped walking, rubbing at my forehead. “I’m with Lena. And no, I’m not going to tell you where that is. The woman at least deserves one piece of privacy.”

“Kara, you need to be back in National City by morning. I don’t want you flying, I can come and get you.”

I chuckled. “Nice try, Alex. I’ll be there. I’ll borrow a car from Lena or take a bus.”

Alex groaned. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but, maybe this thing with Lena…”

“Is my business.”

“I care about you. I know you care about her and she cares about you, but maybe this is all too soon. You guys never worked out your issues, and next thing you know, you two are on the verge of moving in together. Moving faster than most lesbians I know.” Alex sighed. “Have you talked to her? Like actually talked to her? And I don’t mean being there for her, I mean listening and being the huge walking heart of gold you are. Like truly talked about your feelings, her feelings, the past?”

I shrugged. “I want to. I think it just hit me this afternoon. She’s carrying a lot of guilt, I’m carrying a lot of guilt. I was just so happy to be back and to see her. It’s been this intense back and forth. Intense moments of love, followed by intense moments of residual anger for things left broken. After four years in the phantom zone, I was excited to see her and finally let go of my hang ups.” I swallowed hard. “I screwed up a million times, and never bothered to see things from Lena’s side. I never bothered to understand her, truly understand her and the things she’s been through. I should’ve. For pete’s sake, I’m the one person in the world who could understand. I’ve lost everything and been alone, just like her, but I was an idiot and took the almighty protector stance. Desperate to protect her at all costs, when in the end I hurt her more than anyone else. I wish I could apologize for everything, apologize for being stupid.” I blew out a slow breath. “What do I do, Alex? I love her so much, how do I fix things?”

“You can start by fixing my door.” Lena’s soft voice startled me. I turned to her standing a foot away, holding my sweatshirt. She held it up, squinting at the sun. “You left this, and I thought you might be cold.”

“I, uh, have to go, Alex. I’ll message you later.” I hung up, smiling as I looked at Lena. “Hi.”

She squinted at the sun, hands fidgeting with my sweatshirt. “Before you ask. I heard most of it. And you’re right. We’re on a seesaw of ups and downs, and I’m not sure how to find balance.”

I nodded, picking at the edge of the phone case. “The last time I saw you, I saw the hate in your eyes. The glimmer of hope and love I always saw at the edges, was gone. Stolen by this new world and the things we’d done to each other. It cut me to the core and I knew I couldn’t change your mind. I tried changing our timeline, our paths, but it kept getting worse.” I glanced up, a tight smile on my face. “I flew out of your office and cried for hours. My heart hurt so much as I forced myself to cut the last tie holding it to you.” Lena flinched at my words. “I stopped everything that day. Flying by and checking on you, listening for your heartbeat, and I kept my distance. And that’s when I realized how deeply in love I was with you. So, I poured my broken heart into being the superhero. Saving the world and ignoring everything else. I’m pretty sure I was fired from Catco two days before I died, but who knows. It’s been a minute since I checked my work email.” I smiled at Lena rolling her eyes. “I’ve had friendships go south, distance or disagreements pushing us apart, but none of them hurt as much as this did.” I shrugged, looking past Lena so I wouldn’t start crying. “But I’m an alien. An alien with very little grasp on how humanity works and how these human emotions inside of me work. I thought I was in love once, maybe twice, and it never ever felt like it did when I stood in front of you, made eye contact with you in a crowded newsroom at Catco.” I sighed, taking a step back, letting the sun soak into my cheeks. “I had no clue how to manage my feelings and fell back old habits instilled by my parents. Protect. Protect the ones you love, your family. I couldn’t go to Alex. She’d rip me apart for falling for a Luthor. The House of El’s mortal enemy.”

I heard the soft gasp Lena let out. “Kara.”

“I put you in a really bad spot. Lying to you. Hiding from you.” I tipped my head up, taking a deep breath as the sun recharged every inch of my body. “When I woke up in my funeral pod, I panicked. Freaking out until the memories trickled back.” I paused, dropping my head as the tears welled up. “I’d lost track of time, clueless to the year or even the day I was in. And all I could think of is I failed again. I failed to keep you safe, I failed to say goodbye, I failed to tell you I loved you. It was like losing my home all over again.” I but my bottom lip as the tears fell faster, the weight around my shoulders pushing down as I unleashed the pent up emotions I’d swallowed down for years. “I fought so hard to come back this time, just so I could find you, wherever you were, and tell you I loved you. When I did that, I promised myself I’d walk away and let the world continue on as it had while I picked up the pieces of my own life.” I paused, suddenly remember the days that followed leaving Lena. They were empty, quiet and felt like they’d never end. I’d lost the reason to keep living. I lost my heart.

I flinched when I felt Lena’s hands slide around my waist, her forehead resting on the space between my shoulders. “I pushed the left corner on the projector while you were in the kitchen making a mess with the pancakes.” She whispered the words as I stiffened up. “That’s why I was quiet this morning. Your words overwhelmed me, and I withdrew for a moment. Trying to use my science to understand how I got so lucky to find you.” She tugged my hips, turning my body to face her. Her big green eyes were wet with tears. “I have no clue what I’m doing. My piles of degrees and genius have left me unprepared to deal with you.”

I frowned. “Thanks?”

“I fucked up, Kara. I fucked up bigger than the one time I accidentally made plutonium in my basement lab at fifteen. I was trying to make a new metal to make Lillian a ring for mother’s day.” Lena smiled, squeezing my hips. “No one has ever, ever, loved me like you do. No one has ever selflessly given me everything you’ve given me. I have a lifetime of mistakes to amend for. I have to win your heart back. And you’re right, we’re both guilty for our actions. Love makes people do incredibly stupid things.” A lone tear rolled down her cheek. “I want to start over with you. I want to earn this.” She reached up, pressing a hand against my heart. “I want to deserve this.”

I grinned, reaching up to press my hand against her heart. “And I want to deserve this, Lena.” I let out a slow breath. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”

Lena nodding, chuckling through the tears as she pulled me into her arms. “You can’t put a super and a Luthor together and let it be easy.” She took a deep breath. “I want this.”

I laughed, my heart swelling a thousand sizes. “Before we start a relationship, I should probably tell you about this side job I have. Real odd hours, late nights and sometimes I’ll come home smelling like smoke.” I shook my head. “I think it’s probably my only job.”

Lena leaned back, digging in her back pocket and held up my glasses. “I made a call on the way out here. Catco is welcoming back their ace reporter later this afternoon and tomorrow morning will be your press conference on how you survived.”

I took the glasses from her, noticing small improvements to the frames. Lena leaned over, tapping the side. “I improved the lead lining. It’ll make it easier for your eyes to relax. I kept Brainy’s tech, so be careful when you’re taking them off. They’ve been calibrated to only responded to quick, dramatic removal.” She smirked. “I have four more pairs in different frames arriving at the DEO. I wanted you to have options.”

I smiled, turning the glasses over. “Do I have to go back?”

“What do you mean?” Lena dropped her hand to my wrist.

I looked up. “The last few days I’ve been able to live. Live freely as me. No glasses, no super emergencies pulling me away. I’m just me. Kara. I’ve been free. And I think this is the first time in years I’ve been able to sleep through a night, and sleep in without Alex in my ear, calling me to something.” I laughed, shaking my head as I pushed the glasses on. “For the first time since I landed on this planet, I was free and didn’t have to hide. All I’ve had to worry about is eating, making sure you went to bed at a reasonable hour, and when I could kiss you again.”

Lena blushed. “You don’t have to worry about that.” She met my eyes. “You have my full permission to kiss me whenever, wherever.” She reached up, straightening my glasses. “And to be honest, I love this side of you more than the others. Kara Zor-El. The giddy, loving woman who hogs all the blankets even though she has the body temperature of the sun.”

“I don’t hog the blankets.”

Lena tapped my bottom lip. “Put the pout away.” She sighed. “Let me make you a promise here and now. My apartment will be a safe place for you. You can land on my balcony, dispose of the super suit and glasses, and be you. It’s sound proof, and I’ll upgrade the security to suit your needs. You can shut the world out and be you. I’ll make a key and add you into the bio-metric system.” She caught the look in my eyes and stepped back. “Or I can upgrade your apartment. I know you love your loft. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“How long have you paying my rent? To hold my apartment?” I waved Lena off. “Eliza let it slip. I’ll pay you back.” I stepped away, tugging the sweatshirt from her hands and pulling it on. “It looks like it’s a four hour drive back to National City. If we leave soon, we can get back in time for dinner.”

“I bought the building, Kara. Your landlord was letting it go to shit and I saw how much he was overcharging everyone. I bought it, renovated it and lowered the rent.” Lena gave me a sheepish smile. “Let me go grab my bags, we can leave in twenty minutes. We’ll go to your apartment first and get you settled. Alex should be meeting us to go over your statement for the morning.”

I raised my eyebrows at her words. “How much of National City have you bought in my honor?”

Lena grinned **,** shrugging. “A billionaire never tells her secrets.” She held out her hand. “We have a lot of work to do. All across the board and I’d like to get started on it.”

I slipped my hand in hers, smiling the second I felt her palm against mine. She paused, looking over her shoulder at me. “Um, can I take you to dinner tomorrow night? I’d really like to take you to dinner.”

“Are you asking me out, Lena Luthor?” I bit my bottom lip to hold back the grin.

“I am.” She stood straighter, cocking an eyebrow. “Like I said, we have a lot of work ahead of us. No matter how much I love you in this minute, and will for every minute to come, I want this. I want us to fix us and make us stronger than ever. The first step is take you on a proper date.”

I squared my shoulders, mimicking her power pose. “Fine. But no fancy places.”

“Fine.” She stepped closer, smiling before she kissed me softly. “I was thinking of Golden Dragon. You love the potstickers and I already arranged for them to make extra.”

I squeaked with excitement and kissed Lena harder. “You’re my hero.”

Lena giggled as we continued to kiss, and I decided it was the best sound in the world. Lena Luthor’s giggle.

* * *

XXXXX

**Lena**

“Breathe, Kara.” I stood next to her, rubbing her back to calm her down. We stood in Andrea’s office, preparing for the press conference one floor below. We’d arrived back in National City the night before and after getting Kara settled in, we ended up cuddling on a couch watching a movie. It was Kara’s go to when she was feeling anxious, and I was more than happy to lay in her arms and forget for one more day. Knowing in the morning reality would be back, and I’d be the CEO once more.

“I hate this, Lena. I always hate talking in front of people and giving speeches. I hated it since high school when I had to read a poem and I stuttered over the words.” Kara took a deep breath, hands on her hips. “I get so nervous.”

“Pretend everyone is naked.” I walked past her, filling a glass with water.

“That would make things a thousand times worse. I’d only be thinking about you and end up freezing with a little bit of drool slipping out the corner of my mouth.”

I spun around with a shocked look. “Kara Danvers!”

She smirked. “My girlfriend is probably the most beautiful woman in the world. And that dress.” She sighed. “I love you in jeans and my t-shirts, but this dress. Wow.”

I felt her eyes run over my body, sending shivers across my skin. I shoved the glass of water into her hands. “Don’t start. You torture me every morning when you scamper around in those boy shorts and tiny, yet very tight, tank tops. Have you looked at yourself?” I shook my head as my cheeks flushed. “I might make you wear baggy sweaters until we get past our third date.”

“Third date?” Kara looked at me confused as she sipped the water.

“I may kiss on the first date, but won’t do more until after the third date.” I ran my hands down my skirt, smoothing out the navy blue material. I’d put on a power dress for this power conference. It was like my super suit, giving me power to stand tall when facing the media.

“Do you still wear those three piece suits? With the vest?” Kara cocked an eyebrow.

I nodded, humming my answer as I bent down to collect my notes.

“Will you wear one on our fourth date?” She swallowed hard, clutching the glass, the glass creaking under the pressure.

“I can, but dare I ask why?” I clutched my notes to my chest, watching Kara’s eyes shift a darker shade of blue.

She grinned. “You’ll find out.” She drained the last of her water, set the glass down and held her hand out for me to take. “Shall we?”

I swallowed hard and took her hand. “You’re going to be the death of me, Kara.”

She laughed as we walked towards the elevator.

* * *

Five minutes later we walked out to the flash of cameras and the hum of people talking, clapping. I smiled at Alex standing off to the right of the small podium, she nodded in return, keeping a tight smile. Andrea stood next to her, grinning as she reveled in the roar of press. She had the hottest story and was going to ride the wave. The rest of Kara’s friends stood out in the crowd, grinning and waving at Kara. Kara squeezed my hand, before letting go as she walked towards the podium, standing off to the side as Andrea took to the mic.

“Good morning. Thank you for being here. I won’t take up much of your time, but a few rules. Ms. Danvers will speak first, and then will take a few questions. The rest of her story will be in this week’s issue.” Andrea grinned, turning to Kara. “Ms. Danvers, the floor is yours.”

Kara took a deep breath and stepped up. “Good morning. I have a small statement to read, and as Mrs. Rojas said, I’ll answer a few questions later.” She cleared her throat. “To answer the question you’re all dying to ask. My disappearance. During the attack a year ago, I was assisting in the evacuation of one of Catco’s smaller offices. The building collapsed and I was caught in the rubble. Knocked out and injured. When the rubble was cleared, I was on the way to Luthor hospital when the alien attacking the city, unleashed a weapon, creating a rift in the earth’s atmosphere. The ambulance carrying me was swallowed up and I ended up in an alternate timeline.” Kara smiled, holding up a hand. “The full report will be released to the press. Director Danvers, of the FBI, has graciously provided the details from their investigation.” She took another breath. “In this timeline, I recuperated and with the help of the extraordinary science team from STAR Labs, they were able to bring me home. Again, the science is well above my pay grade. All I know is, I’m home. I’m back with my family, and ready to return to work.” She looked up, smiling. “Now, questions?”

The room erupted with questions being hurled at her. Kara’s jaw clenched as she pointed at one reporter. “Yes, you.”

“This timeline? Is it similar to the alternate earths theory suggested by Lex Luthor? Claiming Superman had traveled to alternate earths?”

“I’m not a scientist. All of my knowledge was passed onto the FBI to investigate further.” She smiled her apology, moving onto the next question.

“You are, or were best friends with Supergirl. What are your thoughts on her death? And piggybacking on the last question, could she be alive in another timeline and just stuck there? National City never saw a body at her funeral.”

Kara’s jaw clenched tighter. “I only learned of Supergirl’s death a few days ago when I came home. I’m… still in shock about her death. I’d prefer to skip that question.” She nodded at another reporter. “Please, go ahead.”

“I notice Ms. Luthor by your side. I guess this is more directed at her. Ms. Luthor, you’ve been in Gotham City for the last year, why come back? Rumors were swirling a year ago you’d cut ties with Catco and there’d been a fallout between you and Ms. Danvers. Why are you back in National City?”

I sighed, looking at Kara as she nodded for me to take the question. I stepped forward, reaching for her hand, thankful I’d taken off the bandages this morning. “I’m here to focus on the newest project LCorp has taken on. I will be releasing a press statement later this week announcing that. As for Ms. Danvers and I, I believe this press conference isn’t the place to cultivate petty gossip and rumors.”

“You’re really not answering the question, Ms. Luthor. You and Ms. Danvers were spotted in the city late last night, walking hand in hand. So, begs to reason us asking, are you and Ms. Danvers involved?”

It was my turn to clench my jaw and glare at the audience. Kara’s friends were all wide eyed, shocked and looking between Kara and I. I was about to launch into a cold, cutting diatribe, when Kara squeezed my hand, forcing me to look at her. She smiled before speaking. “Ms. Luthor is very private, and I cherish that about her. But I also understand the journalistic ways, you won’t let it die and I’d really like to have some privacy with my girlfriend.” She turned to face the gasps. “Yes, Ms. Luthor and I have begun a relationship. We realized life is far too short to dance around feelings. And that’s all I’m going to say on that matter.” She waved towards Alex. “Director Danvers will close out the conference and provide you with the briefings I mentioned.

She held my hand as we stepped back, cameras flashing as I stared at her in complete shock. She saw the look, panic slipping into her eyes. “Oh my Rao, Lena. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to out us. I just figured if I threw it out there, the press would grow bored and forget us in a week. Oh, Rao. I screwed up. I’m sorry. I’ll fix it, I’ll have Andrea write a retraction, or maybe I’ll ask J’onn wipe everyone’s memory.”

I lunged, cutting her rambling off with a kiss. I slid my hands to the sides of her face as I kissed her senseless, smiling against her mouth as she stumbled a step before grabbing my hips. The sound of Alex clearing her throat, annoyed, broke the moment. I leaned back, grinning like an idiot as the room rained down flashes from cameras. I grinned, licking my lips as Kara stood, breathless and flush. “No one has ever claimed me as theirs in a room full of press without using it as a way to further themselves. No one has ever called me their girlfriend in front of press and not injected their own agenda into the conversation.”

Kara ran her hand along my side, turning me to lean into her side so we could face the audience and a glaring Alex. “All I want is you, Lena.”

I grinned, leaning into her side as Alex brought the room back to order, ending the conference a few minutes later.

I held onto Kara’s hand as security ushered the press out, leaving us alone with Alex. Andrea had run off to give more soundbites. Kara’s friends had left, heading to her apartment for the welcome home party.

Alex shook her head as she walked towards us, arms crossed. “I hate you two. This was going to be simple. You issue a vague statement, leave it up to me to fill in the blanks with confusing science, and by weeks end, Kara Danvers would return to normal. Now, I have this.” She waved between us. “To deal with while working on bringing Supergirl back. You guys are giving me an ulcer.” She ran a hand over her hair. “I was cornered by some jerk asking if Lena was cheating on Bruce Wayne with you. I almost punched him in your honor, Lena. You might be a Luthor, but you’d never cheat on my sister. Especially with the bat.” Alex winked at me, smiling to let me know the Luthor comment was a joke. I smiled back, getting used to the strange passive aggressive ways of Alex.

I sighed. “I wouldn’t. Never. Even before you threatened me, I was never a cheater. I just grew bored in my relationships and waited for them to leave me.” I stepped away from Kara, glancing at the small stitches on my knuckles. “If we give it two weeks, the press will be bored with me and move on. I never give them anything when I’m with someone. In the meantime we can work on the plot to bring Supergirl back. I think two to three weeks will chase off the suspicion of Kara and her possibly being the same person.”

“Sounds like a solid plan, Lena.” Alex huffed. “Let’s wrap this up and head home. The gang will be over in an hour for the party. It’s a quick one, I’ve arranged a game night next week to really celebrate, but I don’t want to interrupt your first date.” Alex chuckled when I blushed. “She’s my sister, she kind of tells me anything. And she told me everything about you asking her on a proper date. Finally.” She rolled her eyes.

I shook my head laughing, reaching back for Kara’s hand when I heard her speak.

“What if I don’t want to?”

Alex and I both looked at her, surprised. “You’ve been blithering about this date all morning, swooning over Lena in her dress. You’ve got to be kidding me, you don’t want to date her now?”

She shook her head, her brow furrowing. “No, I love Lena. That will never change.” She sucked in a breath, looking at us. “What if I don’t want Supergirl to come back?” She looked at me, biting her bottom lip. “What if I don’t want to be Supergirl anymore?”


	9. chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stuff and things happen, fluff and we visit the hot topic of bringing the cape back. Forgive me if this chapter is eh, it's been a little hard to get into a creative mode lately, but! this happened and i think i've found a little inspiration to try to write more to escape from the outside for a hour or two. Hope all of you are staying safe!

I stood in a corner of Kara’s apartment, watching her work the room. Hugging her friends and eating most of the finger foods Alex brought with her. I separated myself from her side, allowing her room to reunite and be with those who loved her. I took my glass of wine and found the dark corner near the door, hiding. I was nervous. Nervous of her friend’s reaction about her return and me next to her side after a year. Smiling, holding hands, a far cry from the anger they last saw us stewing in. This was the first time I’d seen any of these people in a year, having walked away from them when I walked away from Kara.

Then there was her spontaneous question at the end of the conference. What if I don’t want to be Supergirl anymore?

I saw the look in her eyes, this wasn’t a half assed question originating from the overwhelming wave of questions and cameras stuck in her face. Something had changed inside of Kara. Something deep. Deep enough for her not to want to return to an alter ego she loved. Kara loved being Supergirl, she’d once almost shoved her life as Kara Danvers into the closet to fully embrace being a hero. She _loved_ being the hero she truly was.

Taking a sip of wine, my stomach twisted at the idea that I might be one of the reasons why she was tired and willing to hang up the cape. I was swallowing down the questions, giving her room to breathe.

“It’s okay to come out and mingle.” I turned to Winn standing next to me, grinning as he offered me a plate with mini bagel pizzas. “No one is mad at you. I think after a few months we kind of understood why you did what you did.” He laid a hand on my shoulder. “Kara isn’t the only one who sees the good in you. I think we just didn’t want to meddle in the firestorm that was you and Kara. A firestorm of love.”

I blushed at his words, running my finger along the edge of my wine glass. “I’m sorry for disappearing. I could give a thousand excuses, but I won’t.” I reached up, covering his hand with mine. “I missed you, Winn.”

“We missed you, Lena.” He nodded at Kara laughing with Alex. “Now we just got to get her back in the suit, and everything will be right in this world.” He winked, patting my shoulder before moving on with the pizza bagel bites. I let out a slow breath. Of course everyone wanted the hero back, even I did in a small way. Having Kara in the skies, protecting us, was oddly soothing. But at the same time, deep down, I wanted Kara more than I wanted the hero. It was Kara I’d fallen in love with, and I’d grown accustomed and very selfish of having her all to myself. I would lie if I said it didn’t hurt when Kara rushed off during a lunch, or in the middle of a movie night. Later on, when I understood it was her side job pulling her from me, it stung even more.

I moved to walk to the kitchen, needing to refill my glass. As I reached for the bottle, I heard.

“Alex is kicking everyone out in a half hour. I’d like to shower and change before we go to dinner.” Kara’s voice was soft, warm like her favorite blanket. Her hand fell to my hip, her touch making me close my eyes and sigh.

“We can skip it, if you’re tired.” I set the bottle down, rinsing out my glass.

“Never. I’d never skip a date with you, Lena. I’ve waited a long time for this. I can sleep later.” I could hear the smirk in Kara’s voice. She slowly turned me to face her, her smile dropping a little when she saw the look in my eyes. “Are you okay? Was anyone mean to you? Point out who it was, and I’ll ban them from game night.”

I smiled, leaning into her space. “Everyone was lovely.” I glanced at Alex glaring our way as she listened to J’onn and James bicker about whatever sports game they last watched. “I’m feeling selfish. Can we do carry out from Golden Dragon and return to my apartment? I don’t think I’m completely ready to share you with the city just yet.”

Kara’s grin returned. “Might be a good idea. The press will follow us and hide behind the fish tank, desperate to snap a shot of us holding hands.” She looked around the room, sighing with content. “It’s good to be home. I missed everyone. My little earth family.”

“And they missed you.” I patted her side, sneaking out under her arm to clean up the island. “Go, spend some time with them. I’ll work on tidying up.”

“Fine.” She smirked, leaning to kiss my cheek. “I love you.”

I blushed furiously, not at all used to such public declarations, and gently shoved Kara out of the way before reaching for a few plates. I watched as she walked back over to Winn and Kelly, laughing at one of Winn’s terrible jokes. She was happy, calm, and even as her shoulders hunched ever so slightly when Supergirl was mentioned, Kara was happy.

* * *

XXX

“This place is always so clean, Lena.” Kara stood in the foyer of my apartment, looking around. “I expected some dust bunnies in the corners.” She set her bag down, yawning as she slipped off her shoes.

“I had it cleaned this morning. And looking over the bill, this apartment had plenty of dust bunnies.” I sighed, closing the email. “If you’d like to change, go ahead. I’ll order dinner for us.” I pulled up the order app for Golden Dragon. “Did you want anything else aside from potstickers?” I looked up to find Kara standing at the glass door leading to the balcony.

“Maybe some sesame chicken and won ton soup.” Kara sighed, pulling off her glasses. “This balcony.”

“Needs more plants and things. It’s very bare and does very little other than offer me a ledge to lean on as I drink before bed.” I ordered the food on my phone, and after receiving confirmation I set it down on the island, slipping off my heels and walking over to Kara. She stood straight, her shoulders rolling ever so slightly, the tight fabric of her shirt straining against her muscles. “Have you gained weight in the last few days?”

She nodded, still facing the balcony. “I have. The yellow sun and eating as much as I have is allowing me to gain weight.” She squinted at the concrete wall. “This balcony holds so many memories.” She glanced back at me. “I should’ve come to your front door when I was Supergirl, used the manners I was raised with.”

I stood next to her, laying a hand on the small of her back, feeling the muscles flex against my touch. “You could’ve. I always wondered why you took the aerial approach. The first few times you did it, I couldn’t sleep at night. Always wondering if you were hovering right outside, and if I should’ve left out snacks.”

“Snacks would’ve been amazing.” Kara smiled, leaning back into my hand. “It was great to see everyone.” Her tone dropped at the end as she looked down at the marble tile.

“But?”

She looked at me, her blue eyes filled with love. “But.” She smiled, shaking her head. “Supergirl. They all want her back.” She turned, walking away from me. “I know they’re happy Kara is back, but. But. But. But.” She threw her hands up, sighing. “I just got home, Lena. I’ve barely slept a night in my own bed, and I’m being handed the cape with gentle hands poking and prodding at me to put it on.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I turned to Kara, now standing by an overflowing bookshelf.

She picked at the spines, pulling out a book of medieval fairy tales. “Sure.” Her brow furrowed as she flipped pages. This was frustrated Kara, her brow only did that when she was very frustrated.

“You love, loved, being Supergirl. What changed?” I took slow steps toward her, plucking at my skirt and wishing I’d changed into something else the moment we walked in.

Kara chewed her bottom lip, staring at a drawing of knights chasing a dragon. “I died? That changed a lot of things.”

My heart skipped at her words. “You did. And it did change a lot of things. So many things.” I paused, swallowing down the tears.

“Lena.” She closed her eyes. “Being Supergirl gave me so much, but it also took so much more away.” She opened her eyes, looking right at me. “I lost friends, loved ones, and I couldn’t manage a normal life. If I was at work, writing like I love, I’d barely get an article done before I was pulled away to fight aliens. I had to be careful with who I dated, I couldn’t love without the fear of hurting, and let’s not talk about never having time for myself or vacations. I think the last time I had a non-solar flare related day off, I was a teenager.” She turned back to the book. “If I go back to being Supergirl, I feel like I’m giving my life back the second I got it back.”

“Have you told any of this to Alex?” I sat on the arm of the cold leather couch facing the bookshelf.

Kara shook her head. “Nope. She’s in overdrive. My reappearance, the science behind how I survived, how we’re going to explain any of it to the world, then add in our new relationship, and I think she may implode soon. I can’t throw on my feelings about wanting a life to call my own for a little while, or forever.” She closed the book, slipping it back into its place on the shelf just as the security system beeped. She smiled softly. “Foods here.” She rushed to the door.

“I have money in my purse.” She went to wave me off, when I gave her a stern glare. “Remember, I asked you to dinner. Therefore, I’m paying.”

Kara rolled her eyes, stopping at my purse before skipping to the door. “Fine. But next date is on me.”

I shook my head, pushing up from the couch, walking to my bedroom. I’d change while Kara dug through the bags of food. After slipping into sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, I walked back into the kitchen. Kara was filling plates with food, smiling as she chewed on a potsticker.

She looked up, grinning, pointing at a plate with her chopsticks. “That one is yours, I made sure you got most of the veggies.”

“Thank you.” I walked over, standing on my tip toes to kiss her on the cheek. “What would you like to do? We can watch a movie, TV, or some cartoons.”

Kara’s cheeks turned pink. “Can we watch Bedknobs and Broomsticks? It’s one of my favorite Disney movies and I watch it when I want to stop thinking.”

“Of course.” I grabbed my plate, following Kara to the large comfy sofa I’d bought a long time ago when movie nights migrated to my home. Kara hate the old minimalist couch I owned, and because I was stupidly in love with her, I bought a new one the next day. One that had all of the details she hinted at. Large squishy cushions, room to lay down, plenty of fluffy pillows and a few warm blankets on each end.

I sat down next to Kara as she pulled up the movie, and within a minute, she was leaning against me, devouring her food.

An hour later, Kara was curled into my side, head on my shoulder as she quietly sung along to the movie. I wrapped an arm around her shoulder, tugging a blanket over the both of us as I kissed the top of her head.

“Thank you.” It was quiet, but I heard it.

I glanced down at Kara. “For what?”

“For this. For the best first date I’ve ever had. For not pushing harder when I told you why I don’t want to be Supergirl.” She looked up with a sleepy smile. “I just need time, Lena. Time to figure out my life.”

“You take all the time you need.” I bent down, kissing her on the lips. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Kara kissed me before laying her head on my chest and taking heavy breaths.

* * *

XXX

I woke up cold, shivering from the loss of my personal heater. I sat up on the couch, rubbing my eyes as I looked around the dark living room. The TV was still on, the menu for the streaming service asking me I’d like to watch another movie, providing the only light. I groaned, rubbing my lower back as swung my feet to the floor. The apartment was freezing. I’d forgotten to adjust the settings when we got back. Not really needing it when Kara provided more warmth than a furnace.

I glanced at the clock in the kitchen, it was barely past two in the morning. I frowned, running my hands through my hair, listening for Kara. All I heard was the soft sound of the fridge humming. I stood up, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders as I shuffled around.

I went to head towards the bedroom, thinking Kara woke up and moved to my giant bed. But as I took a step past the kitchen, I spotted her sitting on the balcony, cross legged and her head in her hands.

I rushed towards her, pushing the balcony door open and sucking in a deep breath as the cold air hit me. “Kara?”

Kara lifted her head, wiping her cheeks. “Hey.”

I sat down next to her. “Are you okay?” I ran my hand down her back, feeling her shiver. “Are you cold?”

She shook her head, sniffling. “Not cold.” She gave me a weak smile. “I’m sorry if I woke you.” She let out a slow breath. “I had a nightmare and freaked out. I couldn’t breathe and ran outside, took a quick flight to clear my lungs and head.” She grabbed my hand, winding her fingers in mine. “You should go back inside. I’ll follow you in a minute.”

I covered her hand with both of mine. “What was the nightmare about?”

Kara’s face scrunched up, her jaw clenching, sitting silent. I wanted to lean into her, throw an arm around her and hold her, but I’d learned over the years and the last few days, Kara sometimes needed distance. Yes, she was the epitome of sunshine and hope, but she’d had her scars. And sometimes it was best to leave those scars untouched until permission was granted. It was how I handled my scars.

I sucked in a slow breath, huddling deeper into the blanket. “In the back of my closet, hidden behind all of the fancy shoe boxes, is my teddy bear. My birth mother gave it to me and somehow I managed to keep it out of Lillian’s hands. The only toys Lex and I were allowed were educational ones. Chess sets, abacus, encyclopedias, and science sets. Rupert wasn’t educational and I had to hide him behind my dresser, wrapped in a blanket, every day before Lillian came in my room. I slept with him every night, and every morning, I’d hide him. Thankfully, when I moved out to my private dorm at MIT, Rupert was free. I was only sixteen when I started MIT, but it didn’t deter me from keeping a teddy bear in my bed.” I sighed, looking up at the night sky dotted by the city lights. “Because I realized keeping him on my bed, meant I was finally free. Lillian was happy to see me go and Lex had started on the path of insanity. I was free. All I had was myself and Rupert and it was the most incredible feeling in the world.” I smiled, glancing at Kara staring at me with rapt attention. “I may be almost thirty, but when I have a very bad day, Rupert makes an appearance, and he soaks up all of my tears and fears. And before you say it, he’s only in hiding because he made the journey over from Gotham with my precious shoes.”

I paused before quickly standing up and walking to my bedroom. I smiled at the smell of fresh linens on the bed with a delicate hint of lavender. I made a note to send a thank you to my cleaning lady along with a large bonus. I knelt at the edge of my closet, pushing the doors open and rooting through the boxes of perfectly arranged shoes. I knew Rupert would be hiding in the velvet trunk I’d specifically requested to placed in the back of the closet. I grinned as my fingertips brushed the velvet edge, and pulled it out. Lifting the lid, Rupert stared up at me, wrapped in a soft blanket sitting on top of a few other secret treasures I kept hidden from the world. “Hi you.” I picked him up, running my hands over his soft fur, worn in a few places, but still soft. “I think someone needs your help.”

I stood, carrying Rupert back out to the balcony where Kara still sat, leaning back on her hands as she stared up into the sky. I sat down, placing Rupert into her lap. “He heard you had a bad dream and wants to help. He’s an incredible listener and loves to cuddle.” I grinned as Kara held him with gentle hands, treating him as if he was more precious than anything she’d ever held. “He’s provided me with well over twenty years of service.” I moved to stand. “I’ll leave you two to it. I’ll make some tea and when you’re ready, I’ll be in the bedroom, reading.” I stifled a yawn, knowing the second I fell into bed, I’d be out like a light.

“I dreamt I was trapped in my pod, but I was an adult. Not the kid my parents sent to watch over Kal.” Kara ran trembling fingers over Rupert’s ear. “I was trapped, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t break out and I had to watch Krypton explode along with Earth. The nightmare shifted, and I watched you die. Whispering my name, calling out for me to swoop in and save you. And I couldn’t. I was frozen, trapped and all I could do was watch you take your last breath. Your eyes were wide with fear and I couldn’t do anything.” Tears slid down her cheeks. “The earth exploded because someone was trying to kill me, Supergirl, and everyone I loved became collateral damage.” She clutched Rupert to her chest, sniffling as more tears fell. “I’m scared.” She looked right at me as she whispered the words out.

Her eyes were a shade of blue that reminded me of the ocean as storm clouds rolled through. The fear radiated off her as she shivered. I bit the inside of my cheek, holding back my own tears. The look Kara was giving me, destroyed me, and I knelt down next to her. “I’m here.”

Kara shrugged, turning to look at Rupert as she spoke. “I’m scared bringing Supergirl back to the world, will bring all of the terrible things that come with the cape. The rogue aliens, the assassination attempts on Alex, you, the rest of my family and friends. Someone is always looking to use me as the reason behind their violence, and I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore.” She buried her face into Rupert’s head, sobbing softly.

I sat down, gently pulling Kara into my arms as she sobbed, her arms wrapping around my waist as she squeezed me harder. “I can’t lose you. I’ve seen what it’s like to have a world without Lena Luthor in it, and I can’t. I can’t lose you.” She cried and I could feel the weight of a thousand lifetimes in every gasp.

I’d been waiting for Kara to breakdown since she reappeared. Watching and waiting for the small cracks in her sunny armor. Yes, she was a demi god, an inhuman powerful entity who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, and every single human emotion that came with them.

“You won’t lose me.” I sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Let it all out, Kara. I’ve got you.” I felt the gentle squeeze of her arms as she sobbed more of the weight away.

* * *

XXXX

Kara cried for a solid hour, and by the time she was down, she felt lighter. Granted, she was still a solid brick of steel, but I felt it in the way she took slow, steady breathes. After wiping away her tears, I managed to talk her into coming inside for breakfast. It was close to four in the morning and the way her stomach growled, I knew sleep would be the last thing she wanted. Even though my body craved it and I had to drink three shots of espresso to feel a tiny bit awake, I could sleep later. My schedule was still running light until the groundbreaking ceremony. I only had a meeting with Andrea later and a quick stop over to the DEO to speak with Alex.

I was working on making waffles and at least three pounds of bacon for Kara as she sat at the island, Rupert safely in her arms. She kept alternating her stare between me and the old movie playing on the TV hanging on the wall next to the kitchen cabinets. Her brow was scrunched, her thinking face as I called it.

“You were, are my first love, Lena.”

I cocked an eyebrow, glancing over my shoulder as I poured batter. “And I love you, Kara.” I smiled softly, turning back to the task at hand.

“No, I mean, you’re my one true love. My first real love.” She sighed, her brow still scrunched. “On Krypton, love is a function. We used machines to match and mating was a scientific process. Alex tried to explain love to me when we were teenagers and boys were asking me to dances, dates. She kept referring a one true love, the love of your life, and that most humans spend a good portion of their life looking for that true all encompassing love. I didn’t understand it, even with Mon-El.” She rolled her eyes. “I think he was what Alex calls a desperate attempt, a pity f…”

“Kara. I get it.” I cut her off before my jealousy spilled over, even as her words circled my heart, squeezing it to the point I was sure it would explode, and tiny little butterflies would fly out of it. Mon-El was a sore spot with me only for the reason he had Kara first. I handed her a piece of bacon, hoping it would redirect her thoughts.

“Mmm. Bacon is amazing. Have you ever had a bacon doughnut? Noonan’s sometimes has them. They shove pieces of bacon in the middle of a doughnut with maple cream filling.” Kara sighed with a smile on her face.

I chuckled. “Note to self, food will distract you from even the deepest thought process.” I leaned across the island, kissing the corner of her mouth. “But I’d really like you to finish your thoughts about true love.”

Kara’s cheeks turned a bright pink. “Um. I was trying to explain that you’re the love of my life, Lena. And I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do next? Is there a different level of dating we engage in? Do we get married? Bond? Or something?” She looked up at me with wide eyes. “I kind of just went with the flow with Mon-El and Alex, she’s not the best at advice since she’s still figuring everything out in her own life.” Kara huffed, resting her chin on Rupert.

I turned away from the stove, sliding a plate filled with waffles towards her. My own cheeks red from her words. “To be honest, I’ve never been in love like this, so I’m equally as lost. I’ve been smitten in previous relationships, and I think I may have loved Jack, but in time the love faded as my partners expected to change core aspects of myself.” I pushed another plate filled with bacon towards Kara. “I think we take it one day at a time. We already have a solid friendship, dating should come easy. We go as slow as we need, and figure it out together. All I know is, I don’t want anyone else. I only want you, Kara. The rest, come what may. You’ve got the romancing part down pat. The things you said on the cube, the greatest writers in history are jealous of your words.” I smiled, reaching over to wipe at the syrup dripping down her chin.

“Can you imagine what I’ll write for my wedding vows?” Kara grinned around a mouth full of waffle.

“You know, this is the second or third time you’ve mention marriage in passing. Are you hinting at something, Ms. Danvers?”

Kara nodded, swallowing her waffles. “I want to marry you, Lena.” Her eyes grew wide at the same time my jaw dropped open. “I mean, um, not today. Or tomorrow, but soon? Like a year, two, five or ten years from now?” She huffed, her shoulders dropping. “I still haven’t learned to filter my thoughts when I’m excited and happy.” She pointed at her plate with her fork. “These waffles are good. Good food makes me super excited and I just love you so much and ever since Alex made me watch My Best Friend’s Wedding, I’ve always dreamt of a traditional wedding like that. Marrying my best friend…and yeah. I’ll stop talking now.” She speared a chunk of food and shoved it into her mouth, turning to look out the balcony as the sun began to rise.

I stood stunned, staring at the woman aggressively chewing. The air was thick in the room and I had no clue what to say to Kara’s rambling. Marriage was an idea that never graced my plans or life path. I’d always assumed I’d end up being the CEO spinster. Living in my penthouse tower, sneering at the world below. I never dreamed of a wedding as a child, those dreams were of science and freedom. I’d rather have a white lab coat over a white flowy dress. But as I stared at the blonde eating like it was her first meal, I saw everything I never thought of. A wedding, a ring on my finger, stupid toasts from friends, a house, a big dog running in a big backyard, coming home at a humanly time, kids, and bickering over whose turn it was to load the dishwasher.

I wanted normal.

I blinked, my mind racing. I wanted to blurt out, yes I’ll marry you, call Jess and take a flight to Las Vegas and make it a reality. But I made a promise. I had to earn her love the right way, earn it back and solidify our relationship. We both were still working off the adrenaline of falling back together, professing love in hopes of making up for lost time. I knew our love was strong, unbreakable, but I want to make it stronger. I wanted to date Kara and go through all the silly stupid steps that led one to proposals and cake tastings.

My mind raced a million miles a minute until it clicked. I rushed out of the kitchen towards my briefcase, opening it to pull out my tablet. Pulling up the calendar, I made a note on this day one year from now. Walking back to the island, I sat next to Kara as she double fisted bacon. “Hey, I didn’t mean to ramble like that. I have a lot on my mind and just tell me when I’m getting out of hand.”

I slid the tablet next to her plate. “Ask me again. On this date, next year.”

“What?” She leaned over, looking at a very full calendar. My life was booked for a solid two years, meetings, engagements, corporate takeovers.

I tapped on the date, zooming in. “One year from now. Ask me to marry you again, Kara.” I hit a button, syncing the calendar to her phone. “I’d say yes right now, but I want to date you. I want us to date and do all of the silly couple things neither of us have experienced. Dinner dates, surprise trips, lazy days in bed, bickering over the stupid things, and just being us. Kara and Lena.”

Kara stared at the calendar, before tilting her head up to look at me. “Can we go to the Midvale fair in summer? Take a road trips to wherever?”

“All of it. Yes.” I grinned watching the spark in her eyes. “I want to do it all with you.”

Kara squinted. “And we can kiss as much as possible? I really like kissing you.”

I leaned over, kissing her, tasting syrup and bacon. “As much as possible is a requirement.” Kara kissed me once more, smiling against my mouth before parting. I licked my lips. “I wasn’t a fan of syrup and bacon until now.”

Kara chuckled, blushing as she leaned into my side. “One year. Okay.” She opened her mouth to say something, when her phone lit up. She groaned at the sight of Alex’s name. She tapped the speakerphone and answered. “Good morning, Alex. You know it’s barely morning?”

“I wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t important.” She sighed. “Lena with you?”

Kara glanced at me, her hand falling to the small of my back. “Yes, we’re having breakfast and we were in the middle of a serious conversation. So, please, Alex, what can we do for you?”

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but Supergirl.”

“Is on a break, semiretired looking at a permanent retirement.” Kara closed her eyes. “You know where I stand and was going to call you later about hanging it up for good.”

“Yeah well, as much as I would like to have that conversation about you retiring and starting a sweet potato farm with Lena, Supergirl needs to come back.”

“Alex.” Kara began rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Can’t you give me more than a week or two?”

“Oh, I’d love to give you all the time in the world. But ZNN has footage of you zipping around to Gotham a few days ago. Up in the air, faster than a speeding bullet and now I’m fielding a million calls. And we all know what their asking.”

Kara closed her eyes. “Shit.”

“I knew it was risky business with you flying to Gotham. Wayne has that entire city on CCTV, and since you don’t have bat wings, people took notice. This mornings headlines are going to be full of Supergirl and blurry pictures of you in my clothes.” Alex’s tone was clipped, but gentle. “Kara.”

“I know. Give me a couple of hours. I have to think about this.” She glanced up at me. “Alex, I’m happy. Really happy and I don’t know if I want to go back.”

“I know, Kara. Think about it and then meet me at the DEO, bring Lena. She’s part of the family now, it’s only fair she sits in on this decision.” Alex hung up before Kara could respond.

Kara tipped her head back, pulling me into her arms as she laid her chin on my shoulder. “Would you still love me if I put the cape back on?”

I smiled. “To be honest, I kind of always had a little crush on Supergirl.”

Kara leaned back, shocked look on her face. “A little crush? Just a little one?”

I nodded, cupping her face in my hands. “I hated that you had a better power pose than me. That hands on the hips, wonder woman pose. It put my CEO one to shame.”

Kara chuckled, shaking her head. “To be honest, Wonder Woman taught me how to pose.” She leaned forward kissing me softly, whispering. “But yours is far more sexy.” She kissed me again, lingering as I melted into her arms. She broke away, leaving me wanting more as she speared more waffles. “Let me finish eating and we can take a nap before we meet Alex and discuss Supergirl.”

“Just so you know, I might have had a crush on Supergirl, but I’ll always love Kara more.” I nudged her with my shoulder, stealing a bite of food from her plate. “No matter what, I’ll be there for you. Whatever you choose, I’ll stand next to you. CEO power pose and all.”

Kara rolled her eyes, poking my arm with the end of her fork as I reached for another piece of bacon.

And for a split second, I felt the wave of normal wash over me. I could have this life, stealing my girlfriend’s food as we decided the future. I could have this.

I wanted this, no matter what.


	10. chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things and stuff happen. Next chapter will move things a little further with their relationship and they might finally go on that fourth date.

“Znn has some serious digital equipment. They were able to take the footage from Gotham’s CCTV system and tweak it.” Alex tapped the monitor. The blurry image of Kara frozen on the screen. “Luckily, Winn hacked into their systems and blocked access to every facial recognition program in the land. As of right now, it’s pure speculation this is you, Kara.”

Kara sat next to me, hunched in the chair. She wasn’t looking at the monitor, just at her hands, clasped in her lap. “If it’s speculation, I don’t need to come back.” She kept her head down.

Alex sighed. “You know the media won’t let it go. You work for one of the largest media outlets in the land. Your boss, as matter of fact, is working with ZNN to start investigating here in National City.” Alex’s jaw clenched. “This is going to blow up, and I fear it’s going to blow up big time. Supergirl has to come back.”

“No, she doesn’t” Kara glared at her sister. “Crime rates are normal. NCPD is handling things with the help of the DEO superstars. There isn’t any major threat to the city or the planet. The world doesn’t need Supergirl.” She stood up, tugging the sleeves of her sweatshirt over her hands. “I’m not coming back.” She turned and walked out of Alex’s office.

Alex groaned, shaking her head. “Lena.”

“Can I ask a question?” I focused on the blurry image of Kara, flying in the skies right near my Gotham apartment. I knew Alex would be snippy, once again pinpointing blame on me, since Kara was coming to me that night.

“Sure.” She met my eyes as she sat down, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Why do you want her to put the cape back on?” I leaned against the edge of her desk.

“Supergirl is a part of her. It’s important to her. It’s who she is, Lena. I understand she’s adjusting to being alive, but I know she needs to go back to being Supergirl.” Alex shrugged. “It’s the one thing she’s always loved and felt comfortable in. She is Supergirl and Supergirl is her.”

I nodded slowly, tucking my hands in my jean pockets. “She’s been home barely a week. I think it might be better if we don’t rush this. Rush her back into the cape.” I paused, waiting for Alex to cut me off, yell at me. “This hasn’t been easy for any of us. But have you, we, stopped to think what Kara wants? She’s been gone a year, drifting in space for four years in linear time. She’s different. There’s an edge to her.”

Alex closed her eyes. “I haven’t really spoken to my sister outside of phone calls. She’s spent all of her time with you, Lena. So, no, I don’t know what she wants.” She opened her eyes, staring right at me. “I’m starting to think you might be influencing her. My question is, why don’t you want her to be Supergirl? I think that’s the underlying issue here.”

I shook my head, chuckling. “You won’t ever forgive me, will you?”

She shrugged. “We have a spotty past, Lena. I can’t help it sometimes. You have such a hold over Kara.” She let out a slow breath. “I know she loves you, and you love her. But it’s been hard.” She stopped, her jaw clenching. “I’ve missed my sister.”

“And she’s missed you.” I stepped closer to Alex. “I actually agree with you. We need Supergirl back in the world. The paragon of hope. But, Kara needs time. I already fear we rushed bringing Kara Danvers back, I don’t know if pushing Supergirl would be the best idea. Kara needs to heal, emotionally. She carries a lot of weight from the events leading up to her death and everything that came after.” I paused. “She has nightmares. She’s scared bringing back Supergirl will bring back the death threats, the violence and the fear of losing everything she loves again. Think about it, Alex. For every cat she rescued from a tree, there was five threats of total world annihilation following it. I think she lost the purpose behind the cape. She just sees the trails of blood she’s dragged that cape through.”

Alex sat in silence for a moment. “My entire life has been dedicated to keeping her safe. I’ve always been the big sister, guiding her, showing her the way. Looking back, I can’t remember Kara having a normal life. She’s always hiding. Hiding her powers, hiding her true self, hiding her feelings for the sake of making others happy.” She huffed, shaking her head. “I hate to admit you’re right, Luthor. So, what do we do?”

“Give her time. Let her figure it out. Let her make the decision with the cape.” I smiled softly. “Let her take the vacation she’s never had. This is literally her rebirth and I think it’s starting to sink in that she’s missed a lot in life. It’s only ever been Catco and saving the world.”

Alex motioned to the monitor. “What about that?”

I grinned. “LCorp owns a controlling stake in ZNN as a silent partner. Give me a few hours and the footage will disappear with a statement from the bat in Gotham the blurry image is one of his enemies.”

Alex cocked an eyebrow, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Andrea?”

“Will fall in line. Especially when the COO of Catco, me, shows up in her office later today.” I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, filling Jess on the details and what I needed her to setup.

“Damn, Lena. How much of the world do you own?” Alex stood up, resting her hands on her gear belt.

“Enough.” I smiled with a wink. “Let’s go get Kara. I promised to help her clean her loft.”

Alex chuckled, shaking her head. “Good luck. Kara gets bored and tends to use her powers to rush the process.” Alex opened her office door, holding it for me. “Um, this weekend. Can I borrow my sister for a day? I’d like to do a sister night and maybe actually talk to her. She’s always been there for me, providing a shoulder for me to cry on, it’s her turn. I need to share the load with you, Lena.”

“Of course. I have some work to do for the guild anyways.” I patted Alex’s shoulder. “Be patient with her. I’m learning every day, patience. This is a new chapter for all of us.”

* * *

XXX

I left Alex’s office and ran into Brainy passing through. He was excited to see me, well, in his own Brainy way.

“Ms. Luthor, or should I say, Dr. Kiernan?” He cocked his head, studying me.

“Lena is perfect.” I smiled, patting his shoulder. “We went over this the other night at Kara’s. We’re friends, no need for formalities anymore.” I glanced at the tablet in his hands. “Can I ask what you’re working on?”

“Of course.” He scooted closer, tilting the tablet towards me. “I collected trace elements of Harun-El from Kara’s pod. Director Danvers and I have been running programs to harness the healing properties of the element. We hope to utilize it in the future as an alien cure all.”

I glossed over his calculations, finding them to be practically perfect. “Brainy, can you explain how Kara’s resurrection worked?”

His eyes lit up. “Yes, I’d very much enjoy that.” He tapped on the screen. “Studying her pod’s navigation and communication system, I was able to pull the recordings. It appears as she sat in the middle of space after her cousin pushed her out of Earth’s orbit, the navigation system glitched. A random lighting storm passed and hit the main CPU, her pod fell back on old navigation coordinates and slipped into the phantom zone. There is where she encountered the Harun-El asteroid showers. The asteroids cracked her cockpit, allowing a thin stream of Harun-El rich air to slip in.” He tapped once more, bringing up a anatomical chart. “Since Kara was in stasis, outside of the yellow sun reaches, her body was essentially human. The particles of the Harun-El were ingested through her nasal passages and soaked into her cells. What we’re still examining is how Kara’s cells absorbed it. Her blood tests upon landing show her white blood cells to be in a unique state of mitosis. Splitting and replicating in a fashion none of us have ever seen.”

I frowned. “So, there is no real true explanation of how Kara was resurrected?”

“As Director Danvers states, it’s a miracle. We’re still analyzing data and I’ve been communicating with Mon-El and Imra in the future, perhaps they have data from their time that could open locked doors.”

I nodded, swiping through pages of data. “The Harun-El has been known to alter a person’s mood. Can you also monitor Kara’s brain algorithms?”

“If you’re referring to the inherent sadness Kara seems to be carrying, I fear that has nothing to do with kryptonite. Our lovely friend endured a traumatic event, and is possibly dealing with a form of PTSD.” Brainy laid a hand on my shoulder. “Science won’t help her heal. You will.”

I looked at Brainy, shocked at his words. “Brainy, I…”

“Keep unpacking all of your little boxes. There’s no need to keep them. If you begin to unpack them with Kara, she will unpack hers. Looking over the incredibly history of my friend, she has a lot of boxes and each one is filled to the brim.” He paused, patting my shoulder. “Love. It’s the one thing that always survives. Love her, Lena.”

I blushed, biting my bottom lip. “I will, and I do, so much, Brainy.”

He nodded, smiling his weird little Brainy smile. “Perfect. I must return to my desk. I shall see you later, Dr. Kiernan.”

I opened my mouth to contest him, when I saw the sly wink he gave me before walking down the hall.

Kara was a miracle. A pure unexplained miracle. I chuckled, shaking my head. Of course, the paragon of hope would be a walking miracle.

* * *

XXXX

I found Kara sitting outside at a small café outside of the DEO, a stack of doughnuts in front of her with a giant caramel frappe things she adored.

“We could go to lunch, if you’d like.” I grinned as Kara stood up, brushing crumbs off her shirt.

“I was hungry, and the DEO never has fresh doughnuts.” She pointed at a large cup next to hers. “I got you tea.” She seemed downtrodden.

I leaned over, kissing her softly as I took the seat next to her. “Thank you.” I grinned at the sight of her blushing like a fool, tipping her head down. “I spoke with Alex.”

Kara nodded, picking at the triple chocolate sprinkle doughnut. “I know.” She glanced at me. “I’m going to talk to her later. Tell her to give me a month and then we can revisit the cape conversation.”

I was surprised at her concession. “Is it what you really want to do?”

She shrugged. “No, but I see her point. Supergirl is important to the world.”

I grabbed her hand. “Kara is far more important to the rest of us.” I sighed, noticing the way her shoulders hunched, she was giving in. And that was the last thing I wanted. “Look, I have to go back to Gotham this weekend to hand over the last of my projects to the R&D team, and meet with Bruce Wayne.”

Kara’s jaw tightened hearing his name. “I’ll go with you.”

“It’s fine. He won’t bother me. He saw the same press conference, he even sent me a lovely note, congratulating me on our relationship.” I squeezed Kara’s hand. “What I was going to say is, I’d like for you to spend the weekend with Alex. A sister weekend while I’m gone. Talk, fight, eat everything in National City, but take the time and heal. I think if you talk to Alex, she will understand why you’re hesitant to return to a life you no longer love.”

Kara raised her eyebrows. “Has anyone told you how perfect you are?” She smiled, kissing me. “You’ve changed, Lena. You’re softer.”

“I’m in love. Love has softened the broken edges I’ve been carrying for years. I’m not taking this chance with you for granted, and I wanted to do this right. I know what’s important to you, and I won’t hold you back.” I grabbed the tea, taking a sip and wincing. “How much sugar did you put in this?”

“Enough.” Kara laughed, standing up and taking the tea with her. “I was distracted by the doughnuts and forgot to tell them no sugar.” She bent down, kissing me solidly on the lips. “I love you.”

It was my turn to blush. “And I love you.”

* * *

XXXXX

A few days later

“I’ll be home Monday night. I have a last minute meeting with Wayne. He wants to make a donation to the science guild.” I stood in my old Gotham office, staring out the large windows onto the rainy city. “How’s it going with Alex?”

“Great. She’s out getting more ice cream while I make a pillow fort in her living room. We’re going to watch a few movies and talk like we did when we were teenagers. You were right, Lena, I needed to talk to her. She’s giving me time to figure out the Supergirl thing. She just missed me and since she’s not very good at expressing her emotions, she was pushing to go back to normal.” Kara sighed. “I miss you. I haven’t slept much since you left.”

I grinned, pressing my hand against the glass. “I left my shirt on your pillow, sprayed extra perfume on it.”

“It’s not the same. I’ve gotten used to you next to me, pressed against me.” Kara’s voice dropped. “I might just fly out there to kiss you goodnight.”

I swallowed hard. The morning I left for Gotham, I woke Kara up with an innocent kiss that turned into a very heavy makeout session. It was getting harder to hold back and honor my stupid three date rule, but I didn’t want to rush things. Truthfully, I was still researching Kryptonian biology, with secret calls to Lois in Metropolis. I’d never slept with an alien and remembered Kara always hesitant to engage with human romantic prospects. The red sun lamp was still being built in my lab at LCorp, and as much as I wanted to ravage Kara, I had to be careful. The horror story of broken beds and noses from Lois was enough to reign in a throbbing libido. “We have one more date, Kara. Tuesday. And I’m wearing the three piece suit as you requested.”

“That is not helping.” Kara huffed. “Can I please come over for a quick kiss? Please?”

“No. Stay with Alex, I just ordered pizza from your favorite place. It should be there in a minute.” I closed my eyes, thinking of Kara in her skimpy tank tops and little boy shorts, making my heart skip.

“I heard that, Lena.” Kara’s voice was getting lower. “You’re thinking about me, aren’t you? Your heart only does that when I walk around half naked in the morning.”

I cleared my throat. “I’m going to say goodnight now. I love you.”

“And I love you. Hurry home.”

I hung up, pressing my forehead against the cool glass, desperate to lower my heart rate. After a minute, I leaned back, emailing my team back in National City for an update on the red sun lamp. I then turned to my desk, clearing up the paperwork strewn everywhere and shoving it into my briefcase. It was late and I wanted to take a long hot bath before slipping into bed. The sooner I fell asleep, the sooner the morning would come, and the closer to Kara I’d get.

I shook my head at my silly thoughts. I’d never been this smitten with anyone in my life. It was foreign, but amazing all at once.

After collecting my things, I took the elevator down, waving at the security guard. “Calling it a night, Dr. Kiernan?”

“I am, Troy. I’ve ordered some food for you and the second shift. Please enjoy and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The guard grinned, adjusting his belt. “Thank you, Doc. We’ve missed you seeing you around here. How are things in in National City? I watched that press conference last week, and now I know why you have a permanent smile. Ms. Danvers is a catch.”

“She is indeed.” I walked over to his desk, slipping him my card. “Even thought I’ve moved back to National City, if you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to contact me. You’ve been very good to me and it doesn’t go unnoticed.” Troy had been one of the few in Gotham city who treated me with kindness when I moved there. Everyone else treated me with a cold shoulder or pure indifference, knowing the drama that followed me in the days after Kara died.

“You don’t have to, Doc. But I appreciate it, and the bonus you gave us.” He gave me a soft grin. “Do you want me to call you a car? I don’t feel comfortable with you walking the streets at this hour or taking a cab.”

“That would be perfect, Troy. I’ll just wait outside the door, I need some fresh air.”

He cocked his eyebrow. “I don’t think fresh air exists in Gotham, Doc.” He laughed, dialing the car service.

The second I walked outside, I took a deep breath of the damp air. Gotham had its own unique smell. Wet, dirty, and tired. It always rained in the city, soaking the garbage and stains everywhere to the point they created their own heavy perfume. I looked up into the night sky, the clouds blocking a clear view of the stars in the sky, and I wondered why I chose this city to run to. 

I lingered in the idle thought for less than a minute when I heard the squealing of tires on wet streets come from my left. The rev of an engine pulled my attention as two cars rounded a corner at high speeds. One was a GCPD police car, the other a nondescript black sedan. I took a step back from the curb as the cars barreled in my direction, and as I turned to walk back into the lobby, a series of pops filled the air like firecrackers. I flinched at the sound, raising my hands to cover my ears when something hotter than hell grazed right under my ear as a pure lighting struck the top of my right thigh and pushed through. I dropped to my knees as white hot fire burned through my leg, another strange fire laden bee sting dug into my side. I collapsed to the wet concrete in front of me, my hands breaking my fall as the white fire consumed me. God damn, this hurt. The sound around me muted, the squealing of tires moved around me, past me, replaced by Troy yelling my name.

I looked up, the feeling of something warm and wet running down my neck and thigh made me shiver. I reached up with a shaky hand, brushing my fingers over my neck. When I looked at my hand, all I saw was dark red blood. I blinked, confused. Troy knelt in front of me, screaming louder into his radio.

“It’s okay.” I mumbled the words out, falling to my side, looking up into the sky. Something wasn’t right, but my body was numb and my brain felt sluggish. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and when I opened them, I came face to face with a batman.

“Lena.”

I recognized Bruce’s voice and smiled. “Our meeting is Monday.”

He frowned, lifting me up. “I have to get you to the hospital.” His voice shook as he held me close to his chest.

“I fell down, it’s okay.” I coughed, tasting blood. I patted the bat on his chest, trying to smile at the fact he was wearing the new armor I designed for him last month. I let out a slow breath, my eyes drooping closed. On the edges of the blurry haze, I knew something was desperately wrong, but my body was shutting down faster than I could analyze.

Bruce murmured, his voice vibrating against my ear, when I felt another gush of wind pass over me. I cracked an eye open as I was moved out of his arms and away from the smell of too much old spice and leather. Turning my head towards the smell of linen and warmth, I squinted at the arms now cradling me. But all I saw was a mash of blue, red and yellow. I coughed again, more blood filling my mouth. I let my head roll forward, closed my eyes and slipped into the darkness.

* * *

XXX

**Kara**

“What the hell happened?” I glared at Bruce Wayne sitting in a chair, his bat cowl in his hands. “Was she targeted? Was this an assassination attempt?”

“It was a random drive by shooting. GCPD was chasing bank robbers, I was tracking with them from the sky. Lena had just stepped out of her building.” He looked up at me. “It was a random crime, Supergirl. GCPD have them in custody.”

I cringed at the name, reaching up to unclip the stupid cape off my shoulders, crumpling it up in a ball. “She was shot three times. She’s laying in a hospital bed in an induced coma.” I sucked in a slow breath, pacing outside Lena’s private room in the basement of Wayne Industries. The only place I could take her and keep her safe. I wanted to fly her home, but she was bleeding out too quickly. I dropped my cape in a chair next to Bruce, curling my shaking hands up into a ball. I was on the verge of losing it, but held it back. “Did they get the bullets out?”

“Her thigh and side, yes. They have to wait for the swelling to go down before removing the bullet lodged in the base of her skull.” He sat up straighter. “I have all of my best and her best on this, Kara.”

I gave him a hard look. “I hate that you and my cousin are buddies.”

“We’re not buddies, just coworkers.” He motioned to Lena’s room. “I’ll leave you two alone.” He stood up, his bat suit creaking as he moved. “Wayne Industries is at your disposal.”

I glared at him until he left the room. The second I heard the door close, I let out the breath I’d been holding and fell forward, grabbing the back of the chair he left. I gasped for air as the tears worked their way out, clutching the chair until the metal bent under my hands. I screamed, lifting the chair and throwing it across the room, my eyes heating up to the point they were about to burn the world down. I slammed my eyes closed, gasping for air to settle down, turning to look at Lena lying in the hospital bed.

I’d heard the moment her heart slowed down, I heard the bullets pierce her skin. I left Alex sitting on her floor, holding a half empty tub of ice cream and flew out her window. Donning the stupid super suit as it automatically wrapped itself around me. Those damn glasses.

I got to her a handful of seconds later, Bruce holding her as her blood poured onto the dirty streets of Gotham.

Walking into her room, I sat in the chair I’d pulled up next to her bed earlier. She was pale, paler than normal, covered in tubes and wires. I reached for her hand, hating the way it felt clammy and cold. Wrapping hers in both of mine, I tried to push my warmth into her. “Lena.” I whispered her name, choking on more tears. “You’re going to be okay. The docs here are the best. They told me you have to rest, and let you wake up on your own. Tomorrow they’re going to work on getting that last bullet out, the one lodged against your skull.” I sniffled, kissing her knuckles. “You’re going to be okay.”

My phone vibrated in my boot, I yanked it out with one hand, keeping the other in Lena’s. “Alex.”

“I’m on my way. We have a DEO transport readying to take Lena home.” She sounded like she was running. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” I looked up at the ceiling, tears running down my cheeks. “I should’ve been here with her. I shouldn’t have let her go alone.”

“Kara, you can’t blame yourself. The reports show it was a random crime. She wasn’t targeted. Lex is dead, Lillian is in jail. It was a random event.” Alex paused.

“I know that silence. I know. Supergirl.” I rubbed my temple, looking down at my red boots. “I guess Supergirl is alive and well and I can’t hide anymore.” I ran my thumb over Lena’s knuckles.

“We’ll deal with that later. Our focus is Lena. I want to move her back to the DEO. Brainy is setting up the surgery here to remove that last bullet.” Alex paused again. “I will do everything in my power to save her, Kara.”

“Thank you.” The words barely came out, I had to hang up before I broke down completely. I leaned over Lena, kissing her forehead, murmuring against her skin. “Don’t you dare leave me, Lena. I just got you back. You can’t leave me.”

I moved, laying my head on her chest over her heart, falling asleep as I listened to it beat. Slow and steady.

* * *

XXXX

**Lena**

I gasped awake, the strange sensation of a magnet sitting at the back of my head, forced me into consciousness. I blinked a few times, squinting at the sunlight pouring into my bedroom. I pushed to sit up, when a shooting pain rocked through my thigh, making me roll onto my left side. I wrapped my hands in the sheets, funneling out the pain radiating through my body. My head ached, my side felt like an elephant was sitting on me, and my thigh felt like someone had taken a chainsaw to it. The pain subsided enough for me to let go of the sheet and wipe the tears from my cheeks. I scooted slowly into a sitting position, looking around my bedroom. I felt like I’d been asleep for weeks, groggy and sluggish.

My bedside table was filled with pill bottles, bandages and tissues. Kara’s blanket was draped across the end of the bed and Rupert was sitting on the pillow next to me. Other than that, my room was clean, warm and almost void of life.

I stared at Rupert, trying to remember how I got home from Gotham, why everything hurt and why the back of my head felt like it was stuck between two magnets. I shoved the heavy comforter down and looked at my leg, swaddled in thick gauze. I lifted it, and regretted it as pain skyrocketed through it. “Shit. Fuck.”

Even my voice felt foreign, my throat dry and filled with sawdust. I blinked back tears, lifting my shirt to spot a small bandage on my side. I pressed along the edges, frowning at the tenderness. What the hell happened? I grabbed Rupert, holding him to my chest as I buried my nose in his fur. He smelled like Kara, making my heart skip.

“Lena?” Her soft voice was followed by heavy footsteps rushing from the balcony to my bedroom. A second later, Kara appeared. Her hair messy on one side, the imprint of a pillow pressed into her face, as she stood in the doorway. In her supersuit. “You’re awake.”

“You’re wearing it.” I blinked a few times, taking in the sight. God, she was beautiful. I lifted my hand, holding it out to her. “Come here. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. And I can’t remember why it feels like this.”

Kara smiled, blinking back tears as she walked to the edge of the bed, taking my hand. I tugged her closer. “I need a hug.”

Kara laughed through her tears and scooped me into her arms. “I’ve missed you so much, Lena. They told me it might be a little longer before you woke up. The last surgery was difficult.”

I frowned, burying my face against her neck. “Surgery? Is that why my leg and side are bandaged?”

Kara nodded, running her hands up and down my back. “Yes.” She sighed, leaning back in my arms, cupping my face with her hands. “I love you. I love you, Lena.” She smiled, sniffling. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”

I covered her hands with mine. “I don’t remember anything, Kara.” I nodded to the giant S on her chest. “Are we in a different timeline? On a different earth? You’re back in the cape.”

Kara sighed, closing her eyes. “They told me not to tell you right away if you woke up. So, don’t ask for all the details just yet.” Her jaw twitched. “But I promised to never lie to you again.” She opened her eyes. “Two months ago, when you were in Gotham, you were shot three times. A random drive by.”

I sucked in a slow breath. “And you were forced to put the suit back on to save me.” I dropped my hands from her, moving away from her. “I’m sorry, Kara. You always have to save me.” I bit my bottom lip, tears filling my eyes.

“Bruce got to you first. He technically saved you, I came in at the last minute.” Kara reached for my hand. “This isn’t your fault.” She scooted closer, tugging me back into her arms. “You’re here, that’s all that matters.”

I slid my arms around her, clutching at her shoulders as I broke down. She held me until I slipped back asleep.

I woke up later, Kara was gone. Her red boots sat by the door. My heart sank at the sight of them. I sat up easier than I had when I first woke up, and scooted to the edge of the bed. I spotted a walker sitting next to the end of the bed, and reached for it. It took everything I had to lift myself up and stand on my left leg. My right balked whenever I put any amount of weight on it. I shuffled slowly, leaning on the walker as I moved out of my bedroom.

The living room was bathed in the late evening sunlight, and I smiled as I recognized the skyline of National City. I also smiled at the sight of Kara sitting on the couch with headphones on, watching TV. She wore an old pair of leggings and my MIT sweatshirt. She looked tired, worn out with a plate of cookies sitting in her lap.

I shuffled a few more steps, clenching my jaw at the pain. I moved slowly, when I caught the headline on the newspaper sitting on the counter in the kitchen.

**SUPERGIRL SAVES BURNING TANKER**

I grabbed the newspaper, flipping the page to read the article.

_Supergirls mysterious return to National City is still one of the most guarded secrets in this world. The hero has refused all interviews, continuously referring to the statement issued by the FBI last month when Supergirl suddenly fell from the sky to assist Batman with the rescue of Lena Luthor. Supergirl has been as elusive as Batman, and has us all wondering if things are back to normal with Supergirl or has her resurrection caused some emotional damage._

_Turn to page 8A to read Kara Danvers interview as her love Lena Luthor recovers in an undisclosed location._

“I can’t help it. I can’t hide from those who need help. I knew it when the cape came back on, and I tired to hang it up after Gotham, but she’s a part of me I can’t ignore.” Kara’s soft voice carried from the couch. A second later, her warm hand fell to the small of my back. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be walking a few hours after you woke up. Brainy is still working on your leg and not all of the swelling in your… not all of the swelling has gone down.”

I gripped to the marble counter top, tapping the newspaper. “This is my fault.” I rasped the words out, guilt overwhelming me. “I never wanted you to rush back in. I was getting used to the idea of having you all to myself. I left the DEO that day, perfectly content with you never going back to it.” I glanced at her. “I’ve never been anything good to you, Kara.”

Kara shook her head, slipping her arm around me and lifting me off my feet with one arm. I was soon cradled up into her arms as she carried me to the couch, gently setting me down in her lap. “You’ve been the only good thing to happen to me, Lena.” She held me close. “I kept distance with the media. I fly in and fly out. I don’t stay for pictures or do interviews anymore. I’ve adopted Bruce’s way of living, which has allowed him to disappear for longer periods of time. Supergirl can fall back into the shadows if I so choose it.” She ran her eyes down my body. “You’re healing. You will need therapy for your thigh, but you’re alive and okay.” She smiled, tucking me closer into her chest. “Plus, it gave me something to do while you slept. Punching bank robbers made me feel better.”

I laid my hand on her stomach, pressing against the sliver of skin showing. She was so warm, soft. “I missed our date.”

Kara chuckled. “Yeah, you kind of did.” She looked down at me. “But I’ll take cuddles on the couch with you as concession.”

I grinned, laying my head on her shoulder. “Cuddles I can do.” I sighed as she set me on the couch to run and grab a blanket, water and my pills for the day. She moved so I could lay against her, covered me with a blanket and turned on the TV.

“I found a few documentaries you might like, and there’s a show about the Queen Alex is in love with. I’ll let you pick.” She spun through the menu, stopping on a documentary. “I’ll order dinner if you’re up to it. Or I can fly to Eliza’s and get some soup from her. Whatever you want, it’s yours. And before you ask, I’m off duty for the night. NCPD can handle things.”

I settled into her arms, winding my fingers into her hand. “I want this, Kara. I want a normal life.”

Kara kissed the top of my head. “Then we’ll have it. It’s just going to take time and a lot of work.”

I laughed, leaning into her more. “That won’t be a problem. I’m a certified workaholic.”


	11. chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story moves on. It might feel slow and eh, but it's been hard to focus and get inspired lately. But! I'm trying to find a rhythm and get these chapters up. Everything these characters do, whether it makes sense right away or not, is for a reason, it might take a minute for it all to unravel, but be patient. Everything i write has a reason behind it!

**Kara**

Sitting on the bench in the locker room of the DEO, I picked at a splinter of wood sticking out. Digging at it until I’d carved a decent curve into the bench. Lena was at her therapy appointment with Brainy and Alex. I’d sat with her until the grunts of her pain was too much to bear, and left for the training rooms.

It’d been two weeks since she woke up, and things still felt fragile. Our love was getting stronger, our relationship was finding it’s groove, but everything around me still felt fragile. I had tapered off on the Supergirl stuff, only coming through when Lena was in meetings or if there was a large emergency that needed my help. But I was home every night, woke up every morning with Lena and was slowly finding a balance in my life, lives.

And yet, something felt off. I huffed, flicking a large chunk of wood off before groaning and covering my face with my hands. Maybe I’d take Kelly up on her offer for therapy, talk about the things I was still hesitant to share with Lena or Alex. I didn’t know if it was fear or frustration. Alex had tried to talk to me about rushing into being Supergirl again, and I continued to brush it off. In all honesty, I had rushed into being Supergirl, only because it was a way for me to stop thinking and focus on Lena. When things grew bleak after her shooting, I’d zip into the sky, punch a few armed thugs and feel a little lighter. Lifting sinking freighters, or stopping runaway trains, drained all of the pent up emotional energy I carried. I was hiding in the cape and I didn’t dare tell anyone. I just wanted peace and quiet as I waited for Lena to heal. And along the way, I realized I couldn’t do this without her. The odd silence of my loft or her apartment dug deep into my skin, pricking my heart with doubt and fear. Even though I could find her heart beat, her steady, slow heart beat, it did very little to soothe me. It reminded me of the days when she hated me and I had to struggle through life without her, and just like then, she was so close but so far away.

I chewed on my bottom lip, I was regressing. Kelly had called me out on over a mouthful of pizza bites two weeks ago. She’d stopped by with Alex one night to check on me, and I got a quick dose of therapy as I stressed ate away Alex complaining about how messy my loft had become. I was regressing, shoving all the trauma from the last four years away, piling it on top of a lifetime of trauma. And since Lena was the only thing I’d been living for, for so long, her being taken away had me slip sliding backwards. And I ran to the one thing I could hide behind and forget reality. Supergirl.

I shoved my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants, pulling out my cellphone. I shot off a quick email to Kelly.

_Promise you won’t tell my sister. And can you get me in two weeks from today? K_

I hit send, and stood up from the bench and grabbed the black zip up, slipping it on as I walked out of the locker room, smiling brightly at a few DEO agents who passed by. Today was an off day, from Catco and the cape. I was eager to spend the day with Lena painting my bedroom and preparing it for the giant Alaskan king bed I ordered on a whim. A late night spontaneous purchase after beating the heck out of a rouge troll from Jupiter’s moons. I was tired, hungry and frustrated my bed had begun to dip in the middle when Lena was in it with me. I suddenly smiled at the thought of Lena, catching her heartbeat around the corner.

“I want you back here in three days, Lena. We’ll work on the mobility again, but hopefully Brainy’s contraption here will make walking easier.” Alex’s doctor tone carried to my ears.

I peeked around the corner. Lena sat on an exam table, sweaty and flushed face as Brainy slid a very sleek looking brace up her leg and around her thigh. Alex stood in front of her, typing away on a tablet. “But other than that, your healing well. Your side is at ninety five percent, the thigh is getting there and your brain functions are normal. But how are you feeling?”

Lena sighed, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “Slow. Sore. I feel like a turtle when I walk, and the pain is manageable, but I’d like to move off the pain killers sooner.” She looked up at my sister. “My brain, feels muted. I feel like there’s a blanket over my thoughts and it takes me a minute to lock onto things. I don’t know if it’s the medications or the residual effect of being asleep for so long.” Lena paused, frowning. “Will you do another scan when I return for my leg?”

“Of course.” Alex laid a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. But we’ll take a look to ease your worries. The bullet sat at the base of your skull, lodged at the bottom of the mastoid process. The swelling you had was typical of someone who was in a car accident. No bruising, no blood clots, nothing. So, I’m leaning towards your ideas of residual effects of meds and oversleeping.” Alex smiled, squeezing Lena’s shoulder. “You might feel slow, but from the work you’ve been doing lately, the great mind of Lena Luthor has yet to slow down.”

Lena sighed, smiling as she covered Alex’s hand with hers. “Thank you, Alex. For everything.”

Brainy tapped a few buttons on the brace. “Please stand, Lena.”

She scooted off the edge, holding onto Alex and Brainy as she delicately put weight on her right leg. She winced, letting out a slow breath.

“The brace is using magnetic energy to create a force field to lift your leg ever so slightly. It’s also allowing increased blood flow to the torn muscles, increasing the rate of healing. I encourage you to wear this during the day as your mobile, but at night remove it. After each therapy session, I will decrease the magnetic field, allowing you to place more weight on the leg naturally.” Brainy stepped away, letting Lena balance on her own. “How does it feel?”

“Odd. But better.” Lena grinned. “Thank you. You’ve all been so kind.”

“As Director Danvers states, you’re family, Lena. And family is never left behind.” Brainy smiled, scooped up his tablet and walked away, leaving Lena to blush and Alex shaking her head.

I took this chance, and walked into the room. “Hey, you two.”

Lena’s face lit up, her grin widening as she met my eyes. “Hi.”

Alex looked over as I stood next to her. “Rumor has it you have the world’s biggest bed being delivered today.”

I shrugged. “It’s not the world’s biggest. But yes, it should be arriving around four. Plenty of time to finish painting my room and rearranging everything.”

Alex chuckled. “I can’t wait to sit on your bed for game nights. Kara, why don’t you take the bigger apartment across from you? I read it went up for rent and I heard you’re very close to the owner of the building. You might get a good deal on the rent.”

I rolled my eyes, punching Alex in the shoulder. “I like my loft.”

“Yeah, all that complaining for years on end, you really like your leaky, stinky loft.” Alex nudged me. “This lovely lady is ready to go home. I’ll forward today’s notes to your email, Lena.”

Lena took a small step, reaching for her sweatshirt. “Thank you.” She wobbled, slipping her arms in. I went to reach for her when Alex, grabbed my elbow, slowing shaking her head. Lena winced, correcting her stance, the new brace doing exactly what it was designed to do.

“Alright, I’m off. I have a few meetings before lunch.” Alex kissed the side of my head, whispering against my ear. “Let her, she’s been stubborn all morning about asking for help.”

I nodded, watching my sister walk away. I turned to Lena. “Your place or mine?”

Lena smiled. “Yours. I can help you paint.” She wobbled a few steps, clenching her jaw as the pain still bothered her. I saw in her face she was tired, tired but deeply thinking.

“You know I can paint the entire place in less than two minutes. Gives us plenty of time to sit and eat pizza before the bed arrives.” I waited until she extended her hand to me, taking it and sighing at the way her hand always felt in mine.

She squeezed my hand, a new thing she’d started to do over the last few days. Squeeze it as if to remind herself I was still here. It made my heart soar and drop all at the same time.

“As long as there’s a salad or two with the pizza. We’ve been indulging too much in the junk food. I miss fruits and vegetables.” Lena leaned closer into my side. “Air or land?” She cocked her head.

I chuckled. Air or Land was her way of delicately asking if I’d fly us home. Ever since her incident, Lena had done her best to avoid walking out in public. The press was all over us from the moment she woke up and word leaked. I’d had my picture taken a hundred times more as Kara Danvers going out to get coffee, than I had as Supergirl. I was hoping my meeting with Andrea at the end of the week would delicately push her editorial ideas away from Lena and back to hard hitting topics. “Air.”

“Perfect.”

I picked her up, bridal style and felt my skin heat up as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her forehead against the spot where my shoulder met my neck. I carried her to the small balcony right by Alex’s office and took off.

* * *

XXXX

**Lena**

“You really like pastels, don’t you?” I stared at the squares of color Kara had painted against her bedroom wall. Four different shades of Easter colors that had me cringing ever so slightly.

“And you like black, grey, white and royal purple. I swear, I wonder if you’re secretly a medieval sorceress who’s mastered time travel and landed here.” Kara sat on the arm of her couch, head tilted as she stared at the wall. “Pastels feel happy, and this loft has never had good natural light sources. I once painting the living room a dark blue and it felt like a cave in here.” She glanced at me, smiling. “What color would you choose?”

I laid a hand on her shoulder, steadying myself. My right leg throbbed, but it didn’t ache or scream with pain. The brace and therapy was working wonderfully today, I had yet to take another pain pill. “Grey.” I grinned, leaning over to kiss Kara on the forehead. “But I like the soft blue color.” I shuffled away, easing myself into a chair.

“What if I did a slate grey blue? Merge the two of us?” Kara squinted at the wall. “I’m getting another bedside table for you, and one of those fancy amber led reading lights so you can read while I sleep.” She sighed. “I also got high thread count sheets, and a nice down comforter. Oh, and a million pillows, you love pillows.”

I stared at the blonde, rambling as she stared at the wall. “Kara?”

She turned to me. “Hmm?”

“This is your home, make it yours. I don’t need anything.” I lifted my leg, setting it gently on the edge of her worn coffee table. I stretched my neck, reaching up to scratch the small scar from where the bullet was removed from the back of my head.

“Yeah, but you’re my home and I want to make this comfortable for you. And maybe you’ll stay here more.” She smiled, pushing to stand up. “Especially on the weekends. I always had a dream of waking up next to you as the sun poured through the windows, you’d smile in your sleep, I’d sneak out for coffee and croissants, sneak back in and have you snuggle up in my side until I fell back asleep. Then I’d wake up with you sitting next to me, sipping coffee as you read the newspaper with your glasses on. The morning light making you glow.” She shrugged, her cheeks pinking up. “Your apartment is amazing, but the light here, the light here makes you look like an angel, Lena.”

My heart skipped a few beats, and by the quirk of Kara’s eyebrows, I knew she heard it. I leaned over, grabbing her hand, pulling her closer. “That is quite possibly the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s true.” Kara whispered the words, her eyes locked on mine.

“You’re cheesier than all of the cheese in the world, Kara Danvers.”

She rolled her eyes. “And that line is cheesier than anything I could come up with, Lena.” She leaned down, palming my cheek with her hand, leaning closer to brush her lips against mine. Our lips barely connected before the doorbell rang.

Kara sprang up, running towards the door. “Pizza’s here!”

I sighed, swallowing hard, pushing the desire down. “I think you love food more than me.” I dropped my leg, scooting to stand. Kara appeared carrying three boxes of pizza, two large tubs of salad and a small pink bakery box.

“You and food hold equal footing.” She winked, setting the food down on the island. “I got you a kale salad.”

“Thank you. My body will appreciate the leafy greens.” I wobbled over to the island, sliding onto a stool. I looked around the loft as Kara rambled on about the toppings she got on her pizza. The loft was small, cramped and would be even worse when the worlds largest bed arrived. Kara wasn’t a huge fan of my apartment, always comparing it to the medical bays at the DEO. I let out a slow breath, nerves rising as the sudden idea popped into my head. I bit my bottom lip and started speaking. “The floor above you is empty. I moved the tenants out last month to new locations so I could continue renovations and upgrades. They’re happier in their new homes, and the walls are already blown out, we’d just have to pick our own layout. The windows are bigger up there as well, letting in more natural light and could fit two of your silly giant beds.” I picked at the edge of the salad tub. “I can install all of the same security protocols, and extend the fire escape into a small balcony. It’s high enough many won’t see you, or I can renovate the roof and design a greenhouse cover so you can make discreet landings.”

“Lena.”

“Or never mind. I’m just thinking out loud.” I sighed, reaching for a plate.

“Just ask me.” Kara leaned across the island, grabbing my hand. “Also, nice to see you’ve picked up my terrible habit of rambling.” She wrapped her fingers in mine. “Just ask.”

I looked up into her big blue eyes, brighter than ever without her glasses. “Will you move upstairs? With me? Together?”

“Yes.” Kara pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “Yes, I’ll move in with you. Upstairs.” She leaned back. “But are you sure? I know how much you love your apartment.”

“I hate my apartment. It’s cold, empty and drafty.” I paused, running my thumb over her knuckle. “I’m tired of living cold and empty. I want warmth, happiness and you hogging my pillow.”

“Your pillow has more squish than mine.” Kara pouted, slapping a slice of pizza on my plate.

I laughed, blotting the grease off with a napkin. “I’ll make sure to leave extra space for your giant bed and order plenty of squishy pillows.” I looked at her. “Are you sure?”

Kara grinned, nodding. “You’re the only thing I’ve ever been completely sure about.” She bit her bottom lip. “But I have to tell you the truth.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I didn’t get the giant bed, I only got a California Queen. I changed my mind when we came back from the DEO. I didn’t like the idea of being so far away from you in bed.” Kara shrugged. “Do you know how hard it is to find cheap bed sheets for an Alaskan king?”

“I can only imagine.” I stood up, walking over to Kara, sliding my arms around her waist as she shoved a slice in her mouth. I smiled, laying my head against her chest. “I’ll get a crew started tomorrow upstairs. After we eat, we can work on the design. I’d like you to have anything you want to make it feel like home.”

“I can’t believe Lena Luthor is moving to the wrong side of town.” Kara giggled when I pinched her side. “Shacking up with a commoner in a rent controlled building.”

I pinched her again. “I’ll have you know this building increased in value by three hundred percent when I purchased it. If I were to rent the apartments at full retail value, they’d go for approximately three hundred thousand a month.” I leaned back in her arms, wiping a smudge of grease from her chin. “And just so you know, I’d move to a shack in the hills of Scotland to be with you.”

Kara grinned, giving me a quick greasy kiss before moving away, grabbing my tub of salad and walking to the couch. “As long as it’s a warm and cozy shack.” She set the food on the edge before rushing back to me, scooping me up in her arms and walking me to the couch. “Sit, relax and eat your green things. Let’s enjoy the rest of our day.”

I could only smile and watch Kara, reaching for the remote with pizza hanging out of her mouth. She looked really happy, really at ease for the first time in what felt like forever. I’d noticed the heavy hang of her shoulders over the last few days and I knew she was carrying the extra weight of the world once again. I wanted to press her to talk to me, but would wait. I couldn’t ask her to pour her soul out when she was still walking around me like I was a new born calf, ready to catch me if I fell. “Hey, I love you.” The words blurted out, but caught her attention. Kara smiled around a pizza crust, mumbling I love you back.

I sighed, snuggling into her side as she rambled on about a new sitcom she found she thought I’d enjoy. And as I leaned into her side, wrapped in her warmth, eating a salad and listening to her set the show premise for me, I felt at peace and my leg didn’t throb like it had.

Maybe Brainy was right, love was the great healer.

* * *

XXXX

I woke up, swaddled in the warmest, fluffiest comforter I’d ever met in my life. Kara’s new bed was incredible and I never wanted to leave it. I yawned, rolling over to look out the large window across from the bed. The window was cracked, letting a cool breeze chase away the stuffy air of the small loft. I smiled, running my hand across the soft sheets, hoping to find Kara’s warm body. But I only came across cold sheets. I scooted to sit up, yawning once more as my right leg throbbed and a small headache began to form. Running my hands through my hair, I hear Kara in the bathroom, brushing her teeth.

I groaned, realizing today she was due at Catco for a full day of work, and I was to get myself down to LCorp and meet with Jess. I had to get caught up on what I missed at the company and with the guild, as well as getting the crew started on our new home. I didn’t want to work today, I wanted to stay home with Kara and waste the day away. I could do it, I had more money than half the planet, I could retire and hand over daily operations to Sam.

“Hey you, good morning.” Kara walked into the bedroom, smiling as she tucked in a blue button down into a pair of grey dress pants. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

I shook my head. “Not at all.” I smiled, watching her slip a belt on before reaching for her shoes. “This bed is perfect.”

“I know! It was like sleeping on a cloud. I think it might cure my bad habit of sleep floating when I’m uncomfortable at night.” Kara sat on the edge of the bed, tying her shoes. “I’ll be at Catco all day. Alex will can come and drive you to LCorp if you’d like.” She frowned ever so slightly. “I’d feel better if we had Jess come here, instead of you going to the office. It’s only been a few days.”

I reached for her hand, squeezing it. “I can’t sleep forever. Brainy and Alex both agreed getting back into work, slowly, would be good for me. I need to work off the fuzziness trapped around my mind. And if it makes you feel better, I’ll ask Alex to escort me to LCorp and back. A half day only, and then I’ll be home before you.” I sighed. “I’ll tell Alex we’re moving in together. Take the heat off of you. She might be mean, but she won’t yell at a wounded me. I don’t think she has the heart.”

Kara nodded, looking down at our hands. “I can call off. Tell Andrea I’m working from home.”

“Don’t, she’ll bother you for an inside scoop of my progress and won’t leave you alone. Go into the office, spend time with Nia and grab lunch with Winn and Brainy. Take some time for yourself, Kara. Please.”

Kara’s jaw clenched as she slipped her hand free. “The last time I did that.” She stood quickly, smoothing out her shirt, pointing at the bedside table. “I dug out your watch, if you need me.” She motioned to the chair across from me. “Your brace is there, next to the cane. I have your meds all laid out next to the kettle for tea and a few muffins from Noonans. I swung by your apartment and got you a pantsuit. It’s hanging up in my closet, and there’s a clean set of regular clothes if you want to go business causal today. She gave me a tight smile before leaning over to kiss me on the forehead. “I’ll see you tonight, I love you.”

“I love you.” I gave her a soft smile as she grabbed her bag and rushed out of the loft.

The heavy silence filled the small loft, washing over me in waves. I moved to the edge of the bed, reaching for my phone, dutifully plugged into the charger. I fired off a quick text message before I grabbed my cane and wobbled to the bathroom for the hottest shower I could stand.

* * *

XX

“I’d be mad about you two moving in already if I wasn’t so jealous about how incredible this place is going to be when done, Lena.” Alex stood next to me in the empty space. She’d arrived exactly an hour after I messaged her, large coffee in hand. I decided to take her upstairs before I broke the news about Kara and I taking the next step. Alex stood at a large window with her hands on her hips. “I hope you call me first anytime you need a house sitter.”

“Any time you’d like to move, please let me know. I have a few empty apartments scattered across the city. I’ll even give you a break on rent.” I wobbled to the tablet I’d set down, sending a few small changes to my construction crew. Even though my leg felt better today, it still felt like it was made of lead. “After this, do you mind driving me to LCorp? I promised a half day with Jess and a few concerned investors.” I glanced down at the sensible boots I was wearing, a far cry from the power heels I was used to wearing. A consolation agreement with Alex when she saw me about to slip on my usual heels and went full doctor on me.

“Of course. Being Director has it’s perks. Brainy can run that place with his eyes closed, I’m becoming a figure head at this point.” She turned to face me. “But tell me what’s wrong before we leave.”

I glanced at her. “It’s fine.”

She huffed, exactly like Kara did when she was frustrated with me. “My sister hasn’t left your side long enough for you to pee alone. This morning I get a text from her asking to play bodyguard while she goes to work. And you’ve got your sad CEO face on, the one you used to always have when Kara was ignoring you.”

I gave Alex a dirty look. “Sad CEO face?”

“Yeah, the oh I’m sad because I’m stupidly in love with Kara but too lame to admit, face. It usually showed up whenever she was with Mon-El or another boy was flirting with her.” Alex stood in front of me, leaning against a i-beam. “What happened?”

I shifted, reaching for the all black cane made out of nth metal. Another side project of Brainy and Alex. “She’s been different. It’s minute, but I can see it. It’s like she’s happy sunshine one minute, and then the next its like a storm has rolled over her and is just pounding her with rain, drowning her. She normally hovers over me, waiting to help me.” I looked at Alex. “Why did she go back to the cape?”

“Yeah, I might have told her to take it easy with smothering you. You’re stubborn, and I can see the frustration when you’re trying to walk on your own and someone helps you.” Alex sighed. “The cape was an accident. She yanked off her glasses when she heard you fall, and the suit generated around her as she raced to Gotham. We were going to tell the press it was something else, even Bruce was willing to make up an excuse, but Kara shut it down.” Alex paused, turning to look out the window as she continued. “When we got you stabilized and the prognosis was bleak, she couldn’t sit around by your bedside. It started out as random flights, then the next thing I know, she’s calling the DEO, bringing in aliens and criminals. She’d fly off before I could really talk to her.” She turned to look at me. “It’s her defense mechanism. Her cape allows her to stop thinking, feeling. She can be someone else for a little while and fly away from her problems. It’s not your fault, Lena. She can quit anytime. Bruce and a few others around the country have created a league of sorts, and all of them have contacted me to fill in for Kara. But she won’t take it. And knowing my sister, she’s working through a ton of shit in her own way. Remember when I told you she did this a few times? Dive right into being Supergirl to hide from the bullshit sitting on her shoulders?”

I nodded, remembering when I was a part of that bullshit. Treating her like shit all because of my own stupid inability to manage my own emotions. “I do. I vaguely remember you barreling into my office, fingers pointing and yelling for me to get my shit together and forgive her.” I smirked as Alex blushed.

“Yeah, well. I’m overprotective.” Alex pushed off the beam. “I think everything in Kara’s life has been temporary. Right as she gets invested in something, it somehow gets destroyed or taken away from her. She’s hesitant.” She took a step, holding out her arm for me to take. “But I think you’re the way out for her. You’ve been incredible with her, being there for her and not pushing. This.” She waved a hand around the empty space. “Is huge. This a space for you and her. One you can build with her. It will give her something to hold onto. Kara’s never had anything that’s just hers aside from the cape. And I think all of us have made a mistake in not guiding her towards things that were hers, and hers alone. If you give her something to hold onto, something that feels permanent, she’ll open up. But we all know, pushing her will gets us lies wrapped in her hundred watt smile.”

“The guild will be hers as well.” I half whispered the words, leaning into Alex as my leg buckled. “I’m building it for her.”

Alex grinned. “I know.” She patted my hand clutching her forearm. “I think I finally get you two and why you love each other. You two would literally give up everything you have to make sure the other had everything they needed.”

“I’d give away my billions for her.” I sucked in a breath, grabbing my bag from the floor, gripping on to Alex’s arm for balance.

“Billions?” Alex cocked an eyebrow.

I shook my head. “Don’t ask. I will not tell. And don’t google it, I’ve fed misinformation about my wealth into the internet.”

“But I’m the Director of a secret government organization. I have one of the galaxy’s best hackers.” Alex smirked.

I laughed, shaking my head. “Yes, you are, but most of the technology you use in your secret organization was originally designed by me and sold to the government when I was a teenager at MIT.” I winked at her. “That you can google.”

Alex huffed. “Dammit, Luthor.”

* * *

XXX

“Thank you for coming here, Jess. I appreciate it.” I rubbed my leg, wincing at the twinges of pain. “I guess I’m not ready for a half day just yet.”

“It’s fine, Lena.” Jess handed me a cup of tea before sitting across from me. We’d moved back to my apartment after my leg gave out and I almost fell on my face in my office. My apartment was closer to LCorp and Alex didn’t want me to push much more. “I can always come to you. The office has been running smoothly, the investors are calming down now that they can see you’re alive and well.”

I sighed, slipping out of my blazer. “I’m sure a few of them wished I was incapacitated.”

“Just the old men, but you can always force retire them out. Give them decent severance packages and hire fresh blood.” Jess smirked, flipping through her notebook. “Your guild board is almost forty percent female. We still need to look for a director for the guild.”

“I have someone in mind for that position. I just have to wait a little longer to present them with the idea.” I laid my head on the back of the couch. “Update me on the guild. Where are we?”

“They’ve broken ground and if we expedite the crews, the building could be done in six months. Open in eight. The team you’ve hired has already put together a plan of education and projects the guild will focus on. I’ll email Director Danvers for a packet for you to look at. Funding is fine, all of your investors are on board. Mr. Wayne submitted his paperwork to apply as a silent partner, I’ve emailed that over for you to look over. He’s also interested in creating smaller learning centers across the nation, giving children everywhere an opportunity to learn.” Jess flipped a few more pages. “The guild is in good shape, LCorp is thriving, and things are on track.” She looked up at me. “Everything is perfect, Lena. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Remind me to give you a raise. I know none of this would be okay without you. Maybe I should make you CEO.” I smiled as she gave me a dirty look.

“Hell no. I’m fine playing substitute teacher, but I’m happy with my assistant life.” She tossed the papers to the side. “How are you and Kara doing? I ran into her this morning outside Noonans. She gave me a huge crushing hug before jetting off to Catco.”

“Well, she asked me to marry her before I was shot. Then I got shot and inadvertently pushed her back into a life she was hesitant to go back to, then last night I asked her to move in with me and this morning she got weird and sad. Then I had a huge heart to heart with my future sister in law and now I’m staring at my ceiling wondering if I could build a time machine and go back to yesterday. The yesterday where I stood in front of her at the fortress of solitude screaming at her, breaking my heart and hers.” I rolled y head to look at Jess. “I guess we’re good?”

Jess shook her head. “You have a time machine. It’s locked up in your vault at the Metropolis office. You built the damn thing right before you moved to National City. But you and I both know, you wouldn’t use it. You have that staunch belief every step you’ve taken, right or wrong, is the one you had to take to get to this point.” She pointed at me. “You pounded that ideology into my head for years, and now I’m throwing it back. Don’t change the past, just make a better future.” She then grinned. “So, did you say yes?”

I closed my eyes. “I told her to ask me again in a year. We haven’t even gone on three dates, no need to rush to the altar.”

“Wait. You guys haven’t gone on three dates? Which means by the rules and regulations of Lena Luthor, you’ve yet to….you know.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

I huffed, opening my eyes to stare right at my assistant. “No. The red sun lamps aren’t completed, I haven’t fully researched her biology, and…” I waved at my leg still in a brace. “I’ve been a bit limited physically.”

“You research her biology with a hands on approach, Lena. I don't know if you've noticed, but your dating one of the hottest women in the world. Shit, I’m jealous of you and I’m straight.” Jess chuckled, pulling up her phone. “I’ll check on the lamps when I’m back at the office, get the lab to rush on it. But to give you the same advice my mother gave me, you won’t learn nothing unless you jump in head first. I vaguely read a medical journal suggesting sex boosts moods and the immune system, you could use a boost or two, boss.”

I blushed fiercely. “I’m about to fire you.”

“Bring it. Alex offered me a job while you were in the bathroom, I got options.” Jess stood, collecting her things before walking over and leaning over to kiss the top of my head. It was a new development since I woke up. Jess would hug me, or kiss me like a sister. I welcomed it, realizing I always had a small family around me at all times, but never allowed them to openly express it. “Your new home will be completed in two weeks. I suggest you plan out your last few dates and then break in every inch of your new home.” 

I shoved her gently. “Go, get out of here.”

“Call me tomorrow. We can do another at home meeting, or I can set up that dusty room in the back of your apartment to be your new office.” Jess waved, closing the front door behind her.

I let out a slow breath, shaking my head as I pushed up to my feet. My leg wobbled, but held as I shuffled to the kitchen. Kara had sent me a message, letting me know she would be home later than expected, and not to wait up for her. I replied with a I love you and be safe, then ordered Chinese food, ordering enough for Kara to have leftovers.

I leaned against the island, thinking over what Alex and Jess had said throughout the day. Digesting all of their advice and processing it into bits of intelligence for my hyperactive mind. Both were right. Kara needed something permanent and tangible for her to hold onto. When she was comfortable and felt safe, she would talk the hours away and lay herself out like an open book. I’d seen it a few times when it was just her and I, and it was beautiful. A free, happy, careless Kara was one the earths greatest wonders, and I had to give that back to her.

I reached over to my phone, texting Kara there would be leftover Chinese waiting for her and to wake me when she got home. I then grabbed my tablet and the files Jess left and shuffled to the small desk in my bedroom. I’d spend the rest of the day catching up on work before I did my at home exercises and sunk into a hot bath, picking out paint colors for our new home.

Right as I sat down, an email popped up from Jess.

_The lab will have your red sun lamps done by the weekend. Shall I book a reservation at your favorite restaurant? You shouldn’t research biology on an empty stomach._

I blushed, cursing my assistant as I replied.

_I truly hate you. But please book a reservation at the steak house four blocks from the office. Kara loves their cheesy mashed potatoes. Also, have the lab deliver the red sun lamps when they start moving the furniture in upstairs._

The second I hit send, Jess replied.

_And you wanted to fire me._

I laughed, shaking my head and turning to the pile of files before me. At least the work would keep me distracted and wandering to inappropriate thoughts of a blonde kryptonians perfect biology.


	12. chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving along, slow and steady. This was meant to be a slowish burn between these two. But who knows what i'm doing other than writing this. Enjoy!

**Kara**

“Is this where I talk about my relationship with my parents?”

Kelly laughed, guiding me to the couch in her office. “Only if you want to. However, I don’t think it’s quite relevant to the true purpose of why you’re here.”

I sat, curling my legs underneath me. “Thank you for getting me in this afternoon, I really appreciate it.”

Kelly handed me a glass of water. “I’ve been holding an open spot for you since I cornered you.” She smiled, moving to sit in the large leather chair across from me. “So, why are you here, Kara?”

I sighed, clasping my hands on my lap. “I’m not sure. I think I need to talk about stuff, but I’m not sure what stuff.” I paused. “I feel heavy all the time. Heavier than normal.”

“Is there anything that makes you feel heavy? A thought, an action or a person?”

“When I came back from being dead, I felt like I was dragging something with me. Like I was chained to something, and it’s gotten worse. I have glimmers of happiness, but then a split second later it’s like someone let all of the air out of me.” I smiled. “I’m so happy to be back. I have my family, my friends, Lena. I should be happy, and yet.” I paused, looking down at my hands.

“You feel incomplete. Like something is missing and you can’t figure out what, or why it’s there?”

I nodded, leaning into the couch cushions. “This morning. I woke up next to Lena and I couldn’t hold back the stupid grin on my face. I felt so happy. I have her back and we’re working together, moving forward. And then fifteen minutes later she made a simple comment about being alone and it was like she flipped a switch. The world came crashing down and all I could think about was her incident in Gotham and then losing her a long time ago when we got into our fight. And I left, I rushed out of the loft and by the time I hit the streets, I was crying. I know it could be Lena getting shot shook me to the core, but she’s alive. She’s warm, solid and I can touch her. Yeah, I hate watching her struggle with healing, but it’s what she has to do. She can’t sit under the sun, take a little nap and wake up fine.”

“Is that why you returned to your super side job?” Kelly smiled when I gave her a dirty look. “I don’t want to bring her formally into the conversation until you do.”

“It was a mistake, and then it was a way to hide my fears. Even Alex can’t argue with the supersuit. When she pokes too close, I can disappear in the blink of an eye.” I tugged my fingers. “I don’t want to be her anymore. I don’t want to be a full time superhero. And yet, I want to be her because I don’t have to pretend, and put on a fake smile. I fly in, do what needs to be done, and fly out. No one knows anything about me outside of being Superman’s cousin and the headlines crowding my resume. When I get scared, I can be her. She makes it easier to hide the fear. But I’m afraid of her at the same time.”

“Why?”

“Because nothing ever good happens when I wear that cape.”

Kelly shifted in her chair. “Would you like to expand on that?”

I hesitated before shaking my head. “No. I don’t think I’m ready to go that far into it. I think if I think about it too much, I’ll start peeling back layers that I’ve buried for so long. Long forgotten anger at so many things.” I paused, clenching my jaw as the emotions began to bubble up. “I’ve lost so much, Kelly.” I blinked back tears, but failed as one slipped free and rolled down my cheek. “I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore.” I reached up, pushing my glasses up. Then pulled them off, cradling them in my palms. “I don’t know who I am. Ever since I came back, I’ve felt shattered and unsure of who I should be. Kara Danvers. Kara Zor-El. Supergirl. Three very different people I’ve crammed into one body. Three very different sides of me.” I felt more tears fall. “I don’t know which one to grab and hold onto.”

“When you’re with Lena, who are you? I know when you’re around Alex and the rest of us, you’re Kara Danvers. The warm, kind hearted friend we all adore. The friend who is always there, giving out advice, hugs, and hope.” Kelly leaned forward, pushing a box of tissues closer. “But with Lena, you’re something completely different. I’ve seen it from across the room when she looks at you, it’s like the world disappears and it’s just the two of you standing. I want you to look inside, deep inside and find who you are when you’re with her, and then live in that life. In that identity, because it’s the truest form of yourself I think you’ll ever find. And when you find peace with her, I think everything else will click into place. All because that version of you, is yours, and yours alone. No one can take it away from you or throw a cape around it.”

I nodded, sniffling as I was fully crying now. I couldn’t speak, only nodding my thank you as I grabbed tissues.

Kelly stood, sitting next to me, throwing an arm around my shoulders. “That’s your homework for this week, and next appointment we’ll work on your relationship with your mother.” She winked, laughing lightly as she let me lean into her. “I’m here, Kara. I’m here for you, to listen to all the things you don’t think anyone will listen to.”

I sniffled, wiping my nose with a tissue. “Thank you.” I covered her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I should get to Lena, see how her first day went.” I stood up, collecting the used tissues.

“She loves you, deeply, Kara. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone more in love than her.” Kelly picked up a trash can, holding it up for me to toss the tissues in. “To go way off board and way outside the lane of a therapist. There’s something magical about you two. For all of the hellfire and brimstone you’ve both endured throughout your lives, separate and together, there’s a reason why you two keep coming back together. I know this last incident scared the shit out of you, we almost lost her, but break through that fear and embrace that love. It brought you back to life, it brought her back to life, and you’ve proven you can alter the timeline a thousand times, and you still end up with her.” Kelly grinned. “She’s your permanent. Never let her go even as the road gets a little bumpy along the way.”

I swallowed a lump down, blinking to hold back more tears. “I’ll see you next week?”

“Same time, same place.” Kelly gave me a quick hug before showing me out.

As soon as I was outside, I took a deep breath of the night air. Letting it sink deep into my lungs and clear my head. I felt a little better, but knew I had a lot of work ahead of me with Kelly’s homework. I took a few more deep breaths and started walking towards Lena’s apartment.

* * *

**XXXX**

**Lena**

I woke up with a frown. I was comfortable in my warm bed, but my body had other ideas and was pressing for me to get up and go to the bathroom. I rolled slowly over onto my back, groaning at the constant throbbing of my leg, cursing myself for forgetting to take a pain pill before I passed out. I took a few moments, blinking at the dark ceiling, trying to find the energy to scoot myself to the edge of the bed and take the awkward fifteen steps to the bathroom, then struggle with the basic logistics of using the bathroom. All of it was difficult and painful. My leg was stiff from overusing it today, and as I shifted, a sharp pain shot through my body. “Shit. This is shit.” I fought through it, got to my feet and shuffled to the bathroom, clenching my jaw as everything took its turn bitching at me for pushing too hard.

A glance at the clock by my bed told me it was almost one in the morning. “Perfect.” I’d slept through dinner and more than likely missed Kara. Another quick glance at my bed told me I was right, only my side was torn apart, hers was still made and untouched.

My heart dropped at the simple sight of unruffled blankets and sheets.

I let out a slow breath and made it to the bathroom. After almost fifteen minutes of bending and flexing a broken body, I walked back out and sat on the edge of my bed. I was sweating from the exertion and on the verge of tears from the pain. I’d have to call Alex in the morning and discuss options or work on sleeping in the brace.

I reached for my phone, shivering from the cool air circulating in my room. I had a few messages from Kara.

_-Is there anyway you can fire Andrea? She’s really nosy about you, and if we’re the next power couple.-_

_-Nia says hi. She’s making you a few balms to help with healing and pain. She also called dibs on you being her partner for the next game night.-_

_-I ate a salad for lunch, be proud!-_ The picture attached was of a salad covered in at least two pounds of bacon and cheese.

_-Running super late and I have a last minute meeting before I’m done. I’ll see you soon.-_

The last one was sent at seven pm, right when I slipped into bed with my book to have a few minutes of rest. That turned into a seven hour nap of the dead. I debated going over to her loft, but it was late and I didn’t want to bother a driver. I yawned, typing out a message to Kara.

_-I’m sorry. I crashed reading a book and didn’t read your last messages. I’ll see you in the morning? Maybe I can bring you breakfast? Or I can make something here for you. I want to know how your first day back was! I love you.-_

I hit send, rolling my eyes at how stiff and awkward my message was, but things felt awkward since this morning when Kara rushed out of her loft. I threw my phone on the middle of the bed, sighed and grabbed my cane. I needed to eat a little something before I dove into the pain pills and other medications I was on to monitor infections.

I hobbled my way out to the kitchen, hating that my right leg felt worse than ever before. It wasn’t happy with any weight I put on it and every step I took felt like knives digging into my thigh. It took a marathon effort to make it to the fridge, and when I opened it, I frowned at the sight of sixteen pounds of Chinese food. Kara hadn’t even stopped by to check on me and raid the fridge. Something was definitely wrong.

I grabbed a container of fruit and yogurt. I wasn’t hungry, but I knew I’d be sleeping well past morning and close to lunch. I slid the food onto the island and reached for the light switch, when I saw a shadow move on my balcony. I froze, staring at the dark balcony, feeling for my watch and flicking the dial open. My finger hovered over the button as I took slow steps towards the balcony, silently wondering why my security system hadn’t gone off. It was ultra sensitive and was often triggered by a bird flying by.

I inched closer, searching the dark room for any sort of weapon, settling on my cane. I opened my mouth to issue a threatening statement when I heard in a very small, soft voice.

“Lena, it’s me.”

Kara was sitting on the balcony, in her supersuit with the cape sitting on the chair next to her. She sat hunched over, her fingers flicking and spinning what looked like a penny in front of her. “Kara?”

“I heard you wake up and didn’t want to bother you. I landed a second ago and have been sitting here.” She kept her head down, eyes focused on the penny. “I, um, had to go help Alex with something at the DEO.” She shrugged. “It’ll be in the papers tomorrow, and I’m okay.”

It was short and to the point, meaning Kara wasn’t going to talk about Supergirl. “You can come inside. It’s warmer and I have food.” I felt like a fool, baiting her with treats like she was a skittish dog.

“Who am I to you?” Her voice trembled.

I blinked, taken aback by her question. “You’re Kara.”

She shook her head, scrunching up her brow. “No, I mean who _am I_ to you?” She turned slightly to look at me, her blue eyes tired, staring at me as if I was the only buoy in a hopeless sea.

I sighed, nodding as I understood. I moved to lean against the open door, turning to look out into the night sky. “You’re an enigma. You’re my sun, a personal sun that burns so hot, so fierce, I’m drawn to you like a plant. Stretching out my limbs to touch a mere inch of your healing power. You’re the glue that pasted my heart back together, one silly grin at a time. You’re my hero, you’re the light at the end of every tunnel. You’re the love of my life, and if I was a writer, I’d spend the rest of my life writing sweeping poems, essays, and novel length stories about how I knew just by the way your eyes met mine. The quirky sparkle lighting every inch of my body on fire. You’re the ledge I grab whenever I feel myself falling. Even when I was angry at you, I still reached out to the pieces of you lingering around me, digging my fingertips into the ledge of hope. You’re the source of all my greatest joy, I’ve never laughed harder than when I’m with you. You make me see myself and the rest of the world in a different way. And I it’s because of you I work harder than ever to make this world a better place. Because one day, I want our kids to grow up in that world we worked so hard to make perfect for them.” I felt my eyes water as I continued. “You’re my favorite blanket, and I love watching you eat. You have a gastronomical gift I need to research. You never gain a pound unless it’s perfectly sculpted muscle.” I sighed. “You’re my Kara, the most beautiful woman in the world and I’m beyond lucky to call you mine. And every time you look at me, you look right through me and right at my soul, peeling apart every secret I thought I had well hidden from everyone. I know you might be a million different things to everyone else, but you’re mine. My one true love and everything I’ve searched for without knowing it. You’re _my Kara_ , and I love you.”

Kara’s jaw twitched, tears landing on her suit as she blinked them away, still fidgeting with the penny in her hands. “I started therapy tonight.”

“Oh?” I stepped closer, wishing I could bend and sit next to her. I was surprised she’d started therapy instead of punching steel walls and throwing cars into the atmosphere.

She nodded. “My homework was to find me, find the real me I want to be in the mix of everything I am. Who I am. Kelly suggested you would know better than anyone.”

I raised my eyebrows, walking to the chair next to Kara. I eased myself down, using her cape to cover me like a blanket. “I don’t want to come off pretentious sounding, but I think I’ve gotten to see pieces of you you’ve never shown anyone. I could be wrong, I do have a biased opinion of you.”

Kara smirked, turning to look at me. “You’re never wrong, Lena.” Her eyes were red, tear filled. She grabbed the penny, rolling it between her two fingers. “Am I really all of that to you?”

I nodded. “And so much more. And when I’m more awake, I’ll tell you as it falls into my mind. I discover something new and amazing about you every day, Kara.” I pulled her cape up closer to my nose, sighing at the delicate scent of vanilla and smoke. Two scents that will forever make me think of her. “Does this help your homework?”

Kara laughed, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “It does.” She sighed, standing up. “I might be broken, Lena.” She smiled, blinking away more tears.

I cocked an eyebrow. “You tell this to the adopted girl who’s adopted family has tried to kill her and destroy the world multiple times.” I held out my hand, wiggling my fingers. “Broken can be fixed, Kara. And to answer the silent question hidden under the question you asked. I only want my Kara. You don’t have to be anyone else for me. The reporter, the super. Just be my Kara, and I promise you, everything else will come as it may. I will be here with you. You’re not alone.” Kara palmed the penny, shoving it in her pocket before grabbing my hand and gently lifting me up and into her arms. I sighed, tucking my chin against her shoulder. “We’ll find it together. The permanence we’ve both searched for.”

Kara sighed heavily in my arms, shifting me so she was carrying me. “I’m sorry I woke you. You need your rest.”

“It wasn’t you who woke me. It was an angry bladder.” I laid a hand against the S on her chest as she carried me towards the bedroom. “I need to take my pills before I go back to bed.” I caught the yogurt and fruit sitting on the counter.

“Let me tuck you in, and I’ll get everything you need.” Kara pushed back the blankets, setting me back down. “I have a late start tomorrow. I told Andrea I had a few leads to chase in the morning.” She grinned, walking back out to the kitchen. “What she doesn’t know is the leads are snuggles with you and a trip to the breakfast buffet.”

“Breakfast buffet?” I scooted to sit against the headboard.

“Yep. There’s one on the other side of town near my loft. You’ve never been to a buffet, and I think it’s time you experience the greatness of a buffet.” Kara walked back in, food and pills in hand. She set them down on the bedside table, handing me a spoon.

“I vaguely remember you telling me about sneeze guards? I cannot eat anywhere where sneeze guards are a critical piece of equipment.” I shook out a few pills, swallowing them with a sip of water before I started in on the yogurt.

Kara shook her head, laughing as she began peeling her supersuit off. “This one doesn’t have sneeze guards. They serve you. You just point at what you want, and they fill it up and bring it to you. It’s like those sushi train places you rave about.” She pulled her arms out, shimmying the suit down to her hips, revealing her perfect back and the sports bra running right under her shoulders.

I shoved a spoonful of yogurt in my mouth as she pushed the suit further down, revealing those damned boy shorts she loved to wear with her suit. I chewed on a chunk of fruit staring at her back dimples, barely listening to anything she was saying about organic free range eggs.

“They even do gluten free waffles.” Kara turned around, rolling her suit into a ball and dropping it into the basket right next to my closet. She set her hands on her hips, rolling the kinks out of her neck as I just stared at the pure perfection in front of me. Everything on this woman was lean, toned and just the right amount of muscle. “I think they even have kale smoothies.” She let out a heavy breath, looking right at me. A huge smirk filled her face. “Is there something on my face?”

I swallowed a huge bite of food. “Um, no. Kale smoothies, eh?” I was staring. She knew I was staring, I knew I was staring. And god in heaven, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.

Kara nodded, moving to sit right on the edge of the bed next to me. “Yup. Kale smoothies.” She leaned closer, licking her lips as she looked at mine. “You’re staring, Lena.” She gently took the yogurt out of my hand, setting it on the bedside table.

“Maybe.” I winced at how squeaky my voice was.

She leaned closer, brushing her lips against mine. “I like it.” The words whispered across me before she kissed me, hard.

My body acted on my own, kissing Kara back with fervor as my hands fell to her sides. I moaned as my fingers dug into her warm flesh, pulling her closer. I opened my mouth, letting her tongue meet mine as she shifted onto her elbows, her stomach pressing against me as she delicately maneuvered her body to not crush me. My hands moved to her back, sliding up to her the edge of her bra. I slipped my fingers under the fabric and around to the front, brushing the swell of her breast. Kara gasped out a tiny moan into my mouth, her hips bucking into me. I felt dizzy, consumed and all I could think of was stay the course, Lena. Stay the course.

I slid my hands up, palming her breasts, sighing at how they felt in my hands. Kara broke from the kiss, pressing her forehead against mine, her eyes squeezed shut. “Rao, Lena.” Her voice was raspy, breathless. I looked down, pushing her bra out of the way and what I saw before me, made my heart skip.

“You’re beyond beautiful, Kara.” I met her eyes as she opened them. “Never let anyone tell you different.”

Kara swallowed hard. “I love you.”

I grinned. “And I love you.” I leaned up to kiss her, when I shifted the wrong way, sending lighting through my leg. “Oh fuck, fuck, fucking fucker.”

Kara flew off of me, panicking. “Oh my god, are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you need me to call someone?”

I shook my head, grabbing for a pillow to clench. “I bent my stupid fucking leg trying to kiss you and fuck, fuck. I swear. I’m tempted to ask your sister to cut it off if it’s going to be a cock block right now.”

Kara picked me up and sat me in her lap, rubbing my back, kissing the side of my head. “Cock block?”

I frowned, opening my eyes to find she’d fixed her bra and covered up, making me frown more. “You get the point. We were getting somewhere I’ve dreamt about for years, and of course something has to get in the way. Story of my life right now.” I shook my head. “I know, pity party for one.”

Kara chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose. “I’m kind of glad we stopped.” She caught the strange look in my eyes. “Oh, I mean, not because of anything bad. I’ve had a few dreams about you, in a bed, naked, and it’s always led to long days at work. Especially when you worked at Catco, but I’ve um.” She paused, scrunching her face up. “I’ve uh, never done this.”

“Make out with a one legged beauty?” I smirked at my lame joke, trying to ease the tension.

She rolled her eyes. “No. As Winn would say, I’ve never made it with a human, or a human woman.” Her cheeks turned a bright fire truck red. “I could never figure out how to manage my powers while…uh…aroused with a human.” She blew out a slow breath. “I’ve been researching with Brainy, but he tends to get lost in the internet and nothing you can find on the internet is helpful.”

“I can only imagine where he ends up.” I patted her shoulder. “My leg has calmed down.”

She nodded, setting me back in the bed, covering me with blankets. She stood up, dropping her hands in front of her. “I’m sorry for lunging at you. I couldn’t help it when I caught you staring. We have time, all the time in the world.” She backed up, opening my closet for a spare shirt and sleep pants, holding those in front of her lower half, a sheepish look on her face. “I’m going to go take a shower. I’ll be back in a few.”

I watched her leave the room, smirking at why she was hiding behind clothes. I’d felt how much she wanted me when my thigh fell between her legs. “Good thing I love wearing black all the time.” I shook my head, running my hands through my hair as I took deep breaths to calm down. I swung my legs to the edge of the bed, finishing the yogurt and fruit before standing up to take the empty containers to the kitchen and refill my water.

The slow walk helped move the ache back to my leg, getting my mind back on the present and not on how I’d literally cut my leg off to touch Kara’s bare skin again. I grabbed two bottles of water and walked back into the bedroom, I set one on Kara’s side of the bed, when I saw the penny she’d been fidgeting with earlier. I smiled, picking it up. My smile faded when I saw it wasn’t a penny, but a bullet. Smashed and curled in on the edges. It was the bullet they removed from me. The one that had pressed against my skull.

I stared at it, the edges a shiny copper color from someone rubbing the edges over and over. I held it, running my thumb along the ragged edge before setting it back where I found it. I stared at it until I heard the water shut off, and shuffled to my side of the bed, sitting back down and tugging the covers up. Kara walked in wearing an oversized Radiohead t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants dotted with pandas chasing doughnuts. Her hair was damp, her face clean and free of all makeup. She smiled, crawling into the bed on her side, moving to sit next to me. She gently tugged my arm until I curled into her side. “Is it okay if we watch something?” She motioned to the TV hanging across from us. “I’m not very tired yet.”

“Of course.” I handed her the remote, yawning as the pills started to take hold. “I’m five minutes away from passing out.” I sighed, laying my head on her chest. “So, feel free to watch all the cartoons you want.” I smiled looking up at her. “Wake me up in the morning?”

“Of course.” Kara kissed the top of my head. “I love you.” She smiled as the words fell out, her blue eyes full of a thousand different things, all of them good.

I squeezed her arm. “And I love you, my Kara.”

I blinked a few times, sleep creeping in quickly when I heard Kara softly mutter.

“Jess needs to hurry up with those red sun lamps.”


	13. chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i rewrote this chapter after posting it and looking at it. I can't have beer and write things, it comes out terrible. So here we go, things happen, we move along and red lamp stuff will be happening in a chapter or two. Hope you all are staying safe!

I sat on the edge of the bathtub, clutching a towel around my chest, staring at the mangled skin that covered my thigh. I knew it was still healing. The hard science was there, looking right back at me. But when a part of me looked at the torn, twisted red skin, stitched together with as much precision as a doctor could provide after so many invasive surgeries, I had a hard time accepting it. All I saw was a vast plane of imperfection, riddled with pain and an uncharted future. It was a stark reminder of what I had been through. Granted, it wasn’t my only scar, it was my largest, and the only one I could easily see. The only scar that haunted me and teased me every morning I woke up, covering it with a blanket before Kara saw it. 

I rattled off the specifics in my head, pulling at a loose thread on the towel. Six surgeries. Four on my leg, two on my head. My skull had come out better. A small fracture with a tiny puckered scar to hide the fracture. In time, my hair would grow back around it, and with creative styling, no one would ever see it.

The muscle in my thigh had torn, shredded like raw meat when the bullet entered, tearing ligaments and tendons like an angry child with scissors. These torn ligaments and tendons were the main reason for my varying levels of pain. Reattachment hurt, regrowth of muscle hurt like a bitch and it would take a long time for my body to accept this wasn’t how I was originally made. It would take time. The phrase Alex repeated over and over at every appointment.

I would heal. I could walk, I would walk even if it took months, years for me to walk without a noticeable limp. I was human after all. I was created in the idea of imperfection and making it work to the best of my ability.

I ran my fingers along the red ridges of angry tired skin.

I would heal.

I pushed up off the tub, grabbing the edge of the sink for leverage as I stood and slipped my underwear on. Kara had left an hour ago. Our breakfast buffet plans shelved since I slept through them and could only be woken out of my pain pill stupor by Kara using her freeze breath on me. I was so groggy and out of it, I could barely handle the cup of coffee she pressed into my hands as I sat and watched her get ready for work. She rushed out with a solid kiss on the lips, giving me strict instructions to take it easy today. I nodded in an agreement, blinked a few times and ended up staring into the brown liquid abyss of my coffee before deciding a hot bath was the best idea I’d ever thought of.

But then the sight of my leg had thrown me off track and into thinking too much. Derailing most of my thoughts, leaving me drifting aimlessly for close to an hour, sitting naked on the edge of a cold tub.

Grabbing my cane, I walked out of the bathroom to the bedroom and dressed in loose jeans with an older button down that would never see the light of any boardroom. I sighed sadly at the sight of my power suits and elegant dresses, lined up like diligent soldiers ready for action, missing them. The leg brace fit more comfortably when I wore jeans or sweatpants under it, plus the shiny platinum black color clashed horribly with most of my designer wear.

After dressing, I made the bed, collecting Kara’s discarded sleep things from the end of the bed, slipping them in a drawer for later. I looked at her bedside table, noticing the bullet was missing along with her watch, and the three tubes of chapstick she had to have on her at all times.

I picked up my laptop and phone and wobbled out of the bedroom to the chair sitting on the balcony. Kara had pulled a chair and small table out there for me before she left, giving me a place to work and at least enjoy the sun while I worked. The moment I turned on my laptop, my phone lit up with a text.

_-Would you like me to bring you lunch?-_

I smiled and hit Kara’s contact button, calling her. She answered within the first ring.

“Lena? Are you okay?”

“Yes, so stop running to the nearest fire escape, and put your glasses back on.” I chuckled at Kara’s groan. “I just wanted to call you. Hear your voice.” I tapped on my laptop, opening my email and watching the emails flood in. This wasn’t going to be an easy day.

“I can leave, come home to you.” She sighed. “Please let me come home. Andrea is being exceptionally annoying today. She wants the team to work on getting an interview with Supergirl. I guess our cover stories on this seasons hottest boot isn’t grabbing attention.” She huffed. “I swear if she asks me one more time how close I really am with Supergirl, I’ll set her office on fire.”

“I told her moving Catco to click bait would lose readers. I’ll send an email out, attaching the board members that it’s time to move back to serious journalism.” I paused, skimming over emails, looking for a particular one from Jess. “I could always make you Editor in Chief there.”

“No, no. I’m happy being a on the street reporter.” Kara’s voice lowered. “Make the email discreet. I’d hate for Andrea to think I’m pulling favors. She might think I’m sleeping with the boss.”

“Technically you are sleeping with the boss.” I smirked, picturing Kara’s pink cheeks. “I’m sorry I slept through breakfast. I was looking forward to the sneeze guards.”

“Lena, there’s no sneeze guards. And don’t apologize. You need your sleep.” She paused. “I’ll be over later tonight. I’m bringing a few of my things so I can stay with you longer. The construction upstairs is getting louder, and when I stopped at my loft, everything was covered in dust.”

My heart skipped as I thought about the future and our future home. “Two more weeks and we can move in. Over dinner we can choose paint colors.” I clicked on an email from Jess, confirming the reservations at the steak house, frowning that it wasn’t the email I wanted her to send, “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“I don’t know.” I could almost hear her shrug and fidget with her glasses. “I have an article about the genetic testing of aliens due Monday. Alex asked me to have lunch with her on Sunday. I guess I’m free tomorrow night.”

“Perfect. Tomorrow, seven p.m., meet me here and wear something nice.” I leaned back in the chair, tilting my head towards the sun. “I’m taking you out to dinner.”

“Oh, are you?” Kara hummed. “Is that our third or fourth date?”

I shivered at her tone, scrolling through more emails. “Third. You have one more to go, Ms. Danvers.”

Kara groaned. “None of the movie nights count?”

“Nope, none of them.” I grinned, knowing what I was doing. “You should go before Andrea finds you and questions you endlessly about who you’re talking to.”

“Fine. But do you want me to bring you lunch? I think Nia and I are doing sushi.”

“No thank you. I have a doctor’s appointment at two.” I heard Kara suck in a slight breath. “It’s a checkup. Nothing major.”

“Okay. Please let me know how it goes and please take it easy. I have spies everywhere watching you.”

“Jess is my employee, please don’t taint her more than you already have.” I hung up, laughing at Kara bumbling out an embarrassed goodbye. Before I set the phone down, I messaged Alex, asking her to come over at two. I explained my leg wasn’t feeling right and I had concerns about the medications I was on. I ran a hand over my leg, clenching my jaw as the gentle movement left me wincing. The pain made pulled my focus back to the scar and the bullet Kara carried with her.

I would heal.

* * *

XXX

“The only thing I see is a lot of scar tissue forming around the entrance wound. That could be what’s causing your pain and limited movement.” Alex squinted at the monitor attached to the mobile scanner she brought with her. “We might have to go in and remove it. How’s the brace working?”

I laid on the couch, turning my head to look at her. “It works. I notice it helps when I wear it, but at night when I take it off, it’s like my leg has forgotten all the progress it made in during the day and it becomes stiff.” I pointed at the pill bottles next to my laptop. “The pain pills do the trick, but I’m out for hours and wake up groggy. Can we adjust the dosages? Kara had a hell of a time waking me up this morning, and I think it freaked her out.”

“I can lower the milligrams. You have to keep taking the antibiotics and the anti-inflammatory for a few more weeks. I’m still worried about infection sneaking it’s way in now that you’re awake and moving around the world again.” Alex tapped on her monitor. “I can bring you in Monday for a laparoscopic surgery to work on the scar tissue, and Brainy can run diagnostics on the brace, tweak it for you He has three more prototypes for you.” She leaned back, smiling. “How’s the brain? Better?”

“I’m starting to track better. I slow down when I’m tired, but that could be due to my body being overtired in general.” I scooted to sit up, pulling my hair into a ponytail. “Can I ask a weird question?”

“How weird?” Alex crossed her arms across her chest.

“Weird.” I took a breath. “Red sun lamps. Has the DEO done full research on the effects it has on Kara?”

“We should have a few files. I know when she started out as Supergirl, we bounced between a red sun and yellow sun to heal her.” Alex tapped a button, collapsing the scanner as she pulled out another tablet. “Basically the red sun turns her biology into a humanoid one. She’s as vulnerable as we are, you know that. She’s told you the stories about Argo, and you’ve witnessed the effects.” Alex gave me a look. “Dare I even ask why you’re researching red suns and my sister?”

I blushed, tipping my head down with a stupid smile on my face. “Things have grown intimate between us, last night in particular. We were, talking and Kara freaked out when I moved too sharply and pulled my thigh in the wrong direction. It was like I stuck her with a cattle prod. Killed the moment.”

“Oh god, I don’t think I want to hear this.” Alex covered her eyes. “I cannot, will not, picture you two naked, getting biblical with each other.” She frowned as if she was about to throw up.

I threw a pillow at her. “Kara confessed she’s never engaged with a human and is scared. I know red sun lamps can dampen her powers, but, being the super scientist, I want to know more so I can eliminate all of her fears and hesitations.” I let out a slow breath. “I hate asking you as much as you hate me asking you, but this isn’t as simple as lighting some candles and putting on a Luther Vandross CD.”

Alex frowned. “Ew. So much ew, Lena.” She shook her head. “I’ll email you everything the DEO has, encrypted with your promise that it never goes anywhere outside of this conversation.” She stood up. “I can’t believe I’m giving you tips on how to seduce my sister.”

I laughed, reaching for her hand to help me stand. “To be honest, it’s your sister who’s been doing the seducing. I never knew a vixen hid under those conservative sweaters and professional ponytails.”

“Luthor, if you don’t stop, I’m going to puke all over your million dollar rug.” Alex shivered, packing up the scanner before handing me a prescription. “These should ease the sleepiness and your pain. I’ve already sent Jess the details for Monday. Be at the DEO around one and we’ll get working on that scar tissue. I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise it won’t grow back and that you won’t get rid of that limp.”

“I understand.” I ran a hand down my thigh, the cool metal of the brace felt foreign under my fingers. “I don’t plan on consulting a plastic surgeon for at least a year.”

Alex paused, glancing at my leg. “I’m sorry it’s ugly. We, I, did my best, but with all of the surgeries and having to go back in so many times, we decided it was best to leave it.” She smiled, patting my shoulder. “My sister loves you no matter what.”

I smiled back. “I know.” I walked with Alex towards my front door. “Can I ask another weird question?”

Alex rolled her eyes. “As long as it’s not bedroom related.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “It’s not. How do you see Kara? Who do you see when you look at her?” It was a curious question I had rattling in my brain ever since last night when Kara asked with tears running down her cheeks. I had a desire to understand the world around Kara and how they viewed her. The scientists in me once again searching out the best way to ease her fears. 

“She’s my sister.” Alex paused. “She’s the little, big sister I never wanted, but couldn’t live without. I love her and would sacrifice a limb, and my life for her. She taught me how to protect, love unconditionally and accept the things I cannot change. She’s everything I wished I could be, and the reason why I work so hard every day. I want to give her the peace she’s still searching for. And I’ll probably never admit it to her face, but she’s my hero.” Alex shrugged exactly like Kara. “She’s Kara, my goofy sister who smiles more than any person I’ve ever met. I love her. She’s my family.”

I nodded. It was another piece to the puzzle of why Kara felt so fractured lately. “Thank you, Alex.”

“I know you’re asking because she’s been different since she came back. I’m trying to learn just as much as you, who she is now and help her.” Alex smiled softly. “I hope she’ll talk to me one day. It’s been hard, especially when she’s Supergirl. She evades questions like the best of them, and I want to help her as much as she helps everyone around her.”

“We’re all different since she came back. This is a new start for all of us.” I patted my leg. “I might have nine lives, but it’s time I stopped wasting them and find the change.”

Alex grinned, leaning over to give me a one armed hug. “I never pegged you to be an optimist, Lena. I like it, it looks better on you than the thousand dollar dresses and high heels.” She let go. “I’ll see you Monday, call me if you need me.”

I nodded, waiting until she was in the elevator before closing the door. I leaned against it, thinking until my email beeped. I walked over to my laptop, laughing out loud when I saw the email from Alex, titled EW GROSS.

* * *

**XXXX**

**Kara**

I stood on Lena's balcony, looking out at National City, the bullet in my hand. I was overwhelmed with nerves, rubbing my fingers over the edges as I waited for Lena to get ready for our date. Our third date that felt like our first date. Thankfully I’d been too busy to focus on it. Andrea had kicked back my first draft and I spent the last day reworking it. That dragged into the late evening and I barely made it home in time to put Lena to bed, only having to slip out in the middle of the night for a Supergirl emergency. Fighting drug smugglers left me grumpy, tired and ready for a hot shower. But when I landed on the balcony, I was met by a sleepy Lena, sitting at the island, waiting for me with snacks and kisses. She told me Alex had adjusted her meds and she seemed a bit more alert and less sluggish, but still eager for cuddles as she burrowed into me like a hibernating bear.

We even managed to have breakfast before we left for work together, playfully bickering about her stealing my t-shirts to sleep him. I then rode with her to LCorp, walked her up to her office, leaving her in the capable hands of Jess. Lena was moving better today. The brace seemed to be helping and she didn’t need her cane as much. It was going to take a long time for her to heal completely. A thought that often overwhelmed me throughout the day to the point I skipped lunch and flew to the fortress, researching Kryptonian medicine in hopes of finding anything to accelerate her healing.

I glanced at the bullet, my thumb running a familiar path over a bright copper edge. I had no idea why I kept the stupid bullet when they removed it. It was a simple piece of mangled metal, and yet I was oddly compelled to carry it with me daily, run my fingers over its once jagged edges, wearing them smooth as my nerves frayed.

“Kara?”

I spun around at the sound of Lena’s voice, slipping the bullet into my pocket. Lena grinned, walking towards me, looking as beautiful as ever in dark grey pants and a dark blue sweater with a scoop neck, baring one of her shoulders. Her hair was down, wavy and I itched to run my fingers through it. Her makeup was simple, but perfect, highlighting her big green eyes. “Wow. You look amazing.” My eyes flickered to the shiny black brace on her leg, reminding me of a thousand unspoken thoughts. I cleared my throat, looking back up. “I like when you wear your hair down.” 

Lena grinned, limping towards me. “And you look incredible.” She ran a hand down the front of my shirt, smoothing out the material, her palm coming to stop against my stomach.

I shrugged, tipping my head down to look at the blue pinstripe pants Alex helped me pick out to match the baby blue button down with tiny little whales on it. “It’s not that fancy. I can change, I brought extra clothes.”

Lena stepped closer, laying a hand on my forearm. “No need, you look perfect. This outfit has always been my favorite on you. It took me forever to realize those were little whales and not random shapes.” She moved her hand to my hip, gripping it with such a sense of possessiveness, I quietly gasped. “Shall we?”

I nodded, leaning over to kiss her for the hundredth time since I walked in her apartment. “Yes. I’m starving.” A grin split across my face, the thought of delicious steaks pushed out the negative thoughts crowding in an already full head. 

“If it’s okay, I’d like to walk a bit.” Lena linked her arm in mine, her hand wrapping around my bicep. “It’s a beautiful night and I could use the exercise.” She collected her bag, placing her collapsible cane inside. Another firm reminder.

“We can. If you get tired, I’ll carry the rest of the way.” I smiled, kissing her once more as we rode the elevator down. “How was your day?” I was filling the air with silly conversation to avoid staring at the cane in her handbag, or drift my eyes down to look at the brace.

Lena sighed as we walked out onto the street, grinning as she took a deep breath of the cool air. The night was perfect. The sun was setting, it wasn’t too cold, and the city seemed quiet. As if it knew this was a special night for us. “Busy. We’re moving forward with the guild. Construction is on track and on budget. I managed to slip in a few meetings today and secured funding for some new medical research I’d like to start with LCorp within the next year.” She gripped on my arm as she took a difficult step, righting her gait before I could offer help. “The changes your sister made with my medication have helped. I don’t feel as tired and fuzzy.” She paused, chewing on the inside of her cheek before looking up at me. “I have to go in for another surgery on Monday.”

My jaw clenched but didn’t show I was bothered by her words. “For your leg?”

She nodded. “Alex found more scar tissue growing and wants to remove it. It’s a simple surgery, I won’t be put under and I should be done in an hour. She thinks if we remove some of the scar tissue, the brace will fit better and increase my mobility.”

“I’ll take the day off and go with you.” I absently jammed my hand in my pocket, palming the bullet. Lena squeezed my arm, smiling as we walked. “Did you get the paint choices I liked? I think the light blue grey will be good for our bedroom.” I was changing topics on purpose. I didn’t want to talk about any more surgeries. I didn’t want to talk about scar tissue, braces, or doctor appointments with my sister. I wanted to talk about stupid paint colors and which rug would look best in the foyer. I wanted to talk about completely normal and inane things.

Lena went with it, telling me she’d picked out mahogany bookshelves for the giant library we both designed. The simple domestic thoughts relaxed me and brought me back into the moment. When we rounded the corner, I couldn’t stop the stupid grin from covering my face as the smells from the restraint taunted me. “You remember when you took me here for my birthday lunch?”

“I do. You ate half a cow and all of the cheesy potatoes they made for the day. You were a spoonful away from being banned for life.” Lena laughed as I held the door open for her. “You were so happy. So happy I forgot to question how it was humanly possible for you to eat all of that and six large scoops of birthday cake ice cream.”

I smiled, pressing my hand to the small of her back as the hostess led us to our table. “I was happy. It was one of the happiest days of my life, spending my birthday with you. I almost told you I loved you when you gave me your gift.” Lena had given me a piece of amber with a dragonfly embedded in it. It was simple and made no sense when I opened it, but as she explained the reason why she got it for me in the most adorable way, I fell in love with her a little more. She blushed as she told me it was a symbol of our friendship. That no matter where time and events took us, we’d always be together. I will always remember the massive grin on her face, her dimples out in full force. And for a second, I wished I was like James, and had a camera with me at all times. Instead I just had my vivid memories of that day. How she looked, her perfume, down to the color of her shoes that day.

I frowned when I suddenly remembered I had no idea where the amber went after I died. Everything in my loft had been packed up and moved to Lena’s storage units. 

“Don’t worry, Kara. It’s with Rupert. I found it in your apartment when I came home from Gotham the first time and stole it before Alex caught me rooting around in your things. It’s wrapped up in the same blanket I kept him in. I’ll give it to you when we get home.” Lena smiled as I held her chair, helping her sit. “I also watched the memory of that day you logged into the projector.” She blushed as I sat across from her. “I was so in love with you then, Kara. Like shamelessly smitten with you.”

I grinned. “I’d be embarrassed about what I recorded if I wasn’t so in love with you then and now.” I handed her a menu, opening mine with excitement. “We should get birthday cake ice cream on the way home. Recreate that day, and maybe this time I’ll kiss you like I wanted to that day.”

Lena grinned, hiding her blush behind the large menu. “Maybe.”

As I read over the options of steak, I heard the flicker of a camera shutter in the distance. I turned to look out the window, scanning the street and spying a man across the street. He hid behind the trunk of a car across the street from us, a large professional camera in his hands. I turned back to the menu, trying not to let it bother me. I had a sinking feeling the paparazzi would be hounding after us. We were the mysterious power couple of National City, more so after Lena’s incident in Gotham.

Lena started asking me a question about which wine I’d like, when I heard the flicker again. Firing off in a rapid series of shots, making me flinch at the way it sounded too much like gun fire. “Um, red is fine.” I tried once more to focus, when the camera went off for a third time. I turned to look at the man, now hovering in front of the trunk. He was moving closer and definitely photographing Lena and I. I clenched my jaw, smiling as I looked over the different appetizers. 

The waiter was barely a step away with our order, when the flicker hit my ears. Moving closer and closer with every harsh whisper of the shutter opening and closing.

“Kara, let it be. I expected this. It’s the first time I’ve been out in public in months. All they’ll get is blurry pictures of my pale skin.” She turned to look out the window, shaking her head. “It must be a slow news day.” She reached across the table, covering my hand with hers. “I’ll ask the hostess to close the blinds.” She motioned for the hostess when the sound hit my ears, loud and hard, triggering me back to that night.

Before I realized what I was doing, I was out of my seat and in the street, rushing towards the camera man. “Hey! Stop taking pictures.”

He sneered, taking a picture of me as I barreled towards him “It’s public property, I have every right to be here.” He took a few shots of me, the shutter morphing into gun fire. The same gun fire I heard from a thousand miles away. 

“Stop taking pictures of me and my girlfriend.” I spoke through clenched teeth, my hands curling into fists. My fingernails cutting into my palms.

“Free country, Danvers. How is Lena? I saw her with another beautiful blonde this morning. I can show you the pictures, maybe she’s done with the boring reporter and moved on.” He laughed, snapping more pictures as I continued walking towards him. “I saw you leaving a therapists office last week, trouble in paradise?”

I grabbed his camera, crushing it into pieces and throwing it the concrete with the flick of a wrist. “You should leave before I get angry.” He opened his mouth to yell at me when I reached for him, wrapping my hands in the collar of his shirt and lifting him off the ground, his feet dangling like a dolls as I glared at him. “I said leave.” I hissed through a clenched jaw, feeling the heat build in my eyes. My anger was spiraling out of control, the blood pounding in my ears as the sound around me fell away. I was about to go past my control, and squeezed my eyes shut, dropping him to the ground. I turned away before I gave myself away. “Leave before I call the cops. Don’t ever follow me or Lena Luthor again.”

I’d scared the living hell out of him. I heard his heart racing as he scooted backwards on his butt, then scrambled to his feet, running away like a scared animal. I took a few deep breaths and picked up the broken pieces of his camera, finding the memory card still inside. I removed it, smashing it into dust with two fingers, before blowing it into the street. When I looked up, I saw the entire restaurant pressed against the windows staring at me. Our waiter stood outside, wide eyed. “Ma’am? Should I call the police?”

I frowned, shaking my head. “It’s fine.” My hands curled up, the anger taking its sweet time in fading.

The waiter nodded. “Okay. Would you like me to pack up your food? To take home?” I went to yell at him to leave me alone, when Lena appeared behind him, her eyes full of worry.

The anger fell away at the sight of her, replaced by inherent sadness. I blinked back tears, looking at her and mouthing I was sorry. She nodded, giving me a half smile. I turned away from her, running my hands through my hair as sat down on the curb, holding my head in both hands as the blood continued to pound in my ears.

A few minutes later, a car pulled up as Lena ambled over, two large brown paper bags in her hand. She handed them to the driver, before stopping to stand in front of me. “I got extra cheesecake.” She held her hand out for me to take.

I looked up at her. “His camera. The shutter sounded like gunfire.”

“Let’s go home and talk.” She wiggled her fingers, beckoning me.

I sighed, gently taking her hand and standing up. The restaurant crowd had disappeared, along with the smashed camera. “I should find him and apologize.”

“Don’t. He’s a Catco contractor and will be fired in the morning, with a signed NDA that what happened tonight was provoked by him, and him alone. He knows the rules of Catco and that I’m off limits.” Lena squeezed my hand as I sat down in the backseat next to her.

I nodded, pressing my head against the window as the car pulled away from the restaurant. My head swam with a million thoughts. A million different memories. I was at a loss for words, horribly embarrassed by my inability to control my anger and fear. This wasn’t how I wanted this date to go.

I closed my eyes when I felt Lena’s fingers wind into mine. “You will heal. I promise.” She rasped the words out, tightening her hold on my hand.

I didn’t dare say anything, letting the tears roll down my cheeks as I stared out the window. 

* * *

**XXXX**

**Lena**

Kara’s mood lightened when we walked back into the apartment. She was smiling, shoveling cheesy potatoes in her mouth like it was her only job in life. I watched her as I ate my salad. I knew the incident at the restaurant was something out of her control. It was her pure protective nature that had her reacting like she did. The hidden side of her anger Alex always warned me about rearing its ugly head. And when she looked at me with big blue eyes, telling me the camera sounded like gunfire, I almost fell to my knees. 

She was protecting me. Sacrificing her peace to protect me, and it all finally clicked into place what I had to do. I had to be the superhero in her life. I had to pick up the baton of protector and give her the space she needed to relax and stop. Stop her world from spinning out of control. Kara was on autopilot, and for every minute of light I pulled out of her, there was an hour of darkness at her back. She’d only started therapy a few days ago, she wouldn’t be magically healed in an hour. I didn’t expect her to be okay in an hour, or a few days of loving moments. She was used to carrying everyone’s weight and rescuing them, now she had her own weight to deal with and it was grinding her down with every step. Kara had her own long road ahead of her, and I didn’t dare compare it to mine. Hers was far more difficult than a few reconstruction procedures and medication adjustments.

At least know I knew how to get through to her. She knew how I saw her, I knew how others saw her. I could be the lighthouse in her storms. I set my fork down as Kara took a bite of her third steak.

“Why do you carry the bullet?” The words rolled out before I could stop them and rethink what I was doing.

Kara paused mid-bite, turning to look at me. “What bullet?”

“My bullet.” I turned to face her as I sat on a stool at the island. “I found it the other night while you were in the shower. It’s from here, isn’t it?” I tapped the scar on the back of my head.

Kara chewed slowly, pushing potatoes around her plate. “I don’t know why I took it. Alex left in on her desk as they ran a comparison in the DEO database. I just took it, shoved it my pocket and walked away.” She frowned. “Then this afternoon I was sitting at my desk, staring at the fifth draft of my article and I pulled it out. I stared at it, searching for a reason, answers.” She paused. “Then I thought about everything you said the other night when I asked who you thought I was. All the things you see in me.” She smiled. “You’re incredible, Lena. You see me in ways I never thought anyone would ever see me. You look past the cape, the glasses, the goofy clumsiness and you see me. It scares me, but it makes me feel grounded. I look at you and see the way home when things get to dark. That I can and will find the pieces of me I’ve been searching for.” She dug in her pocket and set the bullet on the island between us. “Maybe I keep this because it means I can’t control everything, and I have to remember to find the value in every minute I’m alive.”

I picked up the bullet, holding it up to the light. The copper edges caught the light, sparkling in a morbid way. “This reminds me I have something to live for, something to fight for, and she’s sitting right next to me.” I set the bullet back down and leaned over to kiss Kara. “It’s okay to feel things, Kara.”

She let out a heavy sigh. “I know.” She kissed me, then leaned away, giving me a look. “Is it bad I don’t feel bad for smashing his camera?”

I grinned, cupping her chin with my hand. “Not at all. If I could move faster, I would’ve beaten you out the door.” I ran my thumb under her bottom lip. “But I will make sure for our fourth date to make reservations in a place where no one knows us.”

Kara kissed the tip of my thumb. “As long as you make sure to wear a three piece suit, I’m game for wherever.” She grabbed my hand, gently pulling me into her arms. She held me tight, burying her face in my shoulder as she mumbled. “Thank you, Lena. Thank you for loving me like you do.”

I grinned, my eyes welling up. “You never have to thank me for that, Kara. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever taken on.” She squeezed me tighter, letting out another deep breath. “You will heal, Kara. I promise.” I whispered the words I’d spoken in the car again. Accepting that the road ahead of us would be bumpy, happy, but bumpy. And I would walk that road barefoot with her if I had to.


	14. chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This took a bit of a dark turn, but it is what it is. I like the idea of Kara being beyond powerful and stronger than Kal, and hate they never really tap into that on the show. But things happen and we move along. Enjoy!

“I removed as much as I could. Some of the scar tissue has attached in a strange way to your muscle. I had to leave it, let it grow a little more than maybe I can remove it.” Alex sat next to me, my medical chart in her hand.

I blinked slowly, the sedative still working it’s way through my system. “Mhmm.” I swallowed down a dry throat, licking my lips. “Stitches?”

Alex smiled, handing me a small cup of water with a straw. “Skipped them this time. We used bio staples and glue. They’ll dissolve on their own and won’t leave you with that tugging sensation.”

“Okay.” I glanced at my leg. “Mobility?”

“We’ll see. I think you should be able to bend it more naturally, fluidly.” Alex motioned to the table where the rest of my things sat. “Brainy dropped off a new brace. He improved the hinging system, and even though it now fits over your entire leg, it will encourage fluid movement.” She grinned. “He also made you a blue and burgundy one, to match your suits.”

I smiled, sipping water. “Tell him thank you.”

“I will.” Alex scribbled a few more notes on the chart before setting it aside. “You’re good to go home. Kara is in the training room, lighting things on fire with her eyes.”

I cocked an eyebrow. She’d been quiet the rest of the weekend after our failed date, no hints of the hidden sadness she’d been carrying. “Oh?”

Alex waved me off. “She’s fine, not pissed. We’ve been working on her power control for years, and today was a perfect day. Winn took her right before we started your surgery.” She held out a hand to help me shift my legs around and hang off the edge of the bed. “Sunday was a good day. I see bits and pieces of her coming back.”

I smiled, looking at the thin gauze wrapped around my thigh. “She told me you went to a weigh your own ice cream places.” I chuckled. “I can only imagine the joy on her face when there were no limits.”

“Yeah until her ice cream weighed in at twenty dollars.” Alex laughed. “The pout came out in full force and the poor kid gave her his discount. Now she wants to be his best friend and go back once a week.”

“I’ll call later and have them put her credit card on file.” I took the cane Alex handed me, easing my feet to the floor. The pain was there, but it didn’t radiate through my entire body. “Can I skip the brace today?”

“You can. But don’t walk too much, your leg will be tender.” Alex walked across the room, gathering my things and bag. “I’m thankful for alien technology. If I did a traditional surgery, you’d be in a wheelchair and laid out for a week, followed by therapy.”

“I’d like to look at that technology. I’ve been working for ages on technology that would reduce the healing time. The majority of infections and failures come from a patient remaining sedentary for too long.” I took slow careful steps.

“We can review it together. I’m interested in your nano bot prototypes. Want to share?”

“You know, a few months ago, I was scared shitless of you. Expecting you to punch me in the face anytime you looked my way, especially if Kara was with me.” I leaned on my cane. “And here we are, working together, solving the world’s medical problems.”

“I might still punch you in the face.” Alex shrugged with a smirk. “I realized I can’t protect Kara from everything. I tried and it smothered her. I took away her freedom to love, to live.” She paused. “Deep down, I do really like you Lena. You, like the rest of us, just made shitty choices.” She motioned to my leg. “I may or may not have stapled my intials in your leg.”

I gasped, plucking at the gauze when Alex burst out in laughter. “Relax, I’m kidding. But good to know I can still scare you, Lena.” She wrapped an arm around my waist. “Let’s go find my sister.”

“You know that new apartment in the building I own three blocks from here? The one you’re about to lease?”

“Yeah? It’s a great place, lots of light, fifty times bigger than mine, and pets are allowed. Thank you for helping me get it.” Alex grinned, slipping my bag over her shoulder.

I pulled my phone out, pretending to tap an email out. “The rent just went up two hundred percent.”

Alex narrowed her eyes. “Mhhm. I see how you play.”

I raised an eyebrow, nudging her. “Men don’t tremble at the mere mention of my name for nothing.”

“There’s a joke in what you just said, but in fear of my rent increasing three hundred percent, I’ll keep my mouth shut.” Alex rolled her eyes. “You’re going to fit right in with our family.”

I laughed, my heart skipping at her words. Family. I swallowed hard, listening to Alex ramble about her meeting with a government oversight committee, commending her for keeping the FBI on track and on budget. “If they only knew the big guy next to me was a Martian, wiping their minds every three seconds, they’d probably shit their pants or give me a raise. And why couldn’t we have chosen the CIA as a cover? I always wanted to be a CIA agent.”

I nodded, half listening, half stuck in a daydream of Kara building a white picket fence. Tan, sweaty, muscley and perfect. I let out a slow breath, checking my phone one more time for that one email I’d been expecting from Jess. 

* * *

XXXXX

**Kara**

The sound of my own gasps for air echoed in the muted silence around me. One breath in, one breath out, pounding like air drums in my ears. I blinked, squinting at the bright light. Everything was blurry with strange soft edges. I blinked a few times, my breathing easing away from the heavy gasps. I shifted, frowning when I realized I was at least two feet deep in a crater made by me, in the middle of the street. I sat up, brushing the concrete dust off my blue covered legs. I yawned a few times, trying to pop my ears and get the stupid sound of my heavy breathing out of my damn head. One big yawn and my ears popped, letting the sounds around me scream in like I’d pulled the blanket off a dying animal. I winced, closing my eyes, searching for her.

Lena was on the other side of the city, safe with Alex, hopefully recuperating from her minor surgery. I smiled when I found her heart, beating steady, strong and happy. I focused on that, pulling strength from her as she drowned out the sounds of the crowds calling for me, the crash and bangs of this asshole Daxamite, Telos, trying to prove he was far more superior than I. Telos was a flunky of Rhea’s, but exiled when she grew bored of him and his ego. I suddenly understood her reasoning.

I stood up, shaking the dust off my cape, eyes still closed as I synced my own heartbeat and breathing to hers. I rolled my shoulders, working on the kinks before I opened my eyes. I sighed, spotting the jerk across the street, smashing a box truck and laughing as a few people cowered in fear.

“Supergirl? Are you okay?” Brainy’s voice filled the earpiece. “You were idle for the last two minutes. Should I contact Director Danvers? Or request backup?”

I sighed. “I’m fine. Leave Alex alone, she’s with Lena.” Telos caught me by surprise, knocking me flat on my back when I obliterated a piece of falling concrete before it crushed a family of four.

“I can have Dreamer by your side in approximately forty five seconds. That forceful strike to your jaw pinched at least five critical nerves and brought you down. It appears the rebel Daxamite found your glass jaw.”

I clenched my jaw. “I know, Brainy. I’m good. I’ll handle this one.” I shook my head and walked across the street. “Hey, Telos!”

Telos glanced over his shoulder, a huge grin covering his face. “And she rises.” He tossed the box truck over the parking deck behind him. “You’re far weaker than Rhea foretold. The last daughter of Krypton brought to her knees with a simple punch.” He laughed. “It’s rather poetic.”

“Let’s make this quick. Surrender and I’ll make sure you get a cell with a view.” I was tired. Tired of fighting, flying in to fights, and dealing with the assholes of the universe thinking they were better than me. I was tired of feeling like a carnival side show.

Telos held up his finger, waving it. “No, no. I think not.” He crossed his arms across his chest, wrinkling the faded and dirty robes of Daxam. “You’re weak, Supergirl, Kara Zor-El. Offspring of treacherous murderers. I may have fallen to this world by mistake, but I now see the pure poetic justice in it. I get to destroy the last remaining enemy to my people.”

I stepped closer, deciding to punch Telos in the face, hard, and take him to the DEO. I was tired of talking. “You keep mentioning poetry, Telos. I didn’t know Daxamites could read.”

He laughed. “You are a pure failure, exactly like your father. No wonder Rhea saw you as a poor fit for her Prince son.” He waved his hand around the city. “You protect weak humans who treat you like a novelty. I’ve seen the battles, Zor-El. You’ve failed as a solider, dishonoring that foul crest on your chest. You fall at the flick of a finger, your powers are nothing like your cousin, a true formidable foe.” He smirked. “You died, Zor-El. And I laughed when you came back to this planet. Even death didn’t want a dishonored fool like you. You’re nothing. Your family destroyed your planet. You’ve failed in the simple missions set before you, and even love has no desire to grace your soul. Mon-El escaped your clutches the second he found the way out, knowing how weak you are, and you’d only bring him to his grave.”

I clenched my jaw. “Be quiet.” I curled my hands into fists as the anger flooded my veins, releasing a thousand buried thoughts and memories. Each one carefully buried in far corners to never be unearthed. Everything Telos said was true. I had failed, multiple times. I’d found a home in a world that I could never find balance in. I closed my eyes, fighting the overcoming rage about to spill out.

“I think I may kill her next. Out of spite.”

My eyes flicked open, locking on Telos. I swallowed hard, fighting hard not to show him his words had any effect. But I failed, I would always fail hiding my emotions when it came to Lena.

He grinned, clapping his hands. “I knew that would get you. Lena Luthor. The woman who poisoned and almost killed the Prince of my people. Mon-El.” She stepped closer. “I had heard rumors she was important to you, a weakness of yours far greater than that green gemstone a few people tried to sell me in back alleys.” He cocked his head. “I think, yes, I’m going to kill her first and watch you suffer. It would be the highlight of my life to watch a Kryptonian beg at my feet to spare a human.” He turned, looking over his shoulder at the L-Corp building in the distance. “You have no home, no family, no safe haven. I will take the one person you love away from you, Zor-El. Just like your father did to me.” He turned, walking towards L-Corp.

The sound had faded out once more, the world around me muted except for Telos and his words. I felt the anger boil as my memories hit like a sledgehammer on an egg. I felt Krypton explode in every heartbeat, I saw and felt the pain of failing my own mission to protect my cousin. The pain of losing everyone I loved, broke through my skin like sharp spikes. I closed my eyes, fighting the heat of anger. I hear the sounds of every mistake I made, every failure, everything. It coiled in my stomach like a lava, burning with every breath.

“You fool. A Luthor could never love a Kryptonian. They’re perfect specimens of control and intelligence, they’d never stoop to the level of a Zor-El.” Telos took another step, readying to take flight. “Lena will find her death to be a sweet relief from all of your failures and betrayal.”

I heard the snap in my mind before I felt it. It was like a light switch, angrily flipped by a scared child, desperate to chase the darkness away. But I wasn’t filled with fear, I was filled with rage. Every piece of anger I had swallowed my entire life, ruptured out of every hiding place I’d shoved it in, consuming me.

I rushed Telos, catching him by the ankle mid-air. I threw him higher into the sky and chased after him until we broke above the Earth’s atmosphere where I caught him again. I unleashed a flurry of fists, punching him as I screamed. My rage in full control of my body. I grabbed him, ready to throw him back into the center of the earth. His face was bloody, battered and swollen. I paused for a second, when he laughed in my face, spitting blood.

“She doesn’t love you, Kara. She only feels pity for you. It’s a shame her thick skull stopped that bullet, it might have brought some common sense into the mind of a Luthor.” He ran his tongue over bloodied teeth, still grinning. “What’s the Earth saying? You get what you pay for? I’ll have to hire better assassins next time, not just foolish criminals who thought robbing a bank would be a good start to their evening plans. They didn’t even use the weapons I gave them, opting for archaic human weaponry.” He coughed, spitting out blood. 

My heart stopped as I pulled Telos closer. “It was a random shooting, even a Daxamite like you is too stupid to plan that.”

Telos laughed, leaning closer. “And yet it brought you out of hiding, Kara.” He winked. “I knew killing Lena Luthor would bring you out of hiding, setting forth the promise I made to Rhea. Kill the woman who attempted to murder her son and it will bring out the woman she loves. A filthy Kryptonian. Paving the pathway to kill you, Kara.” He looked down at Earth below us. “She will never not walk without a limp, and the headaches will always remind her of how much of a weakness you are to her and the world.” He grabbed my wrists, pulling me closer. “Maybe I’ll kill her as she sleeps. Sit on the edge of that plush bed she sleeps in, the small feeble teddy bear clutched in her arms as she reaches for you. Slip in through the balcony door she leaves cracked for you, creep across the wooden floors, past the bookshelves filled with books she’s bought to read to you, and then I’ll cut her heart out and leave it on the counter next to the flowers you buy for her every day.” He cocked a bloody eyebrow. “Or I’ll slip in through your loft window and smother her with that childish blanket you leave with her. Pour her blood on the blank canvases in the corner and paint the walls of your home with the sense of betrayal she will always carry for you.”

I clenched my jaw so tight, I heard my teeth creaked. I shoved him away from me, closing my eyes as the rage built up. “You were in my home.”

Telos spit out more blood. “To think you live on Hope street.” He laughed. “I’m about to take it all away from you.” He turned, cocking his head. “Ah, there she is. I hear her heartbeat, what a lovely sound, a shame I’m about to rip it from this world.”

Something burst in my chest, and for a second I thought it was my heart, but then the dark space around us exploded into a bright blue white light. I heard someone screaming, but couldn’t pinpoint where as the sound fell away, leaving the odd muted world. I squinted as the light blinded me, I could barely see Telos as his grin fade away and his face turned pale, his eyes widening in fear.

“No.”

His voice was small as the blue white light hit him in the chest, spreading like wildfire over his entire body. He screamed, overshadowing the other scream in the space around us. He lit up brighter and brighter until the light exploded like a star, spraying the light everywhere. The star burnt out, and I blinked a few times, trying to focus as the sound slowly returned. Telos was gone. There was no sign of him, just the empty blackness of space and me.

I swallowed hard, feeling the rage drop out of my system. I looked around me, searching for Telos. He was gone. I began to panic and tapped the earpiece.

“Brainy? I need you to find the Daxamite. He ran off. And please call Alex, tell her to get Lena to safety.”

“He’s all around you, Supergirl.” Brainy spoke slowly, unsure of his words.

“What do you mean? I can’t see him.” I spun in a circle looking for a sign Telos was nearby.

“His matter, biological matter is all around you in microscopic particles. It’s as if he was vaporized. I did pick up a massive heat signature a few seconds ago. It’s off the charts and carries a similar signature to your heat vision, but this, I can’t properly chart it. The levels of heat and light are at a level never before documented. I have nothing to compare it to.”

“Where did it originate from? Maybe an asteroid exploded.”

Brainy paused. “You are the source of origin. You’re the exploding star, Kara. I….believe it was you who vaporized the Daxamite.”

I tipped my head down before pulling out the earpiece and smashing it. I sucked in a slow breath, looking around the vast emptiness around me. Deep down I knew Brainy was right.

I looked over my shoulder at the far distant star where Krypton once sat. I felt empty, numb and couldn’t find one single emotion to press my finger on and say, yes, this is for now.

I turned, looking down at the Earth and back at the dead space where my home once was. I ran my hands through my hair, pulling as I screamed my soul out.

I’d killed. For the first time in my life, I killed someone out pure selfish angry reasons.

* * *

XXXXX

**Lena**

I woke up with a pile of alien technology research on my lap. I shook my head, closing the files and books Alex gave me and set them on the coffee table. A huge yawn escaped as I shifted to sit up on the bed. I’d lain down when Alex brought me home, the minor anesthetic still working its way out, and fallen asleep halfway through the DEO’s reverse engineering reports. Rolling over, I scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up, wincing a tiny bit from the pain. I flexed my thigh, sighing in relief when the mobility was better.

I shivered as I walked towards the kitchen. It was dark out and the night had turned cold. A sign summer was on its way out. I looked around the living room, looking for signs of Kara. She generally left some piece of clothing or half eaten snack in her wake. I yawned again, looking in the fridge for food. Kara had demolished the rest of the leftovers and my fridge was almost bare. The woman could eat indiscriminately and was proud to do so. Grabbing a tub of mixed fruit, I sat at the island, reaching for my tablet. I could at least put in an order for groceries and get it delivered by the morning.

After selecting the seven different variations of chips Kara loved, I hit the phone app and went to message Kara. She should’ve been home hours ago, or at least called. She was only going into Catco today to finish up her article, submit and then finish the day with a few editorial meetings. Kara should’ve been home four hours ago.

I tapped her number when Alex’s name appeared, calling me.

“Hi, Alex. I was just about to call Kara, but I assume you might know where she is.” I moved back to the groceries, searching for vegetables.

“I’m in the elevator on the way up to you. I need you to analyze something for me. I can’t figure it out, therefore I have no way of explaining this to anyone.” She sighed. “I have no idea where Kara is. Brainy last has her hundreds of thousand feet above the Earth’s atmosphere. It looks like she destroyed her comm.”

My heart skipped, before launching itself up into my throat. “Supergirl?”

The knock on the door was Alex’s answer. I tapped the unlock button and told her to come in before I hung up the phone. Alex rushed around the corner, partially dressed in her DEO uniform. I looked at her, waiting for another blow to my life. “How bad is it?”

“Kara is apparently perfectly fine.” Alex removed a tablet from her briefcase, typing on the screen and sliding it over to me. The screen was covered with eight different little windows, each one showing a different burst of energy above the Earth. I spotted Brainy’s work in the calculations and meticulously crafted diagrams. “But she hasn’t landed back on solid ground.” Alex sat down. “From the reports on my desk, Kara went to handle a pissed of Daxamite destroying most of the city. She didn’t want to bother me or pull in the team. I was in surgery with you, and Kara appeared to know the Daxamite.”

“Mon-El?” I cocked an eyebrow, swiping through incredible amounts of data. Mon-El was long in the past, but a part of me always wondered when he would come to his senses and fly his lead allergic ass back down, and fight for Kara.

“Mon-El is still in the future. Brainy did contact him and he provide us information on who this Daxamite was. Telos. One of his mother’s lackey’s. Telos had been roaming around Earth 28 for years, then after the great crisis, he ended up here. Giddy with revenge and hunting Kara for years.” Alex leaned on the island. “I watched the footage. It was a good fight. Telos caught Kara with a low blow and knocked her into a crater.” She held up a hand. “She was fine, just had the wind knocked out of her. But something shifted when she stood back up. She was darker, harder.” Alex paused. “It looks like they talked, and Telos jetted off towards L-Corp when Kara launched him into space, this is where we lost visual. We have audio.” She gave me a hesitant look. “He pushed all of her buttons. Mashed them and hit her right where it hurts. You.”

I glanced up. “Me?”

Alex nodded, frowning. “We’re still investigating, interviewing the fuckers who shot you in Gotham, but Telos claims to have hired them to murder you to bring Kara out of hiding.” She sighed, her eyes turning glassy. “He found her trigger and pulled it, invoking her anger. She punched him a few times and then he hit back, harder with words and threats, and the next thing we know the audio blows out and there’s a huge energy spike. Kara asks about Telos and when Brainy can’t give her an answer, she cuts the audio.” Her finger hovered over the play button, looking at me, I nodded for her to hit play. Kara and another man’s voice filled the room. I listened but after a few minutes, it hurt too much and I started to cry, not for myself, but for Kara. The things Telos spewed in her face, the promises of killing me and taking everything she had left, it hurt. And for a minute before the audio crackled from the energy blast, I wished Kara had punched Telos straight into the sun.

Alex tapped the tablet, stopping the audio as she cleared her throat, moving back to the graphs and images. “I can’t understand this, Brainy only recognizes Kara’s heat vision signature, but all of this, no one knows what it is.” She drew her finger in a circle around the giant circle of energy.

“Have you tried to call her?” I swiped through the data, picking up pieces and pulling it together in my mind.

“No answer. Phone goes to voicemail, but there aren’t cell towers in the middle of space.” Alex sat back, rubbing her forehead. “I checked the fortress, Midvale, the bakery two cities over she loves, she’s nowhere.”

I nodded, furrowing my brow as I tore apart the data. I paused, reaching for my tablet, bringing up Lex’s endless research on Superman. “A few years ago, my brother became utterly possessed with Clark’s energy powers. The heat vision, freeze breath, super breath, the immense strength fueled by the sun, and he logged every occurrence it was used. I skimmed over it, since it was useless information of a lunatic.” I tapped a file, opening it. “But one file caught my eye, not because of the energy uses, but the fact Clark stepped past the moral line he draws in the sand for himself. He never kills, but that day he killed Zod to protect. His anger pushed that moral compass in a direction Clark couldn’t fight.” I pushed it towards Alex. “When Clark killed General Zod, he did so with immense strength and power unheard of at the time. It looked similar to these spherical patterns. The last time I saw energy spikes like this was when I was contacted by S.H.E.I.L.D to analyze the energy data of a project Marvel. The energy generated there was phenomenal, the energy here could collapse a universe.” I tapped once more, overlapping the two energy patterns, Kara’s was a million times larger than Clark’s and even Zod’s. I paused, looking down at my hands as shard of fear hit my stomach. “You once said Kara could be far superior in powers than Clark, and that she had anger issues in the past.”

Alex kept her eyes on the tablet, moving through the files. “It’s rumors, even Clark has mentioned Kara could be the stronger super, but we never tested it. Kara’s always struggled to control her powers, I didn’t want to push her. There was an incident with General Lane and Red Tornado. She obliterated Red Tornado when her anger overwhelmed her, then promptly collapsed and solar flared out.”

I reached over, laying my hand on her forearm. “Alex.” I bit the inside of my cheek, fighting the tears. “Telos knew her weaknesses. Her triggers. Her home, family, me. Think about it, and as much as I don’t want to, we have to take in account everything she’s been through over the last few months. The pain of resurrection, the disappointment she feels follows her for not wanting to be Supergirl, the heightened attention placed on us, and never mind the daily bullshit that comes in our lives. Throw that all together and have it spewed back by a mortal enemy of your people, add in a dash of assassination of the one person she loves.” I paused, wiping a tear before it reached my chin. “It puts anything I ever had to deal with as Luthor to shame.”

She closed her eyes, sighing. “Fuck.” She tipped her head towards the ceiling. “She vaporized Telos. She killed someone. Shit, fuck, shit.” Alex dropped her head down, reaching for her tablet. “I need to call Clark. Ask for his advice. My sister has the power to collapse universes and she uses it to turn a shitbird Daxamite to space dust.”

“Micro dust. Not one of his particles would be larger than a pin head.” I tried to smile, blinking back tears. Alex left the kitchen, stepping out to the library to call Clark. I tried texting Kara as well as calling her, but only received the customer your trying to reach is out of range. I shoved the tablet away, staring at the moving graphs of power I never could dream of, rotating in delicate blue white spheres. “Fuck.” I ran a hand over my thigh, pressing it gently as I cursed it. “I should’ve never gone to Gotham.”

“I agree.”

Kara’s raspy voice startled me. She stood at the edge of the balcony, giving me a sheepish look as she fidgeted with her hands. I went to stand and rush her when Alex stomped back into the kitchen.

“I need to head to the DEO. Clark is on his way. He wants to see the data and mapping. He might have an idea of where Kara is.” Alex scooped up her tablet. “I’ll call you if we come up with anything. If you need anything, call Brainy. Nia and him will be over at the drop of the hat if you need help.” She nodded to my tablet. “I won’t tell him about those journals.” She gave me a tight smile, kissed the side of my head and rushed out.

I smiled, nodding, waiting until the door closed behind her. “You can come back in, Kara.”

Kara stepped out of the shadows, running a hand through her hair. She wasn’t wearing her suit, just a pair of leggings and a baggy flannel button up. “Thanks. I don’t want to be bombarded with questions right now.” She weakly smiled, her eyes drifting to my tablet and the graphs I transferred over the second Alex stepped away. “You know.” He face scrunched up as tears slid down her cheek. “I don’t know…”

I shook my head, sliding off the stool, walking towards Kara. I grabbed her face with both of my hands. “It’s okay. Let it out.”

Kara shook her head, her brow furrowing. “He said he was going to kill you.” She paused, trying to breathe around the sobs threatening to spill out. “He tried to kill you.”

I nodded. “I know. I heard him.” I wiped away her tears. “None of it is true. You’re none of those things, Kara.”

Kara leaned away from my touch. “I killed him.” She paused, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m tired. I’m losing myself, I fear I’ve already lost myself beyond a point of return. Those things Telos said, there are tiny bits of truth in them. All of those things, I see where he found them. They’ve always sat inside of me, my family.” She let out a shuddering breath. “The world here sees the supers as perfect heroes, infallible heroes we represent good and an honest pursuit of justice. But we know the truth.” She pointed at my tablet, blowing out a laugh. “Lex knew the truth about my parents and Fort Rozz.”

“And I killed my brother.” I blurted the words out. “I killed my brother to stop him from hurting thousands, maybe millions others.” I moved slowly towards her. “I killed him to protect you, Kara.”

“Lena.”

I shook my head. “Don’t tell me it’s different. It’s not. And you’re not alone, Kara. I know what you’re feeling. That sick twisting in the pit of your stomach, the fear that comes in waves if you think too long on it, the way you will forever see the flash of light whenever you close your eyes.” I bent down, catching her eyes, forcing her to look at me. “It will fade in time, all of it, but you will always remember it. And I will never ask you to forget it, move past it. Because I promise you, if anyone ever threatened to hurt you, kill you, I wouldn’t hesitate to stop them in any way I had to.” I took in a slow breath as my voice trembled. “I love you, Kara Zor-El. You’re good, kind, honest, and loving.”

“Broken. I’m broken.” She rasped the words out, leaning her forehead against mine.

“Aren’t we all?” I smiled softly, sliding my hands down to her hips. “But you’re not alone, Kara. We’ll find the way out together.”

Kara nodded, moving to press her face into my shoulder. “I love you. And I’m sorry.” She whispered the words as if she was afraid they might break into pieces before I heard them.

I held her closer, only leaning back when there was a knock on the door. Kara frowned looking at the door. “It’s Clark and Alex.” She huffed, stepping out of my arms but took my hand.

I opened the door, blinking at the sheer size of Clark. I always forgot how big he was until he was standing in front of me. “Hello, Ms. Luthor.” He glanced at Kara, his eyes softening.

“Please call me Lena.” I motioned towards Kara. “I’m not my brother, I don’t need formalities.”

Clark grinned as Alex rushed around to Kara, hugging her. “I’ve come to see that over the years.” He nodded at Kara. “My cousin wouldn’t love someone who wasn’t worthy of her whole heart.” He pushed his glasses up. “Do you mind if I have a word with Kara?”

“Not at all.” I pointed at the tablet on my island. “If you need to refer to the data, I’ll send it over to you.” I stepped to the side, letting go of Kara’s hand. “I’m sure you’ll be interested to read it, it appears Kara is quite strong.”

Clark grinned. “She’s always been stronger than I ever could hope to be.” He laid a warm hand on my shoulder. “She just needed to find you to understand her place in this world.”

I looked at him, blushing. “A Luthor and a super. Are you suggesting?”

“That I approve? In this case, yes. A thousand times over yes. Kara looks at you the way I look at Lois, and I will never ever argue a love like that.” He glanced at Kara whispering with Alex. “Finding you finally gave her a purpose, for the first time in her life, she has a true unmitigated purpose to life that’s hers and hers alone.” He turned back to me as I handed him the tablet after dumping Lex’s journals to a hidden server. “I won’t take up much of her time.”

I smiled, blinking back tears as I nodded. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, and I wish for a speedy recovery, Lena.” He stepped to the side, waving Kara to follow him out onto the balcony.

Alex walked over to where I stood. “For years, I hated Clark Kent. The annoying putz who dropped this weird alien tween in my family. Ruining my blissful life as an only child.” She glanced at the balcony. “But knowing my sister could send him across the universe with the flick of her pinky, makes me feel better. Plus, he didn’t hesitate to come out her and talk to Kara.” She shrugged. “Fuck me. It’s like this world is a shit salad buffet. Every time I clear a plate, there’s another pile waiting for us.”

I gave Alex a look. “That’s a unique parallel.” I stepped away from the balcony, towards the living room. “Let’s give them a minute. I’ll order pizza. Kara will be ravenous.” I sat slowly on the couch, reaching for my phone.

Alex flopped down next to me, huffing as she ran her hands over her face. “I’ll get Clark out of here when he’s done. I know Kara will want to sit in silence with you, stuffing her face with food before passing out on your lap with Bedknobs and Broomsticks in the background.” She rolled her head to look at me. “Her three favorite things. Food, you, and Angela Lansbury.”

I chuckled, tapping out an order for five pizzas with all the toppings I could shove on them. “Thank you. She needs to decompress.” I set my phone down as I furrowed my brow. “Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I need you to suspend Kara.”

Alex sat up. “What?”

I sighed. “I want you to take the cape away from her. Tell her whatever you want, but take it away from her and hang up the suit for awhile.” I looked at Alex. “Give her the vacation time, or whatever there is at the DEO, but get her out of the suit before it slowly destroys her.” I smiled as my eyes welled up. “I think it’s the only way she’ll come out of this. So, please, Alex. Suspend her.”

Alex nodded, chewing on her bottom lip as her eyes turned glassy. “I’ll suspend her for destruction of DEO property. She’s torn chunks out of the wooden benches in the locker room.” Alex laughed, shaking her head as she wiped her eyes. “I’m kidding. I’ll approve her for vacation effect tonight. One month, and then we’ll go from there. I’ll have Brainy deactivate the glasses so she won’t be tempted to suit up.”

“Thank you.” I sniffled and leaned into the back of the couch.

Alex leaned with me. “So, tell me about this Project Marvel. I heard rumors it’s a woman down south, and that she scares the shit out of literal Norse Gods.”

“It’s classified and a world I never truly existed in.” I glanced at Alex, raising an eyebrow. “Or so says the government agency.” I laughed at the eye roll Alex gave me. “How about we just sit here and drink from the bottle of scotch hidden behind my copy of Freakanomics.”

Alex slapped her thigh and hopped up. “Best damn idea you’ve had in months, Luthor.”

I laughed, turning to look over my shoulder at the balcony. Clark had his arm around Kara as she leaned into him.

I nodded, it was a sign. A start.

We would heal.


	15. chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new update! The science is definitely science fiction, I'm not a scientist, just know what i've learned from xfiles and star wars, and comic books. Next chapter will be a little more explanation and other stuff, the guest star i mention, won't make a full appearance, just a fun cameo to play with. So we'll see how that goes.  
> Also, shameless plug, but if you like this story and my writing, i have original novels over on Amazon under Sydney Gibson, most are on kindle unlimited. They're great reads if you're looking for something inbetween updates! Or you can message me and i'll tell you more.  
> I hope to update again this week when i'm off work!!!! Read on and enjoy!

Alex had left hours ago, and Clark took Kara back to the fortress to talk in depth about what happened. And I happily stayed home. I was exhausted from the surgery and analyzing data, I wanted nothing more than to sit in my library with a nice cup of tea. I had shoved the data and graphs to the side, choosing an old fantasy novel from the many on my shelves. My mind needed a distraction from numbers, science, chemistry and photon energy logic. Never mind the overwhelming worry for Kara and how she was feeling. She barely looked at me in passing, and when she did, she would close her eyes, desperate to fight back the tears. I wanted to talk to her, but I could wait. She needed her cousin and his knowledge of their powers. I only knew what Lex had cultivated, and that was all written by the hand of a madman on the verge of total insanity.

I settled into a large novel about time traveling witches and vampires. I was quickly sucked into the book and read for hours, sitting with my leg up on the large desk. And like many recent days, I fell asleep, the book against my chest, the tea long forgotten as I dreamt about Victorian England and vampires.

My leg was gently lifted from the edge of the desk as I was lifted from the chair, wrapped in a warmth that had me sighing and snuggling deeper into it. My dream pushed me to the edge of consciousness, and I cracked an eye open as I floated through my home. “I can walk to the bedroom.”

“I know.” Kara’s voice was soft, raspy, heavy with her own exhaustion. “I like carrying you.”

I smiled, looking up as she walked us into the bedroom. Her eyes were red, puffy and her jaw twitched with thought. I reached up, running my fingers along her cheek. “I like it too, and wished I could carry you sometimes.”

The corner of her mouth twitched. “I weigh close to a solid ton.” She blushed ever so slightly. “I may or may not have weighed myself at the docks three years ago when Alex complained I was eating way too much. They have those giant freight scales and I topped out at nine hundred and ninety pounds. Hypothetically. Winn has spent years trying to accurately calculate my Kryptonian weight versus a human weight, mass times density times gravitational pull times yellow sun times this and that. I’ve let him run with it, it keeps him busy. I don’t want to tell him it’s a simple equation of subtracting the Earth’s gravity from Kryptons and then taking those numbers and input them into a simple buoyancy calculation.” She shrugged, setting me down on the edge of the bed. “My driver’s license says I’m 145 pounds.”

I smiled, watching her fidget with the edge of her shirt. “No one needs to know the truth and we all lie on our driver’s license. Give or take ten or so pounds.” I wanted to scoop her into my arms, take on all nine hundred pounds of her and sit with her until the end of forever. “How are you?”

Kara’s face darkened as she leaned on the edge of the dresser behind her, one stuffed with all of the comfy clothes she’d magically left at my place over the years. “I brought home books and journals from the fortress. Science, theology of Rao, mythology and the things my father was researching.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Can we talk about this later?” She blinked back tears. “It’s late.”

I nodded, standing up to move towards the drawers behind her. “I washed your favorite sleep pants with the doughnuts on them and the Star Wars shirt I found shoved in the bottom of my closet this afternoon.” I pulled the clothes out, holding them out to her with a smile. For a demi God with the infinite powers of possible world destruction, she was adorable as her face lit up at the sight of a long lost shirt. “Let me check my emails and take my medication. I won’t even ask if you’ve eaten, I can hear your stomach and it’s utter disgust with you forgetting about it. Cereal or take out?”

“Cereal. I’m too tired to eat a lot tonight.” She sighed, running her fingers over the soft worn material of her shirt. “I took a sick day from Catco, I want to sleep in and give us the day to talk. I know you have questions, Lena.”

“A few, but what I want to ask isn’t important. How you feel is more important, if you want to talk, I’ll listen, if you don’t, I’ll sit with you in silence.” I smiled. “I’ll have Jess move the few things I had scheduled and work from home. I’m still technically on leave.” I pointed at the bathroom. “Clean up and meet me on the couch.” I left the bedroom with a smile and wobbled to the kitchen. My leg was tight from the awkward angle I kept it on the desk, and I knew I’d be very sore in the morning as the rest of the painkillers Alex gave me slipped fully out of my system. I walked back to the library, grabbing my phone and the book, and checked my emails. It was the usual work emails that only required my quick reply before I emailed Jess about my plans for the next day. She called me a few seconds after I hit send.

“Two things. Your new home will be ready to move in by the end of the week. I’m conducting a walkthrough tomorrow to ensure things are up to your standard.” Jess paused. “The red sun lamps will be installed the day before I hand over the keys for you. Only in the bedroom and with the high security measures you designed. One click and the lamps will self destruct and fizzle like a burnt light bulb.”

I blushed, running a hand through my hair. “Perfect. I’ll be back in the office the day after tomorrow, we can discuss in person further.”

“Good. I’ll send the movers over then to shift all your clothes and books over. I’d ask if you’d like me to send a team to Kara’s, but we know she could do it a minute and cheaper. Other than that, everything is golden.” She paused again. “Is everything okay? I read the apology from Andrea about that asshole photographer, and there’s rumors Superman was spotted around L-Corp earlier?”

I sighed. “We’ll talk about it when I’m in the office. Kara is waiting for me. But, please monitor the usual outlets for anything of interest.” I hung up after Jess confirmed my orders. I slipped the phone away and walked out into the living area. Kara was sitting on the floor in her donut pants and Star Wars shirt, plowing through a mixing bowl full of cereal with the TV on. She looked up with a small smile. “I made you a bowl of granola and fruit. Alex said you need to eat a little more while recovering.”

“Yes, Dr. Danvers.” I chuckled, dropping the book on the couch before walking to the island and grabbing the bowl Kara made me. I stared down at a smiley face made out of strawberries, bananas and blueberries. I shook my head, moving to sit on the couch next to her. She immediately leaned against my good leg.

“How was your surgery? I forgot to ask.” She tipped her head down, pushing around the stray puffs swimming in beige colored milk.

“It was fine. Your sister is a wonderful doctor and surgeon. She cleaned out more scar tissue and I already feel better, more mobile.” I ran my hand through her hair, smiling at how soft it always felt in my fingers. Good lord, I was beyond smitten with this woman and the drugs I was on, amplified it. “I’m surprised she doesn’t practice medicine. She’d be one of the top doctors in the world.”

“She wanted to.” Kara sighed, filling her bowl with another box of cereal. “But that is another thing I screwed up. She moved to the DEO to keep me safe and help me later on when I chose to use my powers.” Her jaw twitched as she jammed her spoon into the bowl.

I glanced at the bowl before slowly moving to sit on the floor next to Kara, stretching my sore leg out under the table. I leaned against her, using my spoon to point at the smiley face. “I’ve always wondered why you did this? Put smiley faces on my food. You did it on our very first lunch together. Do you remember? I asked you to pass the ketchup and you ended up drawing a smiley face on my plate next to the fries you tricked me into ordering. Every meal I’ve shared with you, there’s a smiley face. Chocolate sauce, cheese, vegetables, fruit, whip cream. I think you even make the barista at Noonan’s to make them in my coffee.” I looked at her. “I was very cold to you in the beginning, and even near the end, our last meal, there was a smiley face made out of tiny pieces of kale.” I frowned at the thought of that last lunch, right before I cut our friendship to pieces and Kara left my office in tears. The next day, I bought the apartment in Gotham and prepared to move.

“It was something Eliza did when I first landed in the Danvers family. She made me pancakes with a whipped cream smile every morning for months until I accepted I was safe with them, and loved.” Kara set the bowl on her lap, her head still tipped down. “I guess I do it for you to show your still loved, Lena. No matter what, I always loved you. Even on that last day when I knew in my heart I lost you, I loved you. I knew your childhood was lacking in a lot of things, and I couldn’t help it. When I made the smiley faces, you’d smile and for a tiny second, I knew you were happy. And that’s all I ever wanted for you. To know you were loved and for you to be happy.” Kara shrugged. “It’s silly, I know.”

I stared at Kara, fidgeting with her glasses as she ate. I leaned over, grabbing the cereal box and shook out a small pile of puffs.

“If you want some, I’ll share. I just know you hate the weird fake peanut butter taste.” Kara mumbled through a mouthful.

I smiled, moving puffs into the shape of a smiley face before I kissed the side of her head and leaned back to eat my granola and fruit. I said nothing, turning to the TV as Kara stared at the smiley face. I caught her wiping a tear away out the corner of my eye, saying nothing as we both sat in perfect silence eating our cereal at nine o’clock at night.

* * *

XXXX

Staring out the window, I smiled at the way National City looked completely different in the early morning hours after a rain. Shiny, bright, clean and new. The sun had just risen, waking me up as the sunlight poured in, tapping on my eyelids with its gentle rays as it snuck past the crack in the curtain. It was still early, and I was in no rush to get the day started. Kara was still asleep, curled up into my side as she took advantage of the lack of an alarm and a clear schedule.

We’d gone right to bed after eating, Kara still quiet as she made sure I was comfortable before settling in her spot next to me. She fell into a deep sleep, her hand wrapped around my arm as if she was afraid I’d disappear on her.

I turned to look at her, brushing back her wild bed head. Her cheeks were flushed as she shifted against my touch, her eyes fluttering open.

“Go back to sleep, Kara.” I smiled, pulling the comforter closer over her shoulders.

She stared at me. Her eyes roaming all over my face as if she was memorizing it. I turned away, moving to sit up and grab my glasses and book. “Rest. We have nothing to do at all today.” I felt Kara move closer, lifting my arm to sneak under it and lay her head on my chest.

“I’m different.” Kara’s voice was raspy, heavy with sleep. “A rarity of my own people. I have a power similar to a supernova, but different.” She let out a slow breath. “My father, Zor-El was researching Kryptonian genetics, trying to find cures and ways to amplify our genetic gifts. Kind of like the Human Genome project. He found a few mutations and was pulling the DNA apart to analyze those mutations and if they were environmentally induced, or we were born with it.” She slid her arm across my stomach, pulling me closer. “He found markers in my DNA, but they were minor and he left them be. Never ever thinking I’d be exposed to a yellow sun.”

“No parent ever wants to admit there’s something different with their child.” I looked down at Kara. “It’s possible if they were minor, he might have thought they were linked to farsightedness, or something simple.” I ran my hand over her shoulder, encouraging her to continue.

“His journals are in the library. There’s more, but I stopped reading when his entries became erratic, odd.” Kara swallowed hard. “Diving deeper in the archives at the fortress, we found more information. Information that leads Clark and I to believe that I might be something more. Those minor markers could be shards of Kryptonian Gods who placed their own DNA into matrix to ensure some of their powers would carry on. But it was very rare, and I think since my parents were basically royalty, the matrix slipped those markers in during my birthing period.” She lifted her head up, her brow scrunched up as her frustration and anger grew. I knew she was upset with her parents, Alex had told me there was a time when she discovered the truth about her parents role in the fall of Krypton. I knew Kara rarely ever discussed her father, and I could see why. He seemed as distant and work obsessed like Lillian, too focused on keeping power and control, that family came well at the bottom of importance.

Kara picked at a loose thread, her jaw twitching as she started speaking again. “The power I unleashed on Telos has never been seen in Krypton or this universe. I have the ability to funnel the yellow suns power into incredible amounts of nuclear power and when provoked, my body becomes a death star of pure light power with enough nuclear power to fuel the Earth for millennia.” She looked down out the window. “In the book of Rao, a power like this was foretold, but we all thought it was a fantastical addition to a boring story of religion. Written by bored old men to keep the children entertained.” She backed away from me, moving to sit next to me against the headboard. “My anger triggers it. Anger and stress. Alex probably told you about the time I lost it during a training exercise, and it scared the crap out of everyone. And now.” She paused chewing on her bottom lip. “I don’t remember it. I only remember the anger filling every inch of my being as Telos threatened you, then I heard a scream and the bright white light consumed me. I know now, that was me screaming and the white light was me unleashing my ultimate power.” She grabbed my hand, playing with my fingers. “I’ve sent the data to STAR Labs to help analyze it with Brainy. I’m still not sure exactly what I do when I get that angry, I pour nuclear power out of my body, and what the aftereffects are. I didn’t solar flare out, I felt stronger after I…Telos disappeared.”

I nodded, wrapping my hand in hers. “I might have some research in my secret files that could help explain a few things.” I sighed. “There was one other person in this world who had unimaginable power, and I was tapped to help analyze it. Hers was alien, just like yours, and I think she can help you understand it.” I smiled, kissing the side of her temple. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere and I will use all of the resources I have to help you understand your power, and how to control it.”

Kara nodded, sighing deeply. “Clark told me I shouldn’t forget it. Telos death. He told me he thinks about Zod almost every day and how our powers are fragile and should be handle as such. It’s what separates us from the others. I haven’t read much further in my father’s journals, it started to upset me how detached he was. How detached he spoke about me and my mother, as if we were just subjects, not family.” 

“I don’t want you to forget it either. I think about that day with Lex often. To take a person’s life is a power far greater than anything in any world we’ll ever come across. If we take advantage of it, or take it for granted, we become no better than Lex, Zod and Telos.” I pulled Kara into my arms, letting her sag against my chest. “You’re good, Kara. Pure, kind, good, and loving. Those are your most precious powers.”

Kara nodded, swallowing hard. “I think it’s going to take awhile for me to accept it, understand it. And it scares me to know I have this power with no clue how to control it. I’m kind of angry a lot lately as I work through stuff.”

“No one is asking you to wake up and be perfect.” I smiled, moving to the edge of the bed. “That’s what I love most about you, you’re perfectly imperfect for a super.” I stood up slowly, wincing as my leg balked at the idea of being used. “We’ll figure it out.” I grabbed my cane, turning to look at Kara. “I’m going to pull up that research and send it over to Brainy. Your power could also be the key to unlocking how you were brought back to life. I never thought about how Harun-El could interact with DNA mutations.” I cocked my head, my mind racing through a thousand different calculations.

Kara stared at me for a minute. “Alex suspended me. Grounded me and took away the cape.” She tipped her head down, embarrassed. “Something about destroying DEO property? I told her I would replace the benches. But I’m on vacation for a month. Even my glasses have been deactivated. I’m still allowed to review case files and all the boring paperwork I make Winn do for me, but Supergirl is riding the bench.”

I raised an eyebrow, surprised Alex moved so quickly. “And how do you feel about that?”

Kara shrugged, looking up at me. “Relieved? Sad? Annoyed because I hate paperwork. Government forms are the worse.” She let out a slow breath. “But also happy, because I get to spend more time with you and only worry about getting articles in on time and going to Catco nine to five.”

I nodded. “And when does this vacation starts?”

“It started at midnight. Alex messaged me when I was with Clark.”

“Good.” I motioned towards the library. “I need help packing my books up.” I grinned at the look on Kara’s face. “Our new apartment is ready and we’ll be moving in Friday.”

Kara’s eyes lit up. “I thought it would be another week?”

“It was, but then I pushed for it to be done sooner. I want us to start our new life together and I thought moving and decorating would be a good distraction for the both of us while data and graphs are being analyzed by the biggest nerds on this planet.” I held my hand out to her, wiggling my fingers. “If we finish early, maybe I can arrange a date Saturday.”

Kara scrambled out of the bed, taking my hand in hers as she stood inches away from me. “That would be date number four, right?”

“I’m having my best pantsuit cleaned as we speak. Jess will have it ready for me when I go into the office tomorrow.” I squeezed her hand. “I know I’ve said this over and over, I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but I love you. I will always love you no matter the power you wield.” I licked my lips as my eyes welled up with tears. “You might be a God to end all Gods, but I know how gentle you are with me, and I will never forget that. You’ve always treated me with kindness, love and only used your power to save me. I will never ever forget that and let you suffer alone. I make mistakes, I’m human, but I learn from them and losing you once was enough to ingrain it into my own soul.” I looked up. “To my last breath, you will never be alone.”

Kara whispered my name before kissing me like I’d never been kissed. She lifted me off the ground, kissing me senseless as my hands fell to her shoulders. She leaned back when she heard my heart skip. “You know you’re rewriting history, with me?”

I nodded, kissing her quickly. “At least it will be good history.” I grinned, cupping her face with my hands. “I cannot wait to send a wedding invitation to my mother and watch her implode in her cell.” I patted Kara’s shoulders, silently asking her to set me down. “Off you get. I need your strong arms to carry my endless collection of Victorian romance novels.”

Kara gave me a look as she set me down, holding onto my side as we walked towards the library. “I’m pretty sure ninety percent of your collection is science texts, most written by you and the rest are science fiction and contemporary fiction. I spotted your vampire witch book on your lap.”

I leaned into her. “I hate your superior observation skills, ruins most of my jokes.”

Kara chuckled. “It doesn’t matter as long as there is room for my collection of Outlander novels and the murder mystery books Alex got me hooked on as a kid. I swear if she didn’t get a medical degree, she would’ve been a real federal agent. Busting down doors, and busting heads.”

I shook my head as we entered the library, spotting the stack of ancient journals and texts with Kryptonian on the cover. “You Danvers are a strange bunch.”

“I blame growing up in a boring small town.” Kara chuckled as she let me go, moving to a bookshelf where I kept my fantasy novels. “Don’t even get me on Clark’s true crime podcast obsession.” She pointed at me with a grin. “Smallville is an even bigger boring small town.”

I shook my head, sitting down at my desk and grabbed my tablet. I smiled at the confirmation email from Jess.

_Red lamps go. I’ve cleared your weekend so you can get some hands on biology classes in._

“Kara, can you make sure you get your article done and in before Friday?” I kept my head down so she wouldn’t see the blush.

“Sure. I can have it done later today. It’s a silly puff piece about National City’s upcoming city hall meeting to discuss opening a farmer’s market downtown.” Kara was hovering a few inches off the floor, pulling a book off the shelf. “I’ll submit it and take a few personal days. I did just come back from an alternate reality, Andrea will understand if I still feel under the weather.”

I chuckled, emailing Jess to make sure that pantsuit was ready and that I was not to be disturbed from the moment I walked out of the office tomorrow until Monday morning. When the email was sent, I pulled up an old old contact from my days at SHIELD. I laughed under my breath when I read her last name, of course there would be a cosmic connection between these two. I tapped my new email and started drafting a quick email to C. Danvers, listening to Kara whistle as she floated around, moving armfuls of books from the top shelves to the floor, handling each one with care.

I hit send, and leaned back watching the love of my life hum a song under her breath before asking if we could order omelets from the corner diner.

“Whatever you desire, darling.” I grinned at the way Kara’s whole face lit up as she zipped out to grab the menu and came back to lift me up and set me down in her lap as she pointed out a thousand different yummy things she loved to me, looking over my shoulder as she held me close to her chest, rambling about waffles and bacon.

I simply leaned over, kissing her temple and let her choose for me as my email beeped with a reply from C. Danvers. I sighed, looking at it.

It could wait one more day.


	16. chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This went where it wanted to, and i went with it. I know you're all waiting for red lamp city, but smut is so hard to write correctly and if i'm not in the correct headspace, it'll turn into a and then they did it, type of scene. So, please be patient! It'll happen, just means the next update might take a minute longer to post. But read on and enjoy, and if you're interested in my original work, the previous chapter has a link to my books on amazon. Click if you'd like for some reads to kill some of this free time we all suddenly have on our hands!  
> 

Two sets of keys with a small Supergirl S keychain, was set on the corner of my desk, a fresh cup of coffee from Noonan’s next to it. I raised my eyebrow at Jess, who was grinning.

“Your house keys. I wanted to put a L-Corp keychain on one set, but oddly enough, your company has no swag outside of the fancy pens you dish out to boring businessmen at conferences.” Jess sat down across from me. “You should look into better merchandising. Coffee cups, those metal water bottles, blankets, and keychains. How else will Kara remember which set are hers?”

I leaned back, shifting to stretch out my leg. ”Oddly enough, she rarely uses a door. The balcony has a retinal scan set up for her, the keys are a moot point.” I winced as my leg twitched with pain. The brace I wore was tight on top of the dress pants I selected for today's meetings. It had been months since I wore business clothes, a power dress, or power anything, and I was not at all used to it. I missed the soft loose jeans and comfortable button ups. But I had a few important meetings to get through before I met Kara and helped her move into our new home. I was looking forward to spending tonight in a new bed, in new sheets, and in our new home.

“Still. It’s a symbol and I thought it would be cute.” Jess tapped on her tablet. “Speaking of your new home, everything on my list has been taken care of. Fridge is stocked, all of your things have been moved and arranged. Security system went online this morning, and that’s that.” She let out a slow breath. “Once you walk out of the Yamamoto meeting, you’re off the clock until Monday.”

I half listened, my eyes glued to the simple brass keys tangled with the diamond shaped S. My mind was a million miles away in thought. I’d never had a home that was mine and truly felt like mine. I always lived in places that had a previous life. Apartments, condos, the Luthor mansions. All of them carried a stale feeling of having nothing to do with me. Yes, I decorated to my desires, usually minimalist décor, cold and vacant. Not even the home I owned up north felt like mine. I’d never bothered to fully move in, just my bedroom and a half filled library. There was no life, no warmth and nothing that called me home. I sighed, a slight wobbled of nerves filled my stomach. Moving in with Kara was something new, something utterly frightening to me. I cleared my throat. “Thank you, Jess. I appreciate all of your help.”

Jess shrugged, looking at me with concern. “You’re welcome.” She paused, waiting for me to open that door, and I when I didn’t, she turned back to the tablet. “You have the conference call with Gotham and Metropolis in twenty minutes, a call with Priory Laboratories after that. They’re interested in your new centrifuge technology. And lastly is the video call with Yamamoto Incorporated. Their board just wants visual confirmation with you and that it’s you authorizing the merger between them and the L-Corp Pacific offices.”

I nodded slowly, sifting through the files on my desk. I’d memorized everything I needed to, but was distracted. My mind circling back to the idea of home and what it really meant. “Bring Sam in on the Priory call. She’s worked with them over the last few months while I was indisposed. I vaguely remember them wanting to use our research and equipment for furthering cancer and infectious disease cures, if so, offer a twenty percent discount on our equipment, as long as they reinject that twenty percent towards pro bono work.” I rubbed at the top of my thigh. My leg was aggravated with me today and the pain was growing each hour. “The rest I can handle.” I looked at the clock, moving to slowly stand and work out whatever kink in my leg that was causing so much pain. “Do I have time for lunch?”

Jess tapped a few times on her screen. “You do. I can order Thai, unless Kara is swinging by?”

“She’s down south on a personal consult.” I clutched the edge of my desk as my leg tightened up. “Fuck me.” I plucked at the black brace. I took one step and my leg gave out, I fell to my knees, wincing in pain. I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw as the pain washed over me, making me sweat through my dark blue blouse.

“I can call Alex.” Jess knelt next to me, wrapping a hand around my arm, gently guiding met to a sitting position on the floor. “Or Kara.”

I shook my head, still wincing as I fought through the pain. “No Kara.” I let out a shaky breath, trying to calm my heart down before I had a frantic blonde explode into my office. I opened my eyes, looking at Jess barely holding her own worry back. “Alex.”

She nodded, grabbing her phone to call Alex. I counted to twenty, slowing my heart down, hating that I was making it lie. I didn’t want to disturb Kara, she needed answers more than she needed to hold my hand.

* * *

XXX

“It looks like a slight infection.” Alex’s brow was furrowed as she swiped through her tablet. “I’m not sure why. The debridement went perfect, unless your body just hates me poking around in it as much as I have.” She glanced at me as I laid on my office couch in a pair of DEO sweat shorts Alex brought with her. “I’m going have to prescribe you bed rest for the weekend and advise you stay off the leg as much as possible outside of the therapy exercises.”

I sighed, rolling my head back on the pillow to stare at the ceiling. “That ruins quite a few of the things I had planned for this weekend.” I fidgeted with a button on my blouse. “Could my nano technology be of use? I believe my lab has a few injections available.”

Alex set the tablet on her lap. “Your nano technology is still in beta testing.” She waved at my leg. “And sadly, with the damage done, I don’t think any nano bots could reverse it. For archaic as copper jacketed bullets are, they do a wonderful job at destruction.” She smiled tightly, leaning forward, elbows on her knees. “If I had a quick fix, I’d have used it the first time around.” She looked at my leg, the angry red twist of a scar, small pink dots where the staples had dissolved, and how it painted a unique portrait of survival on my pale skin. “I’ll switch up your antibiotics, since your body has developed a resistance to the last run, and I might try my cortisone plasma cocktail on it. It’ll help accelerate some of the healing in case I have to go back in.” She ran a hand over her face, covering up a yawn. “Sorry, it’s been a late night.” She leaned back with a smile. “Are you excited about moving in? Locking it down with my sister? I should warn you, she is a bit of a slob when she’s tired and will leave wet towels everywhere if you don’t yell at her the first time.” She looked out the large window behind my desk. “Where is she? I half expected her pacing behind me, asking a thousand questions and demanding me to replace your leg with a new one.”

I glanced at Alex, trying to hide my utter disappointment with my leg and the slow healing process. I wanted to go, move and just be past this already. The frustration of not being able to walk faster than a ninety year old woman was overwhelming, never mind that I felt like a burden to Kara. She was always carrying me, holding onto my elbow and giving me those worried side glances if I fumbled with my cane. “She’s in New Orleans, meeting with an old friend of mine to discuss her newfound power. Carol might be the only person in this universe who fully understands what Kara is going through and how to handle it.” I bit my bottom lip. “Please don’t tell her about this yet. I don’t want her to worry more than necessary.” I sat up, swinging my feet to the floor. “Have you gotten any further with anything?”

Alex shook her head. “We’re tearing every piece of data apart, cross referencing it with Zor-El’s journals and the Kryptonian science texts, but so far we can’t pinpoint exactly what Kara did, and how to control it. It doesn’t help the key references are a dead race of people. We do know the energy she released is nuclear photon energy that was somehow dormant until she spent decades under a yellow sun.” She blew out a heavy breath. “Did you know Kara is almost sixty years old? I’d forgotten since she’s such a goofy kid, then while we were running formulas, her age came up. My sister is thirty years older than me and wears cartoon underwear.”

I smiled, chuckling. Alex was trying to ease the tension that had filled the room the moment she walked in a panic. “Don’t forget her collection of pajama pants with adorable cartoon animals on them.” I stood up, slowly, taking my cane from Alex. “I was hoping I’d be more mobile to help her move tonight, and maybe donate some of her collection.”

Alex laughed. “I can picture the less unfortunate of National City, rolling around the city wearing ducks in Santa hat pajama pants.” Her eyes dropped to my leg, her smile fading every so slowly. “I promise you won’t walk with a limp forever. No matter what he said.”

I nodded, walking towards my desk, bypassing the pants Jess had carefully hung up. The rest of my day would be done in sweat shorts and a very nice blouse. No one had to see me from the waist down. “I know.” I smiled softly at her, knowing in my gut, I would have a limp the rest of my life, and maybe use a cane for the majority of it. “Thank you, Alex. For everything and being my on call doctor. I know I should have gone and seen my regular doctor, but how would I explain the advanced technology used? Especially when I haven’t invented it?” I smiled when Alex rolled her eyes.

“Lena, you don’t need to thank me. Between Eliza and I, the Danvers haven’t seen a normal doctor in ages.” She collected her things, stuffing them in a briefcase. “But I can start billing you, if that’s what you miss?”

I cocked an eyebrow. “And I can start requiring rent, if that’s what you miss?”

Alex held up her hands in defeat. “Or we can operate on a barter system. The best medical care in the world for free rent?” I laughed, shaking my head as she moved towards my office door. “I’ll have the prescriptions delivered to your new place. Start them before bedtime and call me immediately if anything changes. Till then, remember, wet towels.” She pointed at me with a smile before walking out.

The second the door closed, my smile fell and I closed my eyes, running my fingers along the edge of my scar as self-doubt began to edge it’s way in. The weekend I had planned had been ruined and it hurt to have to tell Kara I was couch bound with an infected leg. I wanted to take care of her this weekend, take the weight of the last few days away and let her stop. Stop being the hero, the caretaker, the everything while I hobbled around like a lame animal. Tired, weak, and unable to drag a box of her cartoon underwear across the hall.

Before I could spiral deeper into my negative thoughts, Jess burst into the office, files and a large smoothie in her hands. “Kale supreme smoothie with extra peanut butter, and I’ve moved the Yamamoto call to your desktop. They won’t see your lack of professional wear on the bottom.” She handed me the smoothie. “Are you okay?”

I nodded slowly, sipping from the giant white Styrofoam cup. “As good as I can be at this moment. But I’ve been restricted back to limited activity.”

Jess sighed, shaking her head. “I can pull up the exo suit from the vault.”

I smiled. “I can manage. I’ve been working remotely and it’s working. No one needs to see me shake hands and walk factory floors.” I sighed. “I should be fine by the time we open the guild, just a minor limp and a cane.” I waved the topic away. “Let’s get the calls started. I’d like to try to get home early.”

Jess took the hint and started fluttering around my desk, spewing facts, figures and projected profit growth. For once in my life as CEO, I was grateful for the useless information, it helped chase away the heavy feeling moving it’s way to rest squarely on my shoulders.

* * *

XXXX

Kara

_Funnel the anger, fight it like a wild stallion, tame it. Once you do that, the anger becomes one with your power and you find the way out and the way to controlling it._

I sat on my favorite bench in the middle of the park outside of Catco. It’d been hours since I flew back from Louisiana, Carol’s advice lingering in my ears. Her and I were very much alike, in more than just name, we were both women given immense power with no clue why, or how to deal with it. I’d spent hours, talking to her as we stared out at the river behind her home. And when I walked away, with a stronger hug, stronger than mine, and promises to call if I ever needed anything, I felt better. Like I’d finally figured out a key equation in the formula of Kara Zor-El.

I came to the park to sit in silence before I went home. Alex would be at my door the second she knew I was back, interrogating me for information. Lena would be diligently arranging her massive book collection on the shelves in our new home, smiling as she ran her fingers down each spine, indulging in the little memories she’d attached to every book. I smiled at that thought. I’d caught her doing it once before a movie night. I was taking too long making popcorn and she slipped away to put away her newest purchases, and got lost in the pages. 

Lena.

Lena was the source of all my power. I realized it reading through my father’s research and his diatribes about Rao and the founding theology we all bowed to. It was silly preaching of an all encompassing love that was meant to be direct at a God we all should worship, but I read every line and related it back to Lena.

She was the source of everything I lived for. Love, kindness, integrity and the strength to strip down to the bare walls hidden inside of me and forgotten the moment I landed on Earth. For years before I met her, I only felt one thing at a time. When I became Supergirl I had a singular mission, save others and prevent as much suffering as possible. Then Lena Luthor smiled at me as she spoke my name, and the world inside of me crumbled, and everything I thought I knew, was stripped apart and rebuilt every moment I spent with her. I learned what unconditional love outside of my family was, I learned what pure soul crushing love was when her green eyes locked on mine. I learned what it was like to be completely heartbroken and jealous of another person for what they had. There was a point I would have sacrificed my powers to have what James did in the short time he dated Lena, but I swallowed it with a happy smile before promptly going home and eating six tubs of ice cream in hopes of chasing away that icky feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I saw him kiss Lena.

Lena was the source of my anger, not because of the things she did in the past, but because of those dead set on using her as a bargaining chip to hurt me. How many times had I saved her from foolish idiots trying to kill her to get a rise out of me?

I leaned forward on the bench, running my hands through my hair, collecting it back into a pony tail. Lena was the source of my power, and maybe that what love was all about. You have that one person who triggers the best and the worst in you. I honestly really didn’t know. All of the Kryptonian books speak of love as nothing more than loving thy neighbor, thy family and always share your heart with Rao, the light that blesses us all. Love was functional, not pleasurable as I now found it with a dark haired woman.

I huffed, shaking my head. Now is not the time to have an existential crisis, Kara.

I stood up, stretching before looking at my watch. I needed to get back to my loft and start packing and moving to our new home. I could finish my existential crisis in the morning over a huge plate of chocolate chip pancakes.

* * *

XXX

I found Lena sitting in the middle of the giant library that took up most of the far side of the apartment. Well, apartment was the descriptor, but this new place was the size of a small home since it took up the entire sixth floor of my building. The place was incredible, beautiful and took my breath away when I walked in, arms full of boxes filled with my stuff. It was warm, cozy, modern and equal parts Lena and I. The colors suited the space, and bounced off the natural light pouring in through the huge windows lining the far wall. My art and her photographs were place throughout the foyer, and I felt my heart skip at the sight of the couch in the living room, facing the fireplace and enormous TV above it, with all of my favorite blankets draped over the back, more tucked in a basket in the far corner. There were a few boxes scattered around the living room, Lena’s handwriting on a few of them. I knew Jess had arranged for much of Lena’s things to be moved in, but Lena would’ve left the more personal things to be moved by her hand. I glanced around the living room, before I caught the sound of her heartbeat down the hall. Smiling as I knew exactly where to find her.

She had a determined look on her face, running her fingers down the spine of her books as she organized them into piles, her full attention currently reading the back cover of an Outlander novel.

“I’ll let you borrow it, as long as you don’t break the spine.” I leaned against the door, grinning at the small quirk of her lips.

“I gently crease the spine, never break it.” She glanced at me, setting the book down to the side. “And may I borrow it? I’m intrigued by the time traveling aspect.” Lena reached for another book. “Did you look around?”

I nodded, walking over to her, spotting the DEO sweatpants and her cane. “A little. Haven’t taken the full tour. Maybe you could be my guide?” I stopped next to her, bending over to kiss her.

“You may have to hold my hand, it’s been a rough day with my leg.” She licked her lips, kissing me back. “Have you started packing and moving?”

“I have three more boxes. Everything else Alex is going to dig through and either take or donate to Kelly’s charity.” I motioned towards her leg. “Is everything okay?”

Lena nodded. “Mhmm.” She ran a hand through her hair, pulling free the tie, letting her hair fall in curly waves around her shoulder. “It’ll be fine.” She gave me a soft smile, reaching for my hand. “Go grab the rest of your boxes, and then I’ll give you the dollar tour of our new home.”

I smiled back, but saw there was something bothering her. I saw it in her eyes, and the way she didn’t immediately ask me about my trip. “Okay.” I gave her another small smile and rushed out, back down to my old loft. I took a last look around my loft, sighing at the odd fact I wasn’t going to miss this place. Yes, it was my first place alone, and so much happened in here, but it wasn’t home. Home had always been in Midvale, and now, a few floors above me, with Lena. I grinned like an idiot as the word settled around my heart and squeezed it. This would be the first time I felt like I had a home of my own. Maybe in time I’d have my own family. With Lena. And maybe a dog or three.

I closed the door one last time before heading back to Lena, the stupid grin stuck on my face. I was going home.

* * *

XXXX

Lena

I clenched my jaw, staring at the half empty crate of books, trying to focus on anything other than the pain consuming me. With the change up of the antibiotics, Alex also changed my painkillers and I had to wait twenty four hours until I could start the new pills. In the meantime, my thigh thought it was a perfect time to be a ripe asshole. Giving me trouble moving and making the pain relatively unbearable. I held onto the edge of the large desk, taking calming breaths before Kara returned. I let out a trembling breath, reaching for a biochemistry book just to have something in my hands I could squeeze. “Fuck.”

“Lena? Which dresser is mine? There’s two in that giant closet in our bedroom.” Kara bellowed from the hallway before entering the library. “I know the hanging rack to the right is mine, the left side has all of your dresses and stuff.” She smiled, carrying a box with the rest of her painting supplies.

“The dresser to the right is all yours.” I swallowed hard, squeezing the life out of the book in my hand. “There’s also a secret closet behind your rack for your suit. It’ll clean and protect your supersuit when you’re not using it using UV light and a cleaning process I borrowed from the bat.” I forced a smile on my face, looking up at her. “Your suit should be in there now, going through its first cleaning cycle.” The wave of pain subsided enough, I set the book down.

“I used to just use the washing machine at the DEO.” Kara shrugged, setting the box down and speeding through setting her things up in the opposite corner of the office. When done, she held her hand out to me, wiggling her fingers. “Can we do that tour now?”

I smiled, swallowing hard, and nodded. “Of course.” I took her hand, inadvertently stumbling a little, forcing Kara to take on more of my weight. “I apologize this isn’t the grand experience I had planned. Today was a bit more than I expected. I ran out of time and steam.” I felt Kara squeeze my hand and look down at me with a look of concern. “Um, you’ve seen the living room, the master, and the library.” I wobbled, taking Kara through the living room back to the kitchen. “Farmer’s sink, state of the art refrigerator, chef’s stove, wine fridge and a pantry next to the stove.”

“I’m thinking of taking cooking classes. I want to be able to make you dinner and not worry about exploding something.” Kara smiled, nudging me with her shoulder.

I cocked an eyebrow. “I’ll have the fire system upgraded in the morning.” I chuckled at the sad puppy pout, tapping her bottom lip. “One day, that won’t work on me anymore.” I walked us through the kitchen and down the hallway where our bedroom sat. I stopped at the doorway, looking in. It was one of the largest bedrooms I’d ever owned, or designed. The floor to ceiling windows carried over into the bedroom, our bed faced them so we could watch the sunrise, sunsets, or lay and watch National City from the comfort of our bed. “Your bed was the perfect size for this room, but I did get extra squishy pillows.” I nodded to the right. “You found the walk-in, passing the bathroom. The window in the bathroom also has a retinal scan for you. If you have a rough day saving the city, you can fly right in and take a shower, put your suit away for cleaning without ever having to take a step into the bedroom.” I looked up at her. “There’s two guest rooms, a small gym at the end of the hall.” I went to take a step, when my leg buckled and I started to fall.

Kara caught me, scooping me in her arms. “Lena.”

I shook my head, hating that tone in her voice. It was her, I know you’re bullshitting me, tone. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. This is gross, but I can smell the infection and the stronger antibiotics.” She carried me to the couch, gently laying me down before sitting on the coffee table across from it. “My sense of smell has amplified since I came back. Alex has been running tests on it, see if I can smell disease or whatever.” She looked at me. “How bad is it?”

I sighed. “It’s a minor infection. Unknown origin and cause.” I paused. “I stumbled at work and collapsed. I called Alex and she came over to check it out. Changed up my meds and forced me on bed rest while she investigates what the issue is.” I wouldn’t look at Kara. “I’ll be fine.”

“Can I look at it?” She asked softly. I looked at her, her big blue eyes were filled with so much love, and so much worry. I chewed on my bottom lip. “You won’t let me see it. You’re always wearing pants when we go to bed, and I know you wake up before me to make sure you’re covered.” She let out a slow breath. “I know it hurts, I know you have a large scar.” She shrugged. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to hide it from me. I want you to be comfortable around me and in our home.”

I closed my eyes as the emotion hit hard, bringing back all of my doubts from earlier raging to the front of my mind. “It’s ugly. Even after I heal completely, it won’t fade away completely. The damage was extensive and so was the surgeries to repair it.” I was swimming in a sea of self-consciousness. I may appear confident in front of board members, large audiences at a gala or a public unveiling, but behind closed doors, I was very aware of how I looked. Too pale for many, too short, too tall, a little overweight, a little too thin. I’d been an ugly duckling child who grew up into a striking woman, but the ugly duckling still lingered in the far corners of my mind. Add on a harrowing scar on my leg, and I was on the verge of adding baggy sweat pants and sweat shirts to my daily rotation. “It’s not pretty, Kara.”

“I don’t care. You’re beautiful, Lena. There is literally nothing about you I’d ever find unattractive.” She gave me a goofy smile as she pulled off her glasses. “You could have a horn growing out the middle of your forehead and I’d probably think it was the cutest horn I’d ever seen.” She set her glasses down on the table, reaching up to rub the small scar between her eyes. “I fell down a set of stairs in front of my father’s lab on Krypton. Split my head wide open and there was so much blood, I panicked. This was a year before I was sent to Earth. I was a preteen, and freaked out I’d have this horrendous disfigurement for the rest of my life. I worried I’d never be as beautiful as my mother.” Kara scooted closer, picking up my hand. “Then it faded and became a chapter in the story of my life. A reminder. I only have two scars on my body, and both remind me of a better time. Being a kid on Krypton, and you.”

I closed my eyes. “Fine. But I can’t watch you look at it.” I let go of her hand and moved to pull my sweatpants down, wincing as the soft fabric brushed the sensitive skin. I squeezed my eyes tighter when I heard her gasp. At the sound of her gasp, I went to pull my pants back up, when her warm hand covered mine.

“I’m okay. It’s a lot, yes.” Kara’s hand moved my hand away, and I heard her move to kneel next to me on the floor. I shivered when I felt little puffs of her breath brush against the top of my thigh, and I swallowed hard at the realization of how close she was. “You’re still beautiful.” Kara’s voice cracked, making me open my eyes and look at her.

Tears were running down her cheeks, her eyes locked on the twisted snarl of red angry skin and lingering bio staples. She reached up and slowly ran her fingers across the skin around it, making me gasp. Not in pain, but how delicate her touch was. “Kara.”

She shook her head, moving quickly away from my leg and kissed me hard, harder than even before. It was as if she was pouring her strength to me through this one kiss. I whimper, melting into it, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her closer, desperate for her warmth. Kara almost fell on top of me, bracing herself with each hand on the side of me, but never broke the kiss. She nipped at my lower lip, I opened my mouth, running the tip of my tongue against hers as the kiss grew in passion. I’d never, ever been kissed like this in my entire life. With such conviction and hope. I began to cry, overwhelmed with emotions.

I ran my hands over her shoulders to lay flat under her shoulders, sighing into her mouth at the way her muscles felt under my palms. I eventually had to break away to breathe, resting my forehead against hers. Kara smiled, brushing away my tears with the tip of her thumb. “If I could…”

I shook my head. “You’d take them away. I know.” I kissed her softly. “Can I admit something?” Kara nodded, shifting so she was laying next to me, letting me lay almost on top of her. I laid my hand on her stomach, unbuttoning one button of her dress shirt so I could press my palm against her skin. “I had a small freak out this morning about moving in with you.”

“Alex told you about the wet towels, didn’t she?” Kara huffed, running her fingers through my hair. “I’ll make sure to hang them up, but when I’m really tired, I don’t care about anything other than eating and sleeping.”

I chuckled, moving to rest my head on her chest. “She did. That didn’t scare me off.” I ran small circles with my thumb over the soft skin of her stomach. “I’ve never lived with anyone. I mean other than family, and the Luthor’s weren’t a very caring family, so I’ve been alone since I was a child. I’ve never had a home.”

Kara grinned. “I was thinking this same thing while packing. But I was excited. I’ve never had a home of my own. A home I made willingly with someone. I was placed with the Danvers, I moved to National City to be close to Alex. My loft had strict rules about redecorating, I couldn’t make it mine. Now, I look around and I see my things were I want them. There’s colors on the walls I chose, with you, and my clothes all have a place. My books have shelves and aren’t piled in corners, and more than all that. I have you.” She leaned over, kissing my forehead. “I get to come home to you, Lena.”

I smiled as my heart skipped a few times, making Kara grin like a fool. “Will that still excite you when I’m here every day? Working from home until my leg gets better? There might be yelling and a lot of scotch.”

“Every single day.” She looked down at my leg, still uncovered. “And I’ll be here to help you get better. To remind you, you’re still beautiful when you have doubts. I don’t care if you have a limp, I’ll buy you fancy canes and carry you everywhere if I have too.” She looked back down at me. “I love you, Lena. Every perfectly imperfect inch of you.”

I blushed, kissing the side of her neck before laying my head down in the space between her neck and shoulder. “We should finish unpacking and plan our date for tomorrow.”

“In a minute.” Kara sighed, running her hand through my hair as her breathing evened out. “Let’s stay here for a minute.”

I fell asleep in her arms, forgetting about the pain in my leg for the first time all day.

* * *

XXX

“I forgot to ask, how did it go with Carol?” I sat at the small table out on the balcony, eating the salad Kara had flown out to get me after my impromptu nap in her arms.

“Good.” Kara mumbled around a mouthful of sweet potato gnocchi. “She gave me a lot of insight on how to deal with my powers. She sent over your research and her own notes to Alex and Brainy to review in hopes they can quantify my powers into something tangible, and not hypothesis’s.” She shoveled another forkful in, turning to look at the sun setting behind the L-Corp building. “In many ways, I don’t actually want to know what my powers are, just how to control them.”

I nodded, picking at my salad. “Understandable. Maybe that’s something we can work on while your off duty, Supergirl.” I smirked as Kara rolled her eyes.

“Maybe. I’d have to get super ticked off to trigger the starlight power.”

“Starlight power?”

“Yep. That’s what Carol calls it off the record, and I may have borrowed it from her.” Kara set her fork down. “We’ll have to figure out what triggers my full anger, aside from the frozen yogurt place running out of sprinkles.” She smiled when I laughed. “Speaking of science and things, how’s the guild going?”

I pushed my salad away. “That’s on my to do list for Monday. Ever since Gotham, I’ve not been in the loop of things, and let it slip. It should be done in a few more weeks, and I’m still looking for a Director.” I shifted in the chair, rubbing my leg, catching Kara’s eyes darting to it. “It’s itchy.”

Kara squinted. “Okay.” She then leaned forward on the small table. “Alex? She has director experience. Winn might be good, but he’s bouncing between here and the future. Brainy would be way too awkward.” She scooped another large forkful of gnocchi into her mouth. “You need someone super smart with science and respects the culture of Krypton.” She looked at me with wide eyes. “You could do it! You have your brother’s research and I can give you access to Telex.”

I shook my head. “I have someone in mind, but the time isn’t right. They’re occupied with a few other things at the moment.” I bent my head down, digging into my salad once again. “I might ask them in a month or two, see where they’re at.” And what Kara wanted to do with Supergirl, if she wanted to go back full time, part time, or retire and become the Director of the science guild.

Kara shrugged. “Can I meet them? Sit in on the interview? I know the guild is your project, but I’d like to be involved if possible.” She stood up, collecting her take out container and empty glass. “Ice cream time!” She bent over to kiss me before skipping off to get the family size tub of rocky road ice cream she brought home with our food.

I laughed, eating a few more bites of salad before standing up and making the slow walk back to the kitchen. It was getting cold, and I wanted nothing more than to sit in front of the fireplace with Kara and test out the new TV. I slid the rest of my salad in the fridge, looking at Kara as she hopped up on the island, her legs swinging freely as she dug into the ice cream. “What would you like to watch tonight?” I grabbed a bottle of iced tea, moving to stand by Kara.

“Can we skip TV tonight and finish unpacking the books?” She licked her spoon. “We can go to bed early and I’ll read Outlander to you in bed. I can almost do the accents.” She swung her legs with a smile.

I nodded, swallowing down the urge to tell her about the red sun lamps. I wanted to save that little secret until our date, but after this morning, I wasn’t sure how physically sound I was to indulge in testing how effect those red lamps were. It’d been hard enough when she kissed me stupid on the couch, not to tug her clothes off and have my way with her. Knowing Kara, she wouldn’t let me get too far, fearing she’d hurt me or I would wear down an already fragile immune system. It was another wait and see game. Fingers crossed the new pain meds Alex gave me would ease some of that worry away and I could provoke a half clothed heavy make out session with the blonde eating ice cream and singing her happy song. I bit my lip hard enough to settle my libido down. “Maybe I should do the accents? I am from Ireland and Ireland is a dear neighbor of Scotland.” I rolled my r's with a smirk. 

Kara grinned. “You are, and when you’re drunk enough your accent comes out full bore and even though I can barely understand you, I love it. Accents are sexy, especially yours.” She winked as I blushed.

“Save it, Danvers. You don’t have to flirt so hard, you already have me. Save your powers.” I went to take a step away when Kara spoke.

“You’re the source of all my power, Lena.”

I paused, her tone had shifted into a serious one. I glanced at Kara, her eyes clear and bright as she looked into mine. “Yes, it’s the yellow sun interacting with my cellular structure, but the rest of it, it’s you. You’re where I draw all of my strength from, the power source I turn to when I forget why I do what I do in the suit. The starlight was ignited when you were threatened, and looking back, every time someone tried to kill you, I felt different, brighter. If that makes sense, I’m still trying to put into words that make sense instead of formulas and calculations and a fancy pie graph where you’re the biggest slice.” She paused, tapping her spoon on the edge of the tub. “Which means I will need your help to control it. You’re the key, Lena.”

I stared at her as my heart slid its way up my throat. I stared at Kara, still swinging her legs like a little kid. Kara was right. The moments her power was most explosive and great, was when I was in danger or I needed her to fight next to me. I swallowed hard, trying to push my heart back down before I started crying. “A simple I love you would suffice.” I smiled as I held my hand out to her. She took it, sliding off the island to stand in front of me. I searched her eyes, letting out a slow breath. “Stronger together.”

Kara grinned, kissing me before scooping me in her arms. “Enough science talk, I want to see whose Scottish accent is better, yours or mine.”

“Shall we make a bet?” I cocked an eyebrow, relishing in the warmth of her body against mine.

“Yep. If you win, I’ll eat healthy for a week. You can choose my meals and I won’t complain.” She set me down on the large leather couch in the library, skipping to the desk where I’d left her book. “If I win, you have to wear your vest.” She sat down next to me, pulling my legs into her lap.

“I wear one with my suits, that’s no big win.”

“I didn’t say a suit, I said vest as in singular.” She looked at me, her eyes dark. “As the only piece of clothing allowed.”

“Oh.”

Needless to say, I may have botched my accent on purpose when it was my turn.


	17. chapter17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we go! This took a while to get written and posted. Real life needed my attention for awhile. But here we go! The chapter you've all been waiting for! Please be kind, i hate writing sexy scenes, it's too much work to make it work without taking a left turn into ew. But we're moving along and a new chapter might take awhile as i think about what comes next!
> 
> Also, if you're interested, I have a new book coming out July 1st! Under Darkened skies. Just search Sydney Gibson on amazon and you'll find me!

“You look like you’re going to barf. Are you going to barf? Should I get a bucket? Or do you want me to take you to the bathroom?” Kara hovered around me as I sat on the floor in the library, my head spinning and my stomach rolling like an angry tempest.

“I’d like for you to stop saying barf.” I swallowed hard, cradling my head in my hands. “It’s the antibiotics.” I closed my eyes, begging my stomach to relax and give me a moment to at least stand up and sit in a proper chair. Kara’s long bare legs fell into the lower half of my vision, crossing as she sat in front of me on the floor, setting a glass of water next to my leg. I focused on the water, rippling softly in the glass. “I forgot to eat before taking them.” I swallowed again, reaching for the water with a shaky hand. I was so out of it when I woke up this morning, tired but too achy to continue sleeping. I laid in bed as long as I could, watching Kara peacefully sleep. I soon got up, wanting to unpack a few more boxes of books while I thought about where to take Kara this weekend for our date.

Now the world was spinning, and the mere thought of food had me clenching my jaw, praying my stomach wouldn’t betray me.

“Toast? I can make you toast. Or waffles. I have a few boxes of toaster waffles, strawberry and chocolate chip.” Kara ran a hand over my shoulder, squeezing it. “Bread usually helps when my stomach is icky.”

I smiled, reaching for the water. “And when was the last time you had an icky stomach?”

“Five years ago? I ate a weird alien pastry at the bar. It did not go well. Alex freaked out when I almost dehydrated from barf…vomiting and she couldn’t give me an IV.” Kara smiled. “She ended up making me super pops. Better than Gatorade.”

I sat up, leaning into her side as I sipped the water. “Maybe toast.” I sighed, holding the glass in both hands to stop the tremble. “I had plans for us to go out to lunch today. The outdoor patio at the sandwich shop we both love. I’ve been craving the avocado club for weeks.” I paused, frowning as my stomach lurched.

I felt Kara kiss the top of my head. “Toast first.” She stood up into a crouch. “Carry or walk?”

I handed her the half empty glass. “Walk. I need to keep moving or this leg will eventually rot and fall off.” I then took her hand, using her immense strength to climb to my feet. The world had slowed its spin so I could take a few steps and test how bad today was going to be. I sighed, feeling the dread sink in. The scientist I was, knew it would take months for me to feel normal. There wasn’t a quick fix to this, well, one I was willing to use selfishly on myself. My nano technology was still two years from being viable, and the alien technology Alex let me privy to, would do more harm to a human than heal.

I wobbled a few steps, Kara clutching to my side before helping me sit on a chair at the small table Kara bought, intending to create a breakfast nook for us. She squeezed my hand. “I’ll be right back with the toast.” She paused, a soft smile stuck on her face. I knew that look. The patented worried Kara Danvers look.

“I’m okay.” I forced a smile, even as my stomach rolled a few times. “And water, please?”

Kara nodded, rushing away to do her best as I slumped in the chair, feeling defeated. I stared at the photograph hanging on the wall next to the table. It was one I’d taken years ago right before I left boarding school in Ireland for MIT. It was a set of cliffs in a small town in the middle of nowhere, I was traveling through on my way back to Dublin. The day had been grey, a little stormy and the sea was showing its might. Large waves smacked into the cliff face, creating a bright white splash in the black and white image. I sighed, closing my eyes. I’d felt so free and powerful that day. I was leaving the confines of the boarding school and the overreaching rule of Lillian.

Now, sitting in a lump at a breakfast table unable to think without feeling like vomiting, and unable to move more than five steps without needing to stop or ask for a hand, I felt nothing like that day. I felt weak, burdensome with no hard date I could fixate on. I couldn’t declare, Tuesday three months from now, I will slip on my favorite heels and stride right into my boardrooms. No pain, no limp.

A plate of toast, butter smiley face on it, was slid in front of my face. A large glass of water and a cup of tea next to it. “I’ll make more if you’d like.” Kara sat down kitty corner from me, smiling.

“Thank you.” I picked off a corner of the toast, dipping it in the bright butter smile.

Kara reached up, running her forefinger over the space between my eyebrows, smoothing out the crinkle from furrowing my brow. “You’re thinking too much.”

“Indeed I am.” I closed my eyes, wishing Kara had a magic touch to chase these stomach cramps away.

“And? What are you thinking about?” She grabbed my free hand. “How quiet our room is? How fluffy and perfectly squishy our pillows are? Or maybe you’re thinking how incredibly amazing it is to wake up next you and know, I’m home?” She leaned forward, kissing the top of my knuckles. “That’s the best part. There’s no rush. I don’t have to run to my loft to grab clothes, you don’t have to rush out and beat the cross town traffic. It’s all here. Here in our home and I get to see you in the morning and at the end of every day.” She motioned to her pajama pants. “And I get to do it in my favorite pajama pants!”

I chuckled. “I’ve always admired your optimism.” I shoved down another bite of toast, letting out a small breath as it seemed to do the trick in settling the rough seas.

“Do you remember when I almost died when the atmosphere was soaked in kryptonite? The suit you made me in the matter of hours?” Kara scooted closer, pushing the plate of toast closer. “Do you remember all the times I messaged you in the middle of the day, complaining about my day and you always gave me solid advice? Or maybe the time you bought Catco to save it, for me?”

I nodded slowly, sipping from the water.

“You’ve always been there for me, Lena. I will always be there for you and I will remind you of all the things you’ve done for me and others. I can see in your eyes, you feel like a burden. You’re healing and dealing with setbacks. It’s normal.” Kara brushed some hair from my face. “I love you, so much. I will happily carry you for the rest of days, on my back, in my arms. I will always take care of you. Whether it be a silly cold, or whatever may happen with your leg. I love you. So stop worrying about not being perfect and running those terrible six miles you used to every morning.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “It was eight miles a day and I hated every step. I only ran to run off the stress of being a brand new CEO in a new city, desperately combating the reputation of my last name” I leaned over, kissing Kara softly. “Did you gain mind reading powers, along with the strange heightened sense of smell?”

“I’ve just paid attention over the years.” She kissed me quickly, before tapping the edge of my plate. “Eat a little bit more, you’ve been getting thinner.”

I watched her move around the kitchen, tinkering around and making the world’s largest peanut butter, banana and chocolate chip sandwich. And in this moment, I wasn’t sure I could love her anymore. “What would you like to do today, Kara?”

She shrugged. “We can finish unpacking your books, then maybe take a walk? It’s a really nice day and the fresh air would be good for both of us.” She wiped a blob of peanut butter from her bottom lip. “I know you planned a date tonight, but I’m okay with pizza or salads.” She winced at the word salad. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever had a lazy day where I had nothing to do.”

I sighed at the thought of our date. Tonight was going to be this elegant affair. All romance and sensuality. My three piece suit was hanging in the closet, still in the garment bag Jess brought it in, and the reservation was still standing. But I just wasn’t physically up to it and it broke my heart. I swallowed the last piece of toast. “Perhaps after a nap, I’ll feel better. I still have the reservations set at that sushi fusion restaurant you wanted to try last year.”

“I’m a girl from Midvale, you could hand me a cheeseburger on one of those thicker nicer paper plates Eliza bought for Alex’s college graduation, and I’d feel like I was dining with a Queen.” She pushed a rogue banana back into her sandwich. “I don’t need fancy dinners, or dresses.” She paused, meeting my eyes. “I just need you.”

I let out a slow sigh, pushing the last few bites of toast away. Kara’s words sank like lead weights on top of my heart. “No one’s ever needed me.” I rasped the words out, clenching my jaw as my stomach rolled. I heard the deep breath Kara took in, preparing for a rant about how much I was needed, and loved by her, and held up a hand to stop her before she started. “I’m processing out loud.” I gave her a small smile, looking around the vast apartment I now called home with her. “Ever since I met you, it’s been a living learning lesson of shedding the skin of a Luthor and finding the Lena I thought was lost the day Lionel collected me.” I closed my eyes as my leg throbbed, sending another wave of nausea up to my stomach. “I want to give you all the things you’ve never had. I want to spoil you with fancy dinners, nice things, and long walks where I hold your hand and we watch the sun set.” I opened my eyes to lock right onto Kara’s. “I’ve never been at peace. My world has always vibrated with a sense of unbalance. One stray breath and I could be torn apart.” I paused, looking at the stray brown crumbs sitting in front of me. “I have a time machine. I can go back, save Krypton for you.”

“Lena.” Kara appeared next to me, sliding her hands across my cheeks, pulling me to look at her.

I kept my eyes down, focused on the peeling edges of the millennium falcon on her shirt. “I won’t live forever. No matter how certain your sister and you are, I will have a limp. I will grow old, frail, slow, and like all humans, my light will dim and time won’t forgive.” I had no clue why I was thinking such mortal thoughts. Perhaps it was the events of the last few months colliding and stacking themselves squarely on my shoulders. For whatever reason it was, I wanted to give Kara an out. I’ve tied her down for years, my selfish need to have her in my life, and the compounded fact I was second greatest source of her pain, and the simple proclamation of her saying she only needed me? It sent me into a slow spiral of regret. Never mind the fact I’d never been wanted other than as a chess piece in the Luthor’s never ending game of world domination. “You could go home, Kara. I could give you your home back.” I wasn’t exaggerating. When Kara died, I’d fallen into my research work, desperate to hide from my feelings and the rest of the world. After one night of excessive drinking and crying, I pulled out my journals on time travel and managed to create a perfectly viable plot to go back to Krypton months before it’s destruction and save it. I’d even pulled together a plan to give to Kara’s parents on how to reverse the ecological damage and return Krypton to a vibrant planet.

I thought if she was already dead in my world, I could bring her back in hers and save her from ever having to fall to Earth and meet me. She could live a beautiful life as Kara Zor-El and live out her dreams. I swallowed hard at the warmth of her palms pressed against my skin.

“Why would I ever want to live in a world where I never met you, Lena?” Kara’s hands fell from my face, her warmth moved away from me. I looked up to see her frowning, arms crossed against her chest as she looked out the windows. “Krypton was my home, yes. But the home I’m making with you, is far better than anything I could ever imagine, dream of, as a little girl.” She glanced at me, her blue eyes steely. “I know you’re doubting everything. Your injuries are going to take a long time to heal, the emotional toll of feeling less than a hundred percent is draining. You’re stubborn, Lena, but you’re not alone.” She huffed, turning back to the window. “I already know how my life on Krypton would’ve gone. I would’ve gone into the science guild, and be groomed to sit on the council. I’d be matched with a mate, not out of love, but out of biological compatibility and maybe we’d select a child later on. I’d be happy, I’m certain of that. But it would be a very stale happy.” She turned to face me. “Here on Earth, with you, I can’t predict what will happen tomorrow or years from now. I’m happy, like all consuming, breath taking happy.” She shrugged. “There are days when I look at you and I can’t breathe at how beautiful you are. I wake up in the morning and the first thought is to roll over and snuggle into you before you wake up, followed by I can’t wait for you to wake up and kiss you.” She ran her hand through her messy hair. “If someone told me when I was thirteen I’d meet you, fall in love with you, but lose my world and my birth family in the process, I’d choose this path every time, Rao be damned. I know how humans work, aging and the rest of it. But I don’t care. I’ll take every minute with you.” She huffed. “Plus, knowing you, you’ll invent a serum that slows the aging process and I’ll have you forever.”

Kara moved closer, grabbing my hand. “We’re the most unlikely pairing this universe has ever seen, but I’m taking it.” She ran her thumb over my knuckles. “You’re my home, Lena. And every time I look in your eyes, I forget the loss of Krypton knowing I gained far much more.” She leaned forward, kissing my forehead. “So, please. Chase those demons taking space up in your thoughts out, they have no place there anymore.”

I sighed, closing my eyes, reaching for her to be swept up into her arms. “I wished I’d met you sooner, Kara.” I bit back the tears, letting her warmth and strength fill my body. If only I had met Kara sooner, my life may have turned out a little less dramatic and full of assassination attempts.

“I was a pretty awkward kid. A weird kid.” I felt Kara smile against my neck. “If you thought I was awkward now, add that by a million. I even used to trip over thin air like a clutz and apologize for falling.” She leaned back in my arms. “Eat the rest of your toast and get dressed. I’m taking you somewhere special today.”

I squinted at her. “It better not be a buffet. I may have run the health records on every buffet in National City, and I didn’t find any of them to be agreeable. Sneeze guards or no sneeze guards.”

Kara laughed, moving out of my grasp, making me miss her immediately. “It’s not a buffet.” She slid the plate of toast back over. “But I will take you to one, I can promise you that.” She glanced at me, her eyes so full of love. “It’s somewhere I always wanted to take you, but with the world ending over and over, it was pushed to the back burner.” She leaned over, kissing me softly before moving to the toaster. She slid two more slices of bread in. “Wear a sweater and comfortable shoes.”

I was left with another kiss on the cheek and two more pieces of toast on my plate as Kara bounced down the hall, whistling.

* * *

XXXX

“You can open your eyes, and maybe loosen the death grip on my arms.” Kara’s voice vibrated through her chest. I was curled deep into her arms, my ear pressed hard against her chest in a desperate attempt to burrow into her as she flew us to her surprise. I hated flying. Airplanes, jets, helicopters, especially helicopters, and even in Kara’s arms, I hated flying. The pure vast openness of the sky freaked me out. If you fell from the sky, there was nothing to stop you as gravity pulled you fiercely down, the hard impact of whatever you may encounter on the way down being your final destination. I just simply didn’t like flying. It’s probably why I took cars and trains as much as possible.

“Lena, you’re pinching me.” Kara kissed the top of my head, gently shoving me back as she wiggled her arms free from my white knuckled clutches.

“Says the woman of steel.” I mumbled against her before testing there was solid ground beneath my feet. When I was certain, I took a step back, taking a slow breath in of cool, damp air. Air that smelled like a long forgotten memory. Trees, green, mud, rain. I looked up at Kara with wide eyes. “We aren’t.”

She nodded, grinning. “We are.” She took my hand, stepping away and waving a hand across the vast rolling hills of green. “Welcome to Doolin, Lena.” She glanced down at me, that big shit eating grin pasted to her face.

I took a few steps away, still clutching to her hand, to look at the town in front of me. “I haven’t been here in years.” I swallowed hard. The last time I’d been in Doolin, Ireland, was with my mother. We were on our way to a family party in Connolly, and stopped for lunch. A week later, I was whisked away into the depths of the Luthor family. Doolin was the last good memory I had of my mother. I bit my bottom lip, forcing the tears to stay back. I turned to Kara. “Kara.”

She shrugged. “The idea came while you were eating toast. Since we’ve both been benched from work, forced into finally taking time for ourselves, I thought, why not?” She moved closer, squeezing my hand, stopping right next to me. She pointed to the small town at the edge of the hill we stood on. “There’s a bookstore down in the center of main street.” She glanced at me. “I bought the very first book I ever gave you there. I never told you where I got it, thinking you’d be put off by my intrusive nature. I knew you were from Ireland. I could hear it when you were tired and the little bits slipped out. The way you pronounced certain words.” She sighed, looking down at our hands.

I shook my head, moving to face her. “I would’ve told you everything about my childhood, Ireland, all of it, Kara. I will tell you everything. The day after I met you, I woke up and wanted nothing more than to call you and tell you everything.” I smiled. “You literally caught me off guard the very first moment I met you.” I stood on my tip toes to kiss her. “I love you.”

“We have the next three days to ourselves. I rented a cottage over there.” Kara pointed to a small cluster of homes near the ocean and cliffs. “Dinner at the pub over there, and then if we want, we have all the time in the world. I can rent a car and we can drive east, west, north, or south.” She patted the pocket on her jacket. “Brainy printed out the best maps and highlighted the best hidden gems of Ireland.”

I laughed, shaking my head, resting my forehead against her chest. “Of course, he did.” I took a deep breath, soaking up the unique air of Ireland and felt the stress I’d been carrying, ebb away. I leaned back. “How about we start with the bookstore? Any book shop who carries rare first editions, has my immediate attention.”

Kara pulled me closer, linking our arms together as we slowly made our way down the hill. Kara kept me close, half carrying me over a few slippery spots, until we made it to the main street. I grinned as the familiar sights and smells triggered long forgotten memories. I felt my heart skip a few times as Kara pointed out a bakery with a window filled with the day’s offerings. I gently pushed her to go inside and explore while I waited outside. I watched her charm the pants off the baker inside as she bought two of everything.

And for a split second, everything fell away, leaving just Kara and I. There was no Lena Luthor, no Supergirl, just us. I tipped my head down, smiling at the old worn cobblestones. Even though my leg ached from the damp weather, and the brace around it, I felt happy. I felt good.

“Lena! They have these mini pies shoved full of meat!” Kara stumbled out with a massive white bag that must have weighed three pounds. “I got you those scones you love, and a bunch of cookies, and these other small pies filled with everything.” She shoved a mini shepherds pie into her mouth, groaning at the taste with a smile on her face. “I love it here.”

I held my hand out to her, grinning as she sacrificed food for my hand. “Perhaps we should stop at the cottage before we head to the bookstore. I don’t think they allow food and beautiful women with greasy fingers near their stock.”

Kara rolled her eyes, taking my hand with her greasy one. “Fine.”

* * *

XXX

The cottage was cozy, quaint and the moment I stepped inside, I laughed, shaking my head. Kara had already been here. The cottage had our clothes tucked away in drawers and hung up. There was fire smoldering in the fireplace and the bed looked like a warm cloud. The white stone walls and wooden floors brought more of my memories to life. I could almost hear my mother’s laughter, a sound I thought I forgotten. I was home and my soul knew it, reaching up to tap at the back of my brain and tell it, it’s safe to remember now. No one can hurt you here.

“I may have dropped a few things off when you were in the shower back home.” Kara moved past me, dropping her bag of goods on the counter. “There’s a TV in the other room, with a fireplace. The bed has fresh sheets. I brought all of our usual stuff for showers, and I have your cane and extra braces.” Kara waved at the closet near the front door. “We have everything we need to live in almost perfect isolation.” She smiled, shoving another pie in her mouth.

“Thank you, Kara.” I looked at her, taking in the sight of her wearing a baggy sweater, her hair tousled by the ever present wind in this country, with her glasses pushed to the top of her head. “This is perfect.” I paused, squinting at her. “If you had this idea at toast, how did you pull this all together?”

“Let’s just say you have an incredible assistant.” Kara smirked as she washed her hands. “And maybe, just maybe, Supergirl made a quick appearance to visit one of her smallest fans three streets over.” She wiped her hands on a towel. “But don’t worry, the suit is back in the closet, being cleaned.” She walked towards me, laying her hands on my hips. “Shall we go to the bookstore?”

I swallowed hard, nodding in agreement before my body could inject other ideas. “Please.”

Kara grinned, bouncing back a step with my hand in hers. “And on the way back we can stop at the bakery again.” She practically yanked me out the front door.

* * *

XXXX

I eased myself into the large sofa facing the fireplace, my leg was screaming at me from all the walking and standing. I gently removed the brace, sighing at the immediate relief.

“Did you want me to fly these home?” Kara walked in, two burlap bags in her hand. Both filled with rare and first editions. The book shop was a hidden gem, and my eyes lit up the second I saw the rows and rows of bookshelves full of old books. The smell of old paper drew a permanent grin on my face, and still had yet to leave. “I can be back in a second and we don’t have to worry about carrying these around if we decide to travel.”

Rubbing my thigh, I nodded. “If you’d like. But please leave the copy of Dune. I’d like to read it tonight.” I smiled, stifling a yawn. The day’s events was catching up, and I was in desperate need of a nap. I leaned my head against the back of the couch, closing my eyes as I sank deeper into the plush cushions. The soft flutter of wind made me smile as Kara sped out the front door.

A breath later, I felt a soft blanket cover my legs. “We may have to build more shelves. I didn’t think you bought that much, then I looked at our collection.” Kara sat on the edge of the coffee table where my leg was propped up. “Are you hungry?” Her hand fell to my calf, rubbing the muscles in slow circles.

“Not really. My stomach isn’t upset, but I’m afraid to go crazy.” I opened one eye. “Soup? And maybe half a meat pie?”

Kara grinned, hopping to her feet. “Soup and half a meat pie it is!” She scooted to the kitchen, digging in a few more brown bags that appeared on her return. I wanted to question her, but left it. I was too tired and too hungry to inquire where my food came from.

I turned to look out the window. The view was incredible, nothing but hills and the occasional cottage, smoke curling out of a tiny chimney to dissipate in the sky like a secret ghost. I let out a slow sigh, pulling the blanket closer to my chin. A small bowl of soup with a small piece of meat pie, was set on my lap. A cup of tea was pressed into my hand as Kara sat next to me.

“What are you thinking about? You have this weird dreamy smile on your face. I only see that in the morning after you’ve snuggled me to death.” She smirked, digging into her own pot of soup.

“Nothing. I’m absolutely thinking of nothing.” I took a sip of tea, setting it down before picking up the piece of pie. “For the first time in maybe twenty years, my mind is empty. All that’s up there is how amazing this food smells, and how warm I feel.” I took a bite, closing my eyes at the taste. “Incredible.”

Kara nudged me with her shoulder. “I told you. I’ll be back first thing in the morning to get more.” She devoured her soup in two huge spoonful’s, wiping her mouth with a napkin after I gave her a look when she tugged her sleeve down. “Is it a good thing you’re thinking about nothing?” She turned to face me, eyeing my food.

I nodded. “Yes. My leg still hurts. But I haven’t thought about why it hurts in hours. I haven’t thought about your starlight power, even as I know there’s a million emails filling my inbox from Alex and Brainy. I haven’t thought about the guilt lingering in the bottom of my heart, or anything about being a Luthor in love with a super.” I looked at Kara. “I just am. I’m me sitting in a cozy cottage eating a simple soup with the woman I love. I have a pile of new books to add to my collection, I’m thousands of miles away from any sort of reality, and I’m happy.” I looked down at my plate, feeling a small wave of anxiety. The conversation from this morning edging its way in. “Kara, this morning. The guilt sitting at the bottom of my heart.”

“Will always be there, I know.” Kara took her glasses off, setting them on the table. “I don’t expect the road ahead to be free of bumps. Just tell me, talk to me any time you feel that guilt worming it’s way out.” She laid a hand on my forearm. “I’m here, Lena.”

I smiled, covering her hand with mine. “Thank you.” I swallowed hard, reaching for the soup. I swirled the spoon in the hearty brown liquid, smiling when my curiosity peaked. “What did you think of me the first time you met me?”

Kara chuckled. “Wow. That was the first thing. The second thing was, how the heck was she related to the bald maniac?” She laughed when I poked her side. “I mean, you’ve seen your brother. He’s bald and a maniac. You, on the other hand, wow. I’d never met anyone who commanded a room like you, and my cousin is Superman.” Kara fidgeted with her fingers. “Even with Mon-El, you always pulled my attention when you entered a room. Your eyes. They just saw right through me and I was certain you already knew I was Supergirl. You always looked at me as if you were studying me, picking apart my layers. Then I realized, the wiggle in my tummy whenever you were near, or we hugged, wasn’t a bad batch of potstickers. It never showed up when I hugged Mon-El or was in his arms. And when Alex came out, explaining the path she took to understand her feelings, things clicked with me. And I started paying more attention to you. I learned you. I learned your smiles, the cock of your eyebrows and how each one means a million different things, the way you clasp your hands when you’re nervous, and how you would wear pantsuits on the days you were taking over a company or releasing a new invention for the good of mankind.” She blushed, standing up to go for another round of meat pies. “Ask me what Mon-El’s favorite food was.”

I frowned, an odd pang of jealousy spiking my heart. “Kara.”

She turned to me, hand full of food. “I don’t know. I never knew.” She pointed at me. “Yours? You love the extra kale superfood salad from the place on eighth avenue, poppyseed vinaigrette with feta cheese on the side. When you’re over it, overworked, you love the triple belly bomber with a double order of fries. You love your coffee black, unless it’s the weekend and you’ll indulge with a latte. You love homemade cupcakes, and will sell your soul for a fresh made scone from Dublin.” She furrowed her brow. “Your favorite books are anything longer than four hundred pages, your favorite movies are saved in my queue, ready to go at a moments notice. You adore designer clothes but are happier than anything wearing an old t-shirt, preferably mine, and jeans that are a half size too big. You go to bed on your right side, but always end up on your back or on my chest. You talk in your sleep, in a language I still haven’t figured out. And you’re the most beautiful when the sunrises and your eyes flutter open and catch the light.” She licked her lips. “I cataloged all of these things, whereas I had no idea if my boyfriend at the time had a middle name. I don’t even know that much about Alex, and she’s my family.”

“What are you trying to say, Kara?” I asked softly, in hopes I wouldn’t come off accusatory or insensitive.

“Can I use your time machine and go back to that first day? Ask you out on a proper date? Maybe if I’d done that.” She paused, trailing off as she took a huge bite of food.

“You did a timeline redo. You tried to tell me a handful of times you were Supergirl. And it never worked out.” I set the half empty bowl of soup down on the table.

Kara moved to the couch. “I never told you I loved you. Even when you plead the fifth to protect my identity.” She huffed, shaking her head. Her cheeks pink with frustration. “Um, I forgot to get milk. I’ll be right back.” She rushed out of the cottage, gently slamming the door behind her.

I licked my lips. I knew how the law worked, I knew what pleading the fifth meant. I stood up slowly, wincing as I put weight on my leg, and shuffled to the bedroom. I understood Kara’s frustration. We were always meant to be together, but we fought it for so long, that it overwhelmed us as the stress in our lives grew. Leading us both down a what if? path.

I shook my head with a yawn. I’d spent a year dissecting those what if’s in a dark corner of my Gotham apartment. All of them left me with an empty scotch bottle and tear stained cheeks.

I stripped out of the heavy sweater and jeans, slipping on one of Kara’s old shirts and a pair of flannel pants that hung off my hips. I looked at the bed and couldn’t resist. The fluffy covers begged for me to join them, and I relented to their begging. After taking my meds for the day, I crawled under the heavy duvet, determined to take a small nap until Kara returned. But even as my head sunk into the feather down pillow, I knew that was a tiny lie I was telling myself.

When I woke up, the room was dark, just a small sliver of moonlight pushed through the thin curtains covering the window. I blinked a few times, running my hand along the space next to me, finding it empty and cool. I sat up, flexing my thigh to work out the few kinks. The new painkillers were working better. I didn’t feel like such a zombie and the food had helped in taking the edge of the destruction of the antibiotics. I felt good, better than the morning even though I could easily fall back asleep.

I pushed the duvet back, swinging my legs to the edge of the bed, when the door creaked open. Kara poked her head around the corner with a soft smile. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

I smiled back, running my hands through tangled hair. “Good.” I sighed, holding my hand out to her. “You could’ve come to bed. I don’t think an atom bomb would’ve woken me up.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t tired and didn’t want to wake you up with my fidgeting.” She closed the door behind her before moving to sit next to my legs on the bed.

“Did you get the milk?” I smirked when Kara closed her eyes, groaning.

“I did. Almond milk.” She opened her eyes. “I’m still learning how to manage…” She waved a hand around herself. “This. The sudden onslaught of raw emotions. Alex and Brainy say it’s because of my rebirth and the starlight. My emotions are stronger and I have to be careful with them.” She reached over, picking at the duvet covering my knee. “I never understood real romantic love.”

I covered her hand. “No one does. That’s the fun part of falling in love. The wild tumble we all take, hoping someone catches us at the end.” I wound my fingers in her, tugging them. “Come here.”

I pulled her closer, running my hand across her cheek. “We’re the world’s biggest idiots when it comes to love.” I looked in her big blue eyes, feeling my heart race at the sheer sight.

Kara leaned into my touch. “It’s crazy how your love stays with me.” She licked her lips before moving closer, kissing me. I kissed her back, harder, pouring everything I had into it. I wanted to erase any doubt she had in the moment. I might be mortal, but she was all I wanted in the short time I had on this Earth.

Kara’s hand wrapped around my wrist, holding me steady as she ran her tongue along my bottom lip, a silent request I quickly honored. She moaned when our tongues brushed against each other, and pushed me against the pillows behind my back. She climbed onto the bed, half straddling me, being careful of my leg. Her hands fell to my side, her fingers finding the edge of my shirt. I gasped at the hot touch of her skin against mine. I broke the kiss, desperate for air. Kara rested her forehead against mine, I could see her heart racing in the pulse along her neck. I licked my lips. “Kara, open your eyes.” I bit my lip, watching her take a slow, steady breath in.

“Lena.” Her voice was raspy as she kept her eyes closed.

I smiled, hooking my right foot around her calf, pulling her to lie almost on top of me. Her fingers dug into my skin in the most delicious way. I knew I’d have small bruises in the morning, but the fuck did I care. I wanted her, I needed her and I was done waiting. “Open your eyes, my love.”

Her eyes opened slowly. Those bright blue eyes were darker, almost as dark as the sea a few feet outside of the cottage. She licked her lips as she tried to slow her heart down. “Lena, I’ll only do what you wish.” I heard the slight tremble at the end of her words. The fear of hurting me resonated in her tone.

My heart skipped. No one had ever asked, in decades, no one ever considered my desires, or my wishes when we made it to the bedroom. It was a business transaction of sorts. I got what I needed, they got the status of sleeping with a Luthor. I swallowed hard, blinking back the tears. I motioned towards my bag. “Side pocket.”

Kara furrowed her brow, glancing at the bag. “Um, I don’t think we need those. I haven’t taken a human biology class in years, but I’m pretty sure…”

I pressed two fingers against her lips, shutting her up. “Side pocket. Put the necklace on.” I pushed her up with a palm against her chest. “Hurry.”

She gave me a look, but slid off the bed and grabbed my bag. “Lena. I don’t need more gifts, I told you. I just need you.” She pulled the simple green box out, and flipped open the lid. The second her eyes landed on it, her face softened. “Oh.”

“Oh, indeed.” I watched her slip the necklace on, watching the sudden effects. “I figured out how to harness the power of a red sun into a gemstone. It’s not as strong as lamps, but will dampen your powers just enough where you don’t have to worry about control.”

Kara stood up, looking at me as she pressed the oval shaped gemstone into her skin. “That means, I won’t?”

I shook my head. “Hurt me? No. But I might hurt you if you don’t get over here.”

Kara pushed the duvet back, straddling me once again as I sat up to meet her. “When did you have time to make this?”

“I don’t sleep well when you’re not next to me.” I leaned forward, brushing my lips against hers. “And when you have all the money in the world, time is nothing more than an idle thought.” I flicked her bottom lip with the tip of my tongue. “Kiss me.”

Kara surged forward, kissing me as her hands fell to the edge of my shirt. I immediately felt the difference in her kiss. It was hard, but didn’t have that edge to it. Her lips felt softer, and when her hands slipped under my shirt, squeezing my side, I only felt her fingertips pressing into my skin. And it felt like heaven.

My shirt was pushed up and over my head in a breath. Kara gasped when she looked down at my bare chest, her hands cupping the swell of my breasts, her thumbs running back and forth the soft skin. “Rao. You’re perfect.”

I swallowed hard as a wave of self-consciousness consumed me. No one ever looked at me like this. I reached for her shirt to combat the nerves. “Off.” I tugged at the edge, and regretted it when her hands left me to literally rip the material free from her body. When Kara dropped her arms, I couldn’t resist running my hand across her stomach, feeling every ridge of muscle hidden under her perfect skin. I bent forward, kissing the middle of her chest, feeling her suck in a breath. I smiled against her skin, kissing my way across the top of her breasts before moving down to her nipple. I hovered for a moment before running my tongue over it. “Lena.” My name fell out in another gasp as her hand tangled in my hair, holding me against her. I took that as a sign to continue and covered her with my mouth. Her skin tasted like sunshine and I couldn’t get enough. Soon I was pulled away from her nipple and up to her mouth, where she kissed me like I’d never been kissed before.

I slid my hands to her back, digging my fingers into her back as she bit my bottom lip. She paused, breathing against my lips with a smile. “That stings. Your nails.” I went to pull my hands away, when she shook her head. “Don’t. I like it.” She nipped my bottom lip, pushing to lie down as she slid down my body.

Kara kissed the top of my breasts, her hand pressed flat against my stomach, her fingers grazing the edge of my flannel pants. She kissed the skin next to my nipple, looking up at me. “Let me?”

The simple question stopped my heart as I nodded. Kara grinned, kissing my nipple before she kissed her way down. Leaving a trail of wet kisses down my sternum and stomach. Her hands moved with her kisses, slowly pushing my pants down with my underwear. Kara lifted my legs, removing the cursed material, throwing it over her shoulder before she took a moment to look at me. Spread out on the bed, completely naked and vulnerable to her stare.

She ran her hands along the outside of my legs and she moved to rest between my legs. Kissing the delicate skin along the inside of my thighs. She paused right above where I craved her, and I squirmed. Turned on beyond belief at this sudden surge of confidence. I watched her eyes flicker for a moment, and I took that as apprehension. “Kara, we don’t have to. We can stop, and watch a movie.”

She shook her head. “I don’t intend to stop. I intend to spend the rest of the night mapping every inch of your body.” She ran a finger along the small crease under my belly button. “I want to find my favorite spots on you, Lena.” She bent forward kissing the space between my belly button and the edge of my bikini line. “I’ve waited my entire life for this.”

Before I could utter another word, I felt the flat of Kara’s tongue press against me, sucking every inch of air out of my lungs. She was tentative at first, but when I whimpered when the tip of her tongue grazed my clit, she threw hesitation to the wind. Her hands wrapped under my thighs, laying flat on the top of my hips to hold me down as she found her rhythm. I grabbed the bed sheets, closing my eyes when I could lift my hips and feel only mild resistance. The red sun necklace doing exactly what designed it to.

Kara’s tongue was magic, pushing to me the edge embarrassingly fast, and as I reached down to tangle my hands in her hair, I felt two fingers join her tongue. And when she wrapped her mouth around my clit at the same time she thrust in, I came. I came harder than ever in my life, crying out her name as the world turned white with shooting stars. My back arched off the bed as I clawed at the bed sheets, my body shaking with more pleasure than its ever known.

I collapsed on the bed, gasping for air and completely forgetting about the pain I’d feel later in my thigh. I gasped for air, Kara’s fingers moving slowly inside me to guide me back down. I had to reach down to grab her wrist. “Minute?” I barely got the word out as I opened my eyes. Kara nodded, sliding up next to me, her hand pressed on my stomach, her thumb running slow circles along the skin.

“I didn’t hurt you.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of truth.

I rolled to look at her. “No, you didn’t.” I laid my hand on top of hers, watching the small smile form as she ran her eyes over my naked wrecked body. When her eyes finally met mine, I saw how glassy they were.

“I didn’t hurt you.” She repeated the words, louder as she leaned down and kissed me. Pouring all of her love into it. She laughed, leaning back to lay on her side, moving her hand to rest over my heart. “Is it always that quick with humans?”

I blushed furiously. “No. But it has been awhile for me.” I rolled over onto my side, poking her in the stomach. “And we’ve built up quite a bit of tension.” I ran my hands down her stomach, pushing past the waistband of her shorts. I closed my eyes when I felt how wet she was. “God, Kara.”

She covered my hand, holding my hand against her. “Please.” I opened my eyes, running my fingers over her before slipping two fingers easily into her. Kara’s breath hitched and I paused, making sure she was okay. She gave me a quick nod. I took my time at first, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped around her. Then Kara bucked her hips, asking for more. I smirked, bending down to kiss her as my fingers moved in and out, finding a pace that had the woman grinding her hips down onto my hand. We kissed and as I felt her tightening around my fingers, I circled her clit with my thumb once and it was enough. Kara came hard, bearing down on my hands as she bit my bottom lip and cried out my name.

When she opened her eyes, she grinned, her cheeks a bright red. “I didn’t hurt you.” She ran her fingers across my bottom lip, marveling there was no blood. She even grabbed the hand I still had buried in her underwear and held it up to the light. “Fingers aren’t broken.”

I shook my head as she covered my hand with both of hers. I wiggled the two fingers, showing her they were operating perfectly. “Still intact.”

She shook her head, bursting out in happy laughter, kissing all over my face. “Lena! I can’t believe this! I didn’t hurt you!” She sat up, pulling me to straddle her as she buried her face in my chest, mumbling. “I can do this! I can do you!” She paused as the words slipped out, her eyes growing wide with embarrassment. “Oh my Rao, I didn’t just say that.”

I laughed, kissing her forehead. “You did. But I forgive you.” I looked down at the blue eyes peeking up in between my breasts. “And yes, we can do this.” I tapped the necklace around her neck. “We may not need the lamps.”

Kara cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, we will need the lamps.” Her eyes dropped to my breasts. “The necklace dampens my powers, but when I…um…you know, I could feel the power surge in my veins.” She moved closer, kissing the bottom of my breast. “But we can practice a few things now, work on my control?” She moved a kiss up, grazing my nipple with the tip of her nose.

I sighed, rocking my hips down. “We do have a few days to ourselves. Practice couldn’t hurt.” My words were cut off when Kara’s tongue rolled around my nipple.

* * *

XXXX

I stood in the doorway to the bedroom, cup of tea in hand, looking at the bare back of Kara. There were tiny little red marks from my nails along her skin as she slept heavily. We had practiced for most of the evening until I couldn’t take any more and passed out after my fourth orgasm. I woke up when the sun came up, sore in a million places, but happy.

Not because of the mind blowing sex I just had, but because I finally felt connected to someone. I, for the first time, made love to someone and meant it. Kara owned my heart, my soul, and now my body. She fumbled here and there in excitement, but quickly found a pace. She had literally done her best to map out every inch of my body, and almost succeeded until I passed out. But, we had plenty of time for her to finish that map.

I smiled, pushed off the doorframe and hobbled outside to sit on the small patio in the back. It was a chilly morning, but the sun was out and I felt new. I reached for my phone to check up on any important emails.

I clicked on one from Alex about the guild and Kara’s starlight power.

_Lena,_

_The guild manual will be completed by the end of the month. It’s been hard translating the Kryptonese into English and the fourteen other languages you wanted to include. The DEO has joined on as a supporting government agency, which means government funding. The construction will start in two weeks now that your back and mobile, I just got that word from Jess. I’ll work with her to plan the ceremony. You still need a director, I’ve attached a few resumes of candidates who could work out._

_Now, Kara’s power. Good news and bad news. Good news, it’s controllable. We can teach Kara how to manage it and use it only when it’s desperately needed. Bad news, reading over the mythology and her father’s journals, it’s pointing to Kara being a literal and true God. God like Zeus and all that shit. Which means Argo will take interest in her and might want her back to serve as their new Rao. And of course, the shitheads of the world will want her on their side._

_What does this mean? Fuck if I know right now, Lena. I just know the second she slaps on the suit, she’ll be hounded like fresh meat in pen of tigers._

_Brainy and I will work on something while we continue to analyze the full capability of her starlight power. The Marvel files have helped, but even her power doesn’t compare in the slightest to Kara’s._

_Take care, wherever you two are. But when you get home, we’re having an obnoxious house warming power at the dump of an apartment you two live in._

_Tell Kara I love her, and be safe. Call me if your leg is bothering you._

_A._

“Shit.” I tossed the phone onto the small table next to my tea. I stared at the hills, digesting Alex’s words. Of course Kara would be the most powerful entity the world, worlds, have ever seen. I wanted her to head the guild, and now Argo was sniffing around their last daughter of Krypton.

I sighed, looking over my shoulder at the bedroom where Kara still slept. I wouldn’t change a thing in how we got to this point, but there was a small part of me, a very small part, that wished Kara was just the goofy human I always thought her to be. The very small, selfish part of me. The rest of me knew how important she was, how special she was, and no matter what, I would always have to share her with the world.

And deep down, I really hated that.


	18. chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This went where it wanted to, but don't lose hope! it's just a bump in the road and my current blahness of being overtired tends to lead to strange plot turns. But enjoy!  
> Also, i released a new book over the week, so if you like this stuff i write, go to amazon and search Sydney Gibson, and you'll find Under Darkened Skies there along with my others! I hope you're all staying safe out there!!!!  
> 

I felt the ghosting of fingertips along my side, my hip and across my stomach. The gentle brush with the smallest pressure, drew me from my blissful sleep. I sighed, burying my face in a pillow, refusing to open my eyes. The feel of her fingers grazing my skin was lulling me back to sleep.

“Boop.”

I paused, thinking I was dreaming when I heard it again.

“Boop. Boop.” It was soft, almost under her breath. But then I heard it again, followed by the tip of her finger pressing into the top of my hip. I stayed still, listening to Kara’s soft voice, smiling as her fingers traveled across the length of my entire side.

I let out a slow breath, leaning up into her touch against my ribs. “Are you booping me?”

I could hear the blush fill her cheeks. “Um.” Her hand stilled, hovering over my skin. I could feel the warmth from her palm. “I thought you were asleep.”

I shifted closer to her, frowning at the sight of the oversized Jameson shirt she wore. “I was. Deep in a boneless sleep.” I plucked at her sleeve. “You’re dressed.” I had disrobed when I slipped back into bed after my early morning tea, curling up into Kara and falling into a deep sleep.

Her hand flopped to the mattress between us. “I woke up when you climbed back into bed, cold and burrowing into my side.” She settled into her pillow, biting her bottom lip. “And maybe went to the bakery. There’s scones and coffee whenever you’re ready.”

I sighed with a smile, stretching out sore limbs. “You’re perfect.” I leaned closer, softly kissing her. “But you still didn’t answer my question. Were you booping me?”

Kara rolled her eyes, pulling the duvet over her shoulders. “Maybe.”

I laughed, tugging at the blanket. “Maybe?” I was met with big blue eyes that momentarily dropped to my bare chest, the tiniest of happy sighs fell across her lips. I grinned, pulling the blanket to cover up Kara’s distraction.

“Your freckles. I was mapping them out, finding my own little road map to my favorite places on you.” Kara reached out, running a finger over the twin freckles over my right breast. “If I follow the one on your neck, it leads me in a perfect diagonal to these. Then.” She ran her hand across my chest moving the blanket out of the way, down to my side, her finger circling the skin. “This one. It’s my favorite. It hides out here all alone, right in the slope of your side.” She laid her hand there. “There’s a few more I adore, especially the one right under your belly button.” She looked up. “I was booping because when I’m really happy, I make weird noises. It helps me keep the world out and allows me to focus completely in the moment.” She paused, her eyes roaming over my naked form once more. “You’re perfect, Lena.”

It was my turn to blush, burying my face in the pillow. “Hardly.” I mumbled against the pillow, when Kara moved closer, pulling me into her. I gasped at the way the soft shirt felt against my skin.

Kara leaned forward, brushing her lips against mine. “Wholly.” She kissed me hard, gently rolling me onto my back as her shirt magically disappeared. My hands fell to her bare back, her muscles twitching under my touch.

And when her hand slid down my stomach, bypassing the freckle she’d kissed a few times last night, I lost all thought, consumed by the pure pleasure her fingers brought me as they slipped easily inside me.

* * *

XXXXX

I sat up in the bed, now wearing my own oversized shirt and glasses. I was reading a few chapters of Dune as Kara set about grabbing our breakfast. The morning had flown away from us as we indulged in a few more rounds of biology lessons. I tightened my thighs at the thought of how eager Kara was, and what it could mean when she was under the full power of red sun lamps, not just a small necklace.

“I added a little whiskey to yours. The baker told me Irish coffee is a tradition for lazy mornings.” Kara walked in, holding two steaming cups of coffee and a large plate filled with scones, doughnuts, and croissants. She had a huge grin on her face as she climbed onto the bed, handing me a cup. She flopped next to me, setting the plate on her lap. She was once again wearing my old oversized Jameson t-shirt and a pair of boyshorts with dancing unicorns.

I took a small sip, smiling at the whiskey. “He’s right. But it’s a tradition for any morning, every morning. Especially if you're Irish.” I set the book to the side, taking the offered scone. “Good morning, you.”

“G’d murming.” Kara grinned, speaking through a mouth crammed full of doughnuts.

I laughed, wiping a crumb from the corner of her mouth. “I fear the local baker will see a significant drop in his profits when we leave.”

Kara shrugged. “Naw. I’ll be making weekly trips out here. He’s promised to make me fresh meat pies on Tuesdays.” She leaned against my shoulder. “I really like it here. It’s like we’re normal, no one cares who we are.”

“The benefits of being an island. Anonymity.” I closed my eyes, laying my head on her shoulder. “What would you like to do today?”

“Um, besides stay in bed with you forever?” She smirked, kissing the top of my forehead. “I think I’ve found my ultimate favorite activity. You and a big comfy bed.”

“We have all the time in the world for that.” I swallowed hard, knowing she could hear my heart skip a few times. I could easily be swindled into spending the day, and every day after, in bed with Kara, making love. “We can do that later, I need to recover. I’m not super human and quickly recharged by a few minutes in the sun.”

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Kara leaned back, pushing the blankets back to look over my body for any bruises. She stopped at my leg, the ugly red pink scar staring back at us. “I should’ve been more careful.” She tipped her head down, looking away.

I silently cursed my thigh. “I’m sore, tired, but happily sore and tired. You did nothing wrong, my love.” I grabbed her hand, winding my fingers in hers. “You were perfect.”

Kara frowned. “Can we not use that word? It makes me feel like Supergirl just entered the room.” She squeezed my hand before moving out of the bed. “I’m going to make you a hot bath. Alex told me we have to be careful not to let your muscles get too tight.” She bit her bottom lip.

I scooted to the edge of the bed, wincing a bit when I stood up to stand in front of her. I ran a finger down the crinkle between her eyes. “Kara. Supergirl will never be as perfect as you, Kara Zor-El.” I ran my hand to the side of her cheek, pressing my palm against it. “Remember that.” I kissed her, whispering as I pulled back. “I love you.”

Kara licked her lips, leaning into my palm. “I love you, Lena.”

“Then let’s enjoy this vacation. After my bath, I want to take you to the cliffs of Moher and maybe we can drive up to Galway for the night.” I stole one more kiss as I shuffled to the bathroom. I paused, looking over my shoulder as I reached back. “Care to join me? I need someone to wash my back.”

* * *

XXXX

I stood at the top of the cliffs, looking out onto the endless sea of blue. I buried my chin into the depths of my collar, hiding my smile at the giddiness of Kara leaning over the railing of the small castle tower above us. She had the biggest grin on her face as the wind whipped her hair into a golden frenzy. I watched her for a second before turning back to the cliffs to my left, staring at the height and sheer power of nature the represented.

“Lena! This place is amazing!” Kara appeared next to me, slipping her arm into mine. “For all the places I’ve ever been, this one is incredible. It’s like the world ends here and it’s nothing but the dark blue water.” She laughed. “I wish we could live here.”

“We could.” I motioned over my shoulder. “I own a large plot of land a few miles away. I bought it when I graduated MIT, hoping and dreaming I could make a grand escape home. Instead, I forgot about it and became L-Corp.” I sighed, tipping my head back down into my scarf. “Did you want to stop at the gift shop before we collect the car?”

“I’ll live wherever, as long as I can be with you, Lena.” I felt Kara’s eyes on me. “The cape. You know I could hang it up in a second.”

I smiled tightly, nodding as I took her hand. The weight of Alex’s email resting firmly on my shoulders. “I know.” I half whispered, tugging her after me towards the gift shop. “I figure we can be in Galway by dinner. I’ve already found us a nice cottage for the evening.”

“I know what Alex emailed you. She called me while you were elbow deep in the bookstores secret stash. I’ll fly to Argo when we’re back and establish I won’t fill in for their lost gods. I’ve also asked the DEO to encrypt all of my starlight power reports, calling my incident with Telos a supernova exploding in the fringes of deep space.” Kara took my hand, walking us towards the gift shop. “As for the usual suspects wanting to come after me and harness my power, I’ll deal with it as it comes.”

“Kara, I can’t ask you to give up everything you are to be with me.” I frowned, gripping the top of my cane tighter as we walked downhill. “I have no right.”

Kara shook her head, stopping as she faced me. “You have every right. You’re my partner, the love of my life, my heart and my soul.” She huffed, fidgeting with her glasses. “Last night, as cheesy as it sounds, it changed me. I understand what it’s like to be loved wholly. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s better than flying, and I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what the world wants from me, or expects from me. I love being her.” Kara paused, looking around as tourists milled about. “But I love being with you more. I love waking up to you in the morning, booping every single freckle on your body. I love making love to you in the early morning light, and hear your happy little sighs as you fall asleep against me. No cape can ever replace the way you fill my heart, Lena.”

I smiled, swallowing back the lump in my throat. “When you died, I prayed to any God who dared to listen, asking for one more minute with you. To tell you everything I’d been shoving in the dark corners of my heart for years. Then I promised when you fell on my doorstep, soaking wet and looking like a ragged angel, I’d never ask anything of you. I didn’t deserve this, I don’t deserve this.” I held up a hand, stopping Kara before I took her hand in mine. “I still wonder what I did to deserve to hold the heart of a literal God, and be loved by the most beautiful woman in the world. But I’m going to make the most out of this.” I looked around us, the hills of my home rising up in lush shades of green. “I’ll always wonder, and I won’t ask you to give up something that is such a huge part of your life. It has to be a decision you make, on your own, Kara. I stopped being selfish when all of my prayers were answered and my heart came home to me.”

Kara huffed, stepping closer. “But I really like selfish Lena.” She pouted, nodding. “Okay. I’ll think about it.” She looked over her shoulder as someone walked out with a giant stuffed puffin toy. Her eyes grew as big as truck tires. “Oh my god, I need to get one of those for Alex!” She let go of my hand, jogging the rest of the way to the gift shop. I sighed, shaking my head with a smile as I walked slowly after her.

* * *

XXXXX

“Do you need anything?” Kara’s voice trembled as she carried me to the bedroom in the cottage I’d rented in Galway. “I can go anywhere and get you anything.” She laid me on the bed, helping me sit up as I blew out a shaky breath.

“Just some bandages and the painkillers out of my bag.” I winced as I peeled my pants down my thigh, frowning at the sight of blood. My still healing scar had split open when I slipped on wet cobblestones and took a hard fall outside the restaurant we were to have dinner at. “Shit.” I dabbed at the edges with my ruined pants, feeling the throb of an angonizing night about to take hold. That’s what I get for being bold and forgoing my cane and brace, using only Kara’s arm as my aid.

“Oh Rao, I can fly you back to Alex.” Kara dropped to her knees next to me, handing over the medical kit she pulled from my suitcase.

I shook my head. “it’s fine.” I wiped the blood away with a clean towel, frowning deeper at how bad the split was. “I’ll glue it back together.” I frowned. “We’ll have to put a hold on our travel plans for a day or so, until this settles down.”

“That’s fine. I like this little town. I saw some art galleries, a few bookstores, a ton of pubs and bakeries.” Kara handed me the small penlight I used to administer the bio stitches to my leg. “We’re on the edge by the water, so we have the best of both worlds.” She stared at my leg, pushing her glasses up to the top of her head. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “Embarrassed, but fine.” I handed her the penlight, taking the roll of gauze to start wrapping my leg. When I was done, I tossed the bag to the floor and scooted to lay on the bed, on my good side. I was suddenly exhausted, frustrated. My leg was taking far too long to heal, and it had me worried. A normal bullet wound wouldn’t have this much of a lingering issue, especially since I was in a medically induced coma for a few months. That should’ve allowed for it to heal without interruption.

“The walkway was super slippery.” Kara collected the trash, and my bag. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

I shivered, pantless and exhausted from the day. “You should go and eat, Kara. Don’t miss dinner on my account.” I stared at the fireplace, when a beam of red shot across the room and lit the wood into a bright flame, instantly warming the room.

“I will get us dinner, after I get you changed and comfortable.” She stood in front of me, holding out my favorite pair of sleep pants and one of her Catco t-shirts I always stole on movie nights at her apartment. “Up you get.” She helped me change, making me blush as her eyes soaked in my bare skin like I was the last drink of water in a desert. Even when I felt frail and broken, Kara somehow made me feel desired. I bit my bottom lip, cursing my stupid leg for the millionth time. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into bed and show her what she made me feel, over and over, until the morning sun broke over the horizon.

After changing and shifting to sit up in the giant bed, I smiled when Kara set my book and glasses in easy reach. “I’ll run and get us dinner. Do you have a taste for anything?”

My heart skipped when I almost said you, but plucked at the quilt. “Anything is fine. I’m hungry, but not hungry for anything in particular.”

Kara grinned. “Oh, leaving it to my pick. That could be dangerous, Lena.” She leaned forward, kissing my forehead. “I’ll be back in a minute. I love you.”

I whispered the words back as Kara slipped out of the room. When she was gone, I let out a heavy breath, slinking into the pillows behind me, staring at the fire. I tried desperately to forget it, focus on the fire and the warm bed, warm food on the way, delivered by a warm woman who would kiss away the ache in my leg. But I couldn’t. I slipped out of bed, hobbling to my bag and pulling out the tablet I’d shoved in there for emergencies. I then sat in the leather chair facing the fireplace and started tapping away.

I reviewed all of my medical reports, reading every word as I searched for anything, something to clue me into why I wasn’t healing correctly. Basic medical science had my injury at a point I should be almost fully healed, working my way through physical therapy. Not half lame, with backward steps every other day. A fall like the one I took, wouldn’t normally result in a split wound that needed stitches.

I read and read, hunched over in the chair, dissecting all of my doctors diagnosis’s and lab reports. I had a transecting bullet wound that ripped through my quad, shredding the muscle and tendon. Leaving an almost barren landscape for healing to take place, and that’s what peaked my curiosity.

I clicked on my toxicology reports and that’s where I found the smallest anomaly, one anyone would’ve missed. Even I would’ve missed it if it weren’t for the fact I had a maniacal brother obsessed with alien science in his mission to destroy the world.

“Fuck.”

I closed my eyes as Telos words echoed in my head as he told Kara I would never heal.

I would never heal. He was right. I was slowly dying, my leg being the first wave as it slowly degraded day by day, minute by minute. Soon, the rest of my body would follow until it soaked into my internal organs, looking for a heartier meal.

I opened my eyes, tapping on my brother’s files, pulling up the one on the red dwarf star poison he had concocted when he managed to get his hands on asteroids from Daxam. The broken remnants of that planet were soaked in it. A result of Krypton exploding and sending solar storms filled with asteroids to demolish the planet. Lex harvested those asteroids, removing the dwarf star dust and turning it into a liquid poison. One of his many attempted to kill Superman. It didn’t work on Kryptonians, but was beyond deadly to humans. I’d seen the formula once when he asked me to look it over, claiming it was a formula to improve fuel emissions, I even helped him tweak the damn thing. Increasing its efficacy rate.

The bullet that struck my thigh had been laced with the poison, a random load Telos hoped would’ve been the one bullet to strike the back of my head, killing me instantly. Now, it just sat in my leg, ravaging my cells like a slow meal. My body wouldn’t heal, it would continue to linger in a forever state of weakness, slowly being eaten away until another major illness triggered it. A bad case of the flu, or cancer, and I’d be done for in a matter of days. For now, I might have months until my immune system gave up from exhaustion, unable to keep fighting the infection sitting in my leg. No wonder I was always tired and felt like I’d run a marathon at the end of every day.

I swiped through Lex’s files, looking for a formula for an antidote, vaccine, anything.

When I found nothing, I threw the tablet across the room in anger, watching it smash to pieces against the wall. “Fuck you, Lex.” I swallowed back the tears as my frustration bubbled over. “You never could stand to see me happy.” I wiped at my eyes before the tears could find their way down my face. My heart twisted into knots as I digested my fate. It would take forever to reverse engineer my brother’s formula and find a cure. I might be smarter than he was, but he was equally an infallible genius, his work was beyond impossible to break apart. It’s what made him Lillian’s favorite.

I heard Kara burst through the front door, humming happily. She walked into the room with a huge grin. “I got shepherd’s pie, a Guinness beef stew, fish and chips and a huge chocolate cake made from Jameson.” She walked over, squinting at me. “Are you okay?”

I smiled weakly, nodding. “Just tired. But hungry.” I held out my hand for her to take, pulling me to my feet. “You really went full tourist on the menu, didn’t you?”

“When in Ireland!” She slid an arm around my waist. “But the bartender told me about a restaurant up the bend that has the best seafood and local fare in the city. Told me there is more to Ireland than fish and chips.”

“There is so much more to Ireland, and I intend to show it to you over the next few days.” I leaned into her side, feeling my leg wobble as I walked. “I think the day after tomorrow, I want to take you home.”

Kara paused. “Home? But we just got here. I mean we can do whatever you’d like, but I really like it here. Everyone is nice, their accents are fun and I bought a book about Gaelic. I think that’s the language you mumble in when you’re asleep.”

“I want to take you to my home. Where I was born, before I was a Luthor. Home, Kara.” I cleared my throat as the tears threatened once again. If I had a limited amount of time left on this planet, I wanted to give everything to Kara. I wanted Kara to have all of me. I smiled, looking at the food laid out in the small kitchen. “Should we start with dessert first?”

Kara gasped dramatically as she led me to a chair. “Lena Luthor is asking for dessert first? This is a day to remember.” She picked up the massive cake, cutting off half of it to slap on her plate before cutting a smaller piece to set on mine. “You always gave me the stink eye when I wanted a milkshake with my breakfast. I think I kind of really like vacation Lena.”

I smiled, taking a fork from her. “Well, you only live once and rules should be broken once in a while.” I ran a hand down my leg, feeling the heat of infection setting in. “I love you, Kara.”

“Love you!” Kara grinned as she shoved a huge forkful of cake into her mouth.

I did lover her, more than anything and for the first time in a long time, I was scared of death. I didn’t want to leave her, I didn’t want to lose the missing piece of my heart when I just slid it back. I smiled, tipping my head down and asking Kara about the bakery I knew she stopped at. The white bag behind her on the counter proof. She went on a patented Kara Danvers rambled as I sat in silence, biting my cheek to prevent from crying, listening and cursing all the time I wasted out of pure pettiness.

I could have had this longer. I could’ve loved her for longer than a breath. Not lose her the second breath after telling her I was hopelessly in love with her.

I pushed the thought away, focusing on the now. Hoping to savor it, embed it into my mind and hope if my life came to an end, I could take this moment with me to the heavens. Kara with a full mouth, rambling about the things she loved and looking at me with the biggest blue eyes filled with hope I’d ever seen.


	19. chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Still on that angst train, but i'll tell you a secret. Kara and Lena are endgame. But i want to explore something with Kara's starlight and how she eventually learns to control it and use it for good things. And i'm just exploring Lena's character as she finally peels apart the walls she's been afraid to push away since she became a Luthor, doing that by making her face her mortality at a moment when she's finally figured out who she wants to be. I dunno, it made sense in my head as i was mapping the future chapters out. But, i promise, there will be a happy ending. I might write angst like it's going out of style, but i always have a happy ending.

“Oughterard?” Kara fumbled over the pronunciation as she stared at the map. She sat next to me on the large sofa in the living room of our Galway cottage.

“It’s pronounced Uachtar Ard.” I rolled all the appropriate vowels, tapping into my dusty Gaelic. “And it’s my hometown. It’s where my mother and I move to after I was born in Metropolis. Escaping before Lillian found out about Lionel’s dalliance.” I stared at the cooling cup of tea Kara had set in my hands when I woke up.

I’d crashed after dinner, my mind full of red dwarf star poison, formulas, terminal hate for my brother and what would come next in the days ahead. When I woke up with Kara wrapped around me like a koala, I wanted to blurt out the truth to her. Tell her my infection was never going away until it consumed me cell by cell. I wanted to tell her we had maybe three months at most, less if I couldn’t get a handle on the poison.

But I didn’t.

Instead I watched her sleep and did my best to memorize the way she looked when she was in a deep sleep, clutching to me like her favorite pillow. If this was all the peace I was going to have in my life, I wanted to soak in it. I also didn’t tell her because I didn’t want to add another weight to the many lingering on her strong shoulders. She had too much to worry about, she didn’t need to worry about me.

“Gaelic is one of the hardest languages I’ve ever attempted.” Kara folded the map into a neat square. “The words look and sound like one thing, but mean something completely different.”

“It’s one of the world’s oldest languages and there’s a handful of different dialects.” I shifted my leg from off the pillow I’d shoved under it, wincing as the hot twinge of pain warned me. “Be lucky you weren’t forced to learn it at a young age. I was so frustrated, I’d spend most of my evenings crying at the kitchen table.” I stood, clutching to the arm of the sofa as I walked to the kitchen. I’d reworked my antibiotics right before bed, upping the dose and efficacy, and had them delivered by drone while Kara was out on her morning coffee run. I took two, swallowing hard as the massive pills tasted like chalky hell. This would at least give me a few more days before I had to be back in National City, start working on a formula. I just wanted a little more time to be normal before I dove head first into this.

“We can leave after lunch. It’s not that bad of a drive.” Kara’s face popped up from the back of the couch. “I’d like to try that seafood place and actually have a real meal with you. Out in the world, at a restaurant. We never seem to have that luxury lately. It’s always boiled down to take out and sweatpants. Not that I’m against that.” She paused, a small grin forming on her face. “I’d just really like to sit with you in and have the full experience of a date.”

I grinned, leaning on the counter as I looked back at her. “Are you suggesting you’d like to show me off? Have me hang on your arm, your chest puffed out as the room looks at us and wonders under their breath?”

“Maybe.” Kara mumbled as she climbed over the back of the couch. She watched me as I moved to the bedroom, wobbling as I opted to dress and get ready for the day. I sat on the edge of the bed, reaching for the loose jeans and the dark metallic grey brace. I felt her eyes on me as she asked. “Are you sure you’re okay? We can take the day and rest.”

I shook my head, glancing at the gauze with a few spots of blood. I’d changed the bandage after my shower when I got out of bed, but the bio stitches weren’t strong enough. Telling me another fun fact about the poison. It was accelerating and starting the war on my immune system. “I’m fine. I took my meds for the day and if I double up on the brace and cane, I should be mobile and safe.” I gave her a soft smirk. “And I can always hold your hand all day.” I reached over, grabbing her hand. She squeezed my fingers as I sighed at the pure strength and ever present warmth her hands always held.

She stared at me for a minute, her jaw twitching ever so slightly. “If you weren’t okay, you’d tell me, right?”

“Of course.” I dropped her hand, shifting to slip into my jeans. “We can stay here tonight, and then maybe tomorrow move on to Dublin? Act like complete tourists for the day.” I spotted the frown on Kara’s face as I turned away from her to slide the brace on. I sucked in a slow breath, closing my eyes and begging my heart to settle down before it betrayed me.

“I’ll go get the car.” Kara’s voice was soft in the way I knew she knew I was hiding something, but wasn’t going to pry. “Did you want a coffee to go?”

“I’ll get one when we leave the restaurant. I think lunch is the top priority right now.” I pressed the last button on the brace, feeling the magnetic field take hold, easing the pressure around my thigh. I turned to face Kara, smiling. “I love you, you know that, right? Always will.”

She blushed as she link her finger in my belt loop, tugging me close. “Always.” She bent down, kissing me, drawing it out as she ran her hand along my side. She ran her thumb along my bottom lip when she parted. “The more normal days we have, the more I want to forget your one year rule and marry you right now.” She gave me a soft smile, kissing the corner of my mouth before she stepped out of my space. “I’ll grab you bag and have my hand ready for you to take at the door.” She suddenly grinned as she hopped to the front door.

The second she was gone, I laid a hand against my stomach as I swallowed the lump back down, fighting the tears back. It was a short time ago I’d made that one year promise, and now. Well, now was now.

I took a slow breath, pressing my palm against my stomach to push back the wave of sadness and grabbed my cane.

And at the door, I took Kara’s hand and never let go. Even as we walked into that small restaurant, eyes on us as everyone whispered under their breath who was the luckier one, Kara or I?

* * *

XXXX

I stood in front of the old stone cottage, rooted to my spot as the memories overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes, tilting my head towards the sun, soaking up it’s light in hopes it would loosen the pressure of the memories. I could almost hear my mother softly singing in the back garden where she planted everything and anything she thought would grow in the Irish soil. I used to run in between the rows of wildflowers, laughing and collecting handfuls of flowers to present to her at the end of the day.

I could smell the smoke from the old fireplace in our front room. The peaty old wood smell that always drew me right back, no matter where I smelled it. I opened my eyes, blinking back the tears as I spotted the old tree I sat under and read books, the dirt path I skipped down when I made that final turn after school. I opened my eyes, staring straight ahead at a life I wondered what could’ve been. If she hadn’t drowned that day, would I still be here? Would I live in the big city of Dublin, living a simpler life? Would I have never been swept away into the cold darkness of the Luthor name and spend the best part of my life in painful turmoil? “What if?” I blew the words out in a chilly breath, squeezing the top of my cane as I took a slow step forward.

I turned to look over my shoulder, spotting Kara a few steps behind me, watching with a soft smile on her face. “What are you doing back there?” I cleared my throat as my voice cracked from the overflowing emotion rising out of my heart and mind.

“Letting you remember.” She shrugged, tucking her hands deeper into the pockets of her coat. “I saw you get swept up in a memory when the wind picked up. I wanted to give you a moment, Lena. I know it’s been a long time since you were here last.”

I tipped my head down, frowning. “Over twenty six years. I never got to come back after.” I paused, clenching my jaw as that day Lionel collected me sprung up. The crunch of the pea gravel under the tires of the shiny black car he drove. The way his clothes looked like they never had a round in a ratty old washing machine that had to have a thick newspaper tucked under a corner, or it would rattle itself to death on the spin cycle. The way I knew in one look, my mother wasn’t coming back for me. I licked my lips, pointing with my cane over to the right. “A mile that way is my old primary school.” I took a few steps, leaning on the cane. “A mile past that is the old corner shop we grocery shopped at. The kind owners always snuck me a chocolate chip cookie while my mother paid.”

I soon felt Kara’s hand land on my elbow, hesitating for a moment before she linked her arm in mine. I smiled as I immediately leaned into her warmth. “I wonder if the lavender still grows in the back garden. Mother always said it had a mind of it’s own.” I kept my eyes forward, struggling with the emotions. I kept a slow pace, my leg heavy and sore with every step. A gentle reminder of where my life was heading, and I needed to make the most out of the time offered to me.

When we reached the front of the house, I paused, looking at the small window at the peak of the roof, and grinned at the sight the small blue pot tucked in the corner of the pane.

“Should we knock? Ask if the owners if we could have a few moments?”

“I am the owners.” I swallowed hard, staring at the blue pot. “My first large purchase with my very first patent check, I bought this cottage. It was a private sale, no way to trace it back to me. It had been empty since I left, half cared for by Lionel’s property managers until he died, and I bought it.” I paused, blinking back tears. “I’ve always been afraid to come back here.” I was afraid because I knew inside would be untouched. Everything from my childhood would still be there, the furniture, my mothers things. Behind that door, time had stopped, never to move again.

Kara wiped away a tear with the corner of her thumb. “Why?”

“Because it always reminded me where I went wrong. Where my life went wrong and if my mother would be proud of who I became or ashamed.” I let out a chocked sob as I pulled away from Kara’s grasp, hobbling towards the back garden. The sobs grew louder when I saw the back garden had been beautifully maintained. My mother’s wildflowers grew in waves of color, weaving with the stalks of lavender that, indeed, had a mind of it’s own. I stumbled until I found the old iron bench I always sat in while my mother gardened on sunny days. I covered my mouth as the sobs consumed me.

The iron bench creaked under Kara’s weight. She sat a sliver away from me, giving me that precious space she knew I needed, but close enough that she could wrap me in her arms in a moment.

“I think she’d be incredibly proud of you, Lena. The woman you’ve become and the good you do.” Kara’s voice was soft as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Your life didn’t take a wrong turn, it just took a turn. You can’t blame yourself for things that happened when you were a little kid.” She let out a slow sigh. “You fought an invisible war and came out on top. Any parent would be proud of their kid surviving what you have.” She shrugged. “And if all of this hadn’t happened to you, I don’t think I’d ever meet you. Fall in love with you and have a future I’m excited to explore.” She tilted her head, crinkling her forehead. “I wonder if some other forces are truly at play with us. For the terrible childhoods we endured, the road led us right to each other. The perfect love that has healed so much.”

“I became a Luthor on that path.” I rasped the words out, my hands shaking from the chilly air and the emotion. “I could’ve been someone else.” I focused on a wild poppy, letting the way it fluttered in the wind to calm me down. “I could’ve been anything else. Anyone else.”

“You’re Lena. The most brilliant woman I’ve ever met, with the biggest heart and the woman who has saved this planet more than I have.” Kara playfully nudged me with her shoulder. “But I now see where your kindness comes from, the soft edges you hide from the world.” She waved a hand at the lush back garden. “No one who grew up here could ever be uncaring. It’s too beautiful and too quiet.” She motioned to the cottage behind us. “And I can picture you sitting at the fire on rainy nights, reading every book you could carry home from the local library. Learning and expanding your incredible imagination.”

“I was terrible in school.” I smiled, leaning against her side. “I talked too much and only wanted to do art projects. I excelled at math, science, and the other core classes, but I was so smart, I grew easily bored.” I glanced at her hand on the bench between us. “I’m sure tucked in the corners of an old trunk, you’ll find my report cards littered with poor grades.” I picked up her hand, winding my fingers in hers. “The blue pot, in the window on the roof. I made that for my mother for Mother’s Day when I was in preschool. She treated it like I’d just given her the greatest gift in the world. Always put a new flower in it, and kept right where she could see it every morning when she woke.”

Kara ran her thumb over my knuckles. “I’d love to see a hyper tiny Lena, talking a mile a minute with the tiniest Irish accent, wearing an oversized smock covered in paint.” She chuckled, looking at me with bright eyes and a huge grin. “Thank you for bringing me here. I feel honored to see this side of you and learn your history. You weren’t always a Luthor, and I want you to remember that.”

I smiled tightly, turning away to look at the wildflowers. The weight of what I was about to say sinking in my gut like lead. I wanted to wait until we were back in National City to tell Kara about my leg and the red dwarf poison. But as I watched her stand up, pointing at a few wildflowers and asking if she could pick some for me and buy a pot for them at the small corner shop, it blurted out.

“I’m dying, Kara.” I clasped a hand over my mouth watching Kara skip a step as she bent down to pluck a handful of poppies.

“Lena.” Her voice was low, cautious.

“My leg. It’s not healing, it won’t heal. One of the bullets Telos hired gunmen fired at me, was laced with a red dwarf poison created by brother years ago. Some of it filtered out onto the black market. I thought the FBI had recovered it over the years.” I tipped my head down, fidgeting with my hands. “The set backs with my leg. It’s the poison slowly eating away and overwhelming my immune system.”

Kara curled her hand into a fist, the knuckles turning white. “Alex ran tests. Brainy ran tests.”

“And my brother was smarter than both of them, hiding the markers of the poison in protein stains. To the normal trained eye, my blood work looks like I’m just healing and producing a large amount of protein in the process.” I felt a tear roll down my cheek. “But to my eye, the one who helped him unknowingly refine the poison, I know the markers. And they stared right back at me last night as I reviewed my lab reports.” I wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. “I’m dying.” I choked on the words. “Slowly until the poison runs out of thigh muscle. It’s already started to slip into my lymph system.”

Kara kept her back to me, and I began to tremble. “Kara. I…” I paused, my eyes diverted back to her fist as it began to turn a strange white blue color.

“Is there a cure?” Kara glanced over her shoulder, but still didn’t look at me.

“No. Not yet.” I grabbed the arm of the iron bench, pushing to my feet so I could walk to her. I couldn’t stand being away from her in this moment. Now that I’d confessed, I had to touch her. I had to feel her under my hands. I stumbled, reaching for her hand covered in the white light. As my fingers brushed against it, I felt the immense power shocking me like I’d stuck my finger in a light socket.

Kara spun around, stepping away from. “Lena, no!” She held her hands up, both now covered in the blue white light.

I looked at her, startled by her yelling at me, watching threads of light weave their way up her neck and into her eyes, making them glow a neon sapphire blue. “Kara?”

She shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks, cutting white lines of light. “You can’t die. I just got you.” She curled her fists into tight balls, making them pulse with light. She suddenly looked at me. “Is this why you brought me here? Is this goodbye?”

I shook my head, the tears blurring my vision. “I brought you here to show you me. She you Lena Kiernan. The little girl who ran and jumped in mud puddles, collecting wildflowers by the handful as I ran towards my mother. Not Lena Luthor.” I waved a shaking hand around. “This is me. The tiny Irish girl who dreamt of a falling in love and living a forever by the sea.” A sob broke free as more tears ran down my face. “And yes, maybe I brought you here because if I die, I want you to have this. The pieces of me I’ve always wanted to show someone, but there wasn’t anyone until you. If I die, I want you to have this, Kara. I want you to have a place where you can sit and remember me, the best parts of me. Not the bullshit trailing behind me attached to my adopted family name.” I blew out an angry laugh. “And before you say it, I will fight. I will fight and tear apart every piece of Lex’s files until I find a cure, but I know him. I know his mind. Exit strategies were a sign of weakness.” I shrugged, staring at the white light filling Kara’s body. “But if I die. I want you to remember me this way.”

Kara shook her head, her face scrunching up as the light consumed her. “No.” She grew brighter until I had to squint and shield my eyes. I heard what I thought was my name as the light forced my eyes closed and a huge gust of wind knocked me back onto my ass. I blinked and saw Kara jet off into the sky, followed by a flash of bright light and a sonic wave that rolled down from the sky, knocking me out as it washed over me.

XXXX

“Are you saying you controlled the starlight?”

“To a certain point. I managed to get to the edge of the atmosphere before it slipped out of my control. The sonic wave carried down, knocking Lena out.”

The sound of Alex and Kara murmuring to my right brought me out of the heavy unconsciousness I’d been swimming in for what felt like hours. I rolled my head, grimacing at the pain shooting through my temples. I blinked a few times, frowning at the sight of old stone walls mingling with high tech equipment. I swallowed down a dry throat, clutching the heavy blanket covering me. I rolled my head to the sound of their voices listening.

“Is she?” Kara’s voice broke before she could finish the words.

“I won’t lie, she is. Slowly, for now. But if the infection runs uncontained in her leg and spills over, the red dwarf will spread like wildfire.” Alex ran a hand through her hair, the other hand on her hip as she stood in front of a large monitor with my vitals streaming along the screen. “Brainy is running through the formula, stripping it apart to do anything. The chemical structure is complicated and flawless. Almost impenetrable.”

“It didn’t help that I lost my mind and basically shoved her to the ground with my stupid starlight.” Kara sat on the edge of the steel desk next to the monitor. Her jeans were torn in a few places and the large button up flannel she wore, covered up a t shirt littered with burn marks. “When she told me she was dying.” Kara paused, biting the inside of her cheek. “She can’t die, Alex. We have to stop this. If I lose her.” She swiped away the tears on her cheeks. “She’s everything. I love her, so much.”

Alex nodded before hugging her sister as tight as she could. “I know, kiddo. I know.” She leaned back, wiping the tears from Kara’s cheeks. “Go get something to eat, and I’ll sit with Lena. She should be waking up in the next little while.”

Kara nodded, her hair falling like a curtain over her face. “If she wakes up?”

“I’ll have the boys get you the second she flutters and eyelid.” Alex sighed, shoving her sister towards the door.

The second Kara left the room, Alex let out a huge sigh, tilting her head towards the ceiling. “It’s a good thing she screwed up her hearing with the sonic wave.” She glanced at me, her eyes meeting mine. “She can’t single your heartbeat out, but I can hear the rustle of those stiff DEO issued sheets a mile away.” She walked over to me, helping me to sit up before pushing a cup of water into my hand. “Start talking.”

I took greedy sips, licking my lips to collect any loose drops of water. “Where am I?”

“In a DEO base under Trinity College.” Alex took the cup, refilling it with water. “You’re okay. Kara’s sonic wave just knocked you out. It’s from the change in air pressure, no concussion or lingering physical damage. She panicked when she re-entered the earth and scooped you up and brought you here. I arrived an hour ago and got bits and pieces from a sobbing sister.” Alex paused looking at my leg. “Red dwarf poison. I’d heard about it through the DEO grapevine, but assumed it was a pipedream your brother never fulfilled.”

“He’s not my brother. And he wouldn’t have fulfilled that pipedream if it wasn’t for me. I cracked the synthesis code thinking it was a serum for cancer treatment.” I plucked at the heavy blanket. “And like everything else with Lex, I was a fool and let him play me.”

“So, how bad is this shit.” Alex handed me the cup of water.

“Bad.” I swallowed hard. “I have two months at most. By the end of the week the poison will figure out the antibiotics and begin to feed off them, allowing my infection to spread at a rapid rate. One month in, it will start attacking my blood, a month later, my internal organs will cease to function.” I frowned at the way I casually rattled off my impending demise.

“Cure? Vaccine?” Alex’s tone was less harsh, I almost heard a slight tremble.

“Is in there somewhere. Lex loved creating biological weapons with no cure, no backdoor. That’s what made him such a valuable commodity in the black market. His inventions killed without impunity.” I took a sip of water, my hands still shaking. “Reverse engineering could provide an answer, but ultimately I would need to fly to Daxam and Krypton to analyze the red dwarf in it’s natural habitat. I would need more red dwarf star samples to attempt a vaccine.” I swallowed hard. “The impossible solution to the impossible equation.”

Alex nodded, her jaw twitching. “Sixty days to do the impossible.” She looked up, meeting my eyes. “I’ve had tighter deadlines.” She let out a slow breath.

“Alex.” I wanted to tell her there was no way out of this. Everything was stacked against me. Two dead planets, star dust that died out in the atmosphere of the planets over twenty years ago, and a impenetrable formula.

She shook her head. “My sister is the paragon of hope.” She looked at me hard. “And living proof death isn’t the end of all ends.” She grabbed my hand, squeezing it as her eyes welled up. “We’ll fix this.” She cleared her throat. “I promise.”

“Lena?” Kara’s soft voice pulled our attention to the doorway. Kara took a few steps before hesitating. She looked at me with wide scared eyes until I held my hand out for her to take.

“Come here.”

Alex stepped away, giving Kara a wide berth to rush towards me and scoop me into her strong arms. “Lena, I’m so sorry. The starlight, it just happened. I tried holding it back, but then you touched me and I felt a super charge. And then I saw what could happen, the future if I don’t fix this.” She gasped as she sobbed not my shoulder. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I held her close, feeling her hands dig into my shoulders, desperate to pull me even deeper into her. I kissed the side of her head. “You didn’t.” I glanced at Alex as she stepped away, wiping tears from her cheeks. She gave me a curt nod and left Kara and I.

I held Kara as she murmured her apologies, whispering how much she loved me and that she was going to fix this. Use everything in her power to fix this, even if she had to resort to drastic measures.

I held her, closing my eyes as I let her ramble.

I had seen my vitals from across the room as Alex spoke with me. I saw the white blood cell count, and knew.

If Alex found a cure in sixty days, it would be forty days too late.


	20. chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens. A lot of stuff, but it's okay at the end. Next chapter i will explain the starlight and maybe why i brought a certain character back in. Read on! And also, i have a new book out, Under Darkened Skies is available on Amazon under my name Sydney Gibson. (I apologize for the shameless plug....) Check it out if you like mystery and thrillers and ladies who love each other.

Kara

Peering out the window at the rain and the rough sea in the distance, I wanted nothing more than to dive in the middle and let the waves take me away. My head hurt, full of a thousand different things after reading all my father’s research on the red dwarf stars. My body tingled from the last outburst of starlight, and my heart sat heavy in my chest. The sole reason it beat, was across from me, sleeping heavily after an injection of antibiotics.

I’d taken Lena back to Galway to rest in the cottage and not in the stale, damp, air of the DEO base under Trinity College. I wanted her to be comfortable, warm and safe with me as Alex began a full work up and run of treatment. I also wasn’t ready to take her back to National City and face that side of reality.

I turned away from the grey skies and rain pebbling the window, and looked at Lena, buried under all the blankets, asleep. Her cheeks were a flushed pink color from the meds, and she was breathing heavy, in a very deep sleep. And all I wanted to do was scoop her up and hold her. I clenched my jaw, hating that my strength was completely useless in this moment. I couldn’t crush the infection out of her. I couldn’t burn it out, and every other stupid super power was pointless.

She was dying.

I swallowed hard, clenching my jaw tighter as I closed my eyes.

Lena was dying and I was powerless to save her. She’d been right when she said Lex had created something that would be impossible to crack. Alex had locked herself in the lab, promising me she wouldn’t leave until she cracked the formula. Brainy was working from National City and using his vast intellect to scour the world’s databases for anything to help.

And all I could do was sit in a corner, listening to the rain and her slow heartbeat. I clenched my fist, shaking my head. “Useless. All this power and I’m useless.” I turned back to the choppy seas, wishing I’d gone to Gotham with her that day, or at least followed through on my selfish need to kiss her goodnight. Instead, I let Alex talk me out of it and sat on the floor with a gallon of stupid ice cream. Maybe if I hadn’t scattered Telos across the universe in fine dust, he would’ve told me what he did to those bullets and we would have a head start on her infection.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I glanced at my father’s journals, mixed in with the copies of Lex’s ranting and ravings Lena gave us access too. It was a pile of useless paper, full of lies and deceit from two men who wanted nothing more than to control every aspect of the worlds’ they inhabited. In Lex’s case, he wanted to make sure Lena never took another breath without his hand wrapped firmly around her throat. Always choking her.

There was no way out of this. I couldn’t smash my way through it, Lena couldn’t science her way out of it. It was there, mocking us in as it bounced around her body. Taking a piece of her from me with every breath we took.

I felt the arm of the chair creak under my fist, and I let go, standing up quickly before I crushed the poor thing. I scooped up the journals and files, tossing them onto the large table we ate dessert first. Laughing and talking about nothing in particular. I was telling Lena a story about how much I wanted a dog as a kid, I would fly to the shelter and sit with the dogs for hours, then try to sneak one home. Hoping Jeremiah and Eliza wouldn’t notice.

“Everything was simpler then.” I glanced back at the bedroom, hearing Lena shift and sigh in her sleep. I felt my skin tingle as the anger grew. For a few hours, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I saw a life I wanted, a life I could have and was about to call Alex at the end of the trip and seriously talk to her about scaling back on the cape. I wanted to fix up Lena’s childhood home for her. I wanted to make it a vacation home where we would eventually take our own family to. I wanted every silly thing I silently made fun of humans for. The pivotal dream they all carried. Marriage and a family with a nice quiet home in a simple town.

I tipped my head down as I closed my eyes, feeling the starlight course through my veins, feeding off my emotions. I clenched my jaw, opening my eyes to look at my fingertips casting off a soft white blue light. I sucked in a slow breath, shaking my hand as I tried to calm down. Nothing good could come out of my starlight but more harm.

I paused, turning to walk back into the bedroom. If I lost Lena, what else would I lose? She was my power, she was the key to my starlight. If I lost her, would I become the starlight? Lose myself in a stupid power I never wanted that was so intrinsically tied to the tiny Irish woman in the other room?

I let out a slow breath and walked to the edge of the bed, kneeling as I watched Lena sleep for a minute. Her cheeks were pink, her mouth open as she slept hard. She was beautiful, even with the blatant signs of sickness creeping in. The same signs I ignored, thinking she was just overtired and dealing with the fallout of taking strong antibiotics. The weight loss, the circles under eyes, the slight tremble in her hands, and the constant pain she showed whenever she walked too long, too far.

I reached over, brushing some of her hair from her cheek. Smiling as she blinked a few times, squinting at me. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

She smiled, giving me a look. “Not a sleepyhead.” She mumbled against the pillow, tucking her chin against the duvet. “But you should join me. I need my Kryptonian heating blanket.” She snaked a hand out, grabbing mine.

“I will.” I glanced at her knuckles, my jaw twitching at how bony they looked. “I, um, need to run to the fortress. There’s some research I want to pull for Alex and Brainy.” I furrowed my brow when my mind drifted to another real reason why I had to go to the fortress. “It’ll only take me a minute, and when I’m back, we can eat something and snuggle the rest of the day away. Most of tomorrow too, if you’re feeling fancy.”

Lena frowned, squeezing my hand. “Call Jess. Ask her to call Alex and activate protocol Dionysus.” Lena paused, yawning out of control. “Alex will have full access to everything I have. Her and Brainy. All of my research, files, schematics.”

“Lena, you don’t have to. You’re allowed privacy, sick or not. I know how protective you are about your work.”

“She will have to sign an extensive release, the files will self destruct in twenty days, and she won’t be able to access them unless she’s on one of my secured servers. But they need all the information available if we’re going to beat Lex.” She closed her eyes, letting out a slow breath as sleep begged for her to come back to it. “I’m tired, Kara.”

I leaned forward, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead as I blinked back tears. “Sleep, pretty girl, sleep. I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Only a minute.” Lena mumbled, her hand loosening in mine as she fell asleep.

I kissed her once more, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I tucked her in and left the room. I closed the bedroom door behind me before I let the sob loose, covering my mouth to smother it before it woke Lena.

I walked out of the cottage and took flight in two steps, racing to fly as high as I could before letting out the earth shattering scream of my heart breaking to pieces.

* * *

XXXX

Lena

A loud clap of thunder woke me up, making me blink as I tried to focus on the window in front of me. The rain poured down, casting thin lines of water droplets in a diagonal. It was a typically rainy day in Galway, and for a moment, it made me smile. Nothing like the worst parts of home to make you feel truly at home. For me, it was the grey skies and heavy rain of Ireland that brought out that warm fuzzy feeling deep in my heart. I scooted to sit up in the bed, clutching my stomach as it rolled from hunger and the super does of antibiotics Alex gave me at the college.

Then I noticed the bowl of soup next to me on the bedside table, still steaming and pushing a lovely smell into the air. Next to that was a large glass of water and a room temperature bottle of ginger ale. “Kara.” I whispered her name into the air with a huge grin. I grabbed the bowl, grinning more at how it was the perfect temperature, and took a large spoonful. I sighed at the taste, and turned to look back out the window. Kara was nowhere to be found, but her hoodie was haphazardly tossed on the chair across from the bed, a book was face down on the arm, marking her spot and her glasses sat on the window sill. Reflecting the rainy window in the two tiny lenses.

I took another bite of soup, licking my lips at how delicious it was, and my stomach was happily accepting it. I shifted my leg, wincing at how sore my thigh was, but it didn’t fell as heavy as it did when I woke up in the DEO. Maybe this new cocktail of medicine was helping.

I sighed, looking at the bowl, staring at the huge chunk of beef swimming with carrots. I was tired, but emotionally numb. It’s as if my body had told my mind what was happening, and my mind slipped into old habits and shutdown. Cutting off the lifeblood to feed my emotions. It was a trick I learned in my first few years as a Luthor. If you were numb, things didn’t hurt as much. I frowned, shaking my head, I didn’t want to be numb. I wanted to feel every minute I had left with Kara, painful or wonderful, I wanted it. I wanted something to take with me at the end as I walked to the gates of hell.

“How’s the soup?” Kara spoke softly, leaning against the doorframe. She looked tousled. Her hair was windswept and damp, and she wore an old t-shirt that was my favorite, because it showed off her toned arms without trying too hard. I swallowed hard, slipping to thoughts of taking that shirt off and running my hands over her bare skin.

“Wonderful.” I took another bite, before setting it on the side table. “Did you get it from the pub down the street?”

Kara shook her head, stepping into the room. “I made it while you were sleeping. The nice lady at the grocery store saw me looking at canned soups. And when I told her I was trying to find something to build your strength up, she whipped out her notebook and scribbled a recipe down. Then she helped me pick all of the ingredients, with a promise that I come back tomorrow and tell her if it worked.”

I grinned. “I don’t think I could be anymore in love with you than I am in this moment.” I patted the spot next to me. “Come, sit and have some soup.”

“I already ate for meat pies, a whole thing of fish and chips and three bowls of that soup. There was bread, but I ate the whole loaf while making your soup.” Kara blushed as she sat on the edge of the bed, immediately taking my hand. “Are you feeling better?”

I shrugged. “I’m sleepy, but that’s just the drugs. My thigh feels better.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Alex is at your labs with Jess. They’re going through your research. Brainy is on Argo meeting with their science team about red dwarf stars.” Kara traced my knuckle with her forefinger. “I brought back more of my father’s journals from the fortress. The Argo council want to meet with me. They’ve heard about my starlight.” She paused frowning.

I reached up, running my finger over the crinkle between her eyebrows. “They want you to come home to them, don’t they?”

“I won’t. My power is mine, not theirs. I don’t even think the starlight will work on a red sun planet.” Kara shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not something to be owned, or controlled.”

I felt the warm tingle spark across her palm into my hand. “You don’t owe them anything, Kara.”

She looked at me, her blue eyes dark and tired. “If they have the key to saving you…”

“I’ll give them something of mine then. I have warehouses full of research, mine and Lex’s. All of it valuable and worth enough money they could buy another planet.” I tugged her hand, silently asking her to get in bed with me. “I don’t want to talk about me anymore. We spend plenty of time doing that as it is. Lay with me. Tell me something, anything, or we can just watch a movie while it rains.” I was starting to get frustrated. I didn’t want all this attention on me. It was a wasted effort when I already knew the outcome, the result of my situation. I didn’t want to waste anymore time on an impossible, when I could enjoy the possible now before I lost it forever.

Kara groaned, laying her head on my lap. “Can we stay in bed forever? Stay here forever? I like when it rains and the sea gets angry. Plus, the food is amazing.” She looked up at me as I ran my hands through her hair.

“You’re lucky it’s raining.” I smiled, bending down to kiss her. I smiled against her lips as I heard her soft sigh of content as she kissed me back.

She gently bit my bottom lip, moving to sit up as she moved me to sit in her lap. “What I’d really like to do, is make out with you.” She frowned, chuckling. “That sounds really weird when I say it. Make out.” She cocked her head towards me. “Making out? Why do you call it that?”

I laughed, resting my forehead on her shoulder. “It’s a slang term from the forties. When I was a kid it was snog, or shag. Both equally as terrible as making out.” I tilted my head up, pressing a kiss to the edge of her jaw. “How about we just call it snuggles?”

Kara squinted, thinking about it. “Snuggles. I like it.” She winked before kissing me hard, before parting to point at the half eaten bowl of soup. “But you need to finish eating before I snuggle your face off.” She set the bowl in my hands as she shifted off the bed, hopping to her bag and rummaging around. I caught the flicker of red as she slipped the red sun necklace of her head. I also caught sight of a blue box with Kryptonian characters on the top. She sighed looking at it, before tucking it under one of her many new sweaters she bought on this trip. She stood up, facing me. “You need to get plenty of rest. I’d like to take a walk up to the beach tomorrow. It’s supposed to be sunny and I think the sun would do you good.”

“Anything for you, darling.” I smiled, eating the last few bites of soup, feeling almost normal for the first time all day.

Kara furrowed her brow, looking at me with such an intensity, I felt a shiver run down my spine. “You promise?”

I swallowed hard. “Anything and everything for you, Kara.”

Kara nodded once, before a grin broke across her face as she hopped onto the bed next to me. “Did you know one of my favorite movies is Far and Away?”

I glanced at her, fake shocked look on my face. “The one where Tom Cruise has that horrendous Irish accent?”

She grinned, nodding as she reached across me for the remote, kissing me on the way back to her spot. “It’s so good! He sounds exactly like you when you’ve had one too many of those giant glasses of wine.”

I opened my mouth in mock shock, swatting her arm and giving her a look at the small yelp she issued. “That did not hurt and I do not have a horrible fake Irish accent.” I set the now empty bowl off to the side, sliding back down into the pillows.

“You have a beautiful accent, and I love it because I love you.” Kara started the movie before leaning into the pillows and gently pulling me to lie half on top of her. “It also sounds like you’ve never seen this movie, or you wouldn’t judge him so harshly.”

I sighed, laying my hand on her stomach as I welcomed the radiant heat she always pushed out. “I’ve never seen half of the romantic comedy drama movies you own. I preferred science fiction or those weird horror murder movies. Silence of the Lambs was a favorite of mine for most of my teen years.”

Kara gave me a look before kissing the top of my head. “Well, we have the day and the streaming service here has at least fifteen of my favorites. We can spend the day in bed getting you caught up. I’ll get you more soup, snacks and all the snuggles you require.”

I grinned, closing my eyes. “Sounds like an absolutely perfect day to me.”

* * *

XXX

“Lena! The sun is shining! We can walk to the beach and on the way back we can stop at the bookstore I told you about and get coffee.” Kara tugged on my worn MIT hoodie, grinning as her head popped through the neck. “For dinner I’m flying you to Dublin. We’re going to walk around the city and have a amazing night.” She was talking a mile a minute, maybe faster as her eyes lit up with excitement. We had spent yesterday watching every movie Kara could find. I half slept through many of them, waking up to Kara kissing me and explaining all the bits I missed. She made me more soup, a grilled cheese sandwich and even rushed out to get my favorite ice cream. I fell asleep in her arms, listening to her recite line for line of Far and Away on the second viewing.

I watched her as I sat at the small table in the kitchen, picking at the bowl of oatmeal she made me. I’d woken up in the middle of the night sweating, my stomach rolling as my body started fighting the antibiotics. My thigh throbbed, ached and I had to reapply a new set of biostitches after my shower. The scar had become an open wound and was resilient to closing. But I swallowed the pain down, sitting outside while Kara showered, and slipped into old practiced ways. I threw on one of my many, many masks and hid from Kara. I didn’t want to, but I was tired of ruining everything. I wanted the days we had left on this trip to be about us. Morbid as it might be, these days were for Kara. I wanted her to be happy as we lived normal for a few more days. I ran my finger along the edge of my mug of tea. “There’s a quaint place over past the Temple bar district. One of my interns at the Euro Division of L-Corp left to open it, and he always hold a booth for me.”

Kara laughed shaking her head as she grabbed my cane and coat. “I’m sure it had something to do with you giving him a grant and being his first customer.”

“Actually, I didn’t support him financially. I was his taste tester and let him use the L-Corp kitchens after hours. I helped develop a few of his recipes and come up with a marketing plan.” I cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not a multi-billionaire because I invest money, I also invest in people and provide them with resources they may not have otherwise.” I took her hand, easing to my feet as she pressed the cane into my palm. “And I may or may not now be a silent partner in this restaurant and the two others he has throughout the country.” I grinned with a wink when Kara rolled her eyes.

She slipped her arm in mine, opening the door to a bright sunny Irish day. “You know Alex has Winn secretly trying to find out exactly how much you’re worth. She promises it isn’t to use it against you, she’s just curious why she’s never seen you in those weird lists in the dumb finance magazines Kelly keeps in her office waiting room.”

I laughed, tipping my head towards the blue sky. “Let’s just say more than facebook, a little less than Amazon. I’ve also banned my name from any public lists since Lex went to trial. People will only remember Luthor Corp was on the brink of bankruptcy when I took over.” I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath of air, smelling the sea in the near distance. I felt terrible, weak and like I could collapse at any moment, but I wouldn’t. I’d make it through this day before I asked Kara to call Alex.

“I’ll tell Winn to knock it off.” Kara pulled out her cellphone, when it hit me. I also pulled out my cellphone and fired off a quick email to jess, asking her to also send the latest files of my holdings to my lawyer. I’d made a few adjustments after my incident in Gotham and never filed them.

“Leave it. I want to see how far he can hack my encryption. I love watching him work and building thicker firewalls and using his own encryption tricks against him.” I grinned, looking at Kara. “If the DEO ever bores of him, tell him he has a job waiting for him at L-Corp.”

Kara shook her, tapping away on her phone. “His little nerd heart might explode with excitement. You do know how hard it is for him to hold back when he sees you? He literally wants to just pick apart your brain ever since you both hid under the table at the hospital gala.”

I shrugged, tugging Kara to start walking. “I know, I’m just waiting for him to ask me.” I took a step, clenching my jaw as the pain rocked my entire right side. “I may have a reputation in the boardroom, but I’m approachable and more than willing to nerd out with a brilliant mind like Winn.”

Kara shoved her phone away. “I’ll tell him later. Right now, I want to enjoy this walk with you.” She nudged me with her shoulder. “I may have googled where Far and Away was filmed and it’s about ten miles away from here. Do you think?” She looked at me with big hopeful blue eyes.

I leaned over, kissing her solidly, whispering against her lips. “Anything you desire, my love.”

Kara blushed, fidgeting with her glasses. “I desire you, Lena.” I heard in the tone of her voice the sadness. She’d been very gentle over the last few days after I confessed I was dying and when I collapsed, she backed off whenever she heard my heart race a beat too fast. I understood why, but I wanted her to ravage me, chase away the lingering heavy weight settling in the back of my mind, along with the loud ticking clock counting the minutes I had left.

“Tonight, after dinner, I’ll be your dessert.” I smirked, loving the effect I had on Kara as she swallowed hard and turned a brighter shade of red.

“Don’t let me forget my necklace.”

* * *

XXXX

“I can’t believe you are freaked out by seaweed. You can literally fry eggs with your eyes and carry small freighters, and yet you’re panicking over a little seaweed?” I laughed, watching Kara squirm as she stood with me in calf high water.

“It’s icky! Slimy!” She frowned, hopping foot to foot. “And the water is really cold.”

I held up my hand, walking a few steps further into the sea. The water brushed the edges of my cuffed jeans. “The water is perfect, and ignore the icky slimy. You’re perfectly safe with me.” I reached my hand back, wiggling my fingers for her to take. “Come stand with me and enjoy the water and the view.” I motioned to the water ahead of us. “You can see for miles on sunny day, and if you’re lucky, a gentle sea creature.”

“A sea creature!?” Kara grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “What kind of sea creature?”

I was full on laughing now. “A seal. Or a selkie, but don’t steal her coat or you’ll have to marry her and be her mate forever.” I laughed harder as I embellished on a very old folk tale.

Kara shook her head. “I won’t touch anything but you, Lena.” She met my eyes, hers turning very serious as she dug in the front pocket of her, my, hoodie. “Speaking of marrying. I know we talked about the one year rule, but.” She pulled out the small blue box with the Kryptonian characters I’d seen earlier. She held it in the palm of her hand. “I know this isn’t the perfect timing, but Alex has always told me I’ve never been good at picking the perfect moment.” She flipped the lid open, revealing a platinum bracelet covered in Kryptonian. “I want to give this to you, my promise that whatever happens next, I’m never leaving. May it be one year from now, three days, or two minutes from now, I want you to be mine, forever.” She picked up the bracelet, grabbing my left wrist. “I want to hear all the stories of a tiny Lena in Ireland, what your high school years were like, your first kiss, all of it. I want every little piece of you, Lena.” She took a deep breath. “This bracelet is…”

“Is your form of an engagement ring.” I blinked back tears. “I know all about your marriage customs. I did a lot of research before I moved to National City when Lex revealed Clark was married to Lois Lane. I was fascinated by the aspect of an alien human marriage and perhaps I got bit by the romance bug, but I read everything I could. And to be honest, for a society who chooses out of compatibility and not love, you Kryptonians are very romantic.” I looked around us, grinning at the sun and the fact we stood calf deep in the coldest water Ireland had to offer, and I was being proposed to. “You’re very romantic, Kara Zor-El.”

She shrugged. “Is that a yes?”

I nodded, letting her slip the bracelet on. “It’s all the yes’s I have to give you.” I felt the tears roll down my cheeks as Kara clicked the bracelet close, whispering a few words in Kryptonian. She then picked me up, kissing me as hard as she could, whispering how much she loved me against my lips.

She set me down with a soft splash. “We don’t have to tell anyone just yet, and I mean it’s not a traditional engagement, so there’s that. And we can still wait the full year, and I can save up for a real ring for you.” She paused, grinning as her eyes glassed over with happy tears. “I just didn’t want to wait.” She swallowed hard as her eyes dimmed, the reality of my situation settling in in the moment. “Um, I just wanted you to know I will always be by your side.”

I blinked, a few more tears freeing themselves. “I love you, Kara. Never apologize for the way you love me. Ever.” I cleared my throat, looking over my shoulder at the sea as a thick shock of pain rain up my leg and made me see stars for a second. “Call Alex, and tell her. I can see it in your face you’re about to explode if you don’t tell her.” I turned back to her, smiling as I clenched my jaw. “And ask if she’s made any progress on the files with Jess.” A wave of pain hit my stomach, like I’d swallowed a bowl full of glass shards. I took a step in the water, letting it slosh against my leg, hoping the cold water would distract my body.

“I’ll be right over here.” She pointed at the sand a few steps away, tip toeing her way around the icky seaweed as she called Alex.

I turned away from her, letting out a slow breath as a hot flash ripped through me, making me sweat even though it was barely above thirty degrees on the beach. I took another step into the water, letting it soak my jeans as I pressed against my stomach. My thigh burned like someone had lit it on fire and it balked under the weight I was putting on it, even with the brace on. I swallowed a few times, praying this would pass, when I suddenly coughed hard. I coughed again, covering my mouth as my lungs began to spiral into a fit, and could taste the sick metallic taste of blood. I pulled my hand away and gasped at the blood covering my palm. “No.” I coughed again, so hard, my legs gave way and I fell into the water on my knees. I sucked in a breath as the water covered me to my waist, sending shivers through my entire body as the coughing intensified.

“Lena.” Kara’s voice fell against my ear as she pulled me up and into her arms, carrying me back to land.

I struggled to breath, my lungs filling with blood as I felt a warm liquid replace the cold water soaking my jeans. I glanced down and saw my thigh covered in dark red blood. I swallowed hard, wincing at the taste of blood as I looked at Kara. “I don’t want this. It’s too soon.”

Kara furrowed her brow, her jaw twitch as her eyes began to change to the neon sapphire blue color I saw with her starlight. “I’m taking you to Alex.”

I laid a shaking hand against her chest. “There’s no time. Listen. Listen to my heart. The poison isn’t forgiving.” I let my heart slow down with every bubbling breath I took in. My organs were being flooded by blood, drowning me and overworking my heart. I was dying, fast.

Kara shook her head, the white blue light covering her hands as she carried me and took to the air. I could see it reflect off windows and the water as she flew into the sky. “Alex will fix this, she found a new cocktail that will slow the poison down until she finds the cure.”

My eyes grew heavy as breathing became a chore. “I love you, Kara. I’ve loved you every minute I’ve known you. Thank you for teaching me how to love and find the tiny Irish girl again.” I coughed hard, my mouth filling with blood as I closed my eyes and let go. I was too tired to keep fighting as the pain overwhelmed me.

The last thing I heard was Kara breaking the sound barrier and her screams as I faded into darkness. In my last breath, I felt warm and loved, and that was enough.

It was all I ever wanted in life. 

* * *

XXX

Kara

No. No. No. No.

I pushed my speed, feeling my starlight pour over my body. Lena’s heart slowed down to a crawl as she passed out from the pain and right as I broke the sound barrier, it stopped completely.

I hovered in the space between the Earth and space and stared at the woman I loved in my arms. “No, no. Please, Lena.” I closed my eyes, listening to her heart. When I heard nothing a sob ripped up my throat and I screamed as the starlight consumed me.

I let it. It didn’t matter anymore. I didn’t care if the starlight tore me apart and turned me and Lena into dust. At least we would be together.

I screamed, my voice changing tone as the starlight filled me with its light. I felt my body tremble with the pure power filling it. The sky around us grew a bright white blue light, growing brighter and brighter as my anguish and anger fueled it like gas on an open fire. I looked down at Lena, tears blurring my vision. She was pale, her mouth covered in blood as she hung limply in my arms.

My anger grew hot, white hot until another scream tore through me and a intense flash of white blue light surrounded us. Filling the air with an intense energy, unlike anything I felt before. I screamed through tears, watching the white blue light travel through my hands and into Lena, her lifeless body taking on the same glow. She grew brighter and brighter and I began to panic I was about to turn her into dust, her eyes shot open as she gasped for air, arching up in my grasp. Her green eyes turned a neon green as the starlight appeared to soak into her body.

“No. No.” I panicked, trying to turn off the starlight when Lena’s left hand shot up, pressing against my chest over my heart. I instantly felt a tug on my heart, as if she was pulling on it, and the starlight began to divert up my body and to my heart, as if it wanted to feed into Lena.

She turned to look at me, her pulsating green eyes locking on mine as she continued to gasp for air.

“Lena?”

As I spoke her name, she fell back into my arms, her eyes closing as her hand slid from my chest. I went to grab it when I heard it. Softly at first, then stronger after two beats, stronger after four, and almost pounding in my ears by the eighth.

Lena’s heart. Lena’s heart was beating again, stronger than ever and buzzing with energy.

I burst into tearful laughter, holding her close. “Your heart! Lena, your heart!” I turned to fly back down, when I felt a wave of dizziness hit as the starlight disappeared as easily as it appeared, taking all of my energy with it. I fought to stay upright, but couldn’t, tipping forward and falling back through the sky towards the earth. “Shit.” I’d just solar flared out on a level I knew it would take more than the sun to recharge.

I turned us around, cradling Lena against my chest. When we hit the ground, I would take the full impact and she would at least survive. I closed my eyes, burying my chin against her hair, letting my mind shut down and listen to the wind pounding against my back, ripping through Lena’s sweatshirt.

I glanced over my shoulder, clocking the time we had until impact, shifting Lena a little to ensure she would be protected and closed my eyes again, issuing silent prayers to Rao to protect Lena.

I began to nod off as the pressure change was too much for my now very human body, thankful I’d at least be unconscious before impact.

The air shifted, and we were suddenly flying sideways, not down, and at a controlled speed. I frowned, peeling my eyes open to come face to face with red, yellow, and blue, but it wasn’t Clark. “Carol?”

She smirked. “Jesus, kid. Talk about showing the starlight who’s boss.” She gave me a quick nod. “Take a nap, I’ve got this. The DEO is going to shit themselves when I show up at their secret base under Trinity. I’ve been a myth to them for years.” She glanced at Lena, her face turning serious. “She’s okay?”

I smiled weakly. “She’s alive.” I pulled her tighter into my arms. “I owe you, Danvers.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Danvers. I owed Lena, and still owe her a thousand more. She didn’t let them treat me like a science project and fought like hell to give me the freedom I have now.” Carol looked at me. “Rest. You’ll get the fifth degree in about ten minutes when I land.”

I nodded, letting out a slow breath, looking down at Lena. She was alive. Her cheeks were pinking up with color and her heartbeat was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. I closed my eyes, focusing in on it and let it lull me into sleep.

I needed the ten minutes of peace before Alex interrogated the hell out of me.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And heres some things about a few things. Next chapter we dive into how Kara saved Lena and how it will leave lingering effects in Lena.   
> Also, shameless plug, my new book Under Darkened skies is up on Amazon. Go check it out! Look for Sydney Gibson and there you'll find me!   
> enjoy, and maybe this story will wrap up in a few more chapters? I'm not sure, i really enjoy writing this one.

Breathe.

Just breathe, Lena.

You can breathe, now.

The distant sound of thunder shook the glass windows, pulling me away from the familiar voice telling me to breathe. I squinted, keeping my eyes closed as I rolled over onto my back. The bed I laid in was warm, soft, and I decided if this is where I was going to spend eternity, it was fine with me. I opened one eye, looking at the window. The curtains were half open, revealing another stormy day in Galway, but it wasn’t Galway.

I was home. Home in my mother’s room in the old white stone cottage I spent far too little in. I closed my eyes, covering my face with my hands as I tried to scour my brain. Why was I here? How did I get here? I only remembered collapsing into the sea, gasping for air as my lungs filled with bloo…

I sat up quickly, looking around the room for any sign. It was clean, freshly cleaned and the furniture was newish. Pulled out of storage and cleaned, given a new lease on life. I glanced down at my shirt, plucking at the oversized material, a very familiar eagle emblem staring back at me. I flicked the shirt away, sighing as I pushed back the heavy blankets to stand up, when I spotted my thigh.

There was a thin white scar running the same length of my wound from the fall. I pressed on the skin, no pain, no soreness. I flexed it and only felt the weakness that came with being lazy and not using it for more than a minute. I ran my hand over the smooth skin until my palm brushed the DEO shorts I wore. “What the fuck.” I muttered, also noticing the heavy rasp to my voice.

I stood up from the bed, rocking on my heels to test my strength, and found it to be better than the usual normal. I huffed, absently running my hand along my leg, reaching for the thick sweater laying on the chair next to the bed. Pulling it on, I paused, looking at the single poppy sitting in the old blue ceramic pot on the windowsill.

Was I trapped in a dream? Locked in one of my simulations? Nothing made sense, and it felt like time had sped up by weeks or months. I felt unsettled, yet perfectly comfortable where I was.

I left the room, walking down and old familiar hallway, smiling ever so slightly at the way the wooden floors creaked with every step. I crossed my arms, covering my hand with the long sleeves as I walked downstairs to a warm fire roaring in the fireplace, the smells of fresh coffee pulled me towards the kitchen. I looked around the clean kitchen, full of life and grabbed the closest empty cup to fill it with coffee.

If I did die, at least I ended up here and not in the bowels of hell like I always suspected I would. I was a Luthor and had a few black marks on my record. No world domination and utter destruction, but I wasn’t proud of my abuse of Kryptonite.

The mug slipped out of my fingers, falling to the stone floor with a loud clatter before it shattered.

Kryptonite.

“Kara.”

I spun around, frantically looking through the living room, looking for any signs of Kara. I rushed to the side door, running out into the back garden and the pouring rain. “Kara!” I yelled her name as best as my tired voice would allow, my heart racing as a slow panic filled my body. “Kara!” I ran down the rows of wildflowers, mud sucking at my bare feet with every step. My heart raced as I blinked back tears. “No, no, no.” Everything was coming back.

I never got to say goodbye.

I ran to the edge of the back garden when I tripped and fell to the ground on my knees. I broke down, sobbing as I bent forward, crying harder than the day she died. I cried as the rain pounded on my back, soaking me to the bone.

I went to stand up, when someone laid a heavy raincoat across my shoulders, a strong hand pressed against my back. “She’s safe, Lena. She’s up the coast getting a boost yellow sun and giving your friends her version of events.” The hand moved to my elbow, gently tugging me to stand. “I need to get you back inside and cleaned up before she finds out I let you play in the rain.”

I turned to look at the stoic face of my old friend. “Carol?” I covered her hand on my elbow, her warmth a sharp contrast to my frozen fingers.

She winked, smiling. “Hey, kid.” She motioned to the cottage. “I made coffee. Just like you like it, black and pure jet fuel.” She helped me to my feet, pulling the rain coat over my shoulders. “And before you ask, she’ll be home by dinner time.”

I leaned into her side, my body searching for warmth as I began to shiver uncontrollably. “Why are you here?”

She tilted her head to the side. “I volunteered to keep an eye on you.”

I ran a hand down my leg again, feeling the thin ridge of the white scar. “How long?”

“Three days. The other Danvers starlight really knocked you on your ass and took it’s time doing it’s thing in your body. The red dwarf poison had soaked into your system, causing more damage than the DEO knew.” Carol glanced at me. “You’re still shit about asking for help, aren’t you, Lena?”

I tipped my head down, sighing. “You can give me shit later, just please, what the hell happened? I…died. I remember collapsing in the sea and my heart stopping.” I lifted my head, squinting in the rain. “Why am I home?”

“Kara didn’t want you waking up in a cold DEO basement, or somewhere foreign. She also didn’t want to race you home to National City until you woke up.” Carol opened the back door to the kitchen, letting me go in first as she grabbed thick towels. “She came here and cleaned the place up while you slept.” She grinned, chuckling as she handed me the towels. “I envy her super speed. The things I could get done.” She sighed, peeling off her coat and taking mine. “Go take a hot shower and meet me here. I’ll make a fresh pot.” Carol brushed past me, reaching in the cabinet above the stove for a large bottle of whiskey.

I stared at her for a moment, confused. I finally went upstairs to the bathroom when a thick shiver ran through my body, begging me to search out anything warm.

I went through the motions of taking a hot shower and as I dressed, my head felt empty and yet so full of white noise. I began to vividly remember when I collapsed in the sea. The way Kara’s skin tingled as the starlight began to fill her. The way it felt to be drowning in my own blood, and then the way the darkness of death felt colder than anything I could ever imagine.

I dressed in sweat pants and one of Kara’s old sweatshirts with the NCU logo on it. It smelled like her, and helped to ease the strange tightness around my heart. I walked downstairs to find Carol sitting at the table in the kitchen, a laptop in front of her. She looked up, smiling when she saw me. “Kara will be home in the next hour. She heard you wake up.”

I blushed, tugging at the sleeves of the sweatshirt. “Thank you.” I sat across from her, wrapping my hands around the hot cup of coffee. I was still chilled from my jaunt in the rain. “How am I alive?”

Carol leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms across her chest. “Plain and simple? Starlight. Kara’s starlight brought you back to life. The complex answer? Your nerd herd is still working on the details, but it looks like the starlight, the Kryptonian starlight, blew out the infection and supercharged your heart like it was a defibrillator, bringing you back to life and accelerating your healing on a level none of us have seen.” She nodded at my leg. “Everything in your body is back to normal, leaving thin scars. Your thigh is back to one hundred after you get it moving again. The minor brain damage from the bullet is gone, and you probably won’t ever suffer from a headache ever again.”

I furrowed my brow, looking into the dark black brown depths of my coffee. “How? Your power is similar to Kara’s and any prolonged exposure would’ve killed me.”

“True. But her starlight is based in mythology and magic. Mine is man made, alien made. I absorbed the starlight in a blast, Kara was born to be this.” Carol pushed the laptop towards me. “I figured it out reading her father’s journals and the history of Rao. Kara is something mythological and if I had my say, I think your souls have bound together. She mentioned you’re her power when she saw me the first time, and it makes sense, based on what Kara described what happened up there.”

I glanced at the laptop, at the scrolling documents full of Kryptonian. “And what happened up there?”

Carol shrugged, leaning back. “Only the kid can tell you. I just happened to feel a disturbance in the force and saw the blue blast of light. I thought it was that asshole Ronan, but nope. It was my two friends plummeting to the earth like a sack of rotten potatoes.”

I shot a look at Carol. “She solar flared.” I stood up quickly. “Where’s my phone? I need to call Alex.”

“Your phone is dead. The Irish sea water killed it.” Carol grabbed her coffee. “She didn’t solar flare, not one bit. She actually grew stronger, but was on the edge of a panic attack after you jolted to life in her arms. She forget how to super for a second.”

“Goddamit, Carol. You just told me she’s up getting a boost of yellow sun.” I rushed to the other room, searching for my bags. “I don’t even know if she’s okay, and you’re here being your usual glib aloof assholish self, and you’re really pissing me off and making me regret taking on the board to vouch for your honor.” I spun around, pointing at her. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be stamped with property of the US Government, not tooling around with a nice home in Louisiana.”

Carol laughed, shaking her head. “I love a feisty Luthor.” She sipped her coffee as I rapidly reached my boiling point. “Did you know your accent gets thicker when you’re pissed?” She stood up, dumping her coffee in the sink as she smirked. “Open the front door, Lena.”

I huffed, curling my hand around a pillow to squish out the sudden rage I felt. I really wanted to punch her in the face, but it wouldn’t do a thing. “I swear to God, Carol.” I clenched my jaw, swallowing the anger back down. I turned to stare out the window, watching the edges of rain turn into a bright blue sky in the far distance, when Carol’s face fell in front of mine.

“I said, open the door, Lena.” She sighed shaking her head as she stood back up, motioning with her coffee cup. “I’m going to take a walk to the corner, get some of those weird cookies and a bottle of whiskey.” She mumbled under her breath about how unbelievably stubborn I was.

I groaned, wanting to kick her as hard as I could, not caring one bit that it would break all of my toes, and stood up. “Bring back a bottle of scotch too. I can’t handle the garbage water you call whiskey.” I walked to the front door right as she walked out the back. I pulled it open, mumbling under my breath at how irritating Carol Danvers could be, and looked up.

Kara stood three feet away, right at the edge of the cobblestones that made up the cottage’s front steps. “Lena.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she stared at me, her eyes wide as she swallowed hard.

She wore torn jeans with an old shirt that had to be Alex’s, as it was a size too small and hugged every inch of Kara’s muscles. Her hair was wild from the wind and she fidgeted with her hands, full of nervous energy. I felt my heart swell at the simple sight of her and push against my lungs, taking my breath away. I stood staring at her, my body lighting up with an immense overload of warm tingling energy. I felt strong, healthy and powerful.

I let my hand drop from the door and walked with determination towards her, watching her swallow hard once more as she pulled at the edge of her shirt. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d be back before you woke up, and Carol promised to call me the second you woke up.” She waved towards the cottage. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought it would be better for you if you recovered here and not in a city.” She shrugged as I walked closer, her eyes dropping to mine for a half second before she frowned and looked away. “Alex said I didn’t hurt you.”

When I was close enough, I slid my hands across her face and pulled her and kissed her, hard. I felt her flinch before melting into the kiss, kissing me back just as hard, her hands tentatively falling to my sides. I closed my eyes, whispering against her lips. “I’m here now.”

I felt her hands tangle in the material of my sweatshirt, tugging me closer as she kissed me, breaking the kiss too quickly for my liking as she wrapped me in her arms. “I’m never letting you go.”

I sighed, resting my chin on the crook in her shoulder. “I think we’ve proven to the world, the cosmos, nothing can separate us.” I took a deep breath, breathing in everything that was Kara. I felt alive, I felt connected to her on a level I’d never experienced. The world felt bright, warm, and mine. It felt like for all the scars and times I forced pain into my life to feel some control, I finally had it. I turned my face into her neck, closing my eyes as I soaked in the vibrating energy she carried. “I love you.”

She squeezed me, whispering the words back as she held me, the sun gracing the day as it chased the last of the grey clouds away.

* * *

XXXX

Flipping the pages of the file Alex gave Kara to pass onto me, I was astonished at the medical miracle lying in front of me. I was healed. I was healed on a level, I knew even my genius would never be able to decipher what happened when the starlight feed into my body. “My leg is better than ever. All of my minor health issues from general aging has been reversed, even the slight liver damage I’d been accruing over the years from excessive scotch is gone. Even my eyesight has improved to a point I no longer need glasses.” I looked up at Kara and Carol sitting next to each other like twin gods, staring at me. “How?”

Kara shrugged, staring down at her coffee. “Alex and Brainy are working on that. They only know I funneled a tremendous amount of energy into your body when you die…your heart stopped.” She glanced at Carol.

Carol shrugged, sipping from her mug full of whiskey. “I only know my starlight has the power to heal me and destroy others.” She motioned to Kara. “Her starlight is more organic than mine, and reading over Krypton’s mythology, I’m starting to think you two are more than star crossed lovers.” She threw back the last of her whiskey, and stood up. “The books are on the table in the living room, I suggest you both give it a little looksy.” She smoothed out her shirt, huffing. “Well, kids. It’s time for me head on out.” She lightly punched Kara in the arm. “Call me later, Danvers.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “Maybe. You did eat all of my meat pies.” She smiled as she stood up, enveloping Carol in a massive hug. “Thank you, for everything, Danvers. I owe you.”

“Just invite me to the next game night.” She glanced over at me. “I’d really like to kick Lena’s ass at monopoly.” She chuckled, throwing me a wink as Kara walked her out the front door. “See you later, Luthor!”

I shook my head, laughing as I waved and turned back to the extensive files on my resurrection. Kara had jumpstarted my heart with her power, but it didn’t stop there. I knew it didn’t stop there. I could feel the energy in the air each time Kara moved closer to me. I could feel the deep rooted connection between us know, moving well past the emotional connection I always felt with her. It now felt like when she breathed, I breathed with her. I furrowed my brow, running my hand over my leg as I read Kara’s account of the blue white light filtering through my body.

“I was so scared. The power ran out of my control and when you pressed your hand against my chest, it felt like you were touching my bare heart.” Kara leaned against the doorway into the kitchen, her head tipped down. “Your heart is so strong now. It beats like mine, but still has the little skips and ticks that is Lena Luthor.”

I looked at her. “Are you okay? I never asked.”

“I’m perfectly fine.” She pushed away from the doorway, moving to pull her chair closer to me before sitting down. “I didn’t solar flare out. I just forgot I had powers for a moment and tipped us towards the ground.” I watched her clench her jaw. “If it wasn’t for Carol.”

“If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here.” I reached for her hand, gasping ever so slightly when I felt the thrum of energy between us. “And I can say that for the rest of my life and mean it for a million different things. You’ve always been the one thing that saved me, Kara. And I don’t mean from death, assassination attempts, or my horrid family. I think I finally started to live the day I met you.” I ran my thumb over her knuckles, feeling the small little scars leftover from her battles with Kryptonite, and unrelenting aliens. I looked at her hand, noticing them. I squinted, pulling her hand closer. “You scar?”

“I do, but the human eye can’t see it.” She met my eyes. “Alex said there would be some biological changes in you, some of my alien DNA may have transferred over with the starlight.” She gently pulled her hand free, tucking it under her arms as she crossed them. “It doesn’t have a lingering overall effect like it did with Carol. I just healed you, super healed you and tweaked a few things.” She turned to look out the back window. “Alex would like you to stop at the DEO so they can run tests.”

I scooted closer, laying a hand on her thigh. “Don’t disappear. I know that crinkle, and you can stop right now. There’s nothing you have to be upset over. I don’t care if you altered my DNA, or given me exceptional medical care via your starlight, all I care about is that I can sit next to you and tell you how much I love you. I have time again, and I’m not going to waste much of it debating scientific mysteries.”

Kara kept her eyes out the window. “When you died.” She paused.

“It felt like the whole world meant nothing. It felt like you’d wasted every single breath you ever took, not filling it with saying I love you. It felt like a piece of your soul was ripped out along with your heart, and you searched for a reason why to keep living.” I squeezed her thigh. “It felt like you could never breathe again, and then you open your eyes, hear your heartbeat and look out at the front door and see the love of your life. Her heart beating with yours once again.” I reached up, pulling her chin with two fingers to get her to look at me. “I know what it feels like. I also know what it feels like to be given a second chance. Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel regret.”

Kara’s big blue eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “I never wanted any of this. For you.” Her words broke across a small sob. “I’d give it all away to just have you.”

“You have me. All of me.” I let out a slow sigh. “Let go, Kara. Let me catch you.”

Her face scrunched up as she fell forward into my arms, falling apart into heavy sobs as she poured out every little emotion she’d been holding for the last few days. “I never wanted any of this for you, either.” I held her as she sobbed into my chest, twisting my shirt in her fingers.

* * *

XXX

Kara cried herself to exhaustion and collapsed on the couch, passing out the second I covered her with a blanket. I watched her sleep for a few minutes, grateful I could watch her sleep. It was a simple joy, a guilty pleasure, but it was one of my favorite things. A sleeping Kara. I loved the way her cheeks turned pink as she snored ever so softly, curling her hand around the thick blanket.

I stood up, sucking in a slow breath as I left her to go sit in the garden for a moment. I needed fresh air and to just stop for a moment. Stop and digest the last few hours.

Grabbing Kara’s giant sweatshirt, I slipped out the back door and sat down on the iron bench as I pulled her sweatshirt on. The day had turned into a beautiful sunny day, the garden was still wet from the rain, but all the colors in the flowers were bright, bold and new. I smiled, shoving my hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt, when I felt it. The bracelet Kara had given me. Her unique proposal for a life together, forever.

I removed the bracelet, holding it up to the sunlight. It was an incredible piece of simple jewelry. To the unnoticing eye, one would never see the Kryptonian lettering that I knew spelled out a promise of eternal love. I smirked, one thing I could thank Lex for, his endless research and dissection of the Kryptonian language. I could speak the language fluently and had started the process of learning how to write in it.

I turned the bracelet over, spotting the writing on the inside, and knew this bracelet had been built by Kara recently. This bracelet traditionally would not have any writing on the inside, nor the flowing romantic prose on the outside. I swallowed hard, cradling the bracelet in both hands.

I never believed in the happy side of fate, destiny. The idea most romance novels and movies thrived off of. Everyone had their one, the one they were destined to meet and fate would always guide them towards. I knew the trope, had watched it hundreds of times when it was Kara’s night to pick the movie. I would roll my eyes, drink another two glasses of wine and zone out, only focusing on leaning into Kara’s warmth.

But as I sat in the garden of my childhood home, reborn, literally reborn, it made me wonder if Kara truly was my fate, my destiny. I’d always looked at the moment my mother died as the end of any happy chapter I could write in my life. I felt fated to be a Luthor and live in icy fear and intimidation. Not to be sitting back home, with the woman I loved more than I could fathom, asleep on the couch.

It felt cliché to say Kara had brought me back to life, when she literally did, but she did. She had rewritten my fate and gave me a future I so badly wanted. I wanted this. For the first time in my life, I wanted the simplicity of a back garden in a rainy country. I wanted to get married and live in the quiet.

I slipped the bracelet back on my left wrist, feeling it grip onto my wrist like it was Kara’s hand. Never letting go. I smiled, leaning back into the iron bench, whispering in the wind. “I wish you could see me, mom. I wish you could know I’m okay. I’ve found my home.”

The poppies fluttered in the wind with the lavender, as if to wave at me in acknowledgement. I took one deep breath, before standing up and walking back inside. I wanted to wake Kara up and start the next chapter.

* * *

XXXX

“You want to go home to National City?” Kara raised her eyebrows.

I nodded. “I do.” I glanced at her. She was sitting on the floor, wrapped in the blanket I gave her, hands full of the meat pies I got her as she slept. “It’s our home.”

Kara blushed, tipping her head down. “This could be our home.”

I shook my head, reaching for one of the meat pies. “This was my home, and we can retire here when I’m old and tired. But in National City, that’s where the home we built together is.” I sighed. “Our home, Kara. I think it’s time we both start living.”

“Yeah, but we both know when we go back, there’s work and L-Corp, the cape.” She frowned. “I like being lazy and watching the rain.”

I smiled. “As do I. But we have a lifetime of doing nothing ahead.” I took a bite. “I’ve already scaled back my workload with Jess. I’m dividing the workload to my COO and CFO, what’s the point in having them if I do all the work.” I smiled at the taste, noticing that my senses were hyper aware as well. I could literally taste every spice the baker used to make these meat pies. I could go home and reverse engineer her recipe on taste alone. “I want to focus on the work that makes me happy, not board meetings and corporate takeovers.” I looked at Kara. “I want to spend more time with you.”

She blushed once more, tugging the blanket over her shoulders. “Me too. I want to spend more time with you.” She cleared her throat. “Um, but you know if we go back, Alex will want you to visit the DEO.”

I nodded, popping the last bite into my mouth. “I know. And I will.” I pulled on my sleeve, revealing the bracelet I’d slipped back on. “It’ll be easier to work on your starlight and what happened to me back there. Here, I can’t focus on anything other than leaving life as I know it and becoming a baker’s apprentice. Living a simple life making endless piles of scones and pies for you.”

Kara reached up, gently grabbing my forearm. “You’re wearing it.” She half whispered, pulling my arm closer to her.

“I found it in the sweatshirt I stole.” I slipped to sit in the floor next to her. “When did you make this for me?”

“Um.” Kara fidgeted with her empty plate. “The day before I fought that alien. I wanted to give it to you with the projector box, but didn’t. I was scared, thinking you’d hate me more for this grand gesture when I couldn’t get you to look at me when we were in the same room.” She took my hand, winding our fingers together. “I’d hoped that when I came back from the fight, I’d have the courage to ask you to be more.” She smiled sheepishly. “It’s always been you, Lena.”

I leaned over, kissing the corner of her mouth. “And it’s always been you, Kara.” I sighed, leaning into her side. “Let’s go home.”

Kara looked at me. “Are you sure?”

I grinned, kissing her once more. “I’m sure. It’s time.”


	22. chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff and more stuff. We have a few more chapters left, and if the science and mythology is really fantastical, well, it's supposed to be. That's the fun of fiction! Enjoy! Also forgive any major mistakes, i was having a weird day with typing

“Truly remarkable. Brilliant. Impossible.” Brainy stood next to me, watching the monitor spill across threads on information pulled out of numerous blood samples, DNA tests, and the other random tests I’d endured since I arrived at the DEO this morning.

Kara and I arrived in National City the day before, but didn’t bother telling a soul until well into the evening. I wanted to hold onto the silence for a few more hours before we opened the door and let the world back in. The world being the DEO and a hyper protective future sister in law, who couldn’t comprehend how in hell I was brought back to life with no signs the red dwarf poison, or any normal ailment, had ever existed in my body.

“She truly is.” I muttered under my breath, looking at the science. I was fine, better than fine. A few of my senses had been heightened, altered, but not in a way that had anyone worried. I just could see things others couldn’t, taste things on a level that would make any sommelier beyond envious. And I could feel the energy running through my body. I no longer felt the weight of too many long nights in the office, hunched over a desk as I took on the next great pile of paperwork. “Have you run a comparison of my DNA against Kara’s? See if the starlight has somehow bound us?”

Brainy nodded, reaching over to collect his tablet, tapping a few times. “You have similar markers, but nothing that would ever connect you wholly. It’s more of a transplant. We believe it could just be a minor form of radiation and could filter out in time.” He pulled up an overlay of Kara’s and I’s DNA. I saw the markers he mentioned. “We’re in very unknown territory. Kara’s power is unique and has sent ripples through the universe. Her death has truly opened a new door.” He glanced at me. “I do believe she died a mere super and was reborn a goddess.” He pulled up another window, this one full of Kryptonian. “Our beloved Kara is a long prophesized Kryptonian God.” He drew my attention to a page pulled from Kara’s fathers journals. “Zor-El had written about the last Kryptonian god, an individual chosen randomly at birth, graced with the powers to destroy and recreate worlds. This is why the Kryptonian birth of a child is not natural, it’s a selection pulled out of an algorithm of the parent’s best qualities. Then the child is incubated to prevent further anomalies.”

I frowned. The more I learned about Krypton, the more I grew a distaste for their claims of a perfect utopia. They were just as bad as humans, but had the advanced technology to create a perfect flawless society. “Then how did Kara come to have the starlight?” 

Brainy cocked an eyebrow. “She was a secret natural birth. Since her father was a powerful member of the science guild, and her mother was one of the highest ranked law officials, they were able to bypass the matrix.” He looked at me. “Kara is truly the last daughter of Krypton. And I believe the prophecy knew that and somehow she was graced with the starlight in hopes she could revive her planet when they needed it most.” He paused. “But this is my own hypothesis after reviewing all of the information we’ve collected. It could be far from the truth, or it could be the truth.”

I closed my eyes, swallowing hard. “She was supposed to die the day Krypton died, so she could be reborn as the god would save them all.” I shook my head, my jaw twitching. “How very Luthor like.” I let out a slow sigh, nervously running my hands down the sides of my pants. “And how did I survive?”

“That, my dear doctor, is something I’m still investigating. The research I’ve reviewed based on Ms. Danvers starlight, and Kara’s starlight, you should have been vaporized like Telos.” He glanced at me. “The science dictates so.”

I nodded, smiling at his worried look. I patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I realize how lucky I am. Incredibly lucky.” I glanced at my watch. “I have to get back to the office. Will you email me whatever you find next and we can meet in the morning for my sensory tests?”

“Of course, Lena.” I took a step away when he gently grabbed my forearm. “For the record, I’m very grateful Kara was able to bring you back. This world would feel a little less without your genius in it.”

I grinned at Brainy, covering his hand with mine. “As am I.” I patted his hand before walking out of the lab. “I owe her everything.”

* * *

XXX

Kara

“What I if I’ve turned her into a weird alien hybrid? Or a mutant?” I sat on the metal chairs I dragged up to Alex’s apartment roof months ago. It was my attempt to make a weird rooftop patio for us to sit. I glanced at my sister. “She can see my scars. The physical scars on my body from years of fighting aliens and saving the planet. Eating with her is weird now, she can taste every chemical or ingredient used. She’s thrown out the bags of cheese poofs I love, telling me there’s antifreeze in the orange coloring.” I frowned as Alex chuckled. “Then the weird pull I feel when she’s in the room. It was always there, I was always drawn to her, but now. Now it’s like she’s the literal sun and I need her. The energy in the room changes when we’re together. I can feel the starlight hum inside of me.”

“Hum? Hum like you’re about to explode into a white blue ball of power?” Alex squinted at me, sipping on a beer.

“No.” I sighed, running my hands through my hair. “Hum like it’s happy she’s near. It’s like I can feel the starlight literally sigh in contentment and just hum. When I touch her, it stops humming and it feels warm, like I’m sharing my power with her, but she isn’t draining me.” I rolled my eyes, leaning into the back of the rickety lawn chair. “It’s weird, but I really like it.”

“That’s because you really like Lena.” Alex pointed at me with her bottle. “And don’t worry, the initial reports show Lena to be fairly normal. Well, aside from the enhancements to her senses.” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Brainy and I think it’ll eventually wear off.”

I frowned, looking out over the city. “What if it doesn’t?” I turned back to Alex. “What does this all mean? What am I now? Who am I?”

“You’re still Kara, my goofy little sister.” Alex set the beer bottle down. “Remember when Clark used to joke you were far more powerful than he could ever dream of? I think you are. I think, reading over all of the material we have, you’re a…”

“Don’t say it.” I held up a hand. “Carol and I had a conversation while Lena recovered.” I sighed, picking the plastic edge of the armrest. “A God. I can’t ever picture myself like that. I’ve always felt weird about my powers, and now add in the starlight and the prophecy of a dead planet.” I closed my eyes. “I watch cartoons and eat kids cereal, that’s not very God like.” I knew what I was. I’d pulled the information from the fortress the moment Lena was stabilized at the DEO, resting from her resurrection. I was a God. One of the fabled few Kryptonian Gods who could crush universes. My starlight was a power sourced from Rao and two other gods who died, sacrificing their power to build Krypton. The Kryptonian word for my gift couldn’t be translated to English, but it was a gift, a power that could make worlds fall to my feet. The starlight would grow in power as I controlled it. What scared me was the bit about finding my soul mate. If I found them and the starlight bonded with them, it would filter over and slip into their system like a blood transfusion. Binding us. But that’s where the journals shifted away to the power I could yield. There was no answers what the starlight could do to my soul mate, if it would kill them, control them, make them immortal like me. I frowned. I was immortal now, that was clear as day in the first few pages. When the starlight was enacted, and I became the fabled last god, my fate was sealed to be forever alive. “I’d sell my sister for free potstickers.” I chuckled when Alex threw a bottle cap at me.

“It’s not, but at the same time, you’re the only person I feel comfortable with being a God. I know you won’t go crazy and ruin a slice of the universe out of a perverse need to prove a point. If anything, you’d use your powers to rescue stray dogs.” Alex stood, scooting her chair over to mine. “The DEO has Diana Prince on speed dial, we can call her and give you a crash course in deity life.”

I gave Alex a look. “She’s a demi god, and you only want her to visit so you can flirt with her.” I shoved her. “I have to figure this out on my own. I have to own it and stop looking to others for the answers.” I paused. “You know, Astra would read me the story of the light people at bedtime. A silly fairytale of a great Kryptonian God who carried the power of the stars and could change the course of all of us with the flick of a finger. I sat under my blankets, enraptured by the fantasy of it all. And now.” I held up my hand, a thin line of silvery blue light flickered in my veins. “I’m the fantasy, the reality.”

Alex tipped her head down. “Kara, what do you want to do? Argo, they know. And I’m sure in time, others will know and want you.” I knew what she was hinting at. I’d be chased, hunted, used for my power. I would become a new target and everyone I loved would become a target with me.

I curled my hand into a fist. “I want to know what I did to Lena. I want to know if she’ll be okay, or if this is a temporary fix. I don’t ever want to watch her collapse into a heap of pain when the starlight has decided to fade out. I want to know what this means for me, and if I’m immortal. If so, what do I do about Lena? Reading through my father’s journals and the elder texts, if she is my soul mate, I will only ever love her. And when she dies, from human old age, what will become of my starlight? Will it consume me in a powerful ball of angst and I’ll float around aimless?” I let out a slow breath, uncurling my fist to let the starlight fizzle away. “She’s everything. And to boil it all down, all I really truly want, is to marry her and live a life I’ve dreamt of since I was a little girl. I want a family I can call my own, and it starts with her.”

A moment of silence fell between us, before Alex spoke. “I saw the bracelet on her arm.” She spun the bottle in her hands. “Give me until the end of the week. I’ll work with Brainy and we’ll do our damndest to peel apart everything and find an answer for you. Next week, you and I will sit down and start planning your future wedding.”

I looked at my sister, my eyes filling with tears. “I thought.”

“I think after everything you’ve endured since you were thirteen, it’s time for us to focus on what you want, not what we want or what we have to do to keep you safe. You’ve proven time and time again, you can take care of yourself and your heart only belongs to Lena Luthor.” Alex reached across, picking up my hand. “Just don’t make me wear an ugly ass bridesmaid dress.”

“I was thinking bright baby pink with pastel yellow ribbon around the middle.” I stood up, blocking another bottle cap flung my way. “I’m kidding!” I glanced at my watch. “I have to go meet Lena. It was her first day back at the office.” I felt my heart drop. Tomorrow I had to go back to CatCo and return to being a normal reporter, chasing leads.

“Everything will work out, Kara. I promised. You didn’t beat death to come back to anything but a happy life.” She grabbed her empty bottles. “And Lena didn’t defy everything in her life not to find you and join you that happy life.”

I smiled, walking to the edge of the roof. “True, but some days I wished it was easier. That I just met her at my favorite pizza place and won her over with a terrible pepperoni joke.” I winked at Alex’s groan, waving as I took flight.

I closed my eyes as I searched out her heartbeat, finding it in a split second. I smiled as the sound filled my ears. She was truly my everything.

* * *

XXXXX

Lena

I stared at the broken glass on the balcony, the scotch soaking into the small rug I’d put out there years ago for Kara to wipe her boots on. My eyes roamed to the small drops of blood mixing with the puddle of scotch, then back to where the large gash in my palm once laid.

A mere breath ago, I was on the verge of rushing to the hospital for a palm full of stitches. I’d filled a glass with scotch, celebrating my first day back at L-Corp and not killing any of my board members or the press lingering in the lobby. I walked out to the balcony for some fresh air and caught the edge of my heel on the carpet, I stumbled and smashed the glass against the concrete wall to try and stop myself. Instead, the glass shattered and sliced open my palm.

I was overwhelmed with the smell of the single barrel scotch, the peat used, the grain, the smell of the heat made to use the glass, and the way my blood had a odd metallic sweet smell. I glanced down as I felt a warm liquid slide in between my fingers. My palm was filled with blood, a large gash tearing my palm in half. I stared at it, able to see every blood vessel in intricate detail as I bled out.

Then in a blink, those sliced vessels and veins, reconnected. The skin knit itself back together and I was left with a perfectly normal hand covered in blood.

I twisted my hand, holding it up into the evening sun. I flexed my fingers and curled my hand into a fist, and felt nothing out of the ordinary. I was fine, perfect and very confused.

“Lena? Are you okay? I heard a glass shatter.” Jess rushed into the office, catching sight of my blood soaked hand. “Oh shit, let me get a towel. I’ll call Kara.” She rushed to the bathroom, running back out with a stack of towels. She reached for my hand, when I shook my head.

“I’m fine.” I plucked a towel from the top and wiped the blood away to show her. “See.”

“But, the blood. It’s everywhere.” She waved at the wall and the ground. “You had to have cut a vein.”

“I did.” I wiped as much blood off as I could, wincing at the smells surrounding us started to make me nauseous. “Let’s go inside. The smell of scotch and blood is off putting.”

“Are you sure you don’t need me to get help?” Jess trailed behind me, clutching the towels. “I know you’re back to normal, better than normal.” She glanced at my right leg and the high heels I happily put on this morning. “That mini vacation was really rejuvenating.”

I sat on the edge of my desk, staring at my hand as my mind worked out what it all meant. “You have no idea.” I glanced at her as I walked to the bathroom for cleaning supplies. “I’m going home. Reschedule any meetings for tomorrow, and if they desperately need someone, have them speak with Sam.” I tossed the bloody towel in a garbage bag as I moved towards the balcony.

“I can have someone clean that up.”

I shook my head. “It’s my mess.” I did motion to the garbage bag. “But burn that in my lab’s incinerator.” I knelt down, scooping up broken glass with a towel before spraying a disinfectant.

“What happened in Ireland?” Jess spoke softly. “I heard a few things. The press kept calling with rumors they needed to confirm.”

I closed my eyes, knowing I couldn’t lie to Jess. She’d been my only friend in the gaps when I’d alienated Kara and the rest of the world. “I was reborn, Jess.” I opened my eyes, looking at my blood mixing with the amber liquid. “Kara gave me more than a bracelet. If I’m right, she literally gave me a forever with her.” I hastily wiped at the mess, wiping it out of sight before I stood up. I dropped the towels and mess into the garbage bag before sealing it and handing it off to jess. I smiled to ease the worried look on her face. “I promise, when I know for sure, I’ll invite you over for wine and tell you everything.”

She nodded, giving me a weak smile before slowly walking out. I took a slow breath, to steady my pounding heart. I didn’t need Kara to hear it and burst in through the balcony.

After a moment, I grabbed my coat and bag and left the office.

* * *

XXXXX

I sat on the floor, surrounded by a pile of books in the middle of our library. I’d been reading for hours, confirming all of my suspicions. I double confirmed them when I reviewed all of Brainy’s research. It was there in my bloodwork, staring right at me. It was there in Kara’s bloodwork, staring right at me.

I leaned forward, resting my head in my hands as my head throbbed. It always throbbed when I was processing the impossible into possibilities and digest it as the new reality.

Lifting my head, I looked around the room, my thoughts too full they were empty. I looked at the bracelet, remembering the day Kara gave it to me, asking me to be hers forever. That was when a forever was only a few days long. Now. Forever had a new meaning.

“Lena?” Kara’s voice filled the apartment and I couldn’t help but smile at the sound as my body filled with that lovely little buzzing feeling. It was a new feeling, one I’d grown to love. It always filtered up to my heart and put it at immediate ease. I thought it was just me being clingy, but now I knew better. It was another sign of what my future was.

“In here.” I stood up, collecting my cold mug of tea as she walked in.

“I went to the office, but Jess told me you left early.” Kara walked right over, kissing me hello. She frowned when she saw my outfit of old sweatpants and oversized Radiohead t-shirt. “I know you wore a suit today.”

I smirked, kissing her back. “It was just a pantsuit, not the three piece. It wasn’t a powerful day, just a day of catch up.” I leaned back looking at her, taking in all of the fine lines little details I couldn’t see before. I took a deep breath, smiling at the way she smelled like the wind. “How’s Alex?”

Kara shrugged, moving to lean against the giant desk I’d filled with Brainy’s files. “She’s good. They’re still working on everything.” She shrugged again, fidgeting with her glasses. “So, we’ll see.” She looked over her shoulder, picking up her father’s journal. “She’d like you to go back in this week for more tests, to see how much I’ve altered you.” She scrunched her brow in frustration.

“Kara, look at me.” I stepped closer, my heart picking up. “You didn’t hurt me. Stop thinking that.”

“I did something to you, Lena.” She glanced at me, her blue eyes cloudy with guilt. She let out a slow breath, taking her glasses off. “I lied to Alex. But I can’t lie to you.” She rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “I know exactly what I’ve become, I just don’t want to admit it to Alex. If I do, she’ll freak out and get protective.” She looked at me, chewing on the bottom of her lip. “I’m immortal. The starlight has altered my DNA, its triggered latent parts from birth, and my powers are no longer dependent on a yellow sun. At some level my cellular structure changed, I think when I died. I don’t think it was the Harun-El that brought me back, it was the starlight.” She huffed, running her hands through her wind tangled hair. “I don’t know what I did to bring you back to life and if it will last for a minute or for a year. I just hope I didn’t hurt you when I brought you back to life.”

I stared at Kara for a moment, watching the weight of her confession settle along her shoulders. I nodded, walking over to the desk and reaching for the small knife I used as a letter opener. It had been an odd gift from Lillian when I took over L-Corp, and I kept it, just in case I had to use it on her. “Earlier at my office, I had an accident.” I smiled at Kara, laying a hand on her forearm. “I’m fine. I tripped and smashed a glass full of scotch against the wall. Cut myself fairly deep, bled everywhere.”

“Rao, Lena! Let me see.” She reached for my hand, pulling it closer to her, running her fingers along the perfect skin. “Where’s the cut?” She twisted my hand, searching every inch.

“There isn’t one.” I held the knife in my other hand. “Watch.” I ran the knife along my palm, slicing it open in a neat diagonal. The blood poured out exactly as it had on the balcony.

“Lena!” Kara jumped up, running to the kitchen for a towel, wrapping it around my palm as she applied pressure. “Why did you do that?” she gave me a hard look that told me I’d pushed her back to a memory that hurt.

I swallowed hard, regretting this stupid physical exercise. I covered her hand with mine, pushing it back. “To show you this.” I pried her fingers away, marveling at the fact she didn’t use her strength against me. I wiped the blood away and held my hand up. “Watch.”

Kara gave me another hard look before turning to my palm. Her eyes grew wide as the skin reconnected and my palm, once again, returned to normal. She grabbed it with both hands. “How?”

I slid my fingers in between hers. “When you gave me the bracelet, you asked for a forever. When you came back to life, you commented that it had to be something other worldly sticking it’s hands in our fate. That somewhere out there, we are destined to be. I always knew you were special, and that you were my only.” I turned to the stacks of books and files. “Then I stumbled and cut my hand open, and as I watched it heal, it clicked. I rushed home and pulled apart the tests, the history, the fables, and I found it right in our blood.” I reached over, never letting go of Kara’s hand, picking up the tablet with our blood work side by side. I set it next to Kara on the desk. “I went back to your blood tests from the day you dropped out of the sky. You had a hidden marker at the bottom of your genetic mapping. Invisible to the eye looking for a big reason why you’re alive. Then I looked at the tests from the day you first used your starlight. I compared that with Carol’s secret files, and I saw it. Then I looked at my blood work from this morning and I saw it. Hanging out like it’s always belonged there.” I pointed at the two little markers sitting in between the usual DNA suspects. “That. You see where our DNA has elongated, pulling the others with it, elongating them?”

Kara’s jaw twitched as she dropped my hand and picked up the tablet. “Yes.” She swiped a few times, before she looked at me with teary eyes. “Forever?”

I smiled, my own eyes filling with tears. “Forever.” I saw her let out a slow breath as she set down the tablet, looking over my shoulder. I swallowed hard, my stomach dropping. I wasn’t sure how Kara would take it, how she would take knowing that she’d inadvertently altered my DNA and gave me immortality. I still had to run a few more calculations, but not only had she’d slowed down her own Kryptonian gift of flawless aging, she’d pushed mine beyond that. At this rate, one year in this new state would equal seventy human years, or more. The advanced healing could even push that further. “I know it’s a lot. My calculations could be off, I could have misread all of your father’s research, misinterpreted the Kryptonian archives.”

Kara’s hands slid across my cheeks, pulling me to look at her, stopping my slow ramble. I looked up into her watery blue eyes. Her face broke out into a slow grin as she blew out a laugh. I reached up, wrapping my hands around her wrists. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Kara.” I rasped the words out, my heart racing.

“What I’m thinking?” Kara tilted her head towards the ceiling. “I’m thinking one thing.” She looked down meeting my eyes. “Nothing make sense, I don’t think it ever will. Who I am, what I am. What I’ve done to you, why it happened. All I know is one thing.” She paused, a huge grin spreading across her face. “I have forever with you. I get to hold my girl forever.” She leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to my lips before leaning back. She scrunched up her face. “Do we still have to wait a year to get married?”

I laughed, leaning into her arms as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Kara slid her arms around my back, pulling me deep into her chest. I wrapped my arms around her, closing my eyes as I pressed my ear against her heart. “We should at least wait a week or two, let your family and friends get adjusted to the idea I’m your forever game night partner.” I sucked in a slow breath, feeling the energy between us grow and cover us as if it was also excited for a forever. “I love you, Kara.”

I smiled when I heard her whisper the words back to me.

I leaned out of her arms, looking at the happiness in her eyes, a sight I didn’t realize was missing for months until now. “We should tell Alex about this before we start sending out obnoxious save the dates.” I ran my hands down her arms. “And figure out the cape situation.” I caught the small frown and reached up, tapping her bottom lip. “Put it on, leave it in the closet, pass it on to someone else. It’s your decision, but we cannot leave the world wondering if Supergirl gave up on them. You’re the paragon of hope, and I’m willing to stand by your side in whatever choice you make. I can’t be selfish anymore, it’s not fair to those who love you and those you inspire. We can’t abandon everything when it was the cape that brought us a forever.”

Kara sighed, slipping out my arms. “I’ll call Alex. We can go to the DEO tomorrow and meet with everyone.” She took my hand. “We’ll tell them everything and then I’ll sit with J’onn and Alex and figure out what happens with the cape.” She looked at me, jiggling my hand. “Can we eat now? I’ve been craving Golden Dragon for weeks.”

I chuckled, giving her a quick kiss as I pulled her after me into the kitchen. “I was going to ask if we could get Golden Dragon for dinner tonight.”

I laughed when Kara scooped me up and carried me to the kitchen counter, setting me down as she grabbed the phone and pressed the speed dial. I laughed as she ordered a weeks worth of food.

I would take a forever of this any and every day.


	23. chapter23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen, there's a lot of fluff and reflection. I think a few more chapters and this one will be wrapped up and placed in the done column. Read on!

Forever.

A word that meant very little to me, anything positive. As a child, I thought I would forever be trapped under the thumb of the Luthor’s. Forever trapped under the steely glare of Lillian, and forever be isolated in a world of evil created by a family I never wanted.

But now, I faced forever in a new definition. Forever meant waking up to a sleepy blonde, smiling as she held onto my hand, dreaming of holding it when she woke up. Forever meant unloading a lifetime of weight off my shoulders and allowing myself freedom. Forever meant being able to love the woman asleep in the bedroom, forever.

I smiled to myself as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I’d woken up early, my body charged with energy and my mind full of what came next. I was quite possibly immortal, or would live far longer than the expected seventy two years, or as a Luthor, I might make it to forty. I was still working on the science of how Kara’s starlight infused my body, and what it’s aftereffects would be in the long run.

For the first time in my life, I felt peaceful even as the seas around me rolled with chaos. Maybe that is the whole point of love and being in love. The chaos doesn’t stand a chance against a full heart and happy soul.

Passing the bedroom, I took one last look at my forever, buried deep in the blankets, her Star Wars shirt rucked up, exposing her bare back. She clutched my pillow like she normally did me. I sighed, smiling before tip toeing towards the door.

Since I’d woken up, I thought it was best to sneak into L-Corp and work on a few things before heading over to the DEO and reveal the next great surprise. I was bound to Kara and now shared her Kryptonian God powers. I chuckled, slipping my heels on. How poetic, a Luthor becoming a Super and turning the world as we all know it, upside down and sideways. I smirked. “I cannot wait to see Lillian’s face when she finds out.” 

* * *

XXXX

Kara

Alex stared at me as she reviewed the files Lena had given me to bring to the DEO. “Well.” She leaned back in her chair, tilting her head down. “Well, shit.” She glanced at me, squinting. “Why did I always have a weird feeling the first time you really, really, fell in love it would be something spectacular.” She tapped the lab reports. “You truly put the forever in forever. Lena is going to live for a few hundred years. Brainy confirmed that. Let it slip Mon-El runs into you two in the future and Lena doesn’t look a day over thirty eight.” Alex shook her head, smiling. “My little sister is a Kryptonian God. She changed history and the future by binding her soul with a Luthor. And here I thought coming back from the dead was the cherry on the cake.”

I shrugged, picking at the edge of the S on my chest. “So, you’re not mad? I mean anything could change. We’re still working through my father’s research and I have that meeting in Argo next week.” I shrugged again. “And the starlight could drain out of Lena tomorrow.”

“I doubt that. Brainy has suggested the starlight only grows more powerful in Lena as she ages.” Alex leaned forward, collecting the pile of lab reports. “This is one hell of a game changer.”

“It’s a hell of a life changer.” I huffed, staring at my cape draped over the chair next to me. “When the world finds out.”

“It won’t happen.” Alex cut me off. “J’onn and I have a plan to explain your power boost. Rumors have always circulated you were the stronger super. We’ll just say you’ve embraced it and started training. It might keep the idiots away from National City.” She stood up, hands on her hips. “L-Corp has a great PR department. Sam is reworking the press release for when she was dealing with Reign.” She lifted another lab report. “Brainy is still dissecting everything, so until we have a final idea, let’s take it one day at a time.”

“When the world finds out Lena never ages. When the world eventually figures out Lena Luthor is showing the same gifted powers Supergirl does, when Argo and the rest of the universe finds out. She will become a target.” I paused. “All of you will become a target. No matter how we spin it, someone will always want to test the mettle of the last Kryptonian God.” I clenched my jaw, staring at the cape. “How do I protect you, Alex? Eliza? Winn? Those in my life who don’t have a superpower or a cape.” I glanced at my sister, my heart sinking in my chest. “I can’t watch any of you suffer what Lena did.”

Alex paused, looking at me with glassy eyes. “We won’t, Kara.” She swallowed hard. “Brainy would’ve let it slip about the future. He would’ve told us something, he’s terrible at hiding secrets.” She looked up at the ceiling, blinking back tears. “I don’t think I ever stopped to think. Think about how much weight you’ve always carried for all of us. You’ve never had a chance to be careless, silly, and fall in love without worrying if you did, it would cause a planet to collapse.” She looked back at me, wiping away a tear. “I promise, Kara.”

I stood up, rushing to wrap her in a hug. “No, I promise, Alex. I don’t think any of us asked for this.” I sighed, silently cursing my father. “We will get through this together.” I leaned out of her arms, wiping her cheeks. “Plus, I added another Danvers to the super friends. Once word gets out we have her on our team, much of the world will stay as far away from National City as possible.”

Alex sighed, shaking her head. “Leave it to Lena to be best friends with Captain Marvel.” She cocked her eyebrow. “But, I’d love to have her at the DEO and run some energy tests.”

“Is that what you call flirting now? You do have a girlfriend who you love, Alex.” I stepped way, reaching for my cape.

Alex huffed. “I can’t help you have the most incredibly gorgeous friends. I honestly think Diana has an enchantment spell wrapped around her aura. Even Kelly loses her sensibility when she visits.” She picked up the file. “And Carol flirts with me first, it’s like she’s pushing buttons any chance she gets.”

I nodded. “She does. She’s’ the only person I’ve ever met who can crack Lena’s hard shell and make her swear like an Irish sailor.” I grinned. “It’s kind of funny. It usually happens when they argue about whiskey and nuclear rocket propulsion.” I clipped the cape on, looking at the clock. “I should get to Catco and turn in my latest article. I promised I’d meet Lena for lunch to talk about the science guild. She wants to talk to me about Director candidates.”

Alex cocked an eyebrow, giving me a look. “Oh? Is she still looking for one?”

“As far as I know. The guild opens next month, she needs a director to wrangle all you department heads.” I winked at Alex. “See you later? I’m off tomorrow night, we could do a sister night?”

“Tomorrow night. Your place and I’ll bring the food. Text me what you want later.” Alex gave me a one armed hug. “And maybe we can start talking wedding stuff.”

I blushed, tipping my head down. “I need to find her an engagement ring. I know she loves the bracelet, but I want her to have something human. She let it slip one night she always dreamt of a traditional wedding as a little girl. The engagement ring, the simple fancy wedding, a wedding ring and maybe a castle.” I sighed. “Marriage on Krypton was the bracelet and then you moved in together, the next day it was back to business. Very tepid, very blah.”

“And you want something romantic like all of those horrid movies you watch.” Alex kissed the side of my head. “We’ll figure out, kid. Now, go, get out of her before Snapper yells at you.”

I groaned, walking towards the DEO doors. “I have no idea why Andrea promoted him again. I was _his_ boss for a whole day.” I shook my head as I stepped onto the ledge, Alex chuckling behind me. I waved to her as I took to the sky, turning towards Catco, daydreaming about picking Snapper up by his tie and spinning him around the office. 

* * *

XXXX

Lena

I stood on the balcony outside my office, soaking up the sun and listening to the city. I could feel the pulse of the city, beating right along with my heart. I could see for miles, picking out the fine print on a sign almost a mile away. Closing my eyes, I let out a slow breath. It was going to take awhile to get used to these amplified senses. It made me feel deeply for Kara when she first came to Earth and had to deal with this as a child. It impressed me even more how she came out to be such a gentle, loving person.

“Ms. Luthor?” Jess’s voice rang into my ear like a telephone.

I turned around with a smile. “You know you no longer have to rely on formalities anymore. I think we’ve surpassed that.” I almost added she was a part of my family, but wanted to save that for another day, outside of the office.

Jess rolled her eyes with a smirk. “I know, but I don’t want the others to get any ideas. Wouldn’t want the entire office running around, calling you by your first name. Most of them are still perfectly afraid of you, the rest are in awe.” She winked at me. “It’s not every day your boss is brought back to life by her own medical technology.”

“And is that what we’re calling Kara now? Medical technology?” I walked to my desk, tugging on the edges of my vest.

“That’s the official press release. Your leg was healed by the upcoming nanotechnology you created. L-Corp stock has gone wild.” Jess set down a stack of files. “But that’s for another meeting tomorrow.” She tapped the stack. “The final permits and invoices for the guild. They need your review and signature.” She glanced at her watch. “And in about five minutes, Kara will be here for lunch. Will it be closed office or will you be stepping out?”

“Stepping out. We’re only going to Noonan’s. I should be back for the afternoon meetings.” I flipped the first file open, reading over the adjusted budget and already spotting a few items we were price gouged on.

“Sounds good, Lena.” Jess scribbled a few notes, when a heavy silence filled the room. I looked up at her, cocking an eyebrow.

“What is it, Jess?”

“Is it true?” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Brainy stopped by yesterday, asking for access to the labs. He started rambling inside the lab when he saw your one monitor.” She paused.

“Just ask, Jess.”

“You and Kara? Soulmates, forever and a day?” Jess fixed her glasses. “And that Kara might be extra super and in turn made it so you even more extraordinary? That’s why you didn’t need stitches that day you broke the glass?”

I closed the files. “Yes. Yes to all of it. And without going into great detail, yes forever.” I looked at my faithful assistant, friend, sister I never had. “Jess, you’re one of the very few people I trust implicitly, you’re a part of my chosen family. And I don’t think I’d be here, without you. So, before I say anything more, thank you. Thank you for everything.” I let out a slow breath. “Kara changed me in so many ways.” I looked her in the eyes. “And you’re smart enough to know all that entails.”

Jess grinned, her eyes turning glassy. “I knew it.” She rushed around the corner of the desk, hugging me. “Of all the people in the world, you deserve a happy forever.” She leaned back. “Does this mean I have real good job security?”

I rolled my eyes, laughing. “For as long as I’m alive, you have a job with L-Corp.”

“I guess that means you better turn my sisters job offer at the DEO down.” Jess tensed in my arms, turning to look at Kara walking into my office, huge grin on her face.

“Um, Ms. Danvers.” Jess stumbled over her words when Kara held a hand up.

“I’m kidding. If anything, you have a job at L-Corp and the DEO for as long as I’m alive.” She winked at Jess as her face turned a bright red. “If it wasn’t for you, Lena would’ve drowned herself in scotch and terrible Chinese food, waiting for me to come back.” Kara’s eyes met mine. “Thank you for keeping her safe until I could get back to her.”

Jess nodded, whispering out a thank you as she wiped her cheeks. “Just invite me to the wedding and have an open bar.” She winked at us, rushing out of the office as the phone rang.

I grinned, laughing. “It was whiskey and terrible Chinese food. I’d ran out of the good scotch, and Gotham’s liquor stores were poorly stocked.”

“You’re a multibillionaire. I’m surprised you didn’t have the best scotch in the world airlifted out to you.” Kara was looking around my office. “It feels like forever since I’ve been in this office.” She adjusted her glasses. Kara was dressed for work. A grey button up under a sweater, tight fitting slacks that were a smidge too tight around her muscular thighs, and topped off with an old pair of brown leather lace ups. She looked so much like she did that first day she skittered into my office, Clark by her side. That was the day my heart started to fall towards her.

I reached for my blazer, draped over the back of my chair. “Noonans has a new kale salad. And they’ve added a peanut butter bacon cheeseburger I think you might like.” I slipped my arms in, when I heard Kara’s heart rate spike. “We do have to stop by the DEO later tonight. Brainy has a question about my bloodwork and the DNA mapping.” I turned around, catching Kara staring at me with such an intensity, it almost took my breath away. “Kara?”

She blinked a few times, shaking her head. “Um, yeah. I saw the pb n’cheese on the menu when I left Catco.” She cleared her throat. “We should go before my stomach eats itself.” She held out her hand for me to take. “We should send something for Jess. I don’t think she really wants the microwave meatloaf she has tucked in her lunch bag.”

I took Kara’s hand, sighing inside at the little tickle of energy that filter from her palm into mine. “She did complain about trying to eat on a budget.” We walked past Jess on the phone with an international investor, rolling her eyes as she repeated to him that L-Corp wasn’t up for sale. “I’ll send up a carry out when we get to Noonan’s.” I smiled at Jess and heard Kara’s heart skip again, and when I turned to look at her, I caught her once again staring at me like I was a fresh potsticker. I laid my hand on her arm. “Are you okay, darling?”

Kara swallowed hard, nodding. “Perfect. Just can’t stop thinking of the cheeseburger.” She cleared her throat, squeezing my hand as she hit the lobby button.

When the doors closed, I caught my reflection. And it all hit me at once. I was wearing my best three piece dark blue pinstripe suit. Kara’s favorite. I bit my bottom lip as I hid back a grin, I’d completely forgotten her wish for me to wear a three piece suit. But was very grateful I randomly selected it this morning.

* * *

XXXX

I sat in the library, watching the sunset with a glass of scotch next to me. The day had become a blur when lunch was cut short by a Supergirl emergency. Kara had to rush off, leaving me to pack up a half eaten cheeseburger and three pounds of fries. Then my meetings turned into lengthy debates about the new nanotechnology and when it would be ready for trials. I never made it to the DEO, but Alex met me at home with Brainy. They’d dissected more of Zor-El’s research. The mythology was always going to be mythology, but it looked like I was the chosen one for Kara. Her soul and mine had filtered through the cosmos for ages until this exact moment in time. Where we had done our best to ignore the fact we were meant for each other, but too stupid to accept it, our souls knew what was best. It only took both of us to die and be reborn for us to pay attention. A morbid wake up call of sorts.

But when we realized this was it, our souls locked together. And the Kryptonian mythology would become a new reality. Every day we were together, we would be writing a new chapter in Kryptonian lore.

As for the science, it was still a mystery. I had heightened senses, but no super powers. I was intrinsically aware of Kara, but that was part of the binding. Brainy would track my new abilities, see if they decreased or increased in time. Death would never be a worry for me. I was now impervious to injury and sickness. That was proven when the starlight destroyed the red dwarf poison and healed every little ache and pain I carried throughout my life. Whether I was super invincible, that was a series of tests I was debating. Even Alex was hesitant to do physical tests, fearful it would trigger Kara’s starlight.

“And where there are many answers, I’m left with a thousand more questions.” I sighed into the empty room, tipping the glass of scotch up to my lips. I stared out in the orange red sky of National City, letting the scotch sink into my veins and relax me.

The soft sound of Kara’s boots landing right outside the bedroom, painted a small smile on my face. Three seconds later, she shuffled out of the bedroom, hair damp as she tugged a Trinity College shirt over her bare stomach. “If I still smell like smoke, let me know. The wildfires up north took forever to put out. I smell like a wood pit barbecue.” She tugged at the ends of her hair, sniffing with a frown. She walked over to where I sat at the desk, kissing the top of my head before heading towards the kitchen. “Did you bring home the rest of my cheeseburger?” She shoved her head into the fridge.

“If you look in the warmer, there’s a fresh one I ordered an hour ago, and an order of potstickers. There’s also a dozen of doughnuts from the bakery by Alex.” I took another sip, leaning back in the leather chair.

Kara appeared a breath later, plate piled high with cheeseburgers, potstickers and doughnuts. She had half of the burger shoved in her mouth. “Yo’re tha besff.” She sat down on the couch across from the desk.

I grinned, shaking my head, standing up to refill my glass. “I met with Brainy. I don’t have super powers, just advanced senses. We’re starting a monitoring program for the next six months, see how these advancements progress. As we both knew it, you’re stuck with me forever, Kara. Our souls have chosen each other. It’s been confirmed reading over Zor-El’s research, and with the science of how the starlight healed me rather than destroy me, I’m bound to you. Carol will be down next week to run tests on her starlight. Your sister wants to run tests to see if I’m invincible, but we’ll see. I’d like to go more than a week without an injury.” I filled the glass, hearing Kara’s heart do that little weird skip beat. “I’d like to at least get one long run in before we go about blowing me up.” I turned to look at Kara, her plate was empty, one doughnut hung from her finger as she stared at me.

“I’ll talk to Alex. No one is blowing you up. We can do other tests that don’t require putting you in harm.” Kara took a bite of her double chocolate sprinkle doughnut.

I nodded. “I agree.” I reached up, unbuttoning the top button of my vest. “I’ll hand them the research I did on Carol when she fell into my lap. They were very un-invasive, yet very informative.” I turned to the window, when I felt Kara’s hands on my hips, squeezing.

“I haven’t been able to think straight all day since I walked into your office and saw you wearing this.” Kara’s hands slid up my sides, pressing gently as she stepped closer. I could feel the heat pouring off her body and smell my shampoo in her still damp hair. “The first time I saw you in this, I forgot how to breathe.” She buried her face in the curve of my shoulder, pressing her front against my back.

I swallowed hard, leaning into her. “The first time I saw you, I remembered how to breathe, Kara.” I whispered the words out, my body lighting on fire with energy and Kara.

Kara slid her hands to my front, her palms resting flat against my stomach. “We’ve never made that fourth date.” She rasped the words out, turning her face into my neck, kissing me softly.

I chuckled softly at the stupid rules I held to as tried and true rules to abide by. “Actually, lunch today was our sixth date.” I covered her hand on my stomach, turning in her arms. “I’ve secretly been keeping count.” I took her hand, guiding them to the buttons on my vest, silently giving her permission to remove it. “You’re free and clear, Kara.”

Kara swallowed hard, her hands shaking as she unbuttoned the vest, pushed it out of the way slightly before moving towards my shirt. She unbuttoned the shirt, sliding her hands under the expensive material and across my skin. I gasped at the warmth of her hands, and the gentle ridges of her calluses I’d never felt before. Kara leaned forward, brushing her lips across mine, whispering. “Do you want to know why I love you in a suit?”

I chased after her lips, desperate for her to kiss me as the energy between us grew. “I’ve heard it’s a power thing for some.” I caught her bottom lip, kissing it before she pulled back.

“Power means nothing to me.” Kara slid her hands around the back, undoing my bra, pulling it off as she moved to the front again. “You look incredible in a suit, but I also saw it as armor. A suit of armor that I was determined to be the only one to crack.” She dropped my bra to the floor, staring at my bare chest with eyes full of desire and love. “I wanted to be the only one you let in past all of your walls and armor.” Her hands moved to the front of my pants, flicking the button before unzipping them. She pushed them down with out a second thought, taking my underwear with it. She ran her hands up my bare thighs, picking me up and setting me on the desk. She leaned forward, kissing me hard as I melted into her.

Her hands ran all over, but never removed my shirt or vest. I wrapped my legs around her, pulling her into me when it dawned on me. I broke the kiss, huffing as Kara peppered kisses down my chest, hovering around my nipple. “The bedroom. Red sun.” I gasped when she took my nipple in her mouth, rolling her tongue around it.

Kara smiled against me, lifting her head up as she released me. “I did some scientific research of my own, and I have a theory.” She slipped a hand between us, running the tips of her fingers along the inside of my thighs, dangerously close to where my body ached for her. “Do you trust me?”

“Always.” I breathed the word out, moving my hips to direct her hand.

She grinned, kissing me once more as she scooted back and dropped to her knees. Before I could say another word, she grabbed me by the hips and pulled me to the edge of the desk. Her mouth covered me, and I gasped at her tongue running over the length of me, stopping at my clit to tease me. My hands fell to her hair, holding her steady as Kara’s tongue ran across every sensitive inch. She held my hips down every time they threatened to buck up on their own. I felt the shivers of the starlight bounce all across my skin, settling right in between my legs as Kara made love to me. She was pushing me to heights I’d never experienced and the second I felt her fingers slip in me, I came hard. I saw stars, white lightning and my body rocketed with endless waves of pleasure.

When my vision came back into focus, my body still tingled as Kara’s fingers moved slowly inside of me, drawing my pleasure out. I licked my lips as she stood in front of me, her eyes dark with desire as she reached for my hand. She gently pulled it to the front of her sweatpants, giving me a look of pure need. I nodded as I slipped past the waistband and instantly found how much she needed me. I pressed two fingers into her, moaning with her at the way it felt. I soon found my own focus, wrapping my rubbery legs around her again, and pulled her closer so I could kiss her. My fingers found a rhythm inside of her, her hips moving with me as we kissed. I felt the difference in our lovemaking. It wasn’t muted like it had been with the red sun necklace, Kara wasn’t holding back. I pulled away, looking in her eyes as I moved faster, making Kara fall forward, clutching the desk in her hands, making the wood creak under the pressure.

I smirked at the sight, biting her bottom lip as I murmured. “You’re mine, and mine alone, Kara.” I twisted my fingers, hitting the right angle, making Kara moan and crack the top of the desk as she came, squeezing my fingers inside of her in the most delicious way. I held her as she rode out the waves of pleasure, waiting until she caught her breath and leaned back, tugging my hand free, mumbling she was too sensitive.

She grinned like an idiot, still standing between my legs as I held her hips. “So, um. If you’re the bond of a Kryptonian God, I can’t ever hurt you. And my powers won’t hurt you.” She licked her bottom lip, eyes drifting to the small bite marks she left on my right breast. She reached up, tracing the red skin before running the tip of her thumb across my nipple.

“And when did you do this research?” I tightened my thighs around her, already wanting more. “Before lunch? Is that why you looked like you were going to devour me?”

Kara blushed, tipping her head down. “After lunch. I had Brainy upload the audio files my father had, and listened while I was putting out wildfires. It was a quick blurb in the section about marriage and bonds. Then I cross referenced my idea with the lab reports you wrote about your advanced senses, and came to a conclusion.” She looked up at me, cheeks still pink.

I ran the back of my hand across my cheek. “That you could ravage me on my desk and make me see literal stars?”

Kara nodded, squeezing my sides. “I can’t hurt you.” She blinked back tears as she looked at me. “I can make love to you and not hurt you, and you can make love to me, and I won’t hurt you.” She bit her bottom lip, shrugging. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted, to not hurt you.”

I took her face in both of my hands. “Kara.” I paused, realizing how deep this woman loved me. Everything she ever did was for me, to keep me safe, all the while sacrificing herself. “I love you.”

She grinned, kissing me softly. “I love you, Lena.” She sighed, scrunching up her face. “I think I killed the moment.” She covered her face with both hands.

I chuckled, sliding off the desk onto rubbery legs. “Far from it, darling.” I pulled at her hands, getting her to look at me as I removed my shirt and put the vest back on. I held out my hand. “But I think a bed would be better suited what I have in mind for you.”

Kara’s eyes grew wide as she took my hand. “Should I call in sick for work tomorrow?”

“I think that would be in your best interest.” I winked as I led her down the hallway, laughing as she struggled to grab her phone and fire off an email to snapper. I grinned, grateful I’d sent my own email to Jess, canceling my entire day tomorrow.

I had my own theories of Kara and her body I wanted to thoroughly test out.


End file.
